THE PAST MASTER CLUB

LIST OF GRIPES

COMPUTERS:
THERE ARE SO MANY THINGS TO DO NOW ON A COMPUTER THAT IT TAKES A COMPUTER TO DO THE COMPUTING.

IT SHOULD BE MUCH EASIER TO VOICE A WEB SEARCH OR SEND A VOICED EMAIL MESSAGE AND GET THE RESULTS PRETTY PRINTED BY YOUR COMPUTER THEN TO DO IT BY HAND.

MONOPOLISTS:
TALK ABOUT FLUNKED MERGERS: WHEN ARE THE TAXMEN GOING TO SPLIT MONOPOLISTS IN 2 WITH THEIR TAX BURDEN?
- THERE MUST BE MORE THAN 1 PERSON IN SUCH A
FAMILY!
- ALL MONOPOLISTS SHOULD BE SENT INTO SPACE AS
SPACE MONKEYS!
- WHAT IS A BILLION $$$$$$ IN SPACE!

DONATIONS:
THE GOVERNMENT SHOULD ADD A MESSAGE TO YOUR INCOME TAX FORM; SUCH AS, HAD YOU DONATED AN $X AMOUNT TO YOUR FAVORITE PARTY YOUR INCOME TAX WOULD HAVE BEEN 2 BRACKETS LOWER AND YOU WOULD HAVE SAVED AN $Y AMOUNT!
- EVEN MORE IF YOU HAD DONATED THE SAME AMOUNT TO YOUR FAVORITE CHURCH!
- ALSO HAD YOU LOWERED YOUR PRICES!

HOBIES:
THE GOVERNMENT SHOULD CONSIDER 'NECESSITY' &
PUT IT ON THE NATIONAL DEBT:
CAR GARRAGE, BASEMENT, AND SWIMMING POOL!
- PLACES WHERE DISCOVERIES ARE MADE AND WHERE
THINGS COME TOGETHER UNDER ... REAL PRESSURE!

BUT DID EVERYTHING START AS A HOBY!
- 'HAVING SAID THAT' DO COMPANIES LOOK DOWN AT
CHEAP HOBIES: TO ADD 'THAT A VOLKSWAGON
COULD HAVE BEEN BUILT IN THE SAME TIME LIMIT'!
HAVE YOU EVER WATCHED A CHEAP TRINKET, GIVEN
BY FRIENDS FROM A TRIP, FADE INTO NOTHINGNESS!
- IS THAT WHY YOUR FANTASTIC RESUME ISN'T GETTING
ACCEPTED BECAUSE THE BOSS IS SO INSULTED BY HIS
OWN 'LITTLE HOBBY' AND DECIDES TO HIRE FLUNKIES
INSTEAD!
- MUMS THE WORD!

'HAVING SAID THAT' UNIVERSITIES SHOULD BE RATED
BY THE NUMBER OF THINK TANKS IT CAN PRODUCE!

HOME WORK:
IF MEMBERS OF PARLIAMENT DON'T MENTION '%' IN THEIR DAILY ACTIVITIES THEY HAVEN'T DONE THEIR HOMEWORK & THEY ARE LEAVING IT TO THEIR PSYCHIATRIST TO ADD IT ON!
HOW MANY PEOPLE WOULDN'T LIKE TO WITNESS A LARGE VALUE DIVIDED BY THE TOTAL NUMBER OF PEOPLE IN CANADA
- JUST TO SAY THEY COUNTED!

