JenniferD:

Hey, kids, want a cheap high? How to huff:

Step 1:

Select appropriate substance. The more sinister-looking the warning label, the more fun it will be.

Step 2:

Breathe deeply.

Step 3:

Trip the light fantastic!

JenniferD:

I wonder, what caused me to grow so much taller than this lighthouse? Was it that hazardous material I was exposed to?


I wonder, what caused me to shrink almost as small as this can of hairspray? Was it that hazardous material I was exposed to?

JenniferD:

At least it's not the Jehovah's Witnesses.

Jamie_L:

<Lightsaber duel with flying debris>


AAAAAHHHHHH!!!!! <hand falls down shaft>


I am your father, Luke


Search your feelings. You know it's true.


NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!


Join me, and together we can rule the galaxy as father an son.


I'll never join you.

fait accompli:

Don't trust the Swiss. They have developed floating tents and will try to steal your lungs while you sleep.

Dr Rick:

In the event of a terrorist attack, Michael Jackson's pigmentation problems could get even worse.

HELLO:

According To President Bush, Pretzels and LSD may not mix well when trying to purge oneself of troublesome diplomacy and foreign policy.


When presented with a viable exit route, do the twist past it ensuring your death.


Despite your unbearable pain, if it ever becomes unclear as to whether or not you are in fact pinned under fallen debris, thank good planning that you brought your flashlight!


We would like for you to acquire the aid of a medic, but too often the necromancers get there first.


Walk nonchalantly by bold red direction arrows that have been caught in doors, they serve no purpose to you.

madmardigan:

If a terrorist passes gas...


...Always have a mask ready

blynzoo:

"Right before he died, he said 'Win one for the zipper.' That man's name was George Zip."

JenniferD:

U.S. Patriot Act, Article 24, Section 3B: To further our agenda of supressing creative thought and expression, thus bringing us ever closer to the Orwellian ideal, all towns shall be stripped of their names and assigned a more efficient designation. You love Big Brother.

HELLO:

When many-fingered hands need cleansing, they reach for
Levitating Sourceless Faucets

HELLO:

In general, you will want to avoid flaming doors.

blynzoo:

"And I'll take the third briefcase bomb from the left."
I figured I should get an Airplane II reference in as well.

JenniferD:

Have your articles been in your posession the entire time you have been at the airport?

HELLO:

In the event of bioterrorism, a loss of facial features may be noted.


In the event of bioterrorism, devolve.


Stacking suspension bridges on power lines may not sufficiently protect you in the event of a bioterrorist attack.

Jamie_L:

With inspiration from JenniferD:


Do you have anything to declare before entering the country?

Dr Rick:

Stung by recent criticism of its committment to racial equality, the Bush adminstration disclosed plans today to show that white men may have big organs, too.

JenniferD:

You see, boys and girls, how it works is there's a clear pipe going up through the stream of water, and then the water cascades out and over the pipe so you can't see it.

RufusAtticus:

Although trapped under rubble, Disco Stu's vibe survives.


By order of the President: all non-gas powered bridges, signs, and telephone poles are to be destroyed to make room for the new order.


Blesserie your ass goodbye.