S
sack artist n. Womaniser; gigolo; fanny rat.
saddle bags n. 1. Labia; piss flaps. 2. Scrotum. Also John
Wayne’s hairy saddle-bags.
safe See French safe.
salami slapper n. He who tolls upon his own bell end (qv);
a wanker. See also hide the salami.
salmon canyon n. Piscine pass leading to tuna town (qv)
that some folks round these parts call Gobblers Gulch.
salmon (on prawn) rhym. slang The horn (qv). Not to be
confused with salmon (and trout) - snout (i.e. cigarette).
salsa dip n. A splash about in the crimson waves. See surfing
the crimson wave.
salt n. 1960s Mod parlance for bird (qv).
S and M n. Rub-a-tug shop (qv) parlance for sado-masochism.
See also Mr Whippy.
sand hole n. Of crowded beaches, that hole caused by sunbathing on
your stomach in order to conceal a bone on (qv).
sauce 1. n. Booze, usually in large quantity. As in “That Keith
Chegwin didn’t half hit the sauce”. 2. v. To seduce.
sausage and donut situation n. Heterosexual intercourse. As in
“My luck was in. By midnight we had a sausage and donut situation”.
sausage grappler See salami slapper.
sausage jockey n. Passive male homosexual; anyone who sits on a
sausage and bounces up and down. Also sausage rider.
sausage kennel n. A male homosexual’s bottom.
sausage pizza n. Closest thing to a sausage sandwich (qv)
that Miss Lincolnshire (qv) is able to provide.
sausage sandwich n. A juicy salami frotted between two pink baps
(qv), the end result of which is a pearl necklace (qv). Also Dutch.
sausage supper n. Female equivalent of a fish supper (qv).
sausage wallet n. Fanny.
SBD adj. Of farts and farting, Silent But Deadly. A subtle release
of pungent botty gas.
SBV adj. Silent But Violent. Minging (qv) fizzle (qv)
from the fart fissure.
schlong . schlonger (shh-long-aa) Yiddish n. Large penis.
schlong shed n. Condom; stopcock; stiffy stocking.
schmeckie n. Opposite of a schlong (qv).
scooter n. Arse. From Dutch schoeter meaning ‘shitter’.
Scottish bedwarmer n. A fart; anal announcement.
scratcher n. Bed; fart sack.
scrote n. Knacker; bollock brain. A versatile testicular term of
abuse.
screamer n. Raving poofter.
screw v. To have sex piggy style, rotating clockwise due to a
corkscrew shaped cock.
scrumping v. 1. US Having sex. 2. UK Stealing
apples.
scrubber n. Slapper; vulgar woman; dollymop.
scumbag n. The ultimate term of abuse known to tabloid
journalists.
scumwad n. American variation on scumbag.
scrotum pole n. Old Red Indian erection at the foot of which lie John
Wayne’s hairy saddlebags (qv), and around which Madam Palm and her five
sisters (qv) do ritual dances to precipitate spunk-fall.
scrunchies n. 1. Of slappettes (qv), the colourful
elasticated hairbands captured by rival teenage slappers in battle. 2. Excess
batter in a chip shop.
scuttle v. To sink the pink, or brown, from behind. The brown in
particular. See also pot the brown.
scutter n. Slut; shag bag.
sea monster n. Swamp donkey; hipocrocadogapig.
see a friend to the coast See drop the kids off at the pool.
seed n. That which is scattered in salmon canyon (qv).
seeing to n. Sexual servicing, a “jolly good” one of which is
often said to have been given to a woman by a man.
see you next Tuesday acronym Parting nicety alluding to the
initials ‘CU’N.T.
semen n. Aphrodite’s Aral-dite; joy Gloy; gunk; spunk; goo.
semi n. 1. Lazy lob on; half erect penis. “As in “The best I
could manage was a semi”. 2. A house joined to one other house.
send a sausage to the seaside See sink a few U boats.
separate-us apparatus n. Condom; stiffy stocking. As in “Did
you remember to bring the separate-us apparatus?” “Rat’s cocks! I
didn’t. Perhaps we should just play the bagpipes (qv) tonight”.
serpent socket n. That hole with which the one eyed trouser
snake (qv) connects.
sex 1. n. It (qv). 2. v. To pump someone full of
semen. As in “Babe, I’m gonna sex you up”.
sex act n. Versatile, vague tabloid term used to describe and
denigrate specifically non-specific acts of shenanigans. Usually prefixed
“vile” or “lewd”.
