Communication between the ringwraiths and Sauron that you never knew about....

ringwraiths@Mordor.net
Oh Dark Lord, the magnificent. Can't find the Shire, so went to Saruman for directions. He said your map was not to scale. Shire turns out to be a *very* long way away. How come we're just learning this now? Expect delay in OneRing project. Respectfully, the Nine.

Sauron@Mordor.net
Tell me you didn't mention the Ring to Saruman! RE expected delay in project: I don't think so. Ride faster.

ringwraiths@Mordor.net
Great Master of Darkness, we did NOT tell Saruman about the Ring. Made up story about losing one of the nine rings while on vacation in those parts. Quite sure he bought it. Will do best to ride faster. Saruman great in Isengard chatroom, you should check it out.

Sauron@Mordor.net
Have hacked site of Isengard chatroom. Feel pleased. Let me know when you reach Shire.

ringwraiths@Mordor.net
Oh great Flaming Eye, stopped off at Bree for well deserved brewskies. Met kewl guy, Bill Ferny, who says Shire not far off. Also says Shire has 'killer weed,' so maybe hobbits will all be dead when we arrive ;-). Hope weed doesn't try to kill us. Looking forward to big bonus.

Sauron@Mordor.net
Get to the Shire, NOW! See attached artist's impression of Baggins.

ringwraiths@Mordor.net
Finally reached Shire. Hobbits still alive. No sign of lethal weed. One hobbit said Baggins and pals moved to suburb called Buckleberry, so we headed that way. Could have sworn we saw some hobbits matching description, but were scared off by elves. Could have sworn I felt power of the Ring. Wraith No.5 thinks he lost his ring in Bree. Do you have another one?

Sauron@Mordor.net
No I don't have another one. Nine freaking rings for men, not ten! Tell No.5 to go back and find it. Better take three of you with him so he doesn't get lost himself! Sheesh.

ringwraiths@Mordor.net
Hobbits escaped us by going cross-country. Hope rest of the Nine don't take too long looking for No.5's ring in Bree. Thought we would outsmart hobbits and cut them off. Thwarted by mushroom farmer because he had very mean dogs NOT ON LEASHES. Maybe dogs will eat hobbits and we'll just wait to dig through their poop for One Ring. We'll wash it good, so don't worry.

Sauron@Mordor.net
Witch-king & Co.: Your mid-year reviews are coming up and I can tell you that it's not looking good. Inability (or unwillingness) to throw down with farmer's dogs not impressive. Please show more initiative. Forget about dog-poop idea. Proceed to Buckleberry.

ringwraiths@Mordor.net
Almost got 'em, Boss, but they took the ferry and wouldn't send the boat back. Have to go long way around. BTW, Buckleberry and Brandywine River not on your map, so have to ask for directions a lot. Probably an oversight on your part. Detachment to Bree still hasn't returned. Think that WE should get good reviews and Ringwraiths in Bree should be punished, because I'll bet you they are drinking lots of brewskies while we do all the hard work. Hugs.