T
tackle See wedding tackle.
tackleshack n. Trollies; underpants; kecks.
taco tickler n. Gusset typist.
tadger n. Penis. Also todger.
tadpole net n. Blob; rubber Johnny; cheesepipe clingfilm.
tadpole yoghurt n. Gentleman’s relish; dressing for a sausage
sandwich (qv).
tagnuts n. Toffee strings; winnets; clinkers; dangleberries;
bead curtains.
tail 1. n. Olde Worlde Penis. 2. n. Fluff; totty;
skirt; talent (of both sexes). 3. Bum.
tail ender n. Small dollop of do that you must wait for after the
main stool has been expelled; the final roof detail to be applied when building
a log cabin (qv).
tail gunner See rear gunner.
tailpipe n. US Ass hole. In Britain exhaust pipe (qv).
tail shot n. The release of tail wind (qv).
tail wind n. Botty gas; air biscuits.
taint n. Niffin’s bridge (qv). Because it
tain’t arse and it tain’t fanny”.
take an air dump v. To fart; blow off.
take Captain Picard to warp speed v. TV baldy /cock euph.
Masturbate; to strangle Kojak.
talent n. collective Crumpet; bush; attractive females.
talk German v. To fart; blow off; puff on an imaginary bum
cigar (qv).
talk on the great white telephone v. To be sick in the lavatory.
See drive the porcelain bus (qv).
tallywhacker 18thC. n. Penis; old man.
tampon n. A small, highly sophisticated implant which enables
women to play tennis.
tam rag Variation of jam rag.
tank v. To shag; roger.
tanked up 1. adj. Arse-holed (qv). 2. Military Being
sufficiently equipped with tanks.
tapioca toothpaste n. Dental gel for a trouser leg trombonist
(qv).
tap See oot on the tap.
tap off v. To successfully tap up (qv).
tap up v. To chat up; try to instigate a sexual liaison.
tardis fanny n. Deceptively spacious snatch; cathedral; bargain
bucket.
tart n. Slapper; dolly bird. Sometimes used affectionately. e.g.
When describing Boy George.
tart’s window box, a n. What you smell like when you’ve got
too much after shave on.
Tarzan chord That narrow chord which attaches Kojak’s roll-neck (qv)
to the bobby’s helmet (qv).
tash See Hitler tash.
tatties n. Testicles; spuds.
tatty water (ta-tee-wa-ta) n. Spud juice; semen. Literally
‘potato water’.
TBS Toxic Bott Syndrome. To suffer from severe noxious emissions or brewer’s
farts (qv). See also burn bad powder.
TCM n. Turd cutting muscle; crimper; anal sphincter.
tea pot n. Gay male from the Larry Grayson school of posturing.
tear off a piece v. US To have sex. Also tear one off.
tea towel holder n. Anus; ringpiece; freckle. From the 1950s
plastic ‘finger poke’ style kitchen accessory.
technicolour yawn See pavement pizza.
teddy’s leg n. State of stool expulsion somewhere beyond the
turtle’s head (qv), but prior to touching sock (qv).
More like chewing a brick (qv); midway through smoking a
bum cigar.
tee off v. To wank and/or fart. Not necessarily at the same time.
tenpin v. To place digits simultaneously in the tea towel
holder (qv) and the fish mitten (qv). From the grip used in
ten pin bowling.
tent pole n. Stiffy; erect penis, especially in bed. See
also trouser tent, morning glory, wake up with Jake up.
thatch hatch n. Vagina; hairy pie.
Thelonius Monk rhym. slang Spunk.
the other n. It (qv); the old how’s your father.
third leg n. See middle wicket.
Thora Hird 1. Actress of stair lift testimonial fame. 2. rhym.
slang Turd.
thrap . thrape v. To masturbate furiously; to give it six nowt on
the Right Honourable Member for Underpants.
three card trick rhym sl. Prick. As in “She got her jazz bands
round me three card trick and started giving it six nowt”.
three coiler n. Dog turd; the curled and crimped result of not
having walked the dog, usually found on a carpet.
three piece suite n. Meat and two veg; wedding tackle; the male
undercarriage.
three wheeler rhym. slang Dyke; lesbian. From ‘three wheeled
trike’.
throne n. Queen’s shitter.
throne room n. Queen’s shit house.
throttage n. Throttage.
throttle pit n. Aus. Toilet.
throttle the turkey v. The Norfolk wank. “Kid’s love ‘em”.
through a hedge backwards exclam. As in “Phoar! I could fuck her
through a hedge backwards”.
throw v. To barf; hoy; chuck.
throwing a Woodbine down Northumberland Street sim. In Newcastle,
unsatisfying sex with a bucket fannied (qv) individual.
