The Past Master Club

LIST OF GRIPES 2

FIREWALL / 64BITS:
A 64+ BIT COMPUTER IS IDEAL FOR THE BLUE MAX AND THE TOTAL CHARMA 
OF FIRE WALLS AND ROTATING RED ROSES, AT THE HIGH END OF MEMORY. 
YOUR ZX81 CAN SIT AT THE LOW END AT 8 BITS=16K; YOUR CHEAP OLD PC 
AT 16BITS=32K; YOUR PENTIUMS AT 32BITS=1GIG, WHILE GAINING FIREWALLS 
AND 3D ROTATING RED ROSES; ALL THE WHILE A PROFESSOR AT UNIVERSITY 
IS ENJOYING A 3D VIRTUAL WIVE ON HIS 'CRAY'; WHILE ENJOYING 
THE SAME 8BIT ZX81 MACHINE CODE. 
- YOU'LL PROBABLY HAVE 4 SEASONAL COLORSS WITH 4x16=64BIT
COLOR. THIS WILL ALL BE GREAT FOR ART SCENES WHICH WILL CHANGE 
WITH THE SEASON. BUT WHAT ELSE CAN YOU DO WITH A 128+ BIT COLOR 
BYTE OR TRIPPLEWORD BUT TO HAVE RERUNS OF PREVIOUS REVISIONS!
- A LIMIT HAS BEEN REACHED AND A GLOBAL  WATCH DOG SHOULD BE
ENFORCED BECAUSE WITH A HIGHER END COMPUTER IT IS POSSIBLE TO BREAK 
INTO A LOWER END COMPUTER, EMULATE IT AT LEAST 10 TIMES OVER, 
NOT FAIR BECAUSE THE LOWER END COMPUTER CAN'T LOOK UP INTO THE 
HIGHER END COMPUTER!
- IT SHOULD BE ILLEGAL TO FIND A MARKET  HIGH END COMPUTER
IN A HOME!
- CAN YOU IMAGINE YOUR 8 BIT PROGRAM MIRRRORED IN 64-8=56
LOCATIONS IN A 64 BIT ENVIRONMENT?

REMEMBER THE KING WHO WANTED TO PAY HIS KNIGHT A FAVOR AND
WAS ASKED TO PAY A GRAIN OF WHEAT ON THE 1ST SQUARE OF A CHESS 
BOARD, 2 ON THE NEXT AND 2^(N-1) ON THE REST; CONVINCING THE 
POOR KING THAT HE HADN'T THE PAYMENT AND WAS FORCED TO WED HIM 
TO HIS DAUGHTER! 

THE SAME HOLDS TRUE FOR A 64 BIT CHIP!
 - THEY SHOULD BE LICENCED!
- THIS MIGHT BE GREAT FOR THE BOSS OVERLLOOKING A CO-WORKER,
BUT WHAT ABOUT THE PROFESSOR USING A 'CREY' 
(A 128 BIT CHIP - DOUBLE+ THE PROBLEM), AT UNIVERSITY, 
ATTACHED TO THE SAME BOSS'S INTERNET PAGE LOOKING AT BOTH; 
WHILE ONE FORGETS THAT THE COMPUTER MAY BE, OR GETTING THERE, 
LOOKING AT EVERYBODY AND TRYING TO FLUNK ALL OF THEM!
- YOU'LL JUST GET HIGHER AND HIGHER END  COMPUTER HACKERS,
ie. VIRUSES, ON THE INTERNET IF ISN'T STOPPED!

- WINDOWS 2000 ISN'T GOING TO TELL ANYONNE WHAT "IT" "CAN DO"
BUT IF YOU ASK SOME OF THE ONES IN JAIL WHO BROKE SECURITY AND 
ARE CALLED VIRUS OWNERS YOU'LL PROBABLY POP A FEW SYNAPSES!