Shabba (Ranks) See J. Arthur.
shaft 1. v. To shag; screw. 2. n. Penis. 3. p.n. The
black private dick that’s a sex machine to all the chicks.
shag 1. v. To copulate; to fuck. 2. n. Sexual
encounter; a screw. 3. US Fifties dance craze. 4. Type of sea bird. 5.
Tobacco. 6. Something to do with arse grapes or carpets I think.
shagability n. Measureament of how shagable a person is.
shagable adj. Having a high degree of shagability.
shag bag n. Loose woman; bike.
shag factory n. Joint which is heaving with blit; knickerville;
blart city.
shagged out adj. Exhausted; jiggered; buggered; zonked;
fucked.
shagging a bike sim. To describe sex with a thin woman. “Some of
these supermodels, they don’t look healthy. I don’t fancy that. It would be
like shagging a bike”. Opposite of shagging a waterbed.
shag monster n. She who has a voracious appetite for sex. Not
necessarily ugly.
shagnasty n. An ugly and sexually promiscuous female.
shag slab n. The altar of love; bed; passion pit; cock block; fart
sack; scratcher.
shag tags n. Love bites; hickies; suckers; bruises from a physical
bout of tonsil hockey.
shaggin’ wagon Also shag wagon. See passion wagon.
shake hands with the Wookie v. Another in the ‘Wanking with Star
Wars’ series. See also Hand Solo, duel with the pink Darth Vader.
shake hands with the wife’s best friend See shake the bishop’s
hand.
shake the bishop’s hand v. Have a piss, as opposed to bashing
the bishop (qv).
shake the lettuce v. female To pee. Specifically, to give the beef
curtains (qv) a quick tumble dry afterwards.
shake the snake v. Male equivalent of shaking the lettuce (qv)
the object being to dislodge any forget-me-nots (qv) before returning the
schlong (qv) to the shreddies (qv).
shaking hands with the unemployed v. Wanking.
shampoo the rug v. To lose one’s population paste (qv)
on a mapatasi (qv). Perhaps when getting off at Edge Hill
(qv).
shark . sharking v. Go on the pull (qv), using aggressive,
sly or cunning tactics.
shark’s fin n. The profile of a neighbour’s beetle bonnet
(qv) viewed through a tight bikini bottom whilst sunbathing on the beach.
See also sand hole.
shat on from a height v. To have been badly exploited; humiliated;
let down.
shave a horse v. To have a piss; take a leak.
shaven haven n. Bald monkey’s forehead (qv).
shed n. Large, promiscuous woman. Somewhere to stick your tools.
shedded adj. Trousered (qv); cattled (qv).
Sherman (tank) rhym. slang. Wank.
shift v. To shag; screw.
shirtful n. A well stocked rack (qv). As in “My, what a
shirtful”.
shirt lifter n. Uphill gardener; brown hatter.
shirt potatoes n. Tits; melons; top bollocks.
shit . shite 1. v. To shit; defecate; sink the Bismarck (qv),
build a log cabin (qv), crimp one off (qv), light a bum cigar (qv) etc. 2.
n. Crap; excrement; stools; faecal matter. 3. Git; sod; get; a shitty
person, usually “little”. 4. Crap; useless. As in “Shit weather for this
time of year eh vicar?”
shit a brick 1. interj. Exclamation of surprise. 2. v. To
be scared; to papper your trollies.
shit eating grin n. Exaggerated, smug, self-satisifed smile pulled
deliberately to taunt others; as if to say “Eat shit”.
shiter (shy-tuh) n. Arse; kak cannon. That which shites.
shite house (shyt-howss) n. Outside lavatory; dunny.
shit faced n. Arseholed; intoxicated; para-fuckin-lytic.
shit locker n. Arse; bomb bay. Also date locker.
shit on your own doorstep euph. Foul the nest. e.g. Shag your
mother-in-law while you are totally pissed. See also piss on your chips.
shits, the n. Of smallroom dancing, those up tempo trots (qv)
which include the Tijuana cha-cha (qv), the sour apple quickstep (qv)
and the Aztec two-step.
shit stabber n. Pork swordsman.
shitter (shit-aa) 1. n. Anus; kakpipe; council gritter. 2.
