CHAPTER 1: MIDNIGHT GUN

It was a dark and stormy night.

The environmental maintenance workers were on strike, demanding an increase in their already outrageous salaries, but the GaiaTech Corp. refused to make concessions. At least that's what the daily InfoCast said was the reason behind the bad weather, but everyone knew it was just a typical Portcouver evening.

A lone figure plodded down a dark unlit rain soaked sidewalk, pausing only when crossing a litter encrusted street in order to avoid being a hit-and-run statistic. Adam Null, a relatively young data entry worker at NanoSoft, nearly tripped over a sleeping bum's head as he entered the run-down Domestiplex that contained the tiny rooms that he called "home".

Once inside, he placed his right hand on a glass plate. A small green light blinked and an incredibly monotone voice said "Good morning Mr. Null. You may now enter the elevator. Have a pleasant evening." Adam stepped into the elevator, punched the "Home" button on the 'vator's wall, and began the long journey to the second floor.

As Adam walked down the dimly lit hall towards the door to his apartment, as usual he encountered his neighbor, Daizee Wheel. "How was work Adam?", she asked in a dainty sort of way. Adam merely grumbled, "Oh, just the usual drek Daiz. Had to scan in over 2 Gigs of text today, mostly old business journals. Arnie got terminated today. He had to do some repairs in the mens room and accidentally electrocuted some poor slob who was on the can. Oh well, I'm sure they're gonna recall him totally when they need someone to repair the office's toilets."

"That's too bad," Daizee said as she reached out to hold Adam's hand, "Would you like to come in? I got a few cans of brew and a new VR game you just gotta see." Adam saw her hot pink eyes shimmer in the dimly lit hall, stirring a long dormant emotion in Adam's heart. "Gawd, those luminescent mood-irises are really tacky." Adam thought, trying to conceal his revulsion. "Uh, no thanks Daze. I'm really busy tonight. I gotta scan a lot more stuff and modem it back to the office. Catch ya late."

Not giving her the chance to reply-or to notice he had no work with him, he quickly opened his door and ducked into his miniscule apartment and swiftly closed and locked the door. He let out a deep sigh and went limp with exhaustion, leaning against the door for what seemed like an hour. "No. It ain't the eyes that really bugs me," Adam thought to himself, "Its the fact that she can't make up her mind. I mean she's a quadruple transsexual and she still can't decide which gender she likes. Sheesh!" Adam collapsed into the form fitting, politically correct, Lazy-Being chair that occupied the center of his living room. "Beer," said Adam, and a small drawer in the chair's side slid out. Adam grabbed a can from the drawer as it started to close. As soon as he pulled the aluminum tab from the can's top, a thin sheet of ice appeared on the can's surface. Adam quickly finished off the can, let out a very loud belch, and proceeded to get to work.

"I'm finally starting to get a rep as a hacker...My first real job!!!" thought Adam as he grabbed his CyberDeck from it's prominent place on his coffee table and attached the trode set to his forehead while simultaneously plugging the machine into the universal CyberMatrixNet adapter port set in the wall.

Flipping the power stud he sat back and relaxed, waiting for the Matrix to unfold about him. After what seemed like an eternity his CyberDeck began displaying messages on the visual nerves of his brain. What surprised Adam was the nature of the messages:

Memory Parity Error at FE02:032A:280D:0670
Core Failure...
System Halted...

Adam ripped the trodes off of his forehead and tried to access the CyberDeck's diagnostic functions to determine the severity of the problem. The deck cooperated by telling him that nothing, not even the diagnostics, was working and to please take it to the repair shop.

"Oh, just peachy", said Adam to himself, "Now I have to slog all the way down to CyberLand instead of hacking the Mitsu-Fuji DataFortress like I planned, damn."

Proceeding out the door, Adam realized the hard way that he forgot to unplug the 'deck from the wall as it was torn from his grip and plummetted to the floor. "Oh Shit", said Adam as he watched his pride and joy CyberDeck bounce several times on the floor, "At least I was already going to the repair shop" he finished, somewhat optimistically.

The bright lights of the CyberLand store cut through the polluted gloom of the night as Adam approached the front door.

"At least they are still open" he thought to himself, apparently not seeing the 'NOW OPEN 24 HRS' hyper-neon sign blazing brighter than a star just after the CyberLand logo.

Stepping over the sleeping bum in the doorway Adam entered the store and was greeted with a familiar "Yo, what's up Adam?", looking around the store he failed to locate Scott, the salesman whose disembodied voice greeted Adam, so he replied to thin air instead, "Yo, Scott. I got a real doozy of a problem for you today."

Scott poked his head up from behind a row of computer terminals "Since when are your problems anything less than doozy."

