9

Hi I am a survivor of child sexual abuse, rape, and domestic violence. I just started healing. Please email me to talk and support one another. It's so hard to find other survivors willing to help each other from giving up. I'm sick of doing this alone. Shawna -- Visit Me

I was abused physically and emotionally from the age of four until the age of seventeen. I have flashbacks especially when someone does something like him. It makes things really hard sometimes. I didn't talk to him for over a year. I do once in a while now. He wants to see me and be apart of my life. It makes me so mad that I even listen. He acts like nothing has ever happened. I think I talk to him because I want a father....a father that wouldn't abuse me. I feel guilty for not wanting to talk to him. get emotional over things I shouldn't. I still don't know why I am so afraid of fire, and being burned by it. I think I don't remember some of it. I saw a therapist, who said that he thought I might have repressed feelings. I didn't have enough money to continue therapy. My boyfriend of a year and a half tries to understand and help and I love him for that. But I still feel that no one can help.....I have no one who knows what it is like to be abused.......sometimes I just feel so alone. -- Sarah

Hi everyone...I just wanted to tell you about my homepage! I'm in the process of creating it, it's no where near finished but your welcome to go have a look! its got a survivors chatroom and forum, lots of survivors stories and a healing and selfhelp page Also if you have any poems or would like to share your story please e-mail me and I'll put them up. -- Rebekah --Visit Me

hello i hope everyone is hanging in i will be here for you. you are not alone love always-- Brandie

Hi, I have not posted in a very long time, but for those you that are new I felt I should so that maybe what I have to say might help someone. Even if it doesn't help anyone else, it helps me to share my thoughts. I was abused from ages 6 until 18 by my adoptive mother, father, and older brother. My adoptive parents would force my older brother to participate. My adoptive father is a minister, which made it very difficult to report him. He would not confess to t e abuse anyway, so I lived with it all bottled up inside. For punishment, when I would "misbehave", my parents would hold a lit match to my face to make me obey. To this day I am afraid of fire. I was adopted by these people when I was 19 months old, so I didn't remember any of my biological family. I lived through an abusive marriage that produced 2 beautiful girls. It is very difficult for me not to "overprotect" my daughters, they are 7 and 12 years old. I am married now to a wonderful man, who is trying very hard to understand everything I have been through, and he loves me anyway. Many days I feel very dirty and unlovable. Other days I feel ok about me. I was diagnosed with MPD/DID about 8 months ago and that has been very difficult to adjust to. My husband has been a Godsend, and I have found that with God all things are possible. Somedays it is very difficult to get out of bed while on others it isn't as hard. I know I have rambled around but I hope something I have said will help others. Safe hugs and prayers, -- Lisa

Hello fellow survivors. I just thought since I have not posted here in quite awhile that I would. I have found in my past month of discovery, that even though I cannot put these memories behind me again, that I can have peace sometimes. See, I had to find at least one thing n my life that brings me joy. For me, that joy is my son. The one who loves me unconditionally without judgement. The one that with only a simple glance in my direction, his eyes meeting mine, the innocence of his smile, makes me fill with joy. And you now what, while I was searching for that one thing that brings me joy, I discovered there are other things too. Simple things that help keep my mind occupied when it seems I am only surrounded by the past of horror. Not to say that I always can remember these peaceful things, but when my mind lets me, they bring me relief from my neverending thoughts. You would be amazed how many things actually bring you peace from your nightmares of day and night. But for instance, the thought of blowing bubbles make me smile, you know big ones, little ones, double ones. The soothing feeling of watching the stars twinkle in the moonlight. A nice breeze on a hot summer night. The smell of coffee and then the joy of drinking it. Listening to the birds chirping on a gorgeous spring morning. All things that are simple and somewhat easy to accept. These are certainly my own feelings, but deep down, everyone has similar joys or things they like. Its just a matter of identifying with them. Thing is, I didn't even realize how many things were relaxing and peaceful until recently. I had the opputunity to chat with some other survivors and we together, shared our joys. Some said they didn't have any until we all began to talk about it, and t ey to realized that at least "one" thing in their life brought them joy, peace, or simple relief. All of you can find one thing to help you through those tough times. I am by far a long way away from the light at the end of my journey. Each and every one of us are somewhere on that path. As we pass one another, or meet up with one another, or look to those further down that road, we should try to take one anothers ha d, guide those lost or falling behind and give each other strength to go that extra mile towards healing. I hope my sharing here will somehow reach out to someone lost on their journey or somehow struggling to take another step. We all fall behind somet mes, it's others and their strength that help pull us through, gives us that extra nudge that we need when we somehow find ourselves only idling. Or help us remember the simple joys left in our lives. We all have good days and bad days. When you are ha ing one of those bad days, turn to your joy or joys and let them bring you some peace. Our good thoughts are free, it's those that are horrible or tormentful that imprison us and keep us from being successful on our journey. May each and everyone that reads this somehow identify one "good thought" "one joy" in their life. I am only beginning my journey to healing from my past, but this has helped me through. Gave me that one more day. I wanted to share it with you all. Ble s all of you and be safe. Peace while healing. -- Sherrie

I was abused by a neighbor when I was 8 or 9 years old so I know what everyone is going through. It is so hard to talk to people about this. Sherrie, Brandie, and Hope, thank you for your stories. Bless you all! -- Rose

we all will fet through our stories we all will survive I PROMISE!!!!!! Love always -- Brandie

Hello, my sisters and brothers. I hope and pray that you are all doing better than I am right now. Les, one of my alters, is flashing. Badly. Deb, another alter, is trying to calm her down, leaving me to deal with the guy that triggered the flash. I just wanted to offer my love and prayers to all who read this wall. *offers warm, supportive, caring, protecting hugs* Signed, Noel and Deb and Les and Krissy and Running Bear -- Madame Noel

