Drake will rule you

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Drake will rule you!

Hoping you'll return soon,
Barry from Wisconsin, age 20

Dear Barry, Drake has carefully reviewed your request for further responses, and has agreed to dominate electronic correspondence once again. Drake will rule it all! Oh, back to the letter. Barry, I think your problem is that you don't have the world-domination gene. Drake inherited the gene from Genghis Khan (it's a long story, and mostly involves alcohol and a game of Truth-or-Dare), but most people just do not have drake's quality breeding. Leave the world domination up to the big boys.

`Whatcha gonna do...whacha gonna do when Drake comes for you? Bad Dogs Bad Dogs, Drake`

Drake,
Have you seen The Matrix? Do you think we could actually all be hooked up into some huge computer system, and machines are using our bodies for an energy supply? If so, does this affect your plans for complete conquest of everything?

Thanks,
Kyle from Connecticut, age 16

Dear Kyle, Does Drake think we could all be hooked into some gigantic, complex computer system that creates the illusion of life in one society, while our physical bodies reside in a different place? Meh. Does it really matter? Drake will rule you, even if you're just a computer-generated series of electrical impulses. As if something as complex as Drake's mind could ever be tamed by some computer.

`There is no dog food. All food is Drake food. Drake`

Dear Drake,
How do you feel about General Zod? general Zod claims he rules the planet, and that all the people are his slaves. Will you and Zod duke it out, like on that Superman movie? Does Zod stand a chance against your awesomeness? If you were ruler of the world, would you institute your own holiday?

Jeremy from Washington, Age 19

Dear Jeremy, Of course Zod does not stand a chance against Drake's awesomeness. Drake does not think Zod would be able to overcome the Flying Fat Slam. But even if he could, Drake still has the Jedi mind-trick. Drake will just make Zod think he is a tadpole for the rest of his life. Drake is not afraid of 80's style eye-lasers, or superhuman strength. Drake has super dog powers, too. No one can nap like Drake! Drake defies anyone to try to out-sit him! No one can match Drake's eating ability! And Drake's pouches make a good place for storing that food for later use. Drake even has his own evil minion, Peanut. So Zod can lick himself.

`Drake will RULE Zod, Drake`

Dear Drake,
How man hours a day do you sleep? I like to sleep 8, but sometimes I have to get up early and I only get 6 or 7.

Thanks Drake,
Franky from New Hampshire, Age 19

Dear Franky, Drake does not count the hours that he sleeps. That would be like a sheep counting it's wool. Sheep have wool; Drake sleeps. Drake believes that more sleep makes you a better ruler. While Drake only gets about 17 hours of sleep a day, that number will go up as soon as the world is conquered. Drake thinks sleeping up to 23 hours a day is about right. The final hour is good for eating, napping, and peeing on things. Your puny 8 hours of sleep are no match for Drake. Drake can do 8 hours with his eyes open. Drake dares you to try to sleep even 15 hours. No one can sleep like Drake- no one!