ON THE OTHER HAND THE $1.OO VIDEO AT GAMELAND IS STILL IN COMPLETE 
GRAPHICS CONTROL WITH A 5 INPUT KEYBOARD COMPARED TO 2*101 INPUT 
KEYBOARD + 21 AS ON A COMPAQUE WITH SCROLLING MOUSE!
- YOU CAN'T STOP KIDS; THE LOONIES KEEPSS COMING!
GAMELAND GRAPHICS IS COMPETATIVE TO TV AND 5000 AUTOTROL
OR ANY GRAPHICS WITH AN ALPHA NEUMERIC KEYBOARDING; AND THUS 
WILL STAY AHEAD OF ANY HIGH END/CLASS HOME COMPUTER.
- THE PROBABILITY OF 5 KEYS SHOWING AN OODD OFFSET LINE
IS 5/256=1.9%; WHILE 101 KEYS' PROBABILITY IS 101/256=40% 
REQUIRING VECTOR GRAPHICS TO PLOT A SIMPLE LITTLE DOT TO THE 
LEFT, RIGHT, TOP OR BOTTOM OF IT!

MULTIPLICATION TABLE:

REMEMBER IN GRADE SCHOOL WHEN YOU FIRST MULTIPLIED AND DIVIDED; 
THOSE DAYS OF ADDING AND SUBTRACTING; THOSE LONG MULTIPLICATION 
TABLES? 
- WHY DIDN'T THEY JUST HAND YOU A SLIDE  RULER THAT DOES ALL THE
WORK FOR YOU AND PROVIDES MULTIPLICATION TABLES AT A GLANCE!

TO THINK THAT YOU USE A SLIDE RULER AT UNIVERSITY WHERE COMPUTERS
AND CALCULATORS ADD AND SUBTRACT EVEN FASTER ON A BYTE LEVEL 
AND PROFS BELIEVE THAT IT REALLY IS ACCURATE TO 4 DECIMAL PLACES!
- WHERE STUDENTS LIKE ME MULTIPLY IN THEE HEAD!
- WHERE 'PI' IS KNOWN TO 50 DECIMUL PLACCES+!

I CAN STILL REMEMBER TRYING TO WEIGH OBJECTS TO SPEED MATHEMATICS!
WHEN DO WE LEARN AND PUT AWAY OUR APRON STRINGS?
6 x 7 = 42 ie. LOG 6 + LOG 7 = LOG 42;
- SIMPLE ADDITION!
63 / 9 = 7 ie. LOG 63 - LOG 9 = LOG 7;
- SIMPLE SUBTRACTION!

RÉSUMÉS / RESUMES:
PEOPLE ARE HAVING SO MUCH TROUBLE GETTING EMPLOYED THESE 
DAYS THAT THEY SHOULD TAKE A DOWN-ORDER AND CALL THEMSELVES 
HELPMATES FOR HELPING EACH OTHER OUT! 

- WITH ODD MAN OUT THAT WOULD GET A NEW  PRESIDENT YEARLY IF NOT
MONTHLY!

RESUMES SHOULD BE CALLED:
GLOW WORMS FOR THE FEW SECONDS THAT THEY ARE IN THE HANDS OF
THE INTERVIEWER 
OR PINOCHIO NOSES IF THEY CONTAIN LIES!

JOB HUNTERS SHOULD USE "I'D" FOR GIVING THEIR ALL (D)
AND "I WOULD" FOR TELLING UNTRUTHS (WOODEN PINOCHIO).

I'M TEMPTED TO CALL THE 'HUMANRESOURCES' CANCER!
- THINK OF THE SAVINGS!
- LIFE STARTED AS A HOBY!

THERE'S A LITTLE GOOD IN ALL OF US;
SOME JUST AREN'T FAST ENOUGH TO GET THEIR GIFT OUT;
AND BOSSES SHOULDN'T LOOSE THEIR RIGHT TO FIRE PEOPLE
 - JUST BECAUSE THEY HAVEN'T DEVELOPED PATIENCE OR A PATIENT!

$10 SAYS THAT THE BOSES CAN'T EVEN SQUEEZE THEIR WORKERS 
OR ANY ONE BUT THEIR WIVES!
- GREAT FOR THEIR WIVES WHO PROBABLY COUULDN'T BECOME A 
  HELPMATE ANY OTHER WAY AFTER SENDING THEIR KIDS TO THE 
  DAYCARE CENTER TO BE SQUEEZED!