Hello Sisters and yes, Brothers also........I was guided to this site by a new friend, MaryLou. Thanx, girlfriend! I had asked her help in finding sites that dealt with abuse and this is her top pick. I just started a site of my own to reach out to tho e that have been mentally and emotionally abused. Unfortunately, I've seen them all. I was sexually, physically and mentally abused as a child. This lead me right into abusive relationship after abusive relationship, drug use, promiscuity, you name it was there until just a few years ago. Now I'm healing.....I have a great husband and pretty good life now. This has been a hell of a journey, but I've learned to forgive and move on. If you have a moment, check out my site and drop me a line or two. promise, I'll get back to you as soon as I can.-- Kim --Visit Me

Dear Hope, Sherrie and anyone who visits this site, Welcome! This site has been a Godsend for me, I hope it will be for you. This a long journey, which may not make many of us happy, since I for one would like it to be over now and to be getting on with a happier life, but it is not one we take alone. Because of this site and the HOPE advocate web site, we see that many of us have been abused by family, friend and therapist. Thank you for allowing me to share with you, Please forgive me if sometimes I co e across as angry or bitter. YOu see, even though my husband has changed and is working toward a real relationship, I still hold the feelings for csm. He is my first love. I never allowed myself to love anyone at that level before because of the abuse f om childhood. I let him into places I didn't consciously allow God into. Not that God didn't know about it, but I just didn't want Him there. It was a sacred, special place I locked up when my dad and older brother began the abuse. I gave my T my deepe t heart and when I quit, he said "can't you take it back?" He just doesnt' understand that when you invite someone to love you, when they feel safe for the first time in their life, that you get their best! I still haven't been able to reclaim that part f me. I find that some days I still don't know who I am and I want him to tell me who I am. Yet, because of God's great mercy and love, I am still alive and I left him because I truly do love him and to love someone you want the best for them and this wa the best. I stopped us before we went too much farther. But, he lied to me, he lied to the board, and they do not check with the complainant after they start their process, you leave it in their hands. His attorney was able to duplicate his double spea . My current T looked at the copies of the chart notes we finally got, and she could see, since she interviewed him and saw him with me on three occasions, that he lied. But, you see, T's can't really tell on one another, unless it's current and csm had already been dismissed and set free. So, it has been very difficult. But, thanks to this site, I can share, I can see others go through similar problems and know we have hope, we have life, we have freedom and we will get through this. Thank you, God b with you, He was with me and saved me from suicide. He will do the same for all of us if we call out to Him. You are precious to Him, He did cry with us and for us, but He loves us all so much,He gave us all free will. I am so grateful you have ethical herapists. It is vital to your healing. The feelings are normal. I still love him and unfortunately, it will always be there, but I have chosen and did choose to do that which God would have me do, leave. It saved two marriages. However, he goes free, lo king like the good T who was complained about by a bad client and I have to start from ground zero. Of course, since I am too open about this, my life will never be the same. But, it's worth it if it helps one other person and prevents at leastone more ca e of therapy abuse. Thank you all, rickilyn

Sherrie, I just want you to know that I am really rooting for you. This is a hard and difficult road. I truly feel that when this was happening to us that God was crying. In fact here is a poem I found on the internet: God Is Weeping It’s dark and cold down here A child curls up and cries; God sadly shakes his head, As tears fall from His eyes. A mother beats her little girl, Blow after violent blow. And God protests helpless rage, As He views the scene below. The little girl lies sleeping; Her father stumbles in, And God protests in horror, As he rapes his child again. He bends His head in sorrow Lightning fills the sky; Rain storms flood the earth, And God shudders as He cries. -------------------------------- There is no question in my mind that God has wept for all of us. There is no doubt in my mind that God holds us all close to His heart and He will help us on this arduous journey. Sherrie, hang in there with us. We are all here for you. I think it helps to read other peoples stories on the wall so keep checking it. And try to read as many books as you can on this because I found that to be quite helpful. God Bless You ALL. -- hope

Rickilyn, I think I read a poem or article about your therapist abuse. It was very touching. I'm glad you warn people on this wall about it. My therapist has discussed everything with me. I feel truly blessed that he is ethical in every way. Because I understand that many of them aren't. He is like a gift from God to me. But I think its wonderful that you can remind people about this because it is so true what can happen. I am so sorry for what you went through. That has got to be rotten and so difficult. I also think its great you can suggest different books to read. I have read several and the more I read, the more it helps me. Have you ever found any good chat rooms or anything for this?? I find this wall quite touching with what people share. I will keep you in my prayers too and will look at this wall every now and then to see how you are doing. - Hope

I would like to say thank you to Rikilyn and Hope for their words of encouragement. It is truly a long journey to relief from the nightmares and memories. It is good to know they're are others out there that understand and can relate to the way one feel . We all have such a long road to travel and mine is only beginning. But I know my road is not an untraveled one and that others too have been there and have found hope at the end of their path. Once again thank you and God Bless all of you in your journey to freedom from the past. I know we will never be totally free, but at peace someday. Peace with our God Almighty by our side to see us through. - Sherrie

The Wall Page: [ Up ] [ 2 ] [ 3 ] [ 4 ] [ 5 ] [ 6 ] [ 7 ] [ 8 ] [ 9 ] [ 10 ] [ 11 ] [ 12 ] [ 13 ] [ 14 ] [ 15 ] [ 16 ] [ 17 ] [ 18 ] [ 19 ] [ 20 ] [ 21 ]