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Beta Epsilon Chapter Quote Page

Quotes about sex, basically.
a.k.a. Things that sound dirty, and really are.

Alicia Lewis: I would fuck all over the dome!
Miriam: You'd do what?
Alicia: I'd fuck all over it.
(answering an initiate interview question, 10/23/99)

"I've vomited a lot of things in my day, but breasts aren't one of them." – Meredith, referring to someone's push-up bra, 11/10/99

"They came to a crescendo in a rich, creamy orgasm of harmony." -- Brian Eden, recounting a review he did for HNR 210, 3/31/00

"Wanna see MY iota?" -- Nate, 3/31/00

Miriam: I wonder what it would feel like if I jammed this [corkscrew] in my eye.
Andrew: I am SO glad you said eye.
(xi class induction party, 4/14/00)

"If two men get married, how does that affect your life? You know what? Two men are fucking right now, two women are fucking right now, and there's nothing you can do to stop it!" – Miriam, taking a stand on gay rights, 11/12/00

"Now I'm questioning everything!" -- Peter, at the orgy that ensued after the Omicron class semiformal, 12/2/00

Erin Bodine: Ali! Pat's raping me!
Ali: Do you want us to leave?

"I have this turtle pillow that Ariel likes to fuck until it's spent." -- Emily Bontempo

Miriam: Fuckin' Canadian Bacon is different from Canadian Bacon.
Andrew: Canadian Bacon doesn't get any action.

Peter: We can't play strip poker! There are too many guys in here!
Kristina: Aww, poor pimp.

"And then there were these big fish pillows at the mall. They were like this big! And she fucked them until they were spent...she fucked them...at the Bon Ton! They were spent.... And they were fish! ..." -- Ems was pretty damn drunk.

Lindsay: You have the "Jerking off Quotebook."
Sara: No I don't!
(12/8/00)

"This is the sign for lollipop and this is the sign for blowjob. Don't get them confused." – Miriam, 1/16/01

Jen Lusk: I just want you to know that I'm skipping sex class for you.
Andrew: Sex class? Is there a lab?
(pi rush folding party, 1/31/01) "So everything with a vagina looks the same?" -- Lusky, after I said that I couldn't tell the Omicron class apart because they're all girls (except for Peter), 2/1/01

"I hardly hang." -- Hannah Bee, about her boobs, 2/4/01

"I'm going to hurt Seth if you don't fuck me tonight!" -- JenGa, to Smatt (Seth's big), 2/28/01

"from mama nookie sexy the" -- JenGa's graphing calculator. It alphabetizes things, 3/7/01

"Fuck me if I'm wrong, but is your name Grizelda Pollock?" -- Dan Bennett, 3/22/01

"I'm a pahoehoe, a skanky pahoehoe." -- Sara Rosehill learns a new word, 4/5/01

Seth: Don't let Mary get in trouble!
Andrew: Stuff her in a suitcase.
Miriam: Or you can stuff her in your pants.
(To Cory, as he left to bring a drunken Mary back to her dorm, 4/20/01)

Andrew: I need sticky mounting spray.
Alyssa: Hmm, I want some too :)
(5/1/01)

"Hey Andrew, when you get that mounting spray, give me a call." -- Alyssa, 5/1/01

"I need something hard and fast ... and male." – Lindsay, 8/4/01

Dana: But you can be professionally single and just hook up with a lot of random guys.
Holly: No, then I'd be a professional slut.
(8/30/01)

"Maybe Smatt will lend me his car and it will magically take me to some ass." – Sara Rosehill, 9/22/01

"We have some lovely window treatments out here." -- Sara, offering a way to entice someone out of the closet, 10/19/01

"Christ. And let's also just say that if I could type porno music right now, I would. :) St. Louis is going to be a sex festival. Which isn't to say the phone isn't nice. I'm telling you way too much, aren't I? :)" -- Sara Cazeault, 12/6/01

Andrew: I wonder if it's proportional.
Kim Van Dyke: Oh MY .... Ouch.
(discussing a very tall man, 1/18/02)