"It's really bad this time" replied Adam, hoding out his battered CyberDeck for public viewing.

"Jeez Adam. What did you do to it, drop it from your window?"

"That's not far from chip truth" said Adam meekly, "It was already broken and I, uh, well kinda forgot to unplug it from the wall when I started down here."

"Well what was wrong with it before it fell?" continued Scott, succeeding in not laughing; barely.

"A Memory Parity Error."

"Uh-Oh, here let me see it."

"What do you mean 'Uh-Oh'?"

"Hmmm...", continued Scott turning the 'deck over in his hands, "Well, Adam let's get a professional opinion on this."

"What do you mean 'Uh-Oh'?" repeated Adam.

"Just a sec." replied Scott, going to the nearest desk and punching the inter- comm button on the phone, "Leonard, could you come up front for a minute, huh?"

"Sure thing Cap'n", came a reply from the back workshop.

A minute later CyberLand's cyberdoc came through the doorway dressed in black slacks and a blue tunic top with a stylized arrowhead logo over the left breast.

"What's up Cap'n." started the newcomer, "Oh, hi Adam I didn't know you beamed aboard."

"Hi Leonard", returned Adam, "I just got here, I kinda got a little problem with my 'deck"

"Well let's have a look at it." said Leonard, turning to take the CyberDeck from Scott; he paled visibly as soon as he saw it and stuttered in shock, "W-what t-the hell did you do to it Adam, throw it out of your window?"

"Sort of..." started Adam only to be interrupted by Scott

"Actually, Leonard he said it was broken before he dropped it."

"Oh", said Leonard, raising his right eyebrow in disbelief

"Yeah", continued Adam, "it had a Memory Parity Error when I tried to Jack On. Can you fix it."

"Christ Adam, I'm a Cyber Doc, not a 24th century miracle worker! It would take at least two days just to get the diagnostics working again."

"Shit, I was in the middle of a very important run."

"The one against Mitsu-Fuji?" asked Scott innocently.

"Yeah.", replied Adam, "Hey, wait a minute. How did you know about that run?"

"I gave your name to the fix-it dude when he asked who could do the job."

"Gee, thanks. But what am I going to do now?"

"I think I can help." came Leonards omnipotent voice as he headed into the repair warrens with Adam's dead 'deck , "Come on back here, guys."

"Wow, really?", asked Adam and Scott in unison

Adam looked questioningly at Scott who just shrugged and said, "They never let us sales types into the back of the store."

The repair area of the CyberLand store was certainly a lot different from the bright cheery sales floor. All around the dimly lit, high ceilinged room were shelves; dusty shelves packed with every type of computer hardware imaginable and even some that is not, all covered in dust, lot's of dust. So much dust in fact that Scott started sneezing and gagging, and suddenly left mumbling something about how the company's health plan wouldn't cover allergies. Adam however, sucked in his courage and ventured toward the rapidly diminishing outline of Leonard.

Finally catching up Adam said "Wow, there is sure a lot of neat stuff back here. What's it all for?"

"How should I know?" answered Leonard, "We only keep all that old stuff around to intimidate the customers and the managers."

"Does it really intimidate them?"

"Well, it usually works real well on the manager types who don't know the difference between a IDE controller and a serial interface adapter, but the customers are usually computer literate and can't be fooled by 20th century jargon."

Adam didn't reply after that last statement, not wanting to seem as stupid as a suit.

"Here we go.", said Leonard, handing Adam a black box with two cables running out of opposite sides of it.

"What is it?" asked Adam, thinking that it may be a cutting edge, miniature CyberDeck.

"You still have that old Macintosh IX, right. Well this is an interface adapter to connect a pre 2001 computer system with the matrix. I built it myself." said Leonard, his voice sounding a bit omnipotent toward the end of his little speech.

"Wow!", stated Adam, truely impressed.

"Just attach this end to the port on your computer marked 'PARALLEL'", said Leonard indicating one of the cables, "and attach this end to the Universal Matrix Interface jack in your 'plex. Then slot this floppy and boot up the computer."

"Great!", said Adam, still truely impressed, "How much do I owe you?"

"Well, I'm going to let you Beta test this prototype for free, just tell me what you think about it if you bring it back?"

"K-o-ool, you got yourself a deal.", said Adam, not really understanding the context of some of Leonard's terminology, he just figured that 'Beta test' and 'prototype' must have some obscure meaning in Trekkie lingo, the gang to which Leonard belonged. Adam took the offered tech and turned to leave "Thanks a lot, Leonard, I really owe you one. Now I can finish this run I'm on."

"OK Adam" said Leonard, already absorbing himself in the night's work, "I'll leave you a message when I find out what's up with your deck."