I WOULD RATE '%' AS THEIR 'NOSE AND EYEBALLS' FOR THEIR WEIGHT IN SLOTH.
WHO IS GOING TO DIVIDE HARRIS BY 30.5 BILLION?
THEE HARRIS WHO TRIED TO BE IN 100% CONTROL OF LATIN, BUT CAN'T EVEN GET AN INCH LEEWAY FROM THE BOOK READERS WHO CAN'T EVEN READ IT FROM COVER TO COVER IN CLASS!
THE GOV. SHOULD TAKE LATIN COURSES IF THEY EVER THINK THAT THEY'RE GOING TO BE FORGIVEN FOR ATTACKING DOCTORS!
- MAYBE THEY ARE BEGGING TO BE UNIONIZED!
- DID HARRIS WRITE THE BOOK ON UNIONS-FOR-DUMMIES!
- THE UNIONISM SYSTEMS OWN & PAY FOR THE GOV. PMS; THE REST OWN THE ARMY MPS TO STAY AHEAD OF THE UNIONS & THE HARRISES!
HOW IS THE % SIGN USUALLY USED BY THE GOVERNMENT TO GET THE VOTE?
- LARGE NO.S; SUCH AS, WELFARE ARE '%' MENTIONED; DOWNPLAYED!
- SMALL NO.S; SUCH AS, INCOMETAX SAVINGS ARE NUMERICALY MENTIONED; UPPLAYED INTO BILLIONS / MEGABUCKS!
- 1 CENT PER PERSON EQUALS 305 MILLION, MEGABUCKS!
- DONT FORGET: DIVIDED BY 30.5 BILLION!
- HAVING THE LEAD ON A FLOWERLY TONGUE PERHAPS THEY GOT COUGHT RUMINATING WITH THE HIPPIES!
- ON THE OTHER HAND COPS SHOULDN'T BE ALLOWED TO USE PERCENT AT ALL!
- IT'S MUCH BETTER TO UNDERSTAND 'NO. OF CRIMES/COP' SO ONE CAN TELL IF COPS ARE KEEPING UP WITH CRIME AND GETTING EVEN!
- IF THEY'RE GETTING DANGER PAY!

CHROME:
IF ONE ONLY KNEW HOW MANY OLD CLUNKERS ARE MAKING IT BACK ON THE ROAD AGAIN WITH CHROMED BONES.
ONE WOULD WONDER IF IT COULD DEVELOPE INTO SOME SORT OF ADICTION AND A BACKYARD TYPE OF THING TO RESTORE NOT JUST YOUR OLD BICYCLE BUT YOUR OLD LAWNMOWER AND ANYTHING ELSE THAT COULD RUN BETTER WITH 'CHROME' ON IT!
BUT THEN ONE WONDERS IF CANCER IS SOMETHING WITH 'CHROME ON IT'.
HOW MANY HORSE BITS WOULD HAVE THE CHROME LICKED OFF BY HORSES!

CRETIEN:
ANYONE WHO DOES AS MUCH GLOBETROTTING AND
ASSOSOCIATING WITH THE DIPLOMATIC IMMUNITY STAFF,
AS CRETIEN, IS TRYING TO RUN AWAY FROM PROBLEMS AT
HOME AND WILL LIKELY BE ASKED TO QUIT HIS POST
BEFORE THE END OF HIS TERM.

HE'S CROSSED THE BORDER SO MUCH HIS CITISENSHIP
SHOULD BE REVOKED!

HE PROBABLY KNOWS EVERY CANADIAN 007 BY NOW,
IF NOT OUR OPPONETS'

DO YOUR INCOME TAX ON CRETIEN'S BACK
INSTEAD OF DOING YOUR INCOME TAX ON A 007

CHANGE:
THE NEWS MEDIA PROVIDES OUR DOLLARS WORTH
ON THE NATIONAL MARKET, BUT EVEN A TAXI DRIVER
CAN USE THE INVERTED FRACTION TO GIVE
THE PROPER CHANGE TO HIS AMERICAN FARERS ETC.
- ARE THEY CATERING TO 2 INCH TV SCREENS!

