bambiquotes

Bambi Quotes

RICK: ...Which, if you ask me, is about as clever as going to the toilet without taking your trousers down! Anyway, Mary decided...

RICK: Well, pay attention. Mary, right, who's that tall girl doing geoggers... VYVYAN: OH! You mean the one with the enormous tits! RICK: They're minu...Vyvyan, would you stop being so sexist? They're called breasts, and everybody has them. VYVYAN: Well, I don't. RICK: Yes, and nor did Adolf Hitler!

NEIL: Guys, guys, listen, I've got something amazing to tell you! RICK: Answer the phone, Neil!
NEIL: What? RICK: Answer the phone! NEIL: Oh yeah, right. [Neil is about to pick up the phone when it stops ringing.] NEIL: Oh...Floppy disks! Anyway, look, never mind that... RICK: What do you mean, "never mind"? What do you mean, "never mind"? That might have been a very important call, Neil. You're a complete teacup, aren't you? NEIL: Mug, Rick. RICK: What? Oh sorry, yes, DAMN, DAMN! NEIL: Anyway, listen, guys... VYVYAN: No, no, Neil, you listen! I've been waiting here half an hour, half a bloody hour, Neil, being hungry, waiting for my tea, and listening to that [points to Rick] bogey-bum! NEIL: Oh, that's my fault, is it? Oh yeah, it's always my fault. Why don't you cook your own tea, Vyvyan? VYVYAN: Because I do not cook the tea, Neil, you do! [Neil, defeated, begins cooking the meal] That's what we agreed when we first came. You do the cooking, I look after the plants and goldfish. NEIL: Yeah, and what did you make me cook on that first day? VYVYAN: Eh...Sausages. It was a Tuesday. NEIL: Yeah, sausages, and... VYVYAN: Sausages and plants and goldfish. Look, I've discharged my responsibilities, Neil, now you discharge yours. RICK: Hey, Mike, that sounds like a cue for a really dirty joke, doesn't it! MIKE: Shut up, Rick. [Rick sulks. Neil dumps the contents of the kitchen garbage can on the table in front of Vyvyan] MIKE: What's this, Neil? NEIL: Leftovers. RICK: Neil, I hate you. NEIL: Oh, yeah, that's right, pick on me. I mean, I've already had personality hassles from a complete stranger today. VYVYAN: [rooting throught the garbage with a fork] Hey! There's a dead rat in there! Great! [He eats the rat's head] NEIL: Yeah, this complete stranger came up to me, right, and called me smelly! This complete stranger shouted "smelly!" at me! I wouldn't have minded if he was a hundred _yards_ away... [he raises his arms and leans over Rick and Vyv] I mean, come on guys, you can tell me truthfully, do I smell? MIKE: Yes. NEIL: Come on guys, I can handle it, you can tell me, do I smell...What do you mean, "yes"? VYVYAN: We mean yes you smell...Smelly! NEIL: Oh, great, yeah. MIKE: Sit down, Neil. [Neil sits at the table] NEIL: Sorry. RICK: Hands up, who likes me! [there is no response] MIKE: Guys, no wonder Neil's smelly. [He indicates the notebook] According to the house list, it says the last time we went to the launderette was the 23rd of October...nineteen-eighty-one. Guys, it's wash day. VYVYAN: But why, Michael? I myself have three pairs of socks, and three pairs of knickers. That means I've only worn them... 269 times each since the last wash. RICK: I said, hands up, who likes... MIKE: Rick! We heard what you said. Now, guys, brace yourselves, there's no avoiding this, and I'm not talking about my chopper, we are going to the launderette! VYVYAN: Oh, no, please... NEIL: No, not the launderette... RICK: [stands up abruptly] Why don't you like me? VYVYAN: Because you're a complete bastard. RICK: Vyvyan, I'm being serious! VYVYAN: So am I. You're a complete bastard and we all hate you. RICK: [shaking his head] I find that rather difficult to believe. VYVYAN: Do you want to bet on it? I'll put down a fiver. NEIL: Yeah, me too. MIKE: You can count me in as well. [Vyv, Neil, and Mike put their money on the table] RICK: Yes, eh, I...I don't bet. VYVYAN: Coward! NEIL: Yeah, yellow chicken! RICK: Alright, I'm not scared! VYVYAN: Right, then, a fiver! RICK: Oh, I haven't got any money. NEIL: What about that tenner I lent you this morning? For your sister's operation? VYVYAN: You haven't got a sister, Rick! You're the classic example of an only child. RICK: Alright, alright, are we going to bet or are we going to piffle around all night? [slaps money on the table] There's a tenner! VYVYAN: Quiet, everybody, the bet's on! RICK: Right. Hands up, who likes me! [Rick throws both arms into the air, while the other three guys drop their hands to the floor] DAMN! Right, that's it, I'm going to kill myself. [He removes his belt] Then you'll be sorry! VYVYAN: No, we won't. [Rips the tenner in half and gives one half to Mike] NEIL: [Rooting through the garbage] Does anybody want the last chick pea? MIKE: I didn't even want the first one.