"OK, later." replied Adam, already heading for the lobby of the CyberLand store; and the dark, pollution filled night that lay beyond the front doors.

As the doors of the 'vator opened Adam groaned inward, seeing his neighbor Daizee just coming out of her apartment as usual. "How does she always know when I'm getting off of the 'vator?" asked Adam silently, steeling himself for the meeting.

"Hi Daiz, what's up?"

"Oh, not much Adam, I was just going out to get a drink, do you want to come along?"

"Well, I'd really like to.",lied Adam,"but I just got back from CyberLand with a replacement for my 'deck."

"You could have borrowed my 'deck, you know. I wouldn't have charged much", said Daiz, her mood iris's turning hot pink and her tongue darting out to wet her upper lip.

"I know Daiz," said Adam, shivering slightly, "but I thought it was a simple fix at first."

"Maybe some other time then." said Daiz pouting, "Well I have to get going now, catch you later."

"Bye" returned Adam, visibly relieved that the confrontation was over quickly. "Jeez, what a predicament." thought Adam "A 23 year old virgin being chased by the hottest babe in the 'plex, and I'm to scared to do it; and if I don't soon I might loose my lease since it's a swingers only 'plex, sheesh!"

Returning to the task at hand Adam entered his miniscule apartment and hauled out of his closet an antique computer, the MAC IX. What made the machine so interesting to Adam was its rather unusual design, having a monitor and disk in a single case, with only the keyboard and a rather bizarre upside-down trackball device attached to the computer by a long cord, and a turn of the century MarciTek(TM) helmet mounted LCD as an optional display device. Adam discovered it an antique computer shop and bought it for a paltry $10. He couldn't even buy a can of beer for that pittance. And since he couldn't afford to replace his down 'deck, he was forced to use this incredibly archaic machine until repairs were affected by the Trekkie Dr. Leonard, best CyberDeck Doc in Portcouver.

Adam connected the little black box he got from Leonard as he was told to and after a couple of hours he finally ascertained the workings of the archaic machine and flipped the newly found power switch to the "on" position.

Nothing happened.

Adam began studying the machine again, and after awhile he decided that the printing on the back off the machine was the power requirements.

"This isn't so bad. I think I have a power adapter for this thing." Adam rummaged around in another closet for a few minutes.

"Here it is!" exclaimed Adam from the dark depths of a closet "Oh, shit!"

Suddenly the contents of the closet collapsed and Adam was thrown clear in a cloud of dust & debris, still clutching his prize.

"Christus, I really should clean out that closet someday, that one was too close. Now let's see. Looks like this cord plugs in the side and this end plugs into the wall unit."

As Adam plugged the interface into the wall it sparked briefly and the computer came to life; it's drive unit made a hellacious rattling from so much inactivity and the monitor began displaying a small iconic representation of the computer with a smiling face on it's monitor.

After loading the program from floppy, Adam moved the pointer to the 'Run' command and double clicked a button on the upside-down trackball (or 'mouse' as it said on it's underside, saying to himself "How did the people of the 20th century stand to work with such archaic user interfaces?"

Adam decided to try out the MarciTek(TM) display, he plugged it in and slid the helmet onto his head, "K-o-ool." he said, aloud, "This is almost as good as a direct neural plug! And I thought this was going to be a terrible experience, sheesh!"

Several blocks from the domestiplex Daiz approached her destination, Club 1990 a very prestigious hacker bar in the old town section of Portcouver down near Waterfront Park. Only the best console cowpeople hung there.

Daiz nodded to the bouncer as she stepped over a sleeping bum at the entrance to the club. The bouncer was a really cool dude who was obviously a member of the Fanatical Fantasy Gamers judging by his chainmail, battle axe and the fact he looked just like an orc (probably because he was an orc).

"HeyDaizhowzitgoin?" slurred the orc in his usual raspy voice.

"Just fine Theodore. I'm here to meet a Johnson tonight."

"Cool Daiz," replied the orc, moving to block the entrance, "and please don't call me Theodore in public, it ruins the rep.", he added and winked at Daiz.

"OK, 'Skull Crusher'", satisfied the huge orc moved out of her way and she entered the club.

Daiz immediately recognized the song being pumped through the speaker system of the club; an ancient piece by ?. Upon looking around, Daiz couldn't help but notice the number of dick's (or Johnson's as the corporate agents liked to refer to themselves) in the place and began to wonder how she was going to find her corporate contact. She also recognized many of her fellow Shadow Friends meeting with a few of the Dick's. MAC, the ex truck driver, who was making an excellent living as a console CowDude was in a huddle with a fairly attractive female Dick who looked like she just stepped off of a magazine cover. And a couple of booths over Tiny, the ex body builder and Brew, the leader of the Seven Dwarves gang, where in a conference with a couple of indian samurai's from the reclaimed tribal lands and a couple of Asian Dick's who Daiz recognized as being fairly frequent corporates in the place;probably from Mitsu-Fuji or some other equally ambitious mega corp.