SEAGULLS:
SOME TIME YEARS AGO AT HANLANS POINT
I CONTEMPLATED THROWING ONE OF MY BEACHED
STONES, LAYING ON MY LARGE BEACH TOWEL,
WEIGHED DOWN AGAINST THE WIND,
AT THIS VERY AGGRESSIVE LAME SEAGULL
BEGGING FOR SOME FOOD.
INSTEAD, I DECIDED TO AIM, JUST AS FIERCELY,
MY HALF EATEN APPLE AT 'IT'.
MY AIM WAS PERFECT, BUT HAVING CAUGHT IT
IN ITS BEACK IT SWOLLOWED IT WHOLE!
- SOMETHING I COULDNT DO!

I HAVE HAD A SEAGULL NEARLY POKE OUT MY EYE WHILE ESCAPING FROM FINISHING SOME FOOD SCRAPS AT A HAMBURGER SHACK ON THE BOARDWALK, EAST END, AFTER STARTLING IT AWAY FROM STEELING FOOD OUT OF THE BEAKS OF SOME WRENS!
I HAVE BEEN BOMBARDED BY A SEAGULL WHILE EATING AN ICECREAM CONE UNDER A PARASOL AT PIER 4!
- DID THE MOSQUITO MESH PROTECT ME!

I HAVE SEEN A BABY DUCK PEEPING AWAY WHILE BEING EATEN UP BY A SEAGULL!
I HAVE SEEN A SEAGULL PULL THE FOOD OUT OF THE MOUTH OF DUCKS AND PIGEONS WHILE I WAS FEEDING THEM!
EVEN SQUIRRELS ARE GETTING IN ON THE ACT!
MAYBE ITS A SIGN OF TOURISM THAT THEY ARE GUARANTEED SOME SORT OF DIPLOMATIC IMMUNITY ON A 3,000 MILE JOURNEY.
WHY LASTMAN AND THE GOVERNMENTS TRYING TO GET TORONTONIANS INTO SEAGULL TERRITORY CAN ONLY BE GUESSED AT!
- MAYBE HES TRYING TO FORCEFEED DIPLOMATIC IMMUNITY ON US OR 'SEAGULL DIP'
- AFTER ALL MAKING SURE THAT WE'RE GETTING ECOLI FREE DRINKING WATER EVEN AFTER WAVING EVERYBODY INTO TORONTO MUST BE A FULL TIME JOB!

MAYBE THEY ARE A SIGN OF AVIATION, BUT YOU CAN KEEP THEM!
I LOOK AND FEEL SILLY CHASING SEAGULLS AWAY WHEN FEEDING PIGEONS!
- IT NEVER USED TO BE THIS WAY!

I CAN REMEMBER LISTENING TO KILLDEERS SKITTERING ALONG HANLAN'S POINT AND LISTENING TO ITS MUSICAL CANADIAN PEEPS; INVESTIGATING THE EGGS IN THEIR NEST IN THE SEAWEEDS!
- REPLACED NOW BY FLOCKS (HUNDREDS) OF BEGGING SEAGULLS LOOKING AS IF YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO TAKE THEM HOME AND FEED 'IT'!

IF ANYTHINGS RESPONSIBLE FOR OUR 'HOLE IN THE SKY' IT HAS GOT TO BE SEAGULLS POO!
- IF IT ISN'T COMING DOWN THEN IT'S GOT TO BE GOING 'UP'!

NOW THAT WE ARE ON BIRDS:
FOR THE AMOUNT OF WATER THAT A HUMMINGBIRD DRINKS YOU WOULD THINK IT'S THE FATTEST BIRD!
- IS IT A WATER AND AIR COOLED ENGINE!
- HAS IT GOT A PROBLEM FREE KIDNEY!

MOON:
IF THE MOON IS APPROACHING THE EARTH, AT A FOOT PER YEAR, WE MUST BE PREPARED TO REPEL IT; SOMEHOW, IF JUST TO STAY AHEAD OF THE WOLVES WHICH HAVE BEEN WORSHIPING IT SINCE THE BEGINNING OF TIME
- LIKE THEIR SAVIOR.
- ARE WE HYPNOTIZED BY POWERFUL TIDES?

