The greatest grief's are those we cause ourselves.” –Sophocles, BC 495-406, Greek Tragic Poet
Welcome to ChronniesChatter! I hope that you enjoy this month's issue as I was not able to get out the 15th issue. I want to say that Robin has done a tremendous job along with some of you who are continually helping get people into the chat. If you are still not able to get into the chat, we are exploring alternatives so that ALL of us can chat once more. Thanks to all of you who have helped your fellow chronnie get into the chat - a big STAR for you! I know this has been a tough summer for some of us, being sick, the hot weather and not feeling your best, but when you post - you may teach someone something that they do not already know that could help them. It has also been a month of celebrations and weddings and I hope that we will get pictures to share of them. Please remember we are ALWAYS interested in what you do - so send in those pictures to either Sandra or myself.
I also want to
mention how informative the board can be when dealing with the problems of how
to get into the chatroom, some of us are putting little tricks of how we do it
there and I urge you to keep updated there! We also have a new forum -
Birthdays -so that you can send your fellow chronnie a card or a wish on the
board. Thanks once again to all of you who have helped others with the
room, for those of you who can't get in - please let me know - debbie12564@yahoo.com
and please submit articles to us - we love to hear about you!
GETTING PAST the STUCK PLACES – written by Philip Humbert **
Recently, I've been noticing how many conversations I have with folks who are "stuck". They are not failures in any sense of the word. They live healthy, productive lives with many successes to their credit. But they are also "treading water", "marking time", or "settling" for less than they desire. They are "trying", but are not making much progress toward their next goal or toward fulfilling their deepest desires.
We all experience this at times. Sometimes, after completing a major project we want to rest, enjoy the new level of success and catch our breath before moving on. Or, sometimes we aren't sure how to proceed and have to wait and ponder and get a new plan. There are many reasons to "pause", and that's often a good thing, but it is very different than being "stuck".
Being "stuck" is no good. It's frustrating, it's irritating, and it undermines our integrity, our self-worth, and our confidence. And, for some people, being stuck seems to be a lifestyle. They set unrealistic goals, or create roadblocks and delays, or have excuses, that prevent them from ever achieving, having, or enjoying the things they say they want in life.
For those people, I have no real solutions. If you wish to stay stuck, for whatever reason, that is your right.
But for folks who are determined to make progress, to get past the "stuck places", there are a few strategies that have seemed helpful, and I offer them with respect. We are all different, and we get stuck for different reasons, and we need strategies that fit our values and our situations, but here are some you may find useful:
1. Be honest about being stuck and get really frustrated about it! Say it out loud. Admit your situation to yourself, and get angry. Being stuck is no good and when you get clear enough, and frustrated enough, your brain will find a solution. Be clear that you will NOT stay stuck, and be DETERMINED to find a solution. Sometimes, healthy anger is a great motivator.
2. Get creative. List 20 crazy, insane, silly and original ways to move forward. Give yourself permission to brainstorm, to "mindmap", or to simply do the opposite of what you've been trying. Shake loose, break the mold, or to use that old phrase, "think outside the box". If you are stuck, get past it!
3. Do research. Other folks have achieved what you want to achieve, they found solutions and made it happen. Learn from them. Ask questions. Read the books. Attend seminars, take classes, call an expert, hire a coach, but find out how other people have succeeded and do what they did.
4. Question your intentions. Why are you stuck? Do you really want what you say you want? Really? Is there someone you love or whose opinion you value who disagrees with your goal? Are you sabotaging yourself because of ambivalence, confusion, or because you goal conflicts with your values? If so, resolve this first, then clarify your new goals and move forward.
5. Baby steps are OK. This is my personal favorite. When I'm stuck on something I truly want, I often give myself permission to make the smallest, simplest, crudest steps forward. I love BIG solutions and instant answers, but sometimes, on some issues, I have to settle for small, incremental progress. Sometimes, we have to trust that "inch by inch, anything's a cinch" and just creep forward until we find a way to make those giant leaps.
The key is to never stop moving.
Too often, we confuse "trying", or worrying, or talking or
dreaming with actual movement. Those things do not take us forward.
They actually undermine our progress and make us feel like victims.
If you have a dream, a goal or project,
and if you really want to achieve it, find a way. There's a wonderful quote from
Hannibal, "We will find a way, or make one." Take baby steps if
you must.
Ask for help, try a different way, hire a coach, but never, never, never settle
for the status
quo. Giving up, giving in, settling and sighing with regret are the only
failures. Everything else
is success-in-the-making. Go for it!
© Copyright 2000 by Philip E. Humbert. All Rights Reserved.
Please remember we do not give out email addresses as part of our policy at ChronniesChat, either in the chat or at request, we will however forward or ask the person who wants to correspond with someone if that is ok with them.
Our Birthday Babies:
01 - Barb aka Barbbeau
16 - Doreen aka DC714
Because we respect the privacy of our friends we do not give out e-mail addresses unless specifically asked to do so. Please stop by our message board to post your birthday wishes! And a note to you birthday people! Don't forget to check the message board to get all your well-wishes soon - birthday posts are removed after one month in order to conserve space!
Tom's Recommended Links:
GREAT NEW SEARCH ENGINE: http://www.lukol.com
Lots of Very funny stuff here, especially jokes!!: http://www.top-greetings.com
Medical Terms - Thanks Tori! : http://www.medterms.com/Script/Main/hp.asp
Roy!!!
It is with great pleasure and a really hard choice that we select ROY as our chatter of the month! Our boy works silently behind the scenes diligently working to make sure that people get into the chat, and those that cannot have someone to talk to. He is an excellent listener for all of us, has worked hard to make a life for himself as a runner and I am glad that he is my friend, he is also an excellent bartender ;). For those of you who don't know him - get to know him - he is a great guy! Congratulations Roy!!!
REMEMBER to get those pics in of you - we would really like to see who you are! TY to Sandra for posting this and making the newsletter website a great surprise each time!
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