As in “Why man, it was like hoyin’ a Woodbine doon Northumberland Street”;
Leeds throwing a sausage up Briggate; HM Navy throwing your kit bag in
the Ark Royal’s dry dock, etc.
thruppeny bits rhym. slang 1. Tits. 2. The shits.
thumper n. Erection; stalk; stiffy.
thunder bags n. Underpants; trollies.
thunder box n. archaic Lavatory; shitter. Also thunder bowl.
thunder mug n. Chamber pot; piss pot.
ticket to tottieville See token for the cockwash.
ticklers n. Corrugated condoms; amusing French letters.
tickle the pickle See jerkin the gherkin.
Tijuana bible n. US Jazz-mag; porny book. (Hardcore rhythmic
reading is readily available to Americans in the neighbouring Mexican town.)
Tijuana cha-chan. The trots. (Spicy food is readily
available to Americans in the neighbouring Mexican town.) See also sour apple
quickstep.
tiffin n. Home made chocolate biscuit the reference to “a bit
of” which in British comedy films of the 1970s was considered amusing.
tiffter n. Unwanted erection; Jake.
tile hanger’s nailbags sim. Sagging, lumpy tits. As in “She
had tits like a tile hanger’s nailbags”.
tinter n. High class totty; top class talent. e.g. Of Mick
Hucknall one could remark “Lucky bleeder. He’s been up all the top tinter in
his time”.
tit fairies n. Fictional visitors who magically transform
the wife’s fried eggs (qv) into TNTs (qv) during and
after pregnancy.
tit man n. He who prefers tits to arses or legs.
tits n. 1. Breasts; knockers. As in “What a pair of tits”. 2.
Foolish or derisory people. As in “What a bunch of tits”. 3. Nerves. See
wick.
titty fuck See sausage sandwich.
tit wank See soapy tit wank.
TNTs Two nifty tits.
toffee strings See bead curtains.
todger n. Penis. Also tadger.
todger toaster n. Vagina; cockwash.
tonsil hockey n. Kissing; spit swapping. As in: “Fancy a game of
tonsil hockey?”
token for the cockwash n. Romantic gifts, e.g. flowers,
chocolates, bottle of wine. As in “I’m just nipping down the off license to
get a token for the cockwash”. See cockwash.
Tom 1. n. Prostitute. 2. v. To carry out
prostitution. As in “Are you tomming it?” 3. rhym. slang Tomfoolery -
jewellery.
toms . tom tits rhym. slang The shits.
tongue job n. Lick, as opposed to blow job (qv).
tongue shui See tongue wrestling.
tongue wrestling See tonsil hockey.
tonk v. To fuck; bonk.
tonsil hockey n. Kissing; swapping spit.
tookus See totty.
tool n. Penis; manhood. All the DIY enthusiast needs, along with
his wanking spanners (qv), to get the job done.
toosh n. Totty. From US tush meaning ‘arse’.
toot See poot.
toothless sea lion sim. Smelly and unkempt minge (qv). As
in “She had a fanny like a toothless sea lion”. See also bulldog eating
porrige.
toot meat n. Penis. From the fictional musical sweet of a
similar name. See also bed flute, meat flute, pink oboe etc.
toot toot n. Risque BBC parlance for vagina.
tops and fingers adj. Scale on which sexual
achievement is measured by teenage males. As in “Get far last night?” “Not
half! I got my tops and two fingers”.
top banana exclam. Give that man a coconut; whack-o-the-diddle-oh.
top bollocks n. Breasts.
topless hand shandy See topless relief.
topless relief n. Bordellospeak for a bird with her tits out
giving you a wank.
toss v. 1. To wank, usually “yourself off”. 2. To flip
pancakes through 180 degrees during cooking.
tosser’s twitch n. Nervous affliction suffered by wankers during
periods of abstinence.
toss parlour See rub-a-tug shop.
toss pot n. A person held in low esteem; a fuckwit.
totty n. collective Girls; fanny. As in: “Hey, this car’s a fanny
magnet (qv). Since I bought it I’ve been beating off the totty with
a shitty stick”. Singular if prefixed “a nice bit of”.
touch v. To fondle, usually “up”.
touching cloth adj. That stooling stage immediately after turtle’s
head (qv) when the movement establishes contact with the trollies. As
in: “Is there a bog round here mate? I’m touching cloth”.
touching socks adj. The stage by which time it is too late to look
for a toilet.
tradesmen’s entrance n. Back passage.
trade spit See swap spit.
traff v. To fart; let off.
train See pull a train.
tranny n. Transsexual, transvestite, transparency or
transit van. e.g. A fettish photographer might say “Shit. I left that tranny
of the tranny in the back of the tranny”.
trapn. Khasi; thunderbox; bog.
travel fat n. Unexplained Jake (qv) which appears
mysteriously during long bus journeys. In military parlance convoy cock.
tread on a frog v. A wetter sounding version of step on a duck
(qv).
tree log n. A chocolate shark (qv) whose snout
is in the water before it’s tail leaves your arse; a Cuban bum cigar (qv).