"Excuse me...", came a squeakie voice from behind her followed by a hand touching her shoulder. This put Daiz into action; in a flash she had turned and extracted her Lee Attack Nails(TM) (a real nasty color coordinated cyberclaw implant) while simultanously pinning the offending dweeb to the doorframe with her other hand.

"Urk..", was the squeaky reply from the geek. And indeed a geek it was; the man (if you could stretch the definition that far) was about 5'4" tall, rather chubby and mousy looking and wore an ill fitting grey suit with a Hawaiian print tie and thick, mirrored bi-focal glasses that were taped on the nose piece (probably from some mishap with the water cooler Daiz thought to herself sarcastically), and to top it off he had a pocket protector full of pencils and pens in his shirt pocket.

"Oh, just a dweeb." stated Daiz, rather matter of factly while setting the guy on his feet again, "You better watch yourself in the real world, chummer. You almost got cosmetic surgery tonight!"

"Y-y-you're D-daizee, r-right?" asked the mouse in such a tone that Daiz couldn't help looking for a puddle on the floor.

"Who wants to know?" asked Daiz, suddenly suspicious; it's not that she was concerned about this person, mind you it's just that some real tough dudes use dweebs as front-agents due to the expendability/danger factor.

"M-mr. J-j-johnson d-does."

"Ah, the dweeb is a front contact.", thought Daiz to herself, "Must be a real important corporate to warrant a 'secretary' like this."

"And where is this 'Mr. Johnson'?", asked Daiz

"M-m-m-m-m-me."

"Oh, well I'm Daiz, pleased to meet you.", said Daiz, very, very, very proud of the fact that she wasn't rolling on the floor laughing hysterically. "Let's go find a seat and get on with biz."

Once seated the waitborg came around to take orders from Daiz & Mr. Johnson. Mr. Johnson ordered Sake and Daiz thought she would one-up the dweeb by ordering a 'Hiroshima'; which was Sake,Gin,Rum,Scotch,Tequilla, and Vodka mixed with Tropical Punch; served stirred, NEVER shaken (it might explode) with a twist of Lemon and a little paper umbrella in a hologlass which made the contents scintilate like a real nuclear explosion. Mr. Johnson raised an eyebrow at Daiz's choice, 'Wow, I really impressed him' thought Daiz.

"Well let's get down to biz, shall we, Daiz?"

"Sure thing, Mr.'Dick'."

Mr. Johnson remained silent for several seconds, as if composing himself from something that had bothered him, before begining. "This is a really simple boost, it will entail you, and a small penetration team of your choice 'aquiring' an antique computer module for my primary, who is an avid collector of computer history. This module, or cartridge, as it is known to collectors is currently in the possession of a local corporate CEO, and is kept in his office;locked in a safe. We are prepared to pay you 50K Euro-Yen for the job, plus an additional 200K to hire and outfit a team. Additionally, a CowPerson who works for the target company but will be easily seduced to our side is being contacted as we speak to provide CyberMatrixNet security for the penetration team."

"Sounds fairly routine, Dick. What's the catch?"

"What do you mean 'Catch'?"

"Just what I said; it's a routine boost that I, and the team, will be paid a premium amount for and you are going to hire the CowPerson yourself. So what is making this job cost efficient for you, whose got the cartridge?"

"Your a bright young lady indeed, That is why my primary chose you for this job. So, I'll be honest with you. The run will be against Fawg, the CEO of NanoSoft."

"Oh, my employer." replied Daiz, pausing to think for a moment, "That changes things quite a bit. 100 thou for me and 350 thou to hire a team that is capable of going up against a dragon, and surviving to enjoy the money."

"80K for you and 250 for a team." Mr. Johnson returned, "and that is as high as we will go."

"Agreed." said Daiz, as the waitborg brought the drinks they had ordered to the table, she picked up her bubbling, smoking, scintillating 'Hiroshima', "a toast to a profitable biz arrangement."

"To profitable biz." agreed Mr. Johnson, his forehead wrinkled every so slightly at the sight of Daiz's drink.

Mr. Johnson polished off his Sake in one gulp then stood to leave, "Be here tommorow night at 9:00 and a representative will bring you a detailed plan of the operation as well as picking up the dossiers on your preliminary team choices. Sayonara."

"What a night!" thought Daiz as she finished her drink, "I'm really begining to get a rep as a shadow operative, soon I'll be able to quit my job as a secretary and lead an exciting life full time!"