"Imagine if there was a Russian in the Navy. Brenda would explode!" – Sara, 1/20/02

Sara: I am the driving across the lanes of the parking lot master!
Andrew: I am the gay porn master!
Brenda: Wow, Andrew's a lot more interesting than Sara.
(2/2/02)

"I don't want to be here alone when the sex comes back!" – Sara, about Kim and Jason, 2/8/02

"I'm lonely and horny. Let's get him in the frat." -- Jess Cohen, about a particular prospective, 2/9/02

"JenGa is androgynous. She can be whatever sex is necessary." – Lindsay, 2/9/02
"Hi, I'm Beau. I'm the boyfriend of the penis girl." -- Beau, 2/11/02
"You know, I bring you a penis and all you do is criticize." -- Ashley, after I commented on her penis's lack of balls, 2/11/02

"I'm tired of drawing vaginas." -- Shabi, with a Magna Doodle, 2/15/02

"Keep the vaginas at bay!" -- VaJenGa, 2/15/02
"He was looking for a vagina monologue of his own." -- Andrew, on Brody and Louise's mishaps on the couch, 2/15/02

Mary: Six inches is kinda big.
Smatt: Isn't that right, Andrei?
(2/17/02)

"You're really into getting naked. How come I've never seen you naked?" -- Seth, to Holly, 3/22/02

"I would so fuck Sean Connery!" -- Seth, over and over, during a game of Who Would You Rather Do? 3/22/02

"Shut up, car." -- Lindsay, on doing Kit from Nightrider, 3/22/02

Seth: Who would you rather do, I-90 or I-95?
Lindsay: I-95. It's longer.
(after passing "Gay Road" and pondering the question of a road's sexuality, 3/22/02)

"Okay, next time you have a vagina, why don't you try it?" -- Holly, to Seth, on peeing into a bottle, 3/22/02

"He should rush homosexuality." -- Andrew, to Shohei about his friend that is interested in rushing Phi Sig, 3/27/02

"I thought you were talking about being on the rag. That's where I draw the line." -- Jen (Louise's friend), who has absolutely no discretion, 3/30/02

"We can talk about pubic hair until it turns red." -- Joe Bartosik (Sigma), 3/30/02

Andrew: It's kind of about orgasms.
Mary: I LOVE conversations that start like that.
(4/2/02)

"Mmmm, tastes like procreation." -- Lindsay, trying to eat while a conversation about "birthing hips" is taking place, 4/7/02

"Have you ever had a baby? Might taste familiar." -- Andrew, offering Jin a muffin, 4/7/02

"'Hi, I'm Andrew. Are you gay? Because I am, and I'd like to make out with you. What chapter are you from? Lelelelelelele.'" -- Erin Bodine, at Alpha Beta suggesting how to approach an ambiguous guy (that last part is the making out happening), 4/20/02

"Holy cleavage! Look at my boobs! Look everybody! I have breasts!" -- Kim Van Dyke, 5/1/02

Erin: Andrew and I are selling our bodies.
Kim: How much?
(5/1/02)

"Can you dress like a man and have sex with women? Because I ain't." -- Andrew, to Kim, 5/1/02

"Missing: two hot twins, one is gay, one is not. Both are nice, intelligent, and extremely caring boys. If found, please return to . $5 reward." -- Holly's formal missing persons announcement about our twins, 5/12/02

Kim: I devirginized a man over red wine.
Lindsay: Well, congratulations, to both of you.
(6/28/02)

"I've been naughty miss teacher!" -- Mike Noll, to Tammy's roll call, 7/19/02

"Oh no ... I've become an interchapter event!" -- Crystal (BN), who had a little too much fun at Grand Chapter, 7/25/02

"I should've said, 'Excuse me, do you like boys? 'Cause I have a great one for you, and if you'll allow me to put you in a box and send you to Long Island, that'd be fabulous.'" -- Lusky, the matchmaker who means business, 7/26/02


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