See also teddy’s arm, grow a tail.
tree monkey n. Fart.
trick n. Customer in a rub-a-tug shop (qv).
trim n. Tidy bush; talent; totty.
tripe hound n. Pig ugly dog.
trogg n. Simpleton; fuckwit. See also pranny.
trollies n. Formerly posh term for kecks; thunder bags; shreddies.
trollop See trull.
trots, the n. Frequent rapid foot movement required to convey a
diarrhoea sufferer to the lavatory. See also Tijuana cha-cha, sour apple
quickstep, Turkish two-step.
trouser arouser n. Fit lass; good looking bird.
trouser bandit n. Slightly more polite version of bum bandit
(qv).
trouser chuff See chuff.
trouser cough n. Fart; botty burp.
trousered adj. Wasted; arseholed; wankered; cream crackered.
trouser leg trombonist n. Popular female musician who plays in the
same ensemble as the skin flautist and pink oboe virtuoso.
trouser Mauser n. A small rapid firing porridge gun (qv). See
also pump action mottgun, mutton musket.
trouser rake n. Stiffer version of the trouser snake. Often
pops up and hits women in the face when stood on.
trouser rouser n. Fart; Bronx cheer.
trouser snake See one-eyed trouser snake.
trouser tent n. Embarrassing portable erection made from
canvas or other trouser material, with a zip up one side, supported by a rigid
shaft. If occurring whilst seated this can easily be concealed with a bowler
hat.
trouser trout See trouser snake.
trouser trumpet n. 1. Fart. 2. The anus.
trouser truncheon n. The beat bobby’s favourite tool, along with
his highly polished helmet.
trout v. To pull. As in “I was out trouting last night. Ended up
with a five-to-two-er (qv). Had to chew me own arm off (qv) this
morning”.
truffle hunting v. To felch (qv) but without the curd.
trull n. 18thC. Prostitute.
trump v. To fart; pass wind.
tube steak n. Beef bayonet (qv) on the bone (qv).
tug v. To pull, as in a pud (qv).
tug boat n. A woman of plain appearance and compact, muscular
build; swamp donkey (qv).
tummy banana See tummy truncheon.
tummy truncheon n. Sixth gear stick; porridge gun; penis.
tuna town n. Female genitalia; Billingsgate box.
tup v. 1. To have sex; shag. 2. Of sheep-to-sheep shagging,
red hot horny ram on ewe action.
tuppence licker n. Lesbo; bean flicker.
turbot for tea See fish supper.
turd n. Crap; excrement; brown trout.
turd burglar n. Stealthy thief who forces entry into the rear of a
person’s premises via the chocolate drainpipe.
turdis n. One of those detached, modern, portable, space age
looking public conveniences.
turistas See Turkish two-step.
turkey-neck n. That which is throttled in Norfolk. See throttle
the turkey.
Turkish n. Irish.
Turkish two-step n. Diarrhoearal dance not disimilar to the sour
apple quick step; Tijuana cha-cha, Aztec two-step etc.
turn Japanese v. To wank. See also grin like a wanking Jap.
turn your bike round v. Go to the lavatory. As in “Excuse
me, I’m just going to turn my bike round”.
turquoise n. A lady who allows the dog in the bathtub.
turtle n. 1. Passive sexual partner. 2. Blit; fanny; fluff;
talent. Birds, collectively, as sex objects.
turtle’s head n. The initial protrusion of a stool though the teal
towel holder (qv); the point at which contracts are exchanged for the
building of a log cabin (qv). See also touching cloth; touching
socks.
tush . tushie n. US Bum; ass. Compare toosh.
tussage n. Talent; female buffage (qv).
TV See tranny.
twang the wire v. To pluck out a rhythm on the cheesy
none-stringed banjo.
twanger See whanger.
twat 1. n. A minge. Also twot. 2. Stupid person. 3. v.
To hit; beat up.
twinkie n. US Turd; chocolate log.
twist US rhyming slang Girl. Twist and twirl.
twister n. US Pervert.
twitter n. Female perineum; that area of the anatomy between the twat
and the shitter (qv). See also chin rest, duffy’s bridge.
two pot screamer n. Aus. Someone who cannot hold their beer. A
more reserved British equivalent would be the half pint Harry.
two puppies fighting in a bag n. Large, mobile and
unrestrained breasts.
two ring circus n. Over-the-shoulder-boulder-holder; bra.
two up n. Two up.
twin tone n. An abrupt, wet sounding fart which changes tone
suddenly as as the sphincter muscle acts to counter the imminent danger of follow
through (qv).
Twix lips n. A front bottom (qv) version of hungry
arse (qv). See also camel’s foot.
twunt n. Useful, satisfying yet inoffensive combination of two
very rude words which can safely be spoken in primmest and properest company.
|