Sit down lavatory; the pan.
shitty stick n. A stick, covered in shit, used by men with
powerful cars to stave off advancing women.
shit your pants v. To drop a brick; cake your kecks; papper your
trollies.
shooting bunnies v. Polite euphemism for farting; pass wind; blow
off. Also kill the Easter bunny.
shoot in your boot euph. To be excited. Of Jimi Hendrix,
Little Richard said: “Jimi made my big toe shoot right up in my boot”.
shoot your load / bolt / wad v. To ejaculate; lose your mess;
discharge the mutton musket (qv).
shopping n. The underpant aftermath of follow through (qv). As
in “Did I detect a twin tone (qv)?” “Afraid so. I’d better go and
check my trollies for shopping”.
shoulder boulders n. Big breasts; gazungas (qv).
shunt v. To shag. As in “Go on, tap her wheels, see if she’s
worth a shunt”.
shreddies n. Undercrackers; kecks; trollies.
shrimp v. To suck someone’s toes for sexual gratification,
whether or not they have a vacuous, buck teethed smile, greasy hair, and a
Chelsea football strip on.
shtup v. Yiddish To have sex; bonk; bang.
side winders n. Spaniel’s ears (qv) which appear to be
gravitating towards the armpits.
Sigourney Weaver rhym. slang Beaver.
singer n. Sexual athlete; he or she who goes at it (qv)
like a sewing machine.
sing sweet violets v. Airy alternative to building a log cabin
(qv); to take a dump.
sink a few U boats v. To pass a stool, as if dropping depth
charges.
sink the Bismarck v. To pass one fucking enormous stool; deposit a
U blocker.
sink the sausage See hide the sausage.
siphon the python v. Point Percy (qv) at the porcelain;
have a piss.
Sir Anthony rhym. slang A proper Charlie (qv). From ‘Sir
Anthony Blunt’ - cunt.
sitting on an elephant adj. To be highly burbulent; to have brewed
a massive one up. e.g. “Evacuate the room, women and children first. Mr
Bennett is sitting on an elephant”. (Pride And Prejudice, Jane Austen).
sixteen valve n. Stunner; corking bird.
sixth gear n. Wanking, especially in a parked car. See also stick
shift.
sixty-nine See soixante neuf.
six-pack grip See tenpin.
skeet v. To come off at the Billy Mill roundabout (qv); shoot
your load (qv).
skeeze v. US To shag; schtup.
skid marks n. Severe russet gusset (qv); pebble dashing
(qv) of the undercrackers; the turtle’s brill cream.
skiing position n. Wanking two men off at the same time while
wearing only a helmet, goggles and snow skis.
skin boat n. Penis. As in “I think I’ll sail the old skin boat
to tuna town” (Burgess Meredith).
skin flick n. Fuck feature; blue movie; mamba matinee.
skin flute See fleshy flugel-horn, bed flute, pink oboe.
skirt n. collective & singular Fanny; blart; toosh;
talent. As in “I’m on a pink ticket (qv) the neet. Let’s get down
the bar and pick up a bit of skirt”.
skit . skitter v. To shit diarrhoea. skitting. skitted. As
in “Me dog’s ate the fucking back legs off the wife’s duck. It’s skittin’
al’ awaa the place”.
skitters, the n. Diarrhoea; the shits; squirts.
skittered adj. To have the skits; to be skittering.
skittuin (skit-ew-win) n. The product of the skitters,
especially in dogs; canine paint stripper; puddles of brown acidic gunge on the
carpet.
skull buggery n. Pugwashing; salami sucking. Also skull fucking.
slag n. 1. Woman of little virtue; slapper. 2. Waste material from
a mine, slag heap. 3. (s-laaaaaag) Term of abuse applied liberally to
male criminals in The Sweeney.
slam hound n. US Slapper; slutt.
slam in the lamb v. Bayonet manoeuvre involving the mutton
musket (qv).
slam spunk v. To have sex. As in “I was slam spunkin’ till six
o’clock this morning. Ended up having porridge on me bacon sandwich for
breakfast”.