SLIP PLANES:
EVERY PIECE OF STEEL HAS A 'SLIP PLANE' IN IT. 
THAT'S WHY YOU HAVE TO GET RID OF YOUR CAR AFTER 10 YEARS,
NOT JUST BECAUSE THE WARRENTEE OR PATENT GAVE UP 
- THOSE KNEW IT WOULD GIVE UP.
- THAT'S WHY YOU SHOULDN'T BE LOOKING FOOR A SLIP IN YOUR CAR
  UNLESS YOU'RE CHASING A STUARDESS!
- IT SHOULD BE FEMALES PILOTING AIRPLANEES, THEN ONE COULD
  BLAME THE 'SLIP PLANE' OF WOMEN'S DOMAIN FOR CRASHED AIRPLANES!
- CHROME SEEMS TO GET THE OLD PRICELESS  CLUNKERS BACK ON
  THE ROAD AND WE ALL KNOW HOW WOMEN FEEL ABOUT DOWARIES, COOL 
  HARD CASH OR SHINY SILVER - CHROME ANYONE?
- I AM SURE THAT IT DOESN'T TAKE A SCIENNTIST TO DEFINE A SIMPLE 
  'SLIP PLANE'
GTA GRIDS:
NOTICE HOW EASY IT IS TO RUN AWAY FROM YOUR PSYCHIATRIST 
AND GET YOR OWN RESERVATION ON A GTA EXHAUST GRID 
 - IDEAL FOR A SLIT IN YOUR PANTS!
  THIS IS NOT OK IF YOU OWN THE GRID AND 
  YOUR WORKERS ARE TRYING TO SUE YOU FOR A LOSS IN HEALTH!
 - HOW DO THE PEOPLE WHO HANDLE STREET-PEOPLE PAY THEIR
  PSYCHIATRIST ANYWAY!
 - 2 MIILION DOLLARS IN ONEWAY AIRFARES TO CUBA
  SHOULD MAKE ONE MEAN OLD BEARDED CIGAR SMOKER MIGHTY HAPPY!
 - ALL THOSE 'BOAT PEOPLE' COULD COME BACK TO A
  BABY-SITTING JOB!
THE LASTMANS LOOK AFTER OUR WATER TABLE AND DRINKING WATER 
  TO MAKE SURE THAT THE TORONTONIANS + TOURIST = CLEAN WATER!
- BUT ARE THE GRIDS A NOSE TABLE THAT TUURNS UP THE NOSES 
  OF THE LASTMANS!

POT HOLES:
THE OLYMPICS SEEMS TO BE MAKING A BIGGER DONATION BID FROM 
$.60/CHILD TO 40 HRS. OF COMMUNITY SERVICE FROM GLOBAL INCOME 
TAX DODGERS, ESCORTED BY MOUNTIES, WHO BELIEVE THAT THEIR 
METHOD OF GETTING MONEY IS 'IN'.

THE WAY TO SOLVE OUR POTHOLE PROBLEM IS A DECREASE IN TRAFFIC;
BUT ALL YOU OLYMPIANS WHO WIND UP IN A POTHOLE PLEASE MAKE YOUR 
COMPLAINT HEARD; BECAUSE OUR LASTMAN MUST BE INCORPORATING 
YOUR HELP!

- I AM SURE ALL YOU INNOCENT POTHOLE ACCCIDENT VICTIMS WILL MAKE OUR
TORONTO GROW!
- SO DONT LEAVE!

WE REALLY DONT HAVE ANY PROBLEMS; AS LONG AS, THERE ARE PEOPLE
DYING TO FALL FOR THEM!

MOLES:
THIS IS A MSSG FOR DAVID TROWBRIDGE & PETER KRESIN
IF I WERE A CHEMISTRY STUDENT I WOULD BECOME A GOVERNMENT PAGE
TO FIGURE OUT THE NUMBER OF MOLES OF GOLD IN OUR HOUSE OF 
COMMONS' SEPTER OR MACE AND ITS MOLALITY!
THE BEARER, MR. FLAKEY IS NO JEAN KANINSKI OR ALI SO I'D INSIST
THAT SOMEONE HAS REPLACED IT WITH A PHONY!
- THERE SHOULD BE A TIMEOUT TO FIGURE OUUT IF A FLAKE OF GOLD 
  HAS DROPED OFF OF OUR PRECIOUS GOLD SEPTER!

