Cthulhu:

Do you have an irrational and crippling fear of germs? Please contact your local mental health institution for an introductory evaluation completely free of charge.


In the event of a nuclear blast, all of these things will cease to function as a result of an electromagnetic pulse. However, this will be the least of your problems.


If you abuse the 911 system with prank calls, EMTs will be dispatched to your residence to administer a beating.


Swallowing whistles to amuse your friends is not recommended.


When assembling your home entertainment center, always follow instructions.

Chrissyfly:

if while driving you spot a nuclear explosion a mile in frount of you pull over and let the white hot wall of fire pass you by, you may now carry on with your journey


If a nuclear bomb explodes outside your window use the back of your hand to shield your face from the boiling cloud of fire that will hit you with a force of ten mega tonnes


In case of missle attack the us government has renamed all towns to confuse the guidance systems of iraqi missles, if a forign looking missle stops and asks for directions direct it to the nearest police station


even during times of war it is still illegal to set fire to people who look like they come from Iraq


or their houses (even if the people who own it are really forign looking)

One of the last sane:

Don't let Sauron see Frodo's left ring finger, Samwise! Cover it with your own left hand!

One of the last sane:

After the giant mutant flatworms have fed on the people in the building, they will be larger and will have turned green.

Mediancat:

-- If you're having trouble figuring out how to wash your hands, call a friend for advice.

And now, a musical interlude:


My house S'out of the ordinary


That's might


Don't want to hurt nobody


Some things sure can sweep me off my feet


Burning down the house

Rob aka Mediancat

Aja:

While choking on a whistle, do not forget to yell for help.


In the event of a nuclear explosion, do not live in San Francisco.


When being flattened by rubble, remember to keep one leg elevated.


to avoid panicking during terrorist attacks, decorate your stairs with colorful streamers to help you remember which way is down and which way is up.


What M. Night Shayalaman didn’t tell you: when you lock aliens in your cupboard, they retaliate by setting themselves on fire.


When fleeing a contaminated area, wait until your nuclear shelter is firmly in place before attempting entrance. Again, please wait until the shelter has come to a complete stop.


In case of terrorist attacks or alien invasion, do not go outside until you have perfected the Vulcan peace sign.


Warning!! Warning!! Do not reverse polarity!


All your Bush are belong to us.

Silent Dave:

Burning Down The House, by The Talking Heads


Watch out you might get what youre after


cool babies strange but not a stranger


i'm an ordinary guy


burning down the house


hold tight wait till the party's over


hold tight we're in for nasty weather


there has got to be a way


burning down the house


here's your ticket pack your back: time for jumpin' overboard


the transportations here

(cont'd)

Silent Dave:

Burning Down The House, cont'd


close enough but not too far, maybe you know where you are


fightin' fire with fire


all wet hey you might need a raincoat


shakedown dreams walking in broad daylight


three hun-dred six-ty five de-grees


burning down the house


it was once upon a place sometimes i listen to myself


gonne come in first place


people on their way to work baby what did you expect


gonna burst into flame

(cont'd)

Silent Dave:

Burning Down The House, cont'd


my house s'out of the ordinary


that's might don't want to hurt nobody


something sure can sweep me off my feet


burning down the house


no visible means of support and you have not seen nothing yet


everythings stuck together


i don't know what you expect starring into the tv set


fighting fire with fire

Dave

John Dantzler:

They say the A-bomb lights are bright/on Broadway (on Broadway)...

SteveS:

Turn evasively and flick your ear. Maybe the window will go away.


Your cat has too much free time on his paws.


Your life is over. Stop, drop and cry like a baby.


I told you to stay away from those bean burritos.

Cthulhu:

Early designs for the car phone were considered impractical and discarded


By emitting a high-volume burst of muzak, the very rare Flying Alpine is able to induce a coma-like state in its intended prey.


Some Flying Alpines can grow to an enormous size and disable multiple victims at once.


If you are accosted by a gang of angry file cabinets, try to remain calm. Hand over your wallet and jewelry and cooperate fully.


If you suffer from excessive flatulence, do not leave your window open to offend innocent passerbyers.

Black Dog:

Well, we've done "Letting the Days Go By" and "Burning Down the House"

But isn't the most appropriate one "Don't Worry About the Government?"


I see the states, across this big nation


I see the laws made in Washington, D.C.


I think of the ones I consider my favorites


I think of the people that are working for me


Some civil servants are just like my loved ones


They work so hard and they try to be strong


I'm a lucky guy to live in my building


They own the buildings to help them along


It's over there, it's over there

(to be continued . . . )

Black Dog:

(continued)


My building has every convenience


It's gonna make life easy for me


It's gonna be easy to get things done


I will relax along with my loved ones


Loved ones, loved ones visit the building


Take the highway, park and come up and see me


I'll be working, working but if you come visit


I'll put down what I'm doing, my friends are important


I wouldn't worry 'bout
I wouldn't worry about me


Don't you worry 'bout me
Don't you worry 'bout ME..........

Rach:

Terrorists are pranksters. They may try to trick you by advertising fall-out shelters and painting silhouettes of stairs on the wall. Please proceed accordingly by purchasing Acme-brand paint and painting a tunnel onto any blank wall. See the collected works of Wile E. Coyote for tips.


If your house is on fire, do not call for help. This is what they want you to do. In this event, rest assured that your nerves will be the first thing to go. Soon you will feel no pain at all. They didn't think of that, did they? They didn't think of that.


In the event that the sky is ripped open in perfect straight lines and hell is unleashed on earth, take the opportunity to practise your parallel parking.


Bookshelves and filing cabinets may not be the best place to hide the disassembled corpses of terrorists. That is always the first place the other governments look.


Modern, abstract art will be the key to our success in the war against terror. Remember that protocol demands that you fake contemplation of these pieces. This could save your life.

themongkey:

We regret to inform you that your scheduled rerun of Charmed has been replaced by a public information film.

Cthulhu:

If you hear cries for help...


attempt to render assistance. However...


if the victim is dissolving into multicolored gases...


use your own discretion.