Communication between the ringwraiths and Sauron that you never knew about....

ringwraiths@Mordor.net
Went to Weathertop, like you said, Boss. You didn't say a wizard lives there! It was Gandalf, the one you loathe. You would be so proud of us. All five of us ragged on him until he started flashing fire from his magic wand, or whatever that thing is. Boss, you're going to love this: We all rushed him and he ran like a frightened rabbit. Am now in pursuit! Wish us luck.

Sauron@Mordor.net
No, you idiots! It's a diversion. Get back to Weathertop and wait for hobbits.

ringwraiths@Mordor.net
Returned to Weathertop, like you said, Boss. But hobbits and Ranger already there. Attack planned for midnight, even though still missing four homeys. Go us!

Sauron@Mordor.net
Yeah, go you. This is a results-oriented project, boys. Just bring It back. That's all I'm asking. No hostages, nothing. Let them all live for all I care. Good luck. There, I said it.

ringwraiths@Mordor.net
We're really on track with the project, Boss! Raided Weathertop camp. We had 'em. Check this out: No.2 stabbed the one carrying the Ring! Unfortunately, the hobbit had Swiss army knife and stabbed No.2 in left big toe. Didn't you say they were unarmed? We have to communicate more. Then Ranger started setting us on fire. Most of us able to roll on ground and save most of multi-layered robes, but I'm afraid No.6 and No. 8 are completely naked. Believe hobbits and Ranger escaped. No.9 says he lost his ring at Weathertop. Now I know what you're thinking, but you would be wrong. We're ALL going back to find his ring. Thanks for wishing us luck, because it sure worked! (Group hug).

Sauron@Mordor.net
Oh venerated mother of Morgoth! Why? What have I done to deserve this? Tell me, please. OK, the Ringbearer Thief has been stabbed. That's good. Think positive thoughts. Now, Witch-king, I want you to forget about No.9's ring. Go after the Hobbits, NOW. They're bound for Rivendell for sure.

ringwraiths@Mordor.net
Oops, already went to Weathertop (had problems getting email today, think you should check the modem bank, or server, or something). Good news. The rest of the Nine showed up. Turns out No.5 had his ring in one of the folds of his cloak all this time. I guess he's getting a bad review, right? Also found No.9's ring, even though you don't seem to care about it. Didn't tell No.9 you have adopted that position. Hope you care about my ring, still. :-) Now going after hobbits with full speed. Ringbearer Thief (is this his REAL name?) should be catatonic by now from No.2's successful attack. No.2 wants to know if he gets extra bonus, and isn't sure he signed up for Mordor's HMO on re-enrollment week. His big toe is really looking bad. Thoughts?

Sauron@Mordor.net
No.1, oh dear Witch-king. Apparently I have failed as a manager to sufficiently convey the importance of the OneRing project. To wit: Your sole purpose is to find the One Ring. Then lay your hands upon it. Do not put it on! Keep it safe on your journey back to Mordor. Then give it to me. That's it. All the personnel concerns you have mentioned will be taken care of, as long as you bring It back. Got that? Comprendez? Dost thou fathom?