![]() © Jen |
![]() | Talking |
Written Work Poetry Thoughts 30 Dec 98 30 Nov 97 3 Nov 97 21 Aug 97 18 aug 97 3 Mar 97 2 Mar 97 27 Feb 97 19 Feb 97 1 Feb 97 28 Jan 97 22 Nov 96 11 Nov 96 29 Oct 96 25 Oct 96 14 Oct 96 6 Oct 96 30 Sep 96 Stories |
is something I enjoy to do. Come to think of it, it's something which I demand! If I can't talk I shall go mad. Writing poetry has been a substitute for talking for quite some time now. But I have found lots of people to talk to now and I've not written as much poetry lately as I usually do. When I say I've found people to talk to I mean via e-mail, and one actual person within my range of hearing. On e-mails I can talk for as long as I wish and I get such long and absolutely delicious letters as response. But I am kind of strange. I don't seem to get the words through my vocal cords as easily as through my fingers. But I think that may be due to the fact that I've never had much practice at it. I have lots to say and I think a lot, but I can't make myself say them aloud.
You see, my best friend, Annika by name, moved south when we were in
second grade and I somehow took it as a personal insult that they
had to move. I could intellectually understand that it wasn't her
fault and that she really didn't want to move, but subconsciously and
emotionally I "knew" she just wanted to get away from me. I started reading to have something to do. And some company. And consolation. I was bullied on account of being such a weak and likely victim of bullying. So I learned not to bother about others as they always hurt me anyway. Like all victims of bullying do. They know that if they raise a fuss and scream and protest it'll only get worse. The bullying stopped, like it usually does when the victim's not being cooperative and starts crying. I would normally give them biting replys. This period in my life is also when my scepticism developed.
I'm a big sceptic. I never thought about it, but I realised I am
a couple of years ago when my classmates commented on it. I might have
known it before, consciously that is, but I never talked much so I
couldn't get response.
96-11-11
Now you see what I've been living with? 96-11-11 ![]() ![]() ![]() |