RICK: This house will become a shrine! And punks and skins and Rastas will all gather round and all hold their hands in sorrow for their fallen leader! And all the grown-ups will say, "But why are the kids crying?" And the kids will say, "Haven't you heard? Rick is dead! The People's Poet is dead!" [Vyv starts hanging around looking expectantly at Rick's bum] RICK: And then one particularly sensitive and articulate teenager will say, "Why kids, do you understand nothing? How can Rick be dead when we still have his poems?" Then another kid will say... [Rick emits a long, loud fart].

VYVYAN: Get back in the sack, sock! SOCK: I'm not going back in there! It stinks! MIKE: Vyvyan, if you can't keep control of your socks, you shan't be allowed to have any! [The sock attacks Neil, who jumps out of the way] NEIL: Help! I'm being hassled by a killer sock! [Vyv begins hitting the sock with a cast-iron frying pan] NEIL: Kill...Kill...Kill...Kill... RICK: [coming in from upstairs] Oh, that's nice talk coming from a vegetarian! NEIL: Socks aren't vegetables, man, they should be wiped out! RICK: I hope you're satisfied, Doctor Neil Goebels! It's dead now. [Respectfully, Rick removes his hat. Vyv hits him on the head with the frying pan] VYVYAN: Rick, it was a mercy killing.

NEIL: Come on, guys. Like, the sooner we start, like, the sooner we finish. RICK: Hah! They said that about...eh...uh...Something that took a long time to finish.

VYVYAN: Oh dear. [Sotto to the guys] This calls for a very special blend of psychology and extreme violence. [Loudly] Oh, la-di-da! Look what I found in my laundry bag. All of Felicity Kendall's underwear, that needs a good wash!

RICK: Yeah! You know what they say, "dirty pants, clean botty!"

MIKE: "Dirty duvet, dirty mind." VYVYAN: My knickers are so old, it's only the stubborn understains that are holding them together! RICK: Yeah, right on! One thing's for sure -- when Lenin led the revolution in Russia, no way did he do it with a spotless bott! VYVYAN: YEAH! I LOVE MY BOTTOM SPOTTY! NEIL: Yeah...Yeah...Let's never wash our clothes again! MIKE: What do you mean, "again"? NEIL: Yeah, yeah, we could be, like, the dirtiest students in the whole world. MIKE: Hey, now there's a challenge!

NEIL: [Reading from the notebook] "Prick is a wonker. Signed, the rest of the class." RICK: Ah, yes, now, that was a sort of "in joke" that we had in my form. Actually, I was incredibly popular and everyone thought I was great. NEIL: "...I agree with the rest of the class. Signed, Teacher."

RICK: Look, just shut up and tell me the answer! NEIL: Shut up AND tell you the answer? RICK: JUST TELL ME THE ANSWER!

RICK: [hysterical] You spiteful bastard, Neil! Just because you've done loads and loads of work for this, just because you're a creepy little swot you've done about 15 million tons of work for this, like a girl, and I'm so hard and street and cool that I've done absolutely bugger all, and you've done loads, look at it, loads and loads, loads and loads... [he starts making a mess of Neil's papers] NEIL: Stop it, Rick! It's only University Challenge, Rick, it's only University Challenge! RICK: ...loads and loads, loads and loads...

NEIL: Do you think that's where they get the questions from? [Neil starts reading the book with great interest] "The world's record for stuffing marshmallows up one single nostril..." VYVYAN: Ehhh, "Six-hundred and four, Toxteth O'Grady, U.S.A." NEIL: Yeah, right! "World's stickiest bogey?" VYVYAN: Ha! Tried to fool me. That's Toxteth again! RICK: The World's Stupidest Bottom-Burp: Vyvyan, Britain! NEIL: It says "Rick" here, actually.

RICK: Well, it wasn't me, matey. If British Rail want fifty pounds they can blimmin' well go out and become a prostitute. Which they virtually are, anyway, come to think of it. [to camera] Right, commuters?

MIKE: Didn't you get our message? Neil, why didn't you phone our message? GUARD: [checking his clipboard] We did get a message, yes..."Beep beep beep, oh no heavy, the coins keep coming out, beep beep beep, even the telephone hates me, beep beep beep, I wish there were no machines, and everyone led a pastoral e xistence, trees and flowers don't deliberately cool you out and go beep in your ear." NEIL: Yeah, that's the message, didn't you get it?

SPG: Oi! Up Scumbag! Up Scumbag! [Audience boos. Close up of SPG and teddy-bear] SPG: See you, teddy-bear, come 'ere! [SPG bites the teddy-bear on the neck]

NEIL: Vegetable rights and peace.

ANNOUNCER: Scumbag, Neil. NEIL: Uh...Can I go to the toilet please?

NEIL: Oh, no, guys, I'm just going to have to wee on Lord Snot's head.

VYVYAN: [buzzing in] I'm completely bloody sick of this! [he bashes in the floor and kicks Kendal Mintcake in the head] Give us some easy ones, Bambi, you big bottom-boil!

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Favourite Quotes - Demolition
                                                             Oil
                                                              Boring
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                                                              Interesting
                                                              Flood
                                                              Bambi
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                                                              Summer Holiday

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