slap and tickle n. A bit (qv); a portion (qv); a
bit of it (qv); the other (qv); rumpy-pumpy.
slaphead See chrome dome.
slaphood n. Adolescent years of a slapper (qv).
slapper n. Slag; dirty woman. She who has been around a bit. From
the Yiddish schlepper meaning literally ‘I don’t fancy
yours much’.
slappette n. Betracksuited, hickied, bubblegum chewing, scrunchie
(qv) wearing fledgling slapper (qv).
slap the monkey See bash the bishop. Also spank the monkey.
slash n. A piss; wee wee.
slash and burn n. 1. Third world deforestation technique. 2. A
painful symptom of venereal disease.
slash palace n. Public lavatory.
slats n. 1. Ribs. As is “I’m gonna rattle her slats with me
womb broom”. 2. Aus. Beef curtains. As in “I’m gonna part her slats
with we womb broom”.
sleep in a tent v. To have a large penis. As in “Fancy coming
back to my place. You’ll not be disappointed. I sleep in a tent”. See tent
pole.
sleeping beast n. Flaccid cock; marshmallowed main pipe
(qv).
slime (ss-loym) v. Aus To ejaculate; chuck ones muck. As
in: “Hev yer slimed yet Bruce?” “Will yer shat ap Sheila, ya puttin’ me
orf”.
slip a length v. To shag, from the male viewpoint. As in “I’d
slip her a length any day of the week”.
slip her a crippler v. A few notches up from slip her a length
(qv); shag someone so hard they can’t walk.
slit n. Blit; fanny; vertical bacon sandwich.
sloppy seconds n. Of pulling trains and gang bangs, to be in the
coach immediately behind the engine; to take second pick in a box of assorted
creams (qv). See also stirring the porridge, buttered bun.
slotn. Vulva; button hole.
slut n. Slapper; slag; bike.
smeg n. 1. Jizz; joy gloy; jism. 2. Amusingly named Swedish
manufacturer of white goods.
smegma See smeg.
smegma dome See bell end.
smoke the bald man v. To light up a salami cigarette. smoke the
white owl See smoke the bald man.
smuggling a brownie v. To have the turtle’s head (qv).
As in “He seemed quite anxious to get away. I suspect he was smuggling a
brownie”.
smut n. Filth; pornography jazzmags; skin-flicks etc.
snake v. To scrump; schtup; skeeze. To let loose the one-eyed
trouser snake (qv) on a mink, beaver, pussy etc.
snake charmer n. A girl who has an uplifting effect on your pant
python. As in “Phoar! She’s a bit of a snake charmer. I’m pitching a
trouser tent right here and now”.
snatch n. Quim; vagina.
snatch mouse n. Tampon. Also cotton mouse.
snog v. To swap spit; tongue wrestle; play tonsil hockey.
snogging water n. After shave. See also tart’s window box.
snookered behind the red v. Unable to sink the pink due to the
time of month. The only pot on is a difficult brown (qv).
snorker n. Australian for sausage, both eating and hiding
varieties.
snowball v. To blow salami cigarette smoke back into the
tobacconists mouth... sort of thing.
snowdropper n. Underwear fetishist who steals to sniff, usually
from washing lines. See also knicker bandit, snufty.
snudge v. To sniff a ladies bicycle seat after she leaves it
chained to park railings. Also known as quumfing. See also snufty.
snufty n. One who derives pleasure from sniffing, bicycle seats, drip
trays (qv), socks etc.
snurgle See snudge.
snurglar n. Quumfer; snudger; bicycle snufty.
soap-on-a-roper n. Heterosexual male who prefers not to bend down
in communal showers.
soapy tit wank n. Sausage sandwich (qv) served in the bath
or shower.
sod n. A loose piece of turf in an uphill garden.
soixante-neuf n. French for sixty-nine.
sour apple quickstep n. Another diarrhoea dance. As in: “Your
wife is taking rather a long time in the powder room”. “Yes, I’m afraid
she’s dancing the sour apple quickstep tonight”. See also Tijuana
cha-cha.
sow n. One notch up from cow on the female insult scale.
spadger n. Aus. Vagina.
Spam alley n. A haven for Spam javelin (qv)
throwing.
