15 June 2002

15 June 2002

Note from Debbie: Several things have gone out to you and will be coming
that are of concern to all of us regarding the UC/CD Bill that is currently
on the Senate floor. Mary S. was kind enough to bring it to our attention
on the ChronniesChat messageboard. Dez did a wonderful job of summing it
up, while Brenna went the extra mile by posting the link to your Senator's
address. This was great teamwork and is an excellent opportunity for all of
us to be heard and get that funding and recognition that we so desperately
need. It is hard work, literally to get Social Security to recognize our
illness the first time around, and this bill could help put a stop to that.

Thanks to all for submitting your jokes and articles to CCNL, please keep
the pictures and tips on how YOU deal with crohns disease coming so that we
may post them on the ChronniesChatter Newsletter Website.

Please remember that we do not give out our emails in the chatroom. We have
had a couple of incidents where people have come in that are not members of
the group and were not welcome, we cannot vouch for the security of you
putting your addresses out there.

Quote for the month - "Normal is just a dryer setting!" Thanks to AbbaAnna

Note from your webmistress in regards to the article that was in your e-mail version of this newsletter:

Cure for Outlook Worms is a Sham

Thoughtful Thoughts from Bump who sent this to several people who were
recuperating~! Thanks Sayte~
AS YOU REST AND RECOVER
WHY NOT ASK YOURSELVES
THESE QUESTIONS?

Did you ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 apiece on those
little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards. NAÏVE

Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section
in a swimming pool?

OK...so if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known the "Jags" and the Tampa Bay
Buccaneers are known as the "Bucs", what does that make the Tennessee
Titans?

There are three religious truths: 1. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the
Messiah. 2. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the
Christian faith. 3. Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor
store or at Hooters.

If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he
become disoriented?

If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland
called Holes?

Why do we say something is out of whack? What's a whack?

Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts" and you put your two
cents in . . . what happens to the other penny?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale bread to
begin with?

Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who
drives a race car not called a racist?

Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?

Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?

If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that
electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models
deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?

If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?

Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?

What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?

I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and
forks so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?

Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we
supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on
the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they deliver the
mail?

If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the
others here for?

You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

AND OUR VERY FAVORITE:

If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea ...does that mean that one enjoys
it? We received this from several people - thanks to those who sent it!

Tom's Recommended Links

Everything you always wanted to know about Chinese food but had no idea what
to really ask about http://library.thinkquest.org/C0122155/en/journey.php

Make your OWN urban legends! LOL I Love this!:

http://toybox.asap.net/legend

The Teens With Crohns Message Board - an excellent resource for people of
all ages:

http://pub20.ezboard.com/ftwcmessageboard79543crohnstalk

Moses and Jesus were part of a threesome playing golf one day.

Moses pulled up to the tee and drove a long one. The ball landed in the
fairway, but rolled directly toward a water trap. Quickly Moses raised his
club, the water parted and it rolled to the other side, safe and sound.

Next, Jesus strolled up to the tee and hit a nice long one directly toward
the same water trap. It landed right in the center of the pond and kind of
hovered over the water. Jesus casually walked out on the pond and chipped
the ball right up on to the green.

The third man got up and sort of randomly whacked the ball. It headed out
over the fence and into oncoming traffic on a nearby street. It bounced off
a truck and hit a nearby tree. From there, it bounced onto the roof of a
shack close by and rolled down into the gutter, down the drainspout, out
onto the fairway and straight toward the aforementioned pond. On the way to
the pond, the ball hit a little stone and bounced out over the water and
onto a lily pad, where it rested quietly. Suddenly, a very large bullfrog
jumped up on a lily pad and snatched the ball into his mouth. Just then, an
eagle swooped down and grabbed the frog and flew away. As they passed over
the green, the frog squealed with fright and dropped the ball, which bounced
right into the hole for a beautiful hole in one.