IF IT GETS ANY CLOSER IT WON'T JUST BE WATER THAT WILL CREST WAVES; IF EARTHQUAKES AREN'T> A TESTIMONY OF WAVES ALREADY!
NASA SHOULD BE UP THERE TRYING TO FIND OUT IF IT IS COMBUSTIBLE SO THAT THEY CAN LIGHT IT UP ON THE 1ST/4TH OF JULY WITH A LIGHTER!
IT DOESN'T ROTATE BECAUSE ITS CORE IS OFF CENTER OR/AND IT IS FLOATING ON GRAVITY OR RADIO WAVES OR SOME FORM OF FREON GAS! THE REASON THE MOON IS FLAT ON THE OTHER SIDE IS PROBABLY DUE TO THE CORE BEING NEAR ITS SURFACE THERE!
WHAT IF THERE ARE 3 LAYERS OF UNKNOWN LIQUIDS, SURROUNDING THE EARTH, WITH THE 2ND RUPTURED BY THE COLUMBIA, ALLOWING THE 3RD LAYER TO POUR ITSELF INTO OUR ATMOSPHERE!
- YOU CAN'T SEE THE FOREST FOR THE TREES!
HOW MUCH 'TNT' WOULD BE REQUIRED TO FREE THE CORE FROM THE MOON, A SMALLER MORE EASY TO HANDLE MASS?
- POP GOES THE WEASEL!
- FOR EVERY ACTION THERES AN EQUAL AND OPPOSITE REACTION!
EVEN ALGOMA STEEL OR STELCO COULD USE A MOLTEN BLOB OF STEEL!
IT SHOULD BE THEIR DUTY TO MILK IT DRY OF STEEL!
- POP A CORK OF MOON CHEESE!
- THE SPAGHETTI FACTORY!
- AND LONG ENDLESS THICK WIRES (SPAGHETTI) COULD EASILY SUPPORT AN ELEVATOR TO TRANSPORT TOURISTS BACK AND FORTH FROM EARTH CHEAPLY! THINK OF THE FUN TUBULAR SPAGHETTI WOULD BE!
- ANY SPAGHETTI LANDING ON EARTH SURROUNDING THE EQUATOR COULD BE TURNED INTO AN ELECTRIC MOTOR AND THE ENTIRE PLANET COULD BE READY TO ENTER THE SPACE RACE PHYSICALLY OR ROTATED TO AVOID THE MOON OR LARGE METEORS!
A MORE MAGNETIC MOON WILL MEAN IT WILL BOB NEARER THE NORTH POLE AND NEED A SMALLER RADIUS!
- MAYBE IT WILL REACH ESCAPE VELOCITY WITH ENOUGH JUNK ON IT!
- MAGNETIZE THE JUNK OR PLUG IT INTO A MAGNET WITH SUPER GAUSS!
- WHY LAND THE JUNK ON POOR NATIONS THATT CAN'T AFFORD TO ENTER THE SPACE RACE!
- SPACE AND OUR HEALTH IS THE ONLY A COST FACTOR.

WHAT A WASTE OF MONEY FOR SPACE GARBAGE (BILLIONS) TO FALL BACK TO EARTH WHEN A FEW EXTRA DOLLARS (MILLIONS) WOULD LAND IT ON THE MOON; INCREASE ITS MASS AND ROTATION LEADING TO REPULSION FROM EARTH THROUGH GRAVITATIONAL RATIOS AND MAGNETISM (CHARISMA).
- THEY COULD DUMP ALL THE GLOBAL CRIMINALS THERE AS WELL.
- IF ANY ROCK NEEDS BREAKING UP IT'S THAT ONE.
- IF IT GETS TOO CLOSE EVEN NASA WONT BE ABLE TO LAND ON IT!

