EarlFlynn:

In case of emergency, break...dance!


George Kirk makes his fatal mistake and turns his back on a Denevan parasite.

Linda:

HELP! HELP! I blew the whistle and my hair fell out!

Unsinkable:

On sale now at The Sharper Image


Killing animals for food may result in a PETA lawsuit.

Nazon:

Everytime you think of terrorism....


God kills fish

Please, think of the fish...

trunks2k:

In the event of a terrorist attack, everyone must meet at the corner of Main and Broadway. If we're all gonna die, we're gonna die together!

HomerOfBorg:

This road has no vanishing point...anymore.


Do I smell almonds?


Oprah is a billionaire?


The exit is in the basement...Yeah, right.


Does it hurt when you laugh?


Sign language for whales


Oh the humanity, next time think BEANO!

One of the last sane:

Why are both hands left hands in this picture?

Cthulhu:

Please Do Not Feed the Dragons


Impersonating medical personnel will allow you to steal the wallets of the dead and dying without arousing undue suspicion

One of the last sane:

an accident happened to my brother Jim
when somebody threw a tomato at him
tomatoes are juicy and don't hurt the skin
but this one was specially packed in a tin

Cthulhu:

In the aftermath of a nuclear holocaust, use your children as mutant-bait to affect a hasty escape


Warning: Student Driver


Texans like their chili REALLY spicy

Albion:

Vulcans are afraid of open windows.

or

Don't talk about the economy, it frightens George.

Cthulhu:

Jonathan wondered if his son was taking his physics homework a bit too seriously.


For when you need to get rid of household pests in a hurry


Here we see Yao Ming visiting the White House

Cthulhu:

Bill conceived of a brilliant marketing ploy to take advantage of the terrorist threat and attract new customers to his bar


We in the RIAA told you to stop file-sharing, but you wouldn't listen.


Ladies and gentleman! I give you the comedy stylings of Carrot Top!

Cipher Girl:

A limited time offer from Randyco, all new penis enlargement kit, only 3 payments of $19.95. All new radioactive formula.


Guarenteed results. Proven satisfied customers. Why just look at this man, going to the local whorehouse with his brand new radioactive penis.

Celsus:

There are no phallic allusions on ready.gov

Jackalope:

Da roof, da roof, da roof is on fire!
We don't care about it, let the motherfucker burn!

[geez, really dating myself]


Dude, I told you we shouldn't have lit up a fat one while Jimmy was cooking meth!

chef:

Don't worry, Jumbo, Mr. Miyagi is here now

Chrissyfly:

In the event of a biological attack, public health officials may not immediately be able to provide information on what you should do. However, you should watch TV, listen to the radio, or check the Internet, and just hope it works out alright in the end


if terrorists set of a chemical weapon in your room lock yourself in the closet, do not exit the building as you may get in the way of more important people escaping


if you are a law abiding christian, in case of attack follow the green arrow to safety, if you are jewish, muslim, budhist or of other faith that the united states government has no wish to be in the new world after the cleansing follow the red arrow back into the building and wait to suffer a horrible chemically induced death, please be conciderate and do not block the stairwell for rich people, with your horrible mutated corpse