The Past Master Club

LIST OF GRIPES 5

VIRUSES: PEOPLE WHO START A VIRUS AND RUIN PUBLIC COMPUTERS SHOULD BE SHOT ON SIGHT, ELSE THERE IS NO DETRIMENT TO THEIR ENJOYMENT! - IT SHOULD BE A LAW ABOVE THE JUDGES TTO GET   RID OF THIS UNWANTED WAISTE! I'VE FOUND QUITE AN IMPROVEMENT BY OVER USING MY 'VIRUS SCAN', SCANDISK AND DEFRAGMENT PROGRAMS TO NOTE THAT THERE IS NO WAY OF STOPPING THEM! - IS IT FAIR THAT I HAVE TO RESTORE ALLL MY WEB FILES   ALL THE TIME THRU SOFT FORMATING WITH MY CD! - FOR HOURS IF NOT DAYS! PSYCHIATRIC OATH?!: I AM SO BIASED THAT I CAN'T SEE STRAIGHT! IF I WEREN'T FORCED TO BELIEVE WHAT I'D READ I WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO GET MY JOB DONE! ACCIDENTS: SOCIETY HAS GOTTEN AHEAD ON SO MANY ACCIDENTS, LIKE THE FALLEN APPLE, THAT YOU'D THINK THAT WE SHOULD BE TRAINED INTO HAVING EVEN BIGGER ACCIDENTS! - INSURANCE COMPANIES, DON'T STOP UUS FROM   ENJOYING AN ACCIDENT TO THE FULLEST: WE EVEN SEE   OUR ENTIRE LIFE IN A FLASH SECOND! - IS IT TOO HARD TO TELL THOSE THAT THEEY HAD A   NIGHTMARE AND THAT THEY SHOULD SNAP OUT OF IT! HAVE YOU HEARD OF UNIVERSITIES TRAINING STUDENTS FOR ACCIDENTS OR IS THAT A GUARANTEE! - ACCIDENTALLY MONKEYS MIGHT TYPE UP   ALL THE WORKS OF SHAKESPEARE! HAPPY VALENTINES DAY 14FEB! {:-D)X==> o-'>--| @}>-'-,--- ISN'T IT FANTASTIC WHAT IDEAS LIKE 'STARGATE' WILL GET YOU: NOW YOU CAN GET A PLASTIC CUBE WITH WHITE BUBBLES IN THE SHAPE OF A HEART WITH AN ARROW THROUGH IT! - BUT NOT A RED HEART! - STARGATE WOULD DO THE SAME THING ON PPLUTO   WITH PEOPLE! - NO DOUBT THE 1ST ONES WILL TURN OUT IIVORY WHITE! REALITY: ONE CREATES TO PRODUCE A PERSONAL REALITY ACCEPTED BY THE PUBLIC! - ANIMALS CREATE TURF WITH A NO TRESPASSSNG SIGN!   YOU CANT CREATE IN A DREAM, ELSE YOU WOULDN'T   NEED TO WAKE UP! - A NIGHTMARE / DREAM THEN IS ALWAYS 'SSHORT' OF REALITY! IF YOU ARE IN SOMEONE ELSE'S DREAM ARE YOU MIND READING HIM THAT SECOND OR WHEN YOU LAY EYES ON THE INDIVIDUAL OR WHEN HE TRIES TO GET YOU AWARE OF IT! - GET THE HINT IF YOU WANT TO MIND READD EVERYONE! NIGHTMARES: A DREAM CAN NEVER BE A NIGHTMARE UNLESS IT TURNS IN A SIMPLE RERUN! - UNLESS IT A CONTINUOUS RERUN ALL NIGHHT LONG! IF YOU'RE GETTING A RERUN FROM A FORTUNE TELLER, SHOULD YOU WORRY THAT'S REALLY A NIGHTMARE!!!!! - SHOULD YOU WORRY, IF IT DOESN'T COME TRUE! SATAN GAVE YOSEMITE SAM A MILLION RERUNS, ON BUGS BUNNY, TO STRAIGHTEN OUT HIS LIFE AND POSSIBLY LEAVE HELL .... TO ENTER HEAVEN! - WHEN DID HE WAKE UP TO THE NIGHTMARE HE WAS IN! - AFTER THE FIRST RERUN, I IMAGINE! - THE ONLY REASON LIFE ISN'T A NIGHHTMARE IS THAT 'ALL' THE MISTAKES WERE CORRECTED IN TIME! BUT THEN AGAIN YOU HAVE THE PROBLEM OF FACING YOUR ARCHANGLE, WHEN YOU DIE, TO SEE ALL YOUR MISTAKES AND THE PROMISE THAT YOU'LL HAVE ANOTHER GO AT LIFE BY REINCARNATING; AFTER ALL YOU PROMISED HEAVEN YOU'D GET THE JOB DONE IN THE FIRST PLACE, WHEN YOU FIRST LEFT IT! SARDS: CHINA SYNDROME: THE SAT STAR'S OBIT, 22MAR03, WAS