THINK OF ALL THE SILOS THAT ONE COULD SEE ON THE MOON IF EVERY SPENT ROCKET WAS FORCED TO DIVE STRAIGHT DOWN ONTO THE MOON!
ALSO THINK OF HOW MUCH WASTE URANIUM COULD BE AT THE BOTTOM OF EACH PIT INSTEAD OF CLOSER ON EARTH WHERE IT MIGHT STILL HARM THE HUMAN RACE!
- SOMETIMES A LITTLE INSPIRATION GOES A LONG WAY!
- A MAGNETIC MOON HEADING FOR ONE OF THE EARTHS POLES MIGHT REACH ESCAPE VELOCITY!
- AND IT CAN ALL BE SHIPPED TO SOME BLACK HOLE WHEN EARTH IS READY FOR THE SPACE AGE.
- AND WHAT AN INCENTIVE AS IT NEARS EARTH! CALL IT THE NEEDED MODERNDAY FACELIFT FOR THE 'OLD MAN IN THE MOON'.
- ARE WE READY, FOR A FACIAL LUNAR MUD PACK!
- I THINK THAT IT IS ONLY FITTING IF IT IS REPLACED BY A TALL 'DUTCH' SHIP ie. 'THE FLYING DUTCHMAN'.

IF ITS THE RESULTANT VECTOR OF "ALL" GRAVITY WAVES THEN IT SHOULD BE CALLED A GALACTIC SEISMOGRAPH!

PLUTO:
PLUTO SHOULD BE TREATED LIKE A UFO AND AS A HOMING DEVICE:
AS IF IT'S HIDING BEHIND NEPTUNE TO HIDE FROM ITS HOME PLANET
-LIKE A GOOD CRIMINAL IN HIS ELECTRIC CHAIR.
- WHAT JUDGE CAN'T SEE HIMSELF DELAY PUSHING THAT BUTTON UNTIL THE CONDEMNED MAN REACHES NGC144 +/- A CLICK!

THE ENTIRE CONE IT MAKES, INTO SPACE (+/-), WITH NEPTUNE SHOULD BE UNDER INVESTIGATION AS AFFECTING IT.
WE SHOULD BE TAKING POT SHOTS AT IT TO SEE HOW GOOD OUR AIM IS; AFTER ALL THE MOON MUST BE AIMED AT SOONER OR LATER.
I'M SURE SOMETHING IS COMING THIS WAY FROM THAT CONE (THE ODDS) USING GRAVITATIONAL PREDICTIONS
- UFO OR NOT - EITHER DIRECTION!
IF PLUTO HAS 2 MASSES IT IS PROBABLY A GRAVITATIONAL ENGINE (PLUFO: 2 MASSES TETHERED BY A CABLE)!

WHAT WOULD ANIMALS IN THE ELECTRIC CHAIR GIVE TO BE FIRED AT, BY AN ATOMIC MISSILE INTO DEEP SPACE, 1 LIGHT YEAR AWAY; THEY MIGHT EVEN GET AWAY ..... WITH THE HELP OF ONE OF OUR ALIENS REPORTED IN THE BLUE BOOK.

IMAGINE SOME THING LIKE THIS IN REVERSE:
- ALIENS TRYING TO GET OUR ATTENTION TO SAVE THEM FROM A THERMO NUCLEAR BLAST FROM THEIR OWN PLANET
- TO SELEBRATE A NEW SUPER NOVA
- SEE PI/7! IN CLUB.HTM#NOVA
- YOUR NAME IN LIGHTS!
ANY ALIENS READING THIS SHOULD TAKE UP RESIDENTS AS THE 10TH ⁺ PLANET AND THUS PRETEND THEYRE STILL IN DEEP SPACE!
- FOR OUR SAFETY IF NOT THEIRS!

NASA SHOULDN'T KEEP THEIR CLOAKING DEVICE A SECRET FROM ALIENS
- THINK OF OUR HEALTH!

IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE IMAGINARY PLANET PAST PLUTO OR PLUTO ITSELF IS SOME SORT OF SPACE SHIP OR PLATFORM OR ELECTRIC CHAIR; ITS LARGE CIRCUMFERENCE BELYING THAT ITS NEAR A SOLAR SYSTEM AND STILL SAILING THROUGH THE EMPTYNESS OF OUR GALAXY
- FROM THE VIEW POINT OF A UFOS HOME PLANET!

MAYBE OUR ARMIES TOGETHER SHOULD TAKE SOME POTSHOTS AT UFOs TO GET RID OF IT; AS IF TRYING TO ELIMINATE SOME SORT OF HOMING DEVICE OR BEACON, FOR A MISSILE HALFWAY FROM ITS HOME PLANET 4+ LIGHT YEARS AWAY +/- A CLICK!.

BLACK HOLES:
ANYONE WHO HAS LOOKED AT A PICTURE OF A BLACK HOLE SEES IT AS SOME SORT OF FUNNEL WITH MASSES HEADING TOWARD ITS CENTER
- MUST THEY BE REMINDED THAT THEY ARE DESCRIBING A SOLAR SYSTEM WITH MASSES OF METEORS LANDING ON URANUS / JUPITER.
IF A FUNNEL LOOKS LIKE A SKIRT THEN THE BOTTOM OF OUR SKIRT COULD BE THE EERIE HEMISH OUTLINE OF OUR AURORA BOREALIS.

LIGHT BENDS:
THAT IS WHY YOU DON'T SEE THE DUMBBELLS AS
ANYTHING BUT THE NORTH POLAR STAR ETC.!
THE REASON YOU DON'T SEE THE 'SOUTHERN STAR'
MIGHT BE BECAUSE LIGHT CANCELS ITSELF ON ITS
BACKWARD TRIP AND THEREFORE THE SOUTHERN
DUMBBELL SHOULD BE CONSIDERED A LIGHT SOURCE!

LIGHT BENDS:
WHAT MORE PROOF DO THEY NEED THAT THE BIRTHDAY GLEAM IN YOUR EYE CREATES A BLACK HOLE EFFECT IN SPACE AS YOU POINT OUT YOUR CONSTILATION!
- EVERY GROUP OF 24 PEOPLE ARE CELEBRATING A BIRTHDAY FOR 2 PEOPLE!
- CAN YOU IMAGINE THE NUMBER OF SAILORS EYEING THE CONSTALATIONS!
- CAN YOU IMAGINE YOUR EYES POPING OUT AND RACE BACK IN AT THE 'SPEED OF LIGHT' +/- A CLICK;
BLUE ENOUGH!
- COULD ANYTHING LESS BE CREATING AN AURA LIKE A BLACK HOLE?
- IT REMINDS ME OF A LASER SYSTEM: OUR SOLAR SYSTEM THE COIL!
- IS THE WRONG END ANTIMATER AND THAT'S WHY THE SOUTHERN STAR DOESN'T DISPLAY!
- ARE THE RAYS CANCELLING EACH OTHER AT THE DEAD END & AMPLIFYING AT THE OTHER HOT END!

I'D LIKE TO THINK OF A BLACK HOLE AS THE MEASUREMENT OF OUR BRAIN WAVES (OUR CHARMA) ACCELERATED TO THE SPEED OF LIGHT +/- A CLICK.
ON THIS PREMISE EACH BLACKHOLE IS AN ENTERPRISING COMUNITY SPURED ON BY FEAR OF THE THE APPROACHING MOON, ASTROIDS, ALIENS, MESSAGES FROM THE STARS, ALIEN CHARMA ETC.

WHY IS IT CIRCULAR?:
YOUR ASTROLOGY CARMA MEASURED AS A YEARLY BLIP AND/OR SHIPS STAR DIRECTIONS!