The bulk of Theodore moved to block Daiz as she left the Club, after the meeting with 'Mr. Johnson'.

"HeyDaizthatwasreallystupid." slurred Theodore

"What do you mean?", asked Daiz, not having a clue as to what the orc was refering to; she thought she handled tonight like a pro.

"Stepinhereamin", said Theodore, motioning toward a room that was filled with video monitors and a weapons rack in case club security needed heavier hardware.

"HeyAlvincoverformeatthedoorforaminute." slurred Theodore to another Orc that looked as ferocious as the first.

"Gee, Theodore, I was just getting comfy.", replied Alvin as he stood, "And besides, you do the 'tough orc barbarian' act so much better than anyone else I know."

"HeythanksAlvinIpracticealot" replied Theodore to the compliment.

Closing the door and turning to face Daiz, the Orc let his act drop. "It was really amateurish the way you handled your meet tonight. I don't mean to seem like a father type or anything, but I like having you around and I'd hate to see you get yourself hurt from inexperience."

"What are you talking about?", asked Daiz, not knowing where this converstion was heading; maybe she was stepping on the turf of Theodore's gang by taking this job.

"Well, take a look at this vid-recording from last year. It happened right outside the door of the club."

Looking to the indicated screen Daiz saw the geekie little Mr. Johnson that she met with tonight. As he was leaving the club he was confronted by a gang of pseudo skin-head, human supremacists, that were so Chromed it would make the average street samurai green with envy. They started to raz him about his diminished stature and the fact that he must be a genetic throwback or a hairless dwarf. The little Corper didn't even reply, he just attacked. In the matter of 15 seconds he dropped half of the 17 gang members and had the other half running with their tails between their legs. The only apparent damage that the Corp took was getting his glasses broken (which he had obviously just taped instead of repairing them), showing his eyes; unmistakably they were Oakley Optics 'Demon Eyes'(TM), a top of the line cyber replacement with a trademark ominous red glow.

The recording stopped and the screen went to static.

"That," said Theodore, "was none other than Mitsubishi Zero, the Lieutenant of Honda Akira, infamous ex sumo wrestler turned Yakuza crime lord."

"shit", squeaked Daiz, almost to low to hear.

"You can say that again. What kind of run did he offer you anyway? I hope you didn't accept right away."

The last part galvanized Daiz, "Of course I accepted the job, it was 80,000 Euro-Yen to kipe an antique! Plus another 250,000 to hire and outfit a team."

"From who?"

"A local corporation, all the details would be given to me through a contact later on this week with the first half of the payment."

"What kind of antique?"

"Some kind of late 19th century computer cartridge, supposedly for an avid collector."

Theodore thought for a minute about all this, then said, "Well, there's no backing out now..."

"No", interupted Daiz

"No,", continued Theodore, "But, if you need any help what so ever don't hesitate to ask, life get's real boring throwing rowdy punks and drunk slumming corps into the street; not to mention the real sleaze."

"Thanks", said Daiz, sheepishly

"Just look on the bright side, Daiz."

"Oh, and what the frag is that?"

"Ol' Mitsubishi obviously likes you, and thinks you have real potential as an shadow-operative."

"What makes you think that?"

"He didn't kill you when you pinned him to the wall and threatened him."

Daiz couldn't think of a reply to this, she simply sat there and hoped she would get some color back into her skin before the club closes and she was forced to walk home; it would just top off the day to be mistaken for a member of the 'Caspers' gang.

"Well, I gotta get back to work, later Daiz.", said Theodore as he went back to being a bouncer.

Alvin came back in to assume his post monitoring the video screens and, quite unexpectadely said,

"Hey Daiz, don't worry, I saw the whole thing on the video camera's you'll do just fine, no matter what that twit Theodore says."

Daiz noticed that she was begining to feel very, very ill...

"Oh, and just a suggestion...",continued Alvin,"When someone orders Sake don't try and one up them by ordering a Hiroshima; only Yakuza can stomach Sake and you know how much the Japanese like being reminded of a defeat, any defeat."

...Very, very ill indeed.

Adam was estatic as the matrix unfolded all around him. He saw his position in the computer generated reality from the first person viewpoint; standing in a park on the old side of town just outside of his 'home' in the matrix.

As Adams' Icon stepped through the gate to the main street he was shocked not to find himself on a street, but instead he was in a monestary, surrounded by monk constructs.

"Oh, no. ICE!", thought Adam, not realizing yet that if it was indeed Intrusion CounterMeasures (ICE in CowPerson lingo) he would already be dead and no longer thinking at all.