Moses turned to Jesus and said, "I hate playing with your Dad." Thanks Kit!~

A woman parked her brand-new Lexus in front of her office, ready to show it
off to her colleagues. As she got out, a truck passed too close and
completely tore off the door on the driver's side. The woman immediately
grabbed her cell phone, dialed 911, and within minutes a policeman pulled
up. Before the officer had a chance to ask any questions, the woman started
screaming hysterically. Her Lexus, which she had just picked up the day
before, was now completely ruined and would never be the same, no matter
what the body shop did to it. (Ladies...this is cute ) When the woman
finally wound down from her ranting and
raving, the officer shook his head in disgust and disbelief. "I can't
believe how materialistic you women are," he said. "You are so focused on
your possessions that you don't notice anything else." "How can you say such a
thing?" asked the woman. The cop replied, "Don't you know that your
left arm is missing from the elbow down? It must have been torn off when the
truck hit you." "My God!" screamed the woman. "Where's my tennis
bracelet?" Thanks Sheila!

Deep Thoughts by Dennis Miller

1. Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?

2. If man evolved from apes why do we still have apes?

3. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman where the Self Help
section was, she said if she told me it would defeat the purpose.

4. Should crematoriums give discounts for burn victims?

5. If a mute kid swears does his mother wash his hands with soap?

6. And whose cruel idea was it to put an "S" in the word "Lisp"?

7. If a man stands in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no
woman around to hear him....Is he still wrong?

8. If someone with multiple personalities threatens suicide....is it
considered a hostage situation?

9. Is there another word for synonym?

10. Isn't it scary that doctors call what they do "practice"?

11. Where do forest rangers go to get away from it all?

12. What should you do if you see an endangered animal eating an
endangered plant?

13. If a parsley farmer is sued do they garnish his wages?

14. Would a wingless fly be called a walk?

15. Is a shell-less turtle homeless or just naked?

16. Is it true that cannibals won't eat clowns because they taste funny?

17. Why do they put Braille on the drive through bank machines?

18. Do they use sterilized needles for lethal injections?

19. Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

20. What was the best thing BEFORE sliced bread? Thanks to Ken Birt!

Catching up with Robin.............

About 15 months ago I was having my ostomy reversed (Feb 2001).

In November of 2000 I went in for IV feeding and my doctors found that I had
perforated my poor old intestine. After about five days of having my first
surgery (took about four feet) in November, I was recuperating on the
veranda deck of the lovely Kaiser Hospital in Walnut Creek, CA when I
suddenly started feeling ill. What was wrong with me??? I just did the
surgery thang. Unfortunately, my good old gut decided it wasn't happy with
the stitch job they had done the week before and I perforated again. This
time they invited Peritonitis and I had to stay
another week in the hospital and I met another new friend that I called
Stimpty (an ostomy) who hung around with me for three months.

Anyway, the whole point of the story is that I had my final reversal surgery
(Stimpy and I parted ways) in Feb of 2001. I returned to work in April 2001.
I was rather overwhelmed when I went back to work. My students knew way
more than me and I thought I would never be the same teacher I was. I took
a little time off during the summer months, studied, and got my mental stuff
back in order. In September I returned to school and took back over my
life. In January I started consulting again, training staff members of my
local government, corporations, and presenting at state conferences. I was
also nominated to be a member of a 15 person national board on technology
education (which I am a member of now). Last week I was asked to present
two hands on sessions for our next California Business Education Association
meeting in November.

I don't want to sound like I'm boasting here. A little over a year ago I
was questioning whether I would ever return to work. My peers had written
me off. I had been hospitalized for six weeks in less than three months.
I've had major obstructions, four major Crohn's surgeries (three in three
months), and I hated my life. It's a whole different world now. My story
with Crohn's is on my web site, my students' read it and can't believe that
I'm that person. The thing that makes me the proudest is that on Thursday,
June 14, I will have completed my first year back to school and I didn't
miss a day due to sick leave. (I think that's a first in 10 years!)

Yesterday, I went to Sacramento State. I will be pursuing my BVE, Bachelors
in Vocational Education. I went to work for the County when I was a teen
and never got my degree. Look out, I'm getting it now!

Oh yeah, I still fart better than the rest! ;)

Please remember that we delete birthdays from the Messageboard each month so
that we can make space for the new birthday people. If you want to remember
a special day - please note it in your appointment books and for those of
you we do not have, please send in your dates so we can acknowledge you!

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