AquaVita:

Ahh hell DC beat me to it!! I think I'll try and finish it. Had to split it up into two parts because of Vb limitations.


What happen?!


Someone set up us the bomb.


We get signal.


What!


Main screen turn on!


It's you!


How are you gentlemen!! All your base are belong to us!

AquaVita:

You are on the way to destruction.


What you say?!


You have no chance to survive make your time.


Ha Ha Ha


You know what you doing...take off every Zig!


Move Zig, for great justice!

Silent Dave:

Once In A Lifetime, by the Talking Heads


And you may find yourself living in a shotgun shack


And you may find yourself in another part of the world


And you may find yourself behind the wheel of a large automobile


And you may find yourself in a beautiful house,


with a beautiful wife


And you may ask yourself-Well...How did I get here?


Letting the days go by/let the water hold me down


Letting the days go by/water flowing underground


Into the blue again/after the money's gone


Once in a lifetime/water flowing underground.

Silent Dave:

Once In A Lifetime, cont'd


And you may ask yourself
How do I work this?


And you may ask yourself
Where is that large automobile?


And you may tell yourself
This is not my beautiful house!


And you may tell yourself
This is not my beautiful wife!


*repeat chorus*


Same as it ever was...Same as it ever was...Same as it ever was...
Same as it ever was...Same as it ever was...Same as it ever was...
Same as it ever was...Same as it ever was...


And you may ask yourself
What is that beautiful house?


And you may ask yourself
Where does that highway go?


And you may ask yourself
Am I right?...Am I wrong?


And you may tell yourself
MY GOD!...WHAT HAVE I DONE?


Dave

theyeti:

In the advent of a Bush re-election, you have several options...


In order to keep anyone from accidentally making a chemical weapon, please do NOT make the chemical shown right here.


If you even THINK of leaving, we'll smack the shit out of you!


When catastrophe strikes, save your spouse and your favorite child. Leave the rest.


In case your girlfriend won't put out, try the following:

1) Ask nicely.

2) Get on your hands and knees and beg.

3) Roll around crying until she feels sorry for your ass.


Don't mess with Texas!


In the advent of a pretty sunset, pull over to the side of the road and reflect on what a great country you live in.


If you drive a car with a ridiculously over-sized antenna, please beware of lighting.


"I'm not too comfortable around guns, but THIS might impress my NRA friends!"


In case of absolute stupidity, you're totally screwed.


theyeti

theyeti:

Don't forget to open a window for your retarded child. Afterall, he'd do the same for you, right?


We at the Bush administration would like to offer a sincere apology for the massive amounts of blood on our hands. We are really, really sorry.


In case of difficulty getting laid, dress up like a nurse and find an incapacitated person.


theyeti

DonnieDarko:

In the event of an emergency the laws of gravity still apply.


There is no point in staying in the closet. Everyone knows you are a flaming homosexual.


Pull over and be glad you were late for the Great White concert.


Okay...that was enough to kill these animals. I wonder how much I'll need to kill a human.


Don't make me use my pimp-hand!


After a nuclear explosion it will be easy to tell who the mutants are. They'll be the only dumbasses with open windows.


Carry around a first aid kit at all times. People might think you are a doctor. Chicks dig doctors.


After huffing radioactive drugs, go for a nice walk.


The corner of Main Street and Broadway is a great place to pick up hookers and score more drugs.


Before you reach 88 mph, remember to turn on your flux capacitor.

Sarpedon:

Thanks to Bush's economic plan, you will have to choose...

Mageth:

State of the Union


During the last two years, we have seen what can be accomplished when we work together.


All told, more than 3,000 suspected terrorists have been arrested in many countries.


Many others have met a different fate.


This government is taking unprecedented measures to protect our people and defend our homeland.


And this year, for the first time, we are beginning to field a defense to protect this nation against ballistic missiles.


[We] are deploying the nation's first early warning network of sensors to detect biological attack.


I ask you tonight to add to our future security with a major research and production effort to guard our people against bioterrorism, called Project Bioshield.


Since September the 11th, our intelligence and law enforcement agencies have worked more closely than ever to track and disrupt the terrorists.


Different threats require different strategies.

Mageth:

State of the Union (continued)


And we go forward with confidence, because this call of history has come to the right country.


We Americans have faith in ourselves, but not in ourselves alone. We do not know -- we do not claim to know all the ways of Providence, yet we can trust in them, placing our confidence in the loving God behind all of life, and all of history.


May He guide us now. And may God continue to bless the United States of America.

Mediancat:

--This explains the Bush family.


-- On second thought, if you actually need to be TOLD not to open a door with flames shooting out behind it, just open it now and save the rest of us the hassle of killing your dumb ass later.


--Listen to the people of Missouri. They're the only ones who know where the drugs are.

- Rob aka Mediancat

Jimmy Higgins:

Don't catch on fire!

Bill Snedden:

Terrorism getting you down? Why not take in a show? I think you can still get tickets to The Producers. That Nathan Lane is a hoot!


Beware! Reruns of Sliders are actually terrorist weapons that have been demonstrated to kill poultry and fish!


In the event of the Apocalypse, all non-fundamentalist Christians please follow the lighted signs.


If the event that the center square is blocked by radiation or chemical contamination, the lower right-hand square makes an acceptable first move.


After the war, XMS will provide the only viable source of information (this message brought to you by XMS)

MortalWombat:

If you participated in "Hands Across America" in the 80s, dial "L" for Loser's Anonymous.

One of the last sane:

People with hair may use whistles, but baldies will just have to yell themselves hoarse

One of the last sane:

Avoid wiping your brow while using Superglue

One of the last sane:

If you are too stupid to use a volume knob, get close to the radio and cup your hand around your ear

One of the last sane:

toxic vapors will be released in nice bright colors for easy identification

The Lone Ranger:

If you should happen to see a nuclear explosion while out for a drive, be sure to pull over and take a few pictures, or at least stop to enjoy the pretty colors. It's not as if you see this sort of thing every day, you know. Assuming you aren't killed or rendered sterile, it will be something to tell your grandkids about someday.

Wizardry:

In a big room with two doors, exit through either door. However, if you choose door #2, be sure to take the least efficient route possible.


In the event of a terrorist attack, radios will begin broadcasting high energy radiation. This may cause some of you to shrivel into lifeless, radiation-poisoned shells, but the rest of you will become the Flash!






We cannot overemphasize this enough, when terrorists strike, always stroll casually in the direction you are facing.