Looking around, Adam couldn't help but notice the resolution of the construct and the detail in the monk Icons, "Must be some real cutting edge hardware." he thought turning to take in the whole scene."They aren't paying me any attention at all!" Adam's Icon turned slowly to see what all the monk icons were looking at; on the throne at the other end of the room was a tall, skinny Canadian wearing glasses and dressed completely in white robes, with a golden halo above his head. Adam could not help but recognize him...

"William Gibson" said Adams' icon with intense awe. Adam could not seem to make his Icon move, or even jack out of the Matrix for that matter, in the presence of such a legendary figure.

"So you recognize me then, eh?" said the figure on the throne, "All the better really, now we can get down to Biz."

"William Gibson", repeated Adams icon.

"Are you stuck in a feedback loop, eh?" asked William Gibsons' icon

"Wow, William Gibson" replied Adam.

"That's the third time you said that, eh?"

"Well, it's just that your..."

"I know, I'm William Gibson", interrupted William Gibson, "The patron Saint of the CyberPunk genre, eh? I'm also too old for you to waste so much time repeating yourself, so if you think you are ready to act normal we can get down to Biz, eh?"

"Sure, anything you say Bill.", said Adam, suddenly sobered in the presence of the living icon.

"To you," started William Gibson, icily, "It's Mr. Gibson, or 'My Lord', never 'Bill'; since that U.S. President in the later part of the 20th century 'Bill' has been a very nasty word, eh?"

"Okay.", replied Adam, somewhat sheepishly, "What is Thy bidding, My Master." he finished, with his confidence returning as he remembered a quote from the most famous trilogy of William Gibson's time - Star Whores (or something like that.)

"That's much better, young MatrixWalker." acknowledged William Gibson; his voice momentarily getting deeper and a mechanical breathing sound coming in between sentences, then his voice returned to normal "eh?"

"So what do you want, eh?" asked Adam

"Addicting, isn't it, eh?"

"What, eh?"

"Ending all your sentences with 'eh',eh?", said William Gibson, "Didn't start doing it myself until I moved to Canada, makes me shudder to think I almost moved to midwestern America, eh?"

"I guess, what's wrong with the midwest, eh?"

"Well, they end all their sentences with 'heee';much more irritating than 'eh', eh?"

"Whatever. What do you want with me anyway, eh?"

"Oh, yeah, eh?", said William Gibson, breaking off of the philosophical track he was on. "I have a job for a person possessing the skills which you have, eh? It's really nothing more than a Net watch position for a small team that will be doing a physical penetration into a local corp, eh?"

"I never thought of YOU as a thief, eh?" stated Adam, incredously; briefly wishing that his 'deck had enough processing power to display emotions via facial expressions on his Icon.

"I'm not a thief, your jumping to conclusions, eh? I'm working on behalf of the Turing Police on an investigation, eh?"

"Oh, you work for the T.P., eh?"

"Yes, I work with them extensively in the preservation of the CyberMatrixNet the way I envisioned it being way back when I was slaving over my first novel on a manual typewriter, eh?"

"You mean the stories about you starting out as a computer illiterate are true?!, eh?"

"Of course their true. The quickest way to saint-hood is to be a visionary in a field that you know absolutely nothing about, eh? After all writing quality didn't sell my books, most of them put people to sleep; what the masses wanted was for someone to B.S. them alot and invent their future for them, and I, being a young author, provided a good scapegoat for generations of Americans to blame their problems on because I told them how their future would be-and it would be really glum, sinister, and, well, and totally 'CyberPunk', eh?"

"Gee..." said Adam, truely shocked

"Anyway, do you want the job;this meet is really eating up processor time that could be spent in a tele-dildonic session with a cute young lass who has a real nice virtual..."

"I'll take it.", interrupted Adam

"...ass.", finished William Gibson, "Ok Adam, you'll be contacted tommorrow by a member of the team that will be doing the penetration, eh?"

"Great." replied Adam, "It was real awesome to meet you Sir."

"Sure, eh?" said William Gibson as his Icon started to fade, "By the way..."

"Yes"

"Don't you want to know how much the run pays, eh?"

"Uh, yeah.", Adam felt so stupid, his second real job, even before he finished his first and he can't even remember the most important part, the MONEY.

William Gibson smiled at him paternally "Gawd," thought Adam, "he must be running some real killer hardware to get facial expressions like that! And a Photo-realistic Icon too!"

"It pays Eighty Thousand Euro-Yen plus an account at your CyberLand store for better hardware. Well off to get some pixel pussy, eh?" finished William Gibson, the Patron Saint of CyberPunk in a very CyberPunk sort of way as his Icon followed by the construct around him disolved leaving Adam on the main street of PortCouver CyberMatrixNet Space where he expected to be after stepping through the garden gate in the first place.