BALOONS:
ANYONE SKIING IN AN AVALANCHE AREA WOULD BE SMART TO WEAR A 
HELIUM BALLOON, ON A LONG STRING, SINCE IT WOULD LET THE SKIER 
SEE WHAT DIRECTION IS UP; AND IT WILL BREAK THROUGH TO THE SURFACE 
SOONER OR LATER, AS ITS PRESSURE AGAINST THE SNOW WILL MELT A TUNNEL 
FOR IT AND BREAK THROUGH TO PROVIDE A SEARCH PARTY A BRIGHT MARKER!
BETTER YET WHY NOT A FULLY/HALF INFLATED HELIUM SKI SUIT TO
ELEVATE YOUR SKIING SPIRITS!
- IS THERE A DONATION IN IT FOR THE CLUBB MR. JUSTIN TRUDEAU?

MARS:
HAVE YOU SEEN NASA'S DUST STORM WATCH ON MARS AT: 
http://les.la.asu.edu! IT'S RATHER FRIGHTENING LIKE WATCHING 
THE EFFECTS OF ATOMIC WARFARE ON MARS!
 - I GIVE IT AN X RATING! 

SAPS / PLANT JUICE:
ALL BALL GAMES REMIND ME OF A VENUS FLY PLANT WITH THE BETTORS 
BEING THE FORTUNETELLER'S GLOBE ON A LONG NECK ADDING IMAGINARY 
INCHES IN AN OFFICE AND/OR GROUP OF FRIENDS!
- THEY REALLY ARE A PART OF A
NEW IMAGINARY REALITY WHICH 'MIGHT BE' ULTRA. 
AT A PLANT THEY SHOULD BE AWARDED THE IDEAL PLANT SAP RAISE;
MILKED DRY OF THEIR IMAGINATION!
I'D BE TEMPTED TO ASK THEM, "HOW STRONG IS THE STICKY STUFF?"
- BUT I'M SURE THAT THEY WOULD SHOW ME EEMPTY POCKETS AND WONDER.
"WHERE HAS THE MONEY GONE?".
- I'M SURE THAT THE VENUS FLYTRAP HAS OFFTEN TRIED TO FLICK THE
HORSEFLY SHIT TO FEED OTHER PLANTS IN ITS VECINITY!
- MOTHER AND CARETAKER OF OUR PLANTS?
- A SPIDER'S WEB IS AS STRONG AS STEEL AAND CAN BE FOUND
EVERYWHERE!
- IMAGINATION WILL GET YOU A MORE 3D ULTTRA CARTOON!

ALL LORDS = NO GODS:
YOU KNOW THE EXPRESSION 
'ALL CHIEFS AND NO INDIANS!'; 
WELL WHAT ABOUT 'ALL LORDS AND NO GODS!' 
OR BETTER YET 'ALL GODS AND NO LORDS!'
- WAS IT SATAN THAT STARTED THIS FAD WITTH "I'M LORD!"?
I HOPE THIS EXPRESION DOESN'T REPRESENT A PROBLEM TO THE
REST OF THE ANGELS!
 - THEIR IN&TUO DOOR MUST BE THE ULTIMATE INSENTIVE INTO HEAVEN!
 - YOU SALSEMEN, KEEP PRACTICING WITH YOUR FOOT IN THE DOOR:
'PRACTICE PERFECT' GOES A LONG WAY IN THIS WORLD OF HIGH TECHNOLOGY 
AND FAST PACED ACTION! 
PROVE TO THEM THAT YOU WONT 'SINK' IN THEIR SWIMMING POOL!

PERPETUAL MOTION:
FOR ALL YOU PERPETUAL MOTION BUFFS & SCIENTISTS, I THINK THAT
I'VE STARTED ANOTHER ONE:

