Jackalope:

Eating cheap mexican food and beer may have undesired reults.


Which may continue into the next day...


Please dispose of nuclear waste in the proper recepticle.

JawiKunn:

In the event of terrorists contaminating the air with hazardous chemicals, dont bother trying to escape it, instead help it along by choking yourself to death.

chef:

"Exit door with three orange arrows" is surprisingly simple in American Sign Language.


New OSHA studies reveal that a supportive chair with good lumbar support is actually the second most ergonomic solution.


If you are accosted by a terrorist, present him with an apple and an orange soda. While he attempts to compare them, run.


If you drive an Audi with an obscenely large crucifix hood ornament, you will be electrocuted.


Welcome to American Airlines terminal, sir. Has your enormous red waist arrow been in your sight at all times?


If there's something strange, and it don't look good, set it on fire and run away.


If your excess pigmentation becomes a problem in Ashcroft's America, rub your eyes until they look like an albino's. Be sure to apply bleach evenly to your skin, or some spottage may result.


If you contemplate leaving your family behind, remember the good times, when your wife would rub your crotch with your androgynous child's shoulder.


Depending on how radioactive your plutonium is, it may take an awful lot of dynamite to protect it.

DominusMagnus:

At least the radioactive future will be cel-shaded


Flamin' Exclaimin' Contaminatin' icons batman!


"why does it always rain on me?
is it because I warred in 2003?"


Warning: setting one's own farts on fire will often result in self immolation. Do not attempt unless on Jackass


To flee, or not to flee. That is the question.


No matter how good your technology, you require an
ATOMIC clock to remain 100% irratiated and accurate


Now for your convenience, explosives can fit in stylish radioactive trashcans, jam-jars and collapsable coffee cups


If albino symptoms with Lemmings hair persist, don't see your doctor, he's got it too.

DominusMagnus:

Aquatic food sources should be considered very fishy. Avoid!


If it's in your eyes and on your hands it's time to get this party started on a saturday night!


In our new world, it will be hip to have clothes that match your hair


No, you won't fit in there! go to the 3 storey 10ft high house instead!


If your lungs turn to jellybeans and your stomach into honeycomb, just eat them!


Uncle Arrow does NOT have the right to touch you there! just say no!

chef:

If you don't know how to break dance, just fall to the ground in a clockwise fashion, growing progressively larger.


If your cell phone is not working, check your home for a device which looks like this one. If it has numerical buttons instead of a large "L", you may be able to use it to call Switzerland.


Only genuine Lego (TM) brand gargantuan blocks have the Lego (TM) hologram.


Everything I ever really needed to know in life, I learned cowering under my desk in fear.


These orange signs have an eerie power to make your right arm fall to your side. Be sure to use your left arm to hold it up while you try to remember where you left your car keys.


The light generated by a night-time nuclear explosion could fool your body into thinking it is a full moon. To avoid becoming a werewolf, squint and shield your eyes with one hand.


In case of a fake bomb threat, evacuate the building by walking downstairs, sticking to the right side of the stairwell. Stay clear of the left side of the stairwell, which is reserved for looters.


If things look down for you, remember even Father Mulcahy got one episode!


No matter how much you enjoy applying the parking break, if you drive a stick, you're all man.

Yggdrasill:

If you are angry at the government, we suggest you create a dirty bomb, all you need is dynamite, plutonium and some imagination.

chef:

If you happen to have three clocks, the one in the middle is probably right.


Remember, radiation is afraid of going down stairs.


While driving a rental car in England, if you see a large flash in your rear-view mirror, reverse 20 meters. If the road you're on has no shoulder, pull up onto the undifferentiated whiteness.


Kentucky has almost got Missouri's battleship sunk.


"Shhh..." "...iiiit"... ""SHHIITT!""


If a yellow sign attempts to irradiate you, just stand on the other side of the wall and brag about how your penis hangs down to your ankle.


They're just pining for the fields.


Forget your fancy book-learnin'

Mediancat:

-- Don't touch doorknobs; they may be infected. Instead, open all doors by repeatedly hurling yourself at them.


-- Since beer distribution will be interrupted, you may have to distill your own booze.


-- So call one of those loveable doctors from MASH for advice on setting up your still.

Rob aka Mediancat

Jane Bovary:

DONOT go out for a drive during a terrorist attack. Remember, the best place to be in the event of a nuclear explosion is anywhere you can say..."what the fuck was that!?"


Terrorists are masters of disguise, but often a small detail will slip them up, such as an illplaced hat or inappropiate shoes, or, as in this case, putting their masks on backwards. Be alert. Check your neighbours for turbans, soiled cloth-wrap shoes or a suspicious lack of facial features.

Nazon:

Terrorists may use chemicals only fatal to fish. It is recommended you stand back and admire to prevent further fish slaughters.


In the event of an explosion ahead, follow the white line, it will lead you a few metres to the right and hence to total safety.


Radiation has the uncanny ability to disguise it's voice as a friend, watch out.


Sometimes the arrows will get bored and exploit you to insanity. Beware.


In the event of mob rules, take refuge in a midget's dwelling by using force and plenty of red arrows.


WAAAAAAAASSSSSUUUUUUUUP!!!


In an emergency, eveyone in the country should flock to the corner of Main Street and Broadway where free tacos will be on hand with the comedy styling of Conan Obrien. After everyone has gathered, we will combine into a super human in an attempt to crush the terrorists. Bring glue.


If you happen to be standing directly in front of a door, proceed to exit. Otherwise, sorry, the US government can't help you.

RufusAtticus:

Only towns with Mainstreets and Broadways will survive, all others will be destroyed.

Shadowy Man:

Candy-gram!

Mageth:

Storing your facial cream next to radioactive materials helps to ensure a nice, healthy glow.


To alert rescuers to your location, blow a whistle. If you're Swiss, yodel.


If radiation exposure turns you into the Incredible Shrinking Man, take refuge in a Monopoly hotel.

gravitybow:

The fumes from French cuisine are 100% corrosive to the trachea and lungs. Avoid eye contact with French chefs, seek medical attention immediately at the nearest McDonald's, and notify authorities.
(unanimous U.N. resolution 163928-a, except for France)

JenniferD:

You guys want some cookies?

Mageth:

"Irony can be pretty ironic sometimes" or, Don't call me Shirley


"The white zone is for the immediate loading and unloading of passengers only."


"This fog is getting thicker!"


"And Leon is getting laaaaarrrrrger!"


"What is it, Doctor? What's going on? "

"I'm not sure. I haven't seen anything like this since the Anita Bryant concert."


"I've got to concentrate... concentrate... concentrate... I've got to concentrate... concentrate... concentrate... Hello?... hello... hello... Echo... echo... echo... Pinch hitting for Pedro Borbon... Manny Mota... Mota... Mota..."


"Looks like I picked the wrong week to stop sniffing glue!"

JenniferD:

Should I rent M*A*S*H?


or Citizen Ruth?

Hmmm... ?

Linda:

After four days of living in this cramped closet with the other survivors, things are getting a little rank.

Ratznium:

"You have failed me for the lassst time!"