ATLEAST 3 x AS LONG! - WAS IT TUE OR WED THAT I WAS TRYING TTO FORGET!!!! SPLURGEING: IF YOU SPEND ALL YOUR MONEY ON INVESTMENTS AND ALL PRICES IMMEDIATELY WENT UP 2x IN VALUE THEN YOU MUST BE 2x AS RICH! AT LEAST WARTIME KEEPS THIS FORMULA ACTIVE! - BUT DOES THE CATALYST HAVE TO BE 'NECCESSITY'! ROSETTA STONE OF CHEMISTRY: EVERYTHING IN CHEMISTRY CAN BE CONVERTED TO MOLES AND MOLES CAN BE CONVERTED TO EVERYTHING ELSE IN CHEMISTRY! - IF ONLY THE MOLE IN THE LAWN WAS THATT CONVERTABLE! - IF ONLY WE KNEW HOW MANY MOLES OF GOLLD HAVE   EVAPORATE FROM CANADA'S MACE SINCE 1917! FUNDS: THE CLUB IS TRYING TO RAISE FUNDS TO INCREASE THE SIZE & FUNCTION OF ' TPMC '; SO IF YOU HAVE ANY SMALL IDEAS / GATGETS / CLOTHES / ETC., THAT ARE STILL IN A1 CONDITION OR FIXABLE FOR RESALE, I WILL COME AND PICK THEM UP! - 'GIVE' ME (NIICK) A BUZZ AT 416-921-4653! - THINK HOW GOOD IT WILL MAKE YOU FEEL!! THE CLUB IS ALSO TRYING TO GET PLEDGES! - BECOME A BACKER! THE CLUB IS ALSO TRYING TO GET LIFETIME MEMBERS! - BECOME A PARTNER!   DONATE YOUR WILL TO THEPASTMASTERCLUB! - BECOME A CLUB ANGEEL! THE REAL ARSONISTS: I KNOW THAT FIREMEN HAVE A HARD TIME FIGHTING FIRES! BUT I AM SURE THAT THERE MUST BE AN EASY ANSWER TO KILLING A FIRE! EXPLODE A LARGE COLLECTION OF FIRECRACKERS WITH BOTTLED CARBONDIOXIDE (COLLECTED FROM THE SAME TO-BE-FELLED TREES DURING THE NIGHTS AND WHILE THE FIRE IS IN PROGRESS) WOULD SMOTHER ANY FIRE! THE BOTTLE COULD BE ANOTHER FIRE-TO-BE-SMOTHERED SOLUTION! - ROTTEN EGG GAS WOULD ALSO START EVACUUATION   A LOT QUICKER! IF SODIUM OR POTASIUM AND HELIUM WERE USED THE FIRE WOULD HEAT UP AND FLARE UP INTO THE SKY WHERE IT WOULD ALL DECOMPOSE INTO CHARCOAL, TO BE PICKED UP BY TOURISTS AFTER THE FIRE TO ENJOY THEIR BARBEQUES ETC. - FOR A PRICE! WOULDN'T YOU HAVE AN UPSIDE DOWN CONE OF FIRE UNHINDERED BY WIND! PERSONALY I THINK THAT LIQUID SULFER SHOULD BE ABLE TO DO THE JOB! - IT MIGHT EVEN CREATE A NEW 'ELEMENTALL TREE'; HA HA! EVEN A BABY CAN DRILL HOLES IN COPPER TUBING AND AN ADULT SHOULD BE ABLE TO LINE COPPER TUBING TO SURROUND THE ENTIRE HOUSE! - WHERE IS THE HOLE! SUGAR: I'VE SWALLOWED SO MUCH SUGAR IN COOLAIDS, COFFEES AND TEAS THAT I FEEL I QUALIFY FOR HAVING MOWED AN ENTIRE SOUTHERN AMERICAN SUGAR CANE PLANTATION OR MORE! I EAT SO MUCH SUGAR THAT 1 TIME WHEN I TRIED TO STOP I WAS IN SO MUCH PAIN THAT I IMMEDIATELY WENT BACK TO SUGAR AND ADDED EVEN MORE THAN THE USUAL! - I WASN'T EVEN THINKING OF ADDING LESSS ANYMORE! WITH SO MANY FOREST FIRES IN CANADA AND SUCH A WEIRD EVENT HAPPENING AFTER POURING ACID INTO A CUP OF SUGAR IT IS A WONDER THAT SUGAR IS NOT USED TO PUT OUT FOREST FIRES! - SUGAR COATED OR CARBON COATED TREES WWILL SURVIVE! - SUGAR DOES MELT WHEN HEATED! - PERHAPS LAURA SECORD/SERA LEE/BONNIE STERN/   BONNIE EGGS/ETC. COULD GIVE THEM A FEW HINTS   IF THEY SENT HER A LETTER SASE ASAP! BORDER LINE: THE CELL'S MEMBRANE IS NEITHER THE INTERIOR NOR THE EXTERIOR THUS IT IS DEFINED AS