Spam castanets n. Labia. As in “My hobbies including playing the
Spam castanets”.
Spam fritters n. Labia; tasty alternative to a vertical bacon
sandwich (qv), especially served in batter.
Spam javelin n. Penis.
Spam sceptre n. Largest of the family jewels (qv).
spaniel’s ears n. Sagging, flat thruppenny bits. Also snoopies.
spanish archer n. The push; the ‘El Bow’.
spanking n. A form of corporal classroom punishment still
practised in rub-a-tug shops (qv). See also Mr Whippy.
spank the monkey See spank the plank.
spank the plank v. Bash the bishop; burp the worm.
spanky hanky n. Jit gel rag; wank sock. Anything used for clearing
up Aphrodite’s araldite afterwards.
spanner n. Top totty (qv); she who tightens your nuts.
spare n. In a meat market (qv), that totty (qv)
which is not yet sold.
spasm chasm See spam alley.
spear the bearded clam v. A trick involving a spam javelin
(qv) and said hairy bivalve.
spend tuppence in ha’-pennies and farthings v. To
pass loose stools; have diarrhoea.
sperm n. Spunk; gism.
sperm worm n. Penis.
spew 1. v. To vomit; park a tiger; be sick. 2. n. The sick
itself. As in “Mum. This soup tastes like spew”.
spider’s legs n. Of muffs (qv), rogue pubic hairs which
protrude beyond the knicker line; a pant moustache.
spit v. What women do if they won’t swallow (qv).
spit roast n. Someone simultaneously skewered at both ends by pork
swords (qv); a sausage jockey (qv) who plays a pink oboe
(qv) whilst still in the saddle. See also lucky Pierre.
splashback n. Unfortunate tidal effect of a depth charge (qv) or
belly flopper (qv) within the pan resulting in splashing of the arse.
splash me boots v. To have a piss; take a leak. Definitely not to
be confused with fuck me shoes (qv).
spla water n. Semen; gunk.
splay v. US To schtup; snake; skeeze. Specifically, to draw back
the beef curtains (qv) and enter.
splice v. British version of splay (qv).
split a kipper v. To have sex.
splosh n. Cockney 1. Sex; crumpet; fanny. As in “Gor bloimey,
squire, I fink I’ll go dahn the old rub-a-dub and get moiself a bit o’splosh”.
2. Money.
spod See spooge.
spoilers n. Buttocks.
sponge n. Of homosexual relationships, the submissive partner;
the noshee as opposed to the nosher. Usually the thin one. See
also stone.
spooge n. US Semen.
spooge scrooge n. Blob; condom; rubber policeman.
sports bag n. A functional cottaging accessory in which one
partner stands to conceal his feet and avoid detection by lavatory attendants
looking under the door. See also Bosch, cottage.
sprogdrop n. Pregnancy. As in: “Your wife’s put on a bit
of weight. Is she suffering from sprogdrop?”
spunk n. Semen.
spunkled adj. Sprinkled with spunk.
spunkling adj. Sparkling or glistening as a result of being
spunkled
spunk rat n. Good looking bloke, as described by females. Not to
be confused with fanny rat (qv).
spuds deep n. Up to the buffers (qv).
spunk n. 1. Semen; seed. 2. Spirit; pluck. 3. Aus. Good
looking man; dish; hunk. 4. Tinder made from fungus.
spunk dustbin Also spunk bucket.See bucket fanny, box of
assorted creams.
Spurt Reynolds n. Pet name for the tearful bald man sitting on the
hairy beanbags (qv). See also make a bald man cry.
spurt your curd v. Spread your spunk; infect others with your
pluck and spirit.
squeak the breeze v. US To fart; talk German; pass wind.
squeeze the cheese v. Dairy equivalent of sausage stretching.; to
wank.
squirts n. In arsemology, a series of eruptions resulting in a
pyroclastic flow from the farting fissure. A condition also known as the skitters.
squits n. Dangerous wet farts, constantly bordering on the follow
through (qv).
stacked adj. Overstocked rack (qv) in the snork (qv)
department. As is “I fell in love with my wife at first sight. She is
particularly well stacked”.
stalk n. Erection; stiffy. As in “Pardon me if I look like a
tripod. I can’t seem to get rid of this stalk”.