I USUALLY SET OUT A CUP OF SWEETENED WATER FOR MY PIGIONS IN THEIR
FEEDER WHICH USUALLY ACCEPTS THEIR VORACHIOUS BITS OF ORTS!
BUT TODAY I POURED IN SOME DROPS OF FRESH WATER AND LO&BHOLD HALF
THE CUP POURED OUT BY ITSELF!
A SLIMY WHITE JELLY OOZED ITSELF OUT OF THE CUP ONTO MY WINDOW
LEDGE AND ESCAPED INTO OBLIVION BELOW!
NON PLUSSED, I GINGERLY REFILLED THE CUP TO THE BRIM WITH WATER;
BUT CURIOUSLY I NOTED THAT THERE SEEMED TO BE A BURST BALLOON IN MY 
CUP OF WHITE JELLY SHEETS
- NOT AT ALL SOMETHING I WOULD LEAVE OUTT FOR MY PIGIONS!
QUICKLY I GRABBED THE CUP OFF THE WINDOW SILL AND LO&BHOLD
ANOTHER HALF THE CUP POURED OUT BY ITSELF!
THE SLIME WAS STILL STUCK TO THE SILL AND EXTRACTED ITSELF;
QUITE NEATLY I MIGHT ADD!
WHAT WAS STILL LEFT IN MY CUP WASN'T PREPARED TO LEAVE WITHOUT A
LOT OF SCOURING!
- MAYBE MINIPASTA, WHICH I BLAME, IS A LLITTLE TO MUCH FOR MY
PIGIONS!
- BUT A NEW BOON TO PERPETUAL MOTION!
SPLURGEING:
IMAGINE A YOUNGE MARRIED COUPLE SAVING FOR THAT $X/MONTH 
APPARTMENTOR HOUSE; GOALING FOR THAT JOB WHICH WILL MAKE THAT 
APARTMENT DREAM COME TRUE; SWEATING HIS ARMPITS OFF; AND THEN 
FINALLY MOVING IN, 10 YEARS LATER!
- BECAUSE THE GOVERNMENT KEPT THAT APPARRTMENT AT $X, WHILE 
GIVINGTHE OWNER, LANDLORD, ETC. AN INCOME TAX BREAK FOR THE 
RISE IN THE COST OF LIVING!

BUT THEN THINK OF THE MILLIONAIRE WHO WON 1$ MILLION; THEN
BORROWED 1$ MILLION ON IT; AND THEN SPENT IT ALL ON ITEMS THAT 
DOUBLED IN PRICE THE NEXT DAY!
- NETS $4 MILLION!
HE LITERALLY WON $4 MILLION AND HAS TO PAY BACK ON A
BORROWED 1$ MILLION!

IF A $1 MILLION DEBT CAN'T LET A MAN DIE RICH AND HAPPY AS
A $4 MILLION MILLIONAIRE, THERE HAS GOT TO BE SOMETHING WRONG!
- SOMEHOW SPLURGEING SEEMS TO BE A RICH  MAN'S ANSWER!
- AND THE NATIONAL DEBT SEEMS TO BE A MIISER'S ANSWER!

SWIMMING POOLS / WIDE ROAD:
PEOPLE WHO ARE RICH ARE FLOATING AROUND IN SWIMMING POOLS 
AND 'LIVE' TO ENTERTAIN THE EXTRAVERTS AROUND THEM!
-TREATING THEM WITH MILK AND HONEY AND CCASH!
-AVOID THIS WIDE ROAD?

PEOPLE WHO THINK THEY'RE RICH, WORK IN RICH DRYCLEANED DUDS,
LIVE IN LUXURY THAT THEIR EGO CAN BARELY AFFORD, AND 'LIVE' TO
POINT OUT THE UNFORTUNATES AROUND THEM!
- AFTER THEY MILK THEM DRY!
- NEAR A BEACH OR ON A RENTED YACHT!
- WALKED ON THIS WIDE ROAD?

PEOPLE DON THEIR SUNDAY SUITS ON SUNDAY AND 'LIVE' TO
ATTEND CHURCH, SING, PRAY AND STAND AS EXAMPLES OF 
BORN AGAIN CHRISTAINS!
- EXPECTING A TITHE FOR THEIR MONEY
AND THEIR SINS TO BE SO MUCH SPILLED MILK!

- AT $900+ A SUIT THE ROAD GETS NARROWERR EVERY DAY,
BUT THE ROAD SEEMS TO BE WIDEST FOR THE IMAGINARY RICH
IN BUSINESS SUITS!