NEITHER! WHAT A DEFINITION FOR A BORDER LINE; IF WE NEEDED MORE SECURITY THAN THAT WE HAVE THE CONDITION FOR CANCER! BLACKOUT 15aug03: If only UnionGas could heat the USA with it's BurnOff they would be rich! It's Hydro's own fault that they're that greedy to supply the USA with ElectricPower instead of worrying about ONTARIANS! I blame Hydro for not using TESLA's thru the air technology instead of thru the wire making us pay thru the NOSE! GOD is in the air; HYDRO should be in the air; is the NOSE in their air! HOLOGRAMS: If I were an Israeli I would surround Israel with a 360 degree HOLOGRAM that would make each terrorist think he was looking at himself in the mirror and meeting the ultimate MENTOR! Those stone throwers are really Eve's compeditor for her designed cork! If only they realized that they're Eve's hardcore snakes in the grass/sand/rocks! I'm sure Israel has enough money to instigate new HOLOGRAM ideas and generate the most modern HOLOGRAM Earth has ever experienced! - although an 'Exocet' might be the mosst modern 'Mirage'   for a lot of us! MATHEMATICS: NOTHING IS PARALLEL IN MATH; BECAUSE ALL LINES COME TO A POINT! - THE DISTANCE TO THIS POINT IS UNKNOWNN! ON TOP OF THIS: SPACE LOOKS LIKE A SADDLE! - HOW HARD IS IT TO MEASURE A SADDLE! IT'S A GOOD THING THAT MATH HAS A POINT! ECOLI/ABOLI: IT IS ALMOST IMPOSSIBLE TO GET PURE WATER WHEN SCHOOL TEXT BOOKS MAKE YOU BELIEVE THAT ONE DROP OF CEASAR IS IN EVERY GLASS OF DRINKING WATER! - I'D USE A CENTRIFUGE: WAIST THE HEAVYY STUFF   AND PRAY THAT THE LIGHTER STUFF EVAPORATES,   AS SOON AS IT HITS SUNLIGHT! - I'D START A CENTRIFUGE RIGHT IN THE HHOME   WHERE MOST OF THE DIRT COMES FROM   (KILLING THE FISH) AND CHASTISE ALL HOMES   NOT OWNING A CENTRIFUGE! - WHY BUY WATER IN A ABOTTLE IF I'S NOTT PURE;   ADD A CENTRIFUGE TO YOUR WATER LINE 'AND'   CONNECT TO A DOG'S FAVORITE AND CHEAPER   FIREHYDRANT! HAPPY EASTER 10APR04: ON SATURDAY I ALMOST GOT BOMBARDED BY AN   OVERENTHUSIASTIC SPRIG CARYING PIGEON!   - EMOTING PALM SUNDAY, NOAH'S ARK AND     BAPTISED CHRIST -NO DOUBT! HAD I A LARGER HAND I WOULD HAVE HAD A   PALM FULL OF PIGEON! AS IT WAS, IT BOUNCED OF MY PALM AND WAS   PROUDLY PRANSING INFRONT OF ITS DAMSEL   ON A STORE LEDGE WHEN I LOOKED AROUND!   - STARTING A NEW NESTING SEASON! WHAT A WAY TO ENTER ST. JOHN THE COMPASIONATE   CHURCH ON BROADVIEW ON EASTER! IMAGINARY POINTS: UNTIL DOTS START LOOKING LIKE SQUARES INSTEAD OF SPHERES WE WILL ALWAYS HAVE IMAGINARY POINTS OUTSIDE THE SURFACE! SQUARE/CIRCLE/TRIANGLE/SQUIGLE: WHY SHOULDN'T YOUR CHOICE BE A CONE - ARE YOU A SQUARE EATING A CONE!   - OR ARE THERE THAT MANY PEOPLE MISSPELLING 'ICECREAM'! SOLVING A MATH OR PHYSICS PROBLEM: IF YOU CAN'T SKETCH IT FORGET IT! - IT TAKES A PHYSICAL ARTISTIC   INTERPRETATION TO SOLVE ANY PROBLEM! - YOU NEED TO BECOME MORE THAN   JUST AN INSTANT INTERPRETER! EXPECTATIONS 2005: I EXPECTED A NEW ENERGY SOURCE BY THIS TIME! CANT THEY SQUEEZE 'VANALAN BELT' OF SOME ENERGY!   - SATALITES ARE TO LARGE FOR IT! HOW COME 4 NI-MH COST $30.oo!   - NOT ENOUGH PEOPLE BELIEVE IN THEM! WHEN ARE THEY GOING TO DISPLAY A HELICOPTER   WITH STEAM COMING OUT OF ITS BLADES!   - SUPPLY YOUR OWN HEAVY AIR AND EXTRA THRUST! WHAT IS STOPING A SUBMARINE HELICOPTER   WITH A SNORKEL IN ITS DRIVE SHAFT!   - CANT WATERPROOF THEM! WHERE IS THE GIANT JAILHOUSE THAT NO-ONE   CAN ESCAPE FROM ON THE MOON!   - STOPPED BY JUDGES; HAVING TO WORK HARDER! WHEN ARE WE GOING TO SEE 'SPACE CADETS'   BEING TRAINED ON THE MOON!   - STOPPED BY COPS; AS TOO RISKY!   - ZAPPERS ARE TOO MUCH FUN!   - EVEN RCMPs START BELIEVING THEY ARE RABBITS! BIG KAHOONA: WITH THOUSANDS OF REVERENDS HERE ON EARTH   WHERE IS THE TEMPTATION FOR 1 TO CONVERT   AND ACT LIKE CHRIST AND TAKE OVER THE HELM   AS LORD INSTEAD OF AS A GOD! - WOULDNT HE BE SATANS nTH IN COMMAND! - IS THAT WHY AL-QAIDA ARE INVISIBLE; 22nd / 3rd IN COMMAND! SHOULDNT MISSIONARIES BE CONSIDERED AN ENERGY   DRAIN ON HEAVEN! - I DIDNT GIVE MISSIONARIES THE RIGHT TTO TAX HEAVEN! - ISNT IT ENOUGH TO BELIEVE THAT A ROOFF OVER THEIR     HEAD IS A SUCCESSFUL REVEREND! - WHERE DO MISSIONARIES EXPECT TO GET AA ROOF IN     THE MIDDLE OF A WAR ZONE!!!      - A TANK FALLING ON A FOXHOLE!

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MY WHOLE LIFE, IN THE GTA OF TORONTO, I HAVE BEEN SEARCHING FOR 'THEE' CHRISTIAN FEMALE SO THAT I'D BE ABLE TO MOVE IN AND ENJOY SOME SORT OF PARTNERSHIP ie. LIVE-IN STATUS TOGETHER! - WITH SEPARATE BEDROOMS; AGE 30-58! I CAN WAIT 5 YEARS FOR THE RIGHT WOMAN, SOUL-MATE, TO FALL ASLEEP IN MY ARMS IN HER LIVING ROOM! - NOBODY WANTS TO BECOME A "SAMSON & DELILAH" - AFTER ALL! HEAVEN "IS" THE MASTER OF US ALL! I'M PROBABLY LOOKING FOR 'SUPER GIRL' IN A MINI-SKIRT WITH A LOFT AND WITH 2 BEDROOMS! - I NEED LOTS OF SPACE FOR MY LIBRARY AAND COMPUTERS! - CONVINCE ME THAT YOU ARE AN INTERESTIING FLAT! WITH ME IT WILL ALWAYS BE 'LADIES FIRST'! - ABSOLUTELY NO KIDS! - IS YOUR FATHER'S CASTLE BIG ENOUGGH? IF THIS IS YOU (7+ OUT OF 10); IF YOU ARE UNATTACHED AND HAVE AN EXTRA BEDROOM, IN YOUR LOFT OR HOUSE, (ABOUT $350/month) SEND ME YOUR EMAIL ADDRESS AND/OR PHONE NUMBER: - AT LEAST LET ME HAVE A LOOK AT IT! - ONLY SINGLE LANDLADIES NEED TO APPLY!! I HOPE THAT YOUR QUEENSIZED FLAT IS YOUR FATHER'S DOWARY! SO THAT I CAN SAY: 'YOUR FATHER GUARANTEED ME A FLAT'! - I EXPECT TO LIVE IN THE 'MASTER BEDROOOM',   BUT YOU MIGHT OBJECT TO THAT! - I PRAY THAT YOU ARE:   MY SKINNY NEEDLE IN THE HAY STACK! HOW ABOUT YOU FEMALE STUDENTS;   ARE YOU LOOKING FOR AN EXTRA ROOMMATE OR DON   OR PROCTOR TO HELP PAY THE RENT!   I'LL BE INTERESTED IF IT'S WORTHWHILE! HOW ABOUT YOU FEMALE PILOTS OR STUARDESSES;   NEED ME TO LOOK AFTER YOUR LOFT   TO KEEP THE LOFT, APARTMENT, HOME WARM   ALL YEAR ROUND! IN THE GTA: NICK 416-921-4653 PLEASE WRITE ME AT: 4-375 SACKVILLE ST., TORONTO, ON M5A 3G5 CANADA

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