stalk fever n. Condition affecting men on big cock day (qv).
stand . stand on See stalk.
steak drapes n. Gammon goalposts; beef curtains.
stealth bomber n. Subtle leg lifter (qv); undetected benefactor
(qv); phantom farter (qv).
stench trench n. disaffectionate Fanny.
steg n. Woman resembling a ferocious, spiny, squat,
pre-historic dinosaur. abbr. Stegosaurus. Compare lickalotopus.
step on a duck v. To create a quack; fart. orig. From a
remark made by King Edward VI upon hearing a hunting companion sound his trouser
trumpet (qv). “Sir, I may be mistaken, but I do believe you have
stepped on a duck”.
step on a frog Also tread on a frog. See step on a duck.
stick shifter n. Wanker.
sticky belly flap cock n. Post wank condition suffered by bishop
bashers (qv).
stiffy . stiffie n. A bone on; erection. Also Mr Stiffy.
stiffy stocking n. Rascal wrapper; cheesepipe cling-film;
Spurt Reynolds’ sick-bag.
Stilton muffle n. Pungent and unwashed fish mitten (qv).
stink 1. n. The distinctive odour of well matured knob cheese,
eggy air biscuits etc. 2. v. To emit such a smell; to ming. 3. n.
A fuss. 4. n. Aus. A scrap; fight.
stinky finger adj. Having ate the captain’s pie (qv)
without a knife and fork. Also stinky pinky.
stirring the porridge v. To have sloppy seconds (qv);
to dip into a billposter’s bucket (qv).
stoat n. In the world of pant nature, the natural pray of the one-eyed
trouser snake (qv).
stone n. Of gay men and women, the opposite to a sponge (qv);
the dominant partner. And usually no oil painting either.
stones n. Olde Worlde Balls.
stonker 1. n. Erection; hard on; stiffy. 2. n. Entertaining
television programme (as applied by Jonathon Ross in the 1980s).
strain your greens v. To have a piss.
strangle Kojak v. Male masturbation; peel the carrot; stroke the
Wookie. See also Kojak’s roll-neck.
strapadictomy n. Routine operation to strap on a dildo.
string See wood.
stroke mag n. Top shelf literature; art pamphlet; gentleman’s
interest magazine.
strum v. A relaxed tug.
strumpet n. Olde Worlde Prostitute.
strumping v. Predatory behaviour by a bird; female equivalent of sharking
(qv).
stuffing a marshmallow in a piggy bank v. Of those unfortunate
situations involving brewer’s droop (qv), attempting to force your loose
sausage meat (qv) into the slot (qv).
succubus n. A phantom night-time cock sucker once thought to be
responsible for nocturnal emissions (qv).
suckers See shag tags.
suck face v. US To kiss. As in “Git a goddamn move on an’
finish your mother fuckin’ popcorn, you sunofabitch. I wanna suck some
face”.
suckhole n. Aus. In radio studios, one who laughs at everything
Chris Evans says. Brown noser; toady; arselick; sycophant.
suck off v. To end it all by shooting yourself in the mouth with
the mutton musket (qv).
sugared almond n. Clitoris.
sunnies n. Aus Tits; baps.
surfboard n. Flat chested female; Miss Lincolnshire.
surfing the crimson wave v. Riding the menstrual cycle.
swallow v. What women do when they don’t spit; what Goldilocks
did to one of the three bears’ porridge.
swallow the oysters v. Swallow as in swallow (qv),
oysters as in pearls, pearls as in pearl necklace (qv).
swamp v. H.M.F. To piss; urinate.
swamp donkey n. Female bereft of physical beauty; tug boat; boiler;
sea monster; steg.
swap spit See suck face.
Swedish n. Greek (qv).
sweet FA acronym Sweet Fanny Adams and/or fuck all; absolutely
nothing.
swing both ways See switch hitter.
switch hitter US n. Person who bats with both hands; bisexual;
AC/DC.
swive v. 17thC. Fuck. As in “A horse, a horse. My kingdom for a
swiving horse”.
sword swallower n. Sword as in the pork variety.
siphon the python v. To take a Chinese signing lesson (qv);
see a man about a dog.
syrup n. Irish jig.
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