CITY HALL:
ALL THE CITY FATHERS WERE HIRED FOR WAS TO ASURE US
THAT THE DRINKING WATER IS PURE; THE WASTE WATER 
IS ADEQUATELY REMOVED; THE POT HOLES ARE KEPT UPTODATE 
WITH TAR; THE CARS ZIPPING ABOUT THE GTA DONT KILL 
US WITH POLUTION; BUT THEY ARE NOT AT ALL CONTENT WITH 
THAT: THEY HAVE TO SCROUNGE THE HARBOUR FRONT FOR 
LIVEABLE SPACE SO THAT SEAGULLS CAN SPRAY THEM WITH 
SEAGULL POOH!
WHAT MAKES ME THINK THAT THIS POSH AREA IS HEADED 
FOR THEIR 'CITY HALL PESTS'!
BUT WHY ADVERTISE FOR THE GIANTS (OLYMPICS) AND 
THEIR FANS, TO INCREASE THE WASTE PROBLEM;
AND WHY TURN IT INTO A CONTEST!
- PERHAPS SEAGULL POOH IS SOME FORM OF 
  RE-HAB-BILL-ITATION ENERGY!

ROYGBIV:
LIGHT WAVES ARE LIKE SOUND WAVES:
LIGHT SPLITS UP INTO RAINBOW COLORS THRU A PRISM OR GLAS OR WATER;
WHILE SOUND WAVES SPLIT UP INTO DIFFERENT NOISES BY FAST MOVING EDGES:
WHISTLES, SONIC BOOM, MACH3, ETC.!

REPLACE A DAMAGED FILE: IMAGEHLP.DLL:
TO GET YOUR COMPUTER TO GO FASTER AFTER HAVING SLOWED DOWN TRY:
Restore the 'Imagehlp.dll'
1.  From the taskbar, click:
     Start > Programs > Accessories > System Tools > System Information. 
2.  The Microsoft System Information window appears. 
     From the menubar, click:
     Tools > System File Checker. 
3.  The Microsoft System Information window appears. 
     Click on Extract One File From Installation Disk. 
4.  Type Imagehlp.dll in the 'Open' field. 
5.  Put your Windows Installation CD in your CD-ROM drive. 
6.  Click on the Start button. 
7.  The Extract file window appears. 
     Next to the 'Restore' field, click on the Browse button. 
8.  The Browse to Folder box appears. 
     Locate your CD-ROM drive and double-click on it. 
9.  Click to highlight the WIN98 folder. 
10. Click the OK button. 
11. Type C:\Windows\System and click the OK button. 
12. The file will be extracted from D:\WIN98 to C:\Windows\System. 
     Your DONE, close the Microsoft System Information window.

WINDOWS 3X to 98 TIPS:
PLACE YOUR 'NOTEPAD' EDITOR SHORTCUT OR FAVORITE 
ART EDITOR SHORTCUT IN WINDOW'S 'SEND IT' DIR AND 
NEXT TIME YOU WANT TO READ A FILE RIGHT CLICK 
YOUR MOUSE ON THAT FILE'S ICON AND CLICK ON 
'NOTEPAD' ETC.! 
PLACE ".LOG" (UPPER CASE at TOP of page) IN YOUR 
'NOTEPAD' FILE AND YOU WILL FIND A DATE STAMP NEXT 
TIME YOU OPEN THE FILE! 
IF YOU NEED A COPY OF YOUR SCREEN, SIMPLY ACTIVATE 
YOUR 'PRINT SCRN' BUTTON, THEN ENTER 'MSPAINT' OR
ANY ART EDITOR THAT ACCEPTS BMP EXTENSIONS AND 
CLICK 'EDIT > PASTE' - VOILA, YOUR SCREEN'S SNAP! 
CREATE YOUR OWN 'PIX.ICO' ICONS IN 'MSPAINT':
CHANGE 'IMAGE > ATTRIBUTES' TO 32x32 PIXELS!
MAGNIFY 6x AND START DRAWING; 'VIEW > ZOOM > SHOWGRIDS'
FOR A GRID IF NEEDED; 'VIEW > ZOOM > SHOWTHUMBNAIL' TO
SHOW WORK; AND 'FILE > SAVEAS' TO FILENAME.ICO - VOILA!
TO REPLACE AN ICON ON MOST FILES:
RIGHT CLICK ON ICON OR FILE; SELECT 'PROPERTIES' AND 
THEN 'SHORTCUT' AND SELECT ICON OR CHOOSE 'CHANGEICON' 
THEN TYPE IN YOUR ICON PATH AND NAME OR 'BROWSE' AND 
SEARCH THE REQUIRED DIR FOR YOUR ICON CREATION; 
CLICK 'OK' TWICE AND YOUR FILE NOW DISPLAYS YOUR NEW 
ICON!
NEED MORE ICONS? CHECK OUT:
MORICONS.DLL / PROGMAN.EXE / SHELL32.DLL / PIFMGR.DLL
COOL.DLL / ANY.ICO / CORELPNT.EXE / MSPAINT.EXE / ETC.
YELLOW-STICKY-NOTE:
NEED TO LEAVE A MESSAGE ON 'DESKTOP':
USE 'WORDPAD'; HIGHLIGHT YOUR TEXT; AND DRAG ONTO YOUR 'DESKTOP'!
CLIP COLLECTION:
NEED A LOT OF 'CLIPS' FOR EDITING:
1ST MAKE A DIRECTORY TO HOLD THE CLIP COLLECTION: 'C:\MC'
USE 'WORDPAD'; HIGHLIGHT EACH TEXT LINE AND DRAG INTO YOUR 
'MC' DIRECTORY AND GIVE IT A NAME IN PROPERTIES: 'CYAN'!
YOU CAN MAKE CHANGES WHENEVER IT IS NEEDED!
MODEM TRACKER:
PROGRAMS > ACCESSORIES > SYSTEMTOOLS OPEN 'SYSTEMMONITOR'
'EDIT' AND ADD MODEM WATCHES: SENT & RECEIVED!
PLACED ON 'DESKTOP' THE ICON ANIMATES RESULTS!