"Wow", thought Adam as he jacked out. "After an experience like that I don't think I can handle any Hacking, wow William Gibson, in the Icon!". Adam removed the Marci-Tek(TM) helmet and shut the ancient MAC IX down, carefully unplugging the antique from the Net adapter plug in the wall.

"Wow" he said aloud, "I really need a drink!" and added silently "and brag to all my fellow console cowpeople at Club 1990! Wow, William Gibson!"

Adam could hardly contain his glee as he skipped over the sleeping bum at the entrance to Club 1990, and smacked squarely into an immovable metal object that smelled strongly of tuna and pastrami on sourdough with mustard, onions and pepperocini topped with linberger cheese, unmistakably the odor of an orc.

"HeyAdamhowsitgoindood?" came a deep rumbling voice from the top of the object.

"Hey Theodore, what's happenin, eh?", returned Adam, immediately wishing that he had used the orc's streetname.

As if on que the orc bent down and whispered in Adam's ear, "You call me 'Theodore' in public one more time and instead of whispering in you ear, I'll bite it off!"

"Sorry 'Skull-Crusher'."

"MuchbetterIswearyouandthatneighborofyoursisgoingtodrivemecrazyoneofthesedays."

"Oh, is Diaz still here?", asked Adam, apparently able to understand orcish better than the reader (or the author for that matter!).

"Yephadarealroughonetoo.Shesbackataboothgettingreallysnookered.Youshouldgoconso leher." suggested Theodore.

"Alright" said Adam, already knowing how this was going to go;Daiz will want to do it and Adam will have to come up with some cornball excuse not to, sheesh what a life.

Stepping into the club, Adam was greeted by two more orcs bedecked in chainmail and looking like they just stepped off of a fraggin J.R.R Tolkien SensORama(TM) simsense movie set.

"HeyAdamhowsitgoin?" slurred both of the orcs in unison.

"Not bad Alvin, Simon." he returned nodding to both of the orcs. "Your accents are coming along really good, eh?"

"Nyet schrat, droog?", said Alvin, momentarily slipping out of character and into his native Russian language.

"Would I lie to you two, eh?" asked Adam, overlooking Alvins' slip.

"Betternotorelsemesquishlittlehuman." said Simon cracking his knuckles for effect and glaring ominously down his snout at Adam.

"YoubeenhangingoutwithCanadiansAdam?" asked Alvin, getting back into his tough orc barbarian/bouncer act.

"Yes, actually you'll never guess who I ran into in the Net..." started Adam, only to be cut off by an irate screaming woman at the other end of the room whose voice was so loud that all other conversation in the bar was temporarily suspended.

"WAITER, WHERES MY FRAGGIN' DRINK? BETTER BRING THREE AT A TIME IF SERVICE IS GOING TO BE THIS SLOW!"

"Daiz has been drinking alot, eh?" asked Adam momentarily forgetting his story of glory.

"Yeah." stated Alvin matter of factly. "Hey, are you here to bring her home?" he finished hopefully.

"I guess so, eh?" replied Adam, meekly, obviously dreading the whole prospect. Both Simon and Alvin eyed him curiously, but Simon spoke first "Geez Adam, you havn't slept with her yet!", Adam merely turned red to the roots. Alvin punched Simon in the shoulder so hard the air wave almost knocked Adam over, the other orc seemed unhurt though.

"What did you do that for?" asked Simon, sounding genuinely hurt.

"You leave Adam alone, Simon. When he's ready he'll bag the babe."

Adam could only turn redder with his sex life being so casually discussed at a volume that half of the bar could probably hear if the other patrons were not so caught up in their own conversations.

"Sorry Adam, it's just that Alvin, Theodore and I are concerned about you. I mean how long do you think you can get away with living in a 'swingers only' domestiplex being a virgin and all?" Adam was about as red as a human, or a lobster, could get by now.

"Yeah, and besides..." added Alvin, "Daiz is a real hot babe, for a human. I'd boff her myself if she wasn't so frail."

Adam started to reply to this last comment, after all Daiz was one of the toughest people he knew. But the thought was knocked out of him by a drunken patron bumping him in the back. Adam swung around to confront the ignorant schmuck(after all how many times do you have two orcs flanking you when some idiot bumps you?). He was surprised to see Daiz standing, or more accurately swaying, right in his face.

He couldn't help but notice how white she was. "What did you do Daiz, get drunk and join the 'Caspers', eh?" he asked innocently.

Slowly a little color crept back into Daiz's features as the comment registered and when her eyes locked with his, Adam was glad that Daiz was not equipped with 'If looks could kill'(TM) Cyber Eyes with built in lasers. He was vaguely aware of the two orcs deserting him, the cowards.

Daiz simply fixed him with her best icy stare(which was intensified by the fact that her Mood Irises turned midnight blue with steel blue flecks for effect), and remained deathly silent.