IF A POINT OR OBJECT IN ONE STEREO SCOPIC VIEW ISN'T IN THE OTHER VIEW IT WILL LOOK SILVERY GRAY!
- AN EASY WAY TO SPOT A COMET!
- EVER WONDER WHAT A TELESCOPES LENS AND MICROBES MIGHT LOOK LIKE 1 OR 5 LIGHT YEARS FROM EARTH!
- COULD IT LOOK LIKE A FULL SCALE INVASION OF OUR GIANT MICROBES INBEDDED IN GLASS!

SABATICAL LEAVE:
DONT TELL ME THAT PROFESSOR'S 'SABATICAL LEAVE' DOESN'T COST STUDENTS MONEY OR THAT IT DOESNT COME OUT OF STUDENT PARENT'S WALLETS!
- ARE THERE OTHER HIDDEN COSTS?

ARE WE TO BELIEVE THAT THE'RE DOING IT FOR THE STUDENTS HEALTH!
- MONOPOLISTS

I HAVEN'T SEEN A TEACHER YET THAT READS THEIR BOOK FROM COVER TO COVER.
- FEAR OF TURNING INTO A BOOKWORM!

WITH THAT KIND OF RECORD HE'S PROBABLY GOT 2 JOBS INCLUDING THE ONE YOU'D BE HEADING FOR IF YOU KNEW IT EXISTED!
- MONOPOLISTS AND STUDENTS' COMPEDITOR!

PHDS:
WHAT IS NEEDED IS A RACE THAT CAN REFUTE PHDism SO THAT IT CAN BE PROVEN TO HAVE A GREATER PART OF REALITY.
- ie. URANIUM IS ONLY A ROCK; LEAD IS ROCK-GLASS;
A 10 YEAR-OLD PLANE IS READY TO FALL APART; etc^ ETC!

IT IS HARD TO BELIEVE IN A 50,000 WATT INFRARED OVEN (MICROWAVE) OR THAT YOU CAN BUY RADIATION LEAK DETECTORS FOR IT, FOR JUST $30.oo, PLUS TAX!
IT HELPS HYDRO TO HIDE INFORMATION FROM THE PUBLIC
- TURN YOUR OVEN ON AND RUN TO YOUR LIGHT METER AND WATCH IT SPIN AROUND 3000 TIMES FASTER!

MICRO ECONOMICS:
I COULD NEVER UNDERSTAND 'LIPSEY & STEINER' AS ANYTHING BUT INSTRUCTIONS USEFUL TO THE OPPOSITE SIDE AND, ON TOP OF THAT, HOW TO BOW DOWN TO THEM.
THEY HAVE NOTHING TO SAY ABOUT MONOPOLISTS SO I MUST CONCLUDE THAT IT IS SOME DEVIOUS WAY OF NOT CONTROLING THEM
- TEACHERS PETISM PERHAPS.

TUNES:
NEXT TIME YOU HEAR SOMEONE HUMMING ON THE BUS OR STREET CAR, TELL HIM/HER "THAT WAS THE VERY LAST TUNE YOU HEARD TODAY!".
- IF HE/SHE TURNS OUT TO BE A PSYCHIATRIST BE TEMPTED TO ASK, "CAN YOU HUM THE FIRST TUNE YOU HEARD TODAY!"