FIGHTING AUTOMATIC PROGRAMS!:
1. CLICK 'START' - BOTTOM LEFT!
2. SELECT 'RUN'!
3. TYPE IN HIGHLIGHTED WINDOW 'MSCONFIG.EXE'!.
4. THEN CLICK 'OK'!
5. SELECT AND CLICK 'STARTUP TAB'!
6. THIS DISPLAYES ALL THE TSRs: 'STAY RESIDENT PROGRAMS' - BOTTOM RIGHT ETC!
7. UNCHECK YOUR 'PROBLEM PROGRAM(s)' - VIOLA THAT EASY!
8. WARNING: DO NOT ERASE "MAIN TSR" PROGRAMS 
    OR YOU WILL BE FORCED TO REFOREMAT YOUR HARD DRIVE
    AND LOSE ALL YOUR INSTALLED AND CREATIVE DATA!
    HOWEVER, YOU MAY BE ABLE TO RECHECK THESE IN "SAFE MODE" - F8
    - BUT WHY TAKE THE CHANCE!

CRASHED YOUR COMPUTER BADLY!:
1. GET YOUR CD THAT COMES WITH YOUR COMPUTER!
2. USE A BOOTABLE DISKETTE!
3. KEY F10: 
   ANSWER "YES" WHERE APPLICABLE
   ADJUST BOOTUP AS CD-ROM  <SAVE CHANGES & ENTER>
4. C:\FDISK /MBR                         <ENTER>
5. C:\FDISK                                <ENTER>
6. A:\FORMAT C: /Q                     <ENTER>
7. REBOOT COMPUTER AND FOLLOW YOUR CD-ROM DIRECTIONS CAREFULLY 
   - VOILA, THAT EASY!
8. WARNING: 
   FOLLOW DIRECTIONS CAREFULLY OR YOU WILL BE AT IT ALL DAY!

YOU WANT TO RESTORE YOUR HARD DRIVE 
WITHOUT LOSING YOUR FILES!:
1. GET A WINDOWS98 UPGRADED CD!
2. USE A BOOTABLE DISKETTE WITH AN ATAPI OR OAKCDROM.SYS 
   FILES ON IT WHICH ALLOWS CD-ROM SUPPORT!
3. KEY F10: 
   ADJUST BOOTUP AS CD-ROM  <SAVE CHANGES & ENTER>
4. REBOOT COMPUTER! 
5. ON D: TYPE SETUP AND FOLLOW INSTRUCTIONS CAREFULLY!
6. YOU WILL NEED AN EMPTY DISK THAT IT CAN PLAY WITH!
   - VOILA, THAT EASY!
7. WARNING: 
   FOLLOW DIRECTIONS CAREFULLY OR YOU WILL BE AT IT ALL DAY!
[ ELSE on reboot try: press F10 and put defaults at factory settings 
and Save-&-Exit. ]

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