"Sorry Daiz, you look like you've had a hell of a night, eh. Would you like me to take you home, eh?"

Daiz blinked a couple of times as if to clear the alcohol induced fog surely clouding her brain, "Since when have you started hanging out with Canadians, Adam?", very proud at getting the sentence out coherently as well as completely Daiz smiled, swayed twice and passed out.

Adam barely caught her as she fell, and immediately wished he hadn't;Daiz seemed to have put on more than a couple of pounds since the last time she passed out and Adam felt his muscles pull the moment he caught her. Alvin and Simon materialized from where ever they were hiding and picked Daiz up as if she was a feather pillow and started to carry her to the door.

"ComeonAdamwecalledataxitotakeyoutwohome." said Alvin glancing over his shoulder at Adam.

"Thanks guy, I really appreciate this, eh?" said Adam as he handed the taxi driver some Euro-Yen bills which covered the fare, helping haul Daiz to her apartment, and a very generous tip.

"No problem, always ready to help our friends from north of the border." he looked at the wad of Euro-Yen Adam just handed him and brightened considerably "Wow Thanks. Hey if you need any help while your visiting our fine city just call Metro Taxi and ask for Ackers, John Ackers. I'll be there in a flash!"

"Sure thing." said Adam, as he shut the door realizing that he had given the cabbie Euro-Yen as payment, and not NU-Bucks like he planned, no wonder the guy was so happy, and no wonder he thought Adam was a foreigner, since hyper-inflation Americans didn't throw around money like that, shit.

Adam returned to the bedroom were they had deposited Daiz wondering whether or not he should undress her or just leave her dressed and go home and get some sleep himself. Even before he opened the door he heard snoring that would make an orc green with envy and decided that he should be nice and undress her so she could sleep more comfortably. "And besides," thought Adam out loud, "If Daiz remembers that I was the one that brought her home and she wakes up in her night clothes she'll think that I took the liberty to boff her and I won't have to worry about the management finding out that I'm still a virgin!"

Shoes, blouse and bra came off real easy. Pants are another matter entirely when the person you are trying to disrobe is sleeping or uncooperative. Adam had managed to wrestle her pants halfway off, when the snoring suddenly stopped. He looked up to see Daiz rubbing her eyes with the back of her hand and turned red immediately.

Daiz looked down with glassy eyes, that turned a kind of blurry pink "Hi Adam, thanks for bringing me home, I was really sloshed. And you really didn't have to undress me the management has known we're a couple ever since you called up and asked them to give me the MagKey for your apartment.", Adam didn't know whether to be angry or embarrassed so he did what came natural, he turned even redder from embarrassment.

Adam stood up still red as a tomato, and said meekly "Well, I gotta be going now, eh?"

"No problem, Adam, and thanks again."

Adam quietly closed and locked Daiz's door and turned to open his, which was directly across the hallway as he noticed the young couple from 2D coming off of the elevator. He waved in greeting, "Hi Clint, Amy whats up?"

"Hey Adam, just got back from the party the Ferguson's had up on 4. Everyone was wondering where you and Daiz were at but it's apparant that you had a little party of your own." said Clint patting Adam on the back as he and Amy walked passed to their apartment.

"Way to go Adam, nice to see you getting into the 'swing' of things" added Amy, "Maybe you two will come to the next party, more bodies mean more action."

Not waiting for Adam to reply Clint opened the door and started to pull Amy inside saying "Here's Johhnnnyyy...". Amy just winked at Adam and giggled as she pulled her blouse off before she was halfway through the door.

She must get ALOT of practice removing her clothes to be that fast, mused Adam as he inserted the MagKey in his doors' lock and punched his security code into the keypad.

"Sheesh!", thought Adam as he closed his door and briefly leaned against it and closed his eyes. The couch in the neighbors living room started it's rythmic pounding against Adam's wall, "At least our bedrooms don't have a common wall, jeeez!", thought Adam, sarcastically, then he added, aloud "Speaking of bed, I'm beat!"

"What is with everyone anyway, eh? Thinking I'm a Canadian and assuming that I scored with Daiz just because I came out of her apartment!". Adam made his way to his bed and began to massage his neck, but instead his hands came away with something that his tired eyes and groggy mind immediately recognized, Daiz's Black Lace push-up bra. Adam turned as red as the roses embroidered on each cup and feinted from exhaustion and embarrassment.

Note: Just a little note from Andrew, for people who might be reading this who don't know me well. Keep in mind that this is a sarcastic comedy, written with another person when we were both about 23. It is supposed to be kinda over the top so if you think there is too much violence, sex, stupid situation, racism, etc then perhaps you should go see the doctor about your lack of humor! :-)