JHONS:
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED THAT THE MIDDLE TOILET SEEMS TO BE RENTED!
- & GET THE FEELING THAT THOSE INMATES DIRTIED THE OUTER JHONS SO THAT THEY CAN AMUSE THEMSELVES FOR THE REST OF THE DAY!
- IT'S THE ONLY JHON WITH A QUEQUE!
- IF IT'S A WAY OF JUDGING LEFT & RIGHT CHARACTER, THE RENTEE SHOULD BE CALLED 'J-HON' OF THE JHON!
- YOU BEGIN TO WONDER IF THERE'S MORE TO LIVE: WHEN YOU'VE SEEN A PAIR OF SNEAKERS IN EVERY POSSIBLE VECTOR DIRECTION, IN THERE!
- YOU KNOW; THERE ISN'T MUCH ROOM IN THERE IF THE SNEAKERS ARE GOING UP & DOWN ON THIS SIDE OF THE BARRIER!
- WHAT A WAY TO GET A FEMINEN RATING!
- IF YOU STAND ON THE TOILET TO DO WHATEVER; WOULD IT BE LIKE STANDING IN FRONT OF A TREE IN GODS COUNTRY!
- I CAN ONLY ADD THAT: SOME PEOPLE REFUSE TO BELIEVE THAT THERE'S A 'RERUN EVENT' 'HAPPENING' IN THE JHON!
- 2 OF THE JHONS HAVE TO BE TURNED INTO AN INVALID SIZED JHON; IT ISN'T AN OPTION!
- PERHAPS IT'S A WAY OF LISTENING TO CONFESSIONS!
- WHO IS INTERESTED IN BREATHING SOMEONE ELSES POLUTION AND TALK IN PUBLIC IN THE JHON!

TV SCREENS:
WHY DO SO MANY RICH PEOPLE, ZILLIONAIRS, WANT TO BE PINT-SIZED ON 1 INCH TV SCREENS; THEY DONT REMIND ME OF LEPRECONS, BUT I KNOW THAT I'M GETTING CONNED WHEN ITS A RERUN!

ANGELS:
THE IDEA OF AN ANGEL SCOOTING IN AND OUT (IN&TUO) OF HEAVEN IS GREAT FROM THIS SIDE OF THE DOOR, BUT NOT FROM THE OTHER-SIDE; ESPECIALY, IF THE ANGEL HAS THE LAST LAUGH ON YOU FOR THE REST OF ETERNITY!
- YOU WOULD NEVER WANT TO GO BACK!
- THERE'S NO REASON TO FEEL SORRY FOR HERETICS; SINCE, THEY'VE ESCAPED TONS OF LAUGHTER!

HAVE YOU EVER HEARD OF AN ANGEL BRAGGING ABOUT THE NUMBER OF COFFEE BREAKS HE HAS TAKEN IN HEAVEN OR HOW MANY TIMES I KISSED ON EARTH, ETC.!
- I GUESS NOT; I WOULD USE EVERYTHING AT MY DISPOSAL TO HIDE IT!

ACCIDENTS:
YOU CAN'T INCREASE YOUR IQ!
- WRONG: THE NEXT TIME YOU HAVE AN ACCIDENT AND YOU SEE YOUR LIFE FLASH BEFORE YOUR EYES; THINK OF ALL THOSE ALIENS SLEEPING ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE WORLD BELIEVING THAT THEY COULD HAVE DONE THAT STEP - ONE BETTER WITH THEIR EYES CLOSED!

Pretend all those ideas were whispered to you by satan!

- ISN'T IT SATAN THAT LAUGHED HIMSELLF TO DEATH BELIEVING THAT A RERUN WILL NEVER GET YOU BACK INTO HEAVEN IN CARTOONS!
- REMEMBER, EVEN BUGGS & ELMER & YOSEMITE SAM SUFFERED THAT ONE!

- MAYBE IT SHOULD BE TAKEN AS A SIGN THAT YOU SHOULD PUT YOUR CHILDISH WAYS ASIDE AND GROW UP!
- HOW DID YOU HANDLE LIFE BEFORE THE ACCIDENT!

- SOME NIGHTMARES ARE VERY REALISTIC!
A PSYCHIATRIST WILL SAY THAT YOU HAD A THOUSAND A NIGHTMARES; BUT IF YOU CAN'T REMEMBER THEM THEY MUST HAVE BEEN - TOO RELISTIC TO BEAR!
- AND IF YOU CAN'T TAKE THEM THEN YOU'LL WIND UP VISITING THE PSYCHIATRIST!

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