INTRODUCTION

This publication outlines members of parliament's bias towards cars and their shady relationships with multi-national road/car/oil corporations. This work first appeared in ‘mappa mundi’ no.4.

Part One: Parliamentary Carism.

I: Government Ministers and Members of Parliament are Motorists.

Politicians are far from objective or impartial as regards transport issues. Virtually all of them are private car owners so they are bound to favour the interests of motorists rather than pedestrians and to promote private transport rather than public transport. All government ministers are motorists. There is not one unadulterated pedestrian or bicyclist in power. This is an obvious example of political corruption. There would be a huge outcry if the government consisted solely of pedestrians, bicyclists, and ramblers. There would be a particularly loud outcry if secretaries of state for transport were carless. In order to ascend the heights of political power they can be brainless, gutless, legless, witless, and heartless (all of which are regarded as virtues in the Carbon brothel) but they cannot afford to be carless.

Politicians receive the following car perks.

"According to the Treasury, MPs with the biggest and most polluting cars can claim a 'mileage allowance' which is double that of their cleaner colleagues. The scale (for the first 20,000 miles a year) is:-

Engine Size Pence Per Mile

Under 1.3 litres 39p (for the first £7,800 per year then 15p);

1.3-2.3 litres 43p (for the first £8,600 per year then 20p);

Over 2.3 litres 68p (for the first £13,600 per year then 34p).

Meanwhile the handful of MPs who occasionally use bicycles get nothing at all. Their car allowances are more than what many people earn in a year."

Mileage allowances were increased in 1995, "MPs have voted themselves a 2.3% increase in their allowances for car journeys between Parliament and their constituencies. MPs who travel by car can now claim nearly 70p a mile - around twice the AA mileage rate - which means that the price of a return trip to distant cities can exceed £200 - well above the cost of a first class rail ticket. Mileage claims are paid by cheque, whereas those who travel by train are given rail warrants. That gives MPs a financial incentive to make long car journeys. (The Observer 30.10.94)."

Both john major and tony blair get an official car with constant chauffer service. Ministers have chauffered cars by appointment.

a) The Benefit of Tory Car Freebies to Ministers.

"80 ministers receive a private motoring tax perk worth around £8,000 a year being chauffeur driven from home to work by the government car service. The total value of the taxable benefit is believed to be a minimum of £640,000."

b) The Cost of Tory Car Freebies.

"Tory ministers are spending a staggering £7 millon of taxpayers’ money on tax-free, chauffeur driven cars."

c) The Uses to which Ministerial Cars are Put.

"A former chauffer has told how senior tories used limosines funded by taxpayers for drinking and clubbing sprees. In sworn legal statements describing hard-drinking nights out, Mr Gammallieri also named Greg Knight, a government whip, and junior minister David Davis. The chauffer drove for a minicab company London Car Hire in 1993. It had a government contract to supply cars for senior politicians and civil servants out of the public purse. Mr Gammallieri said he regularly took Mr Knight and Mr Davis to social functions. He added, "I woud often collect them late at night from restaurants when, appearing worse for drink, they would talk about various people."

II.C: Freebie Cars.

Paddy ashdown does not get an official car. He gets freebie cars from well wishers which enable him to pollute the Earth when he’s on the campaign trail.

II.D: Travel Costs.

The benefits outlined above are by no means the complete extent of mp's dependence upon cars.

a) "Taxis! Take me Across the Road".

Mps can can also claim travel expenses for using taxes. Some mps seem to use taxis as a substitute for their legs, "Mo Mowlem MP was seen taking a cab from the Commons to Rodins, a Westminster restaurant just 400 metres away" It ought to be pointed out that mo is supposed to be one of the greenest mps in the Carbon hothouse.

"Parliamentary questions about how often Government ministers travelled on trains in 1994 have revealed that the Prime Minister John Major travelled on a train just once last year. John Gummer notched up just five rail trips, despite making frequent pleas for the public to leave their cars at home and use public transport more. Top of the list of train users were David Hunt (55 journeys), William Waldegrave (33) and Michael Portillo (25). (Independent on Sunday 8.1.95)."

"A Parliamentary environment committee has appealed for more motorists to switch to public transport or bicycles. Good idea. They should start by closing down the House of Commons car park which is constantly packed tight with MPs’ cars, including the kind of gas-guzzling limousines which wouldn’t have looked out of place at Ronnie Kray’s funeral".

All mps are given a massive salary but they are also allowed to take jobs outside parliament. Some mps work for road/car/oil corporations, "Why, against all common sense, is the tide of tarmac still rolling forth so relentlessly? Perhaps there is a clue in the fact that some 27 Conservative MPs have strong connections to the Road lobby - a loose alliance of car manufacturerss, road builders, hauliers and the like, who all have an interest in keeping the nation's wheels turning. Tory party chairman Norman Fowler is on the board of Evered Bardon, which supplies roadstone for motorway construction. He is also on the board of the National Freight Corporation, which dispatches heavy lorries all over the country. Hezza's Haymarket publishing company publishes five magazines in praise of cars. Scarborough MP John Sykes is a director of Shaw Petroleum, which sells petrol and carwash facilities. Harry Greenway, MP for Ealing, is a consultant to the construction firm Taylor Woodrow. Twenty-one of the BRF's 150 members are connected to the conservatives, either by retaining MPs as consultants, by donating funds to the party, or by receiving government road-building contracts. Last year, road building companies which contributed to the Tories or to the BRF received £172.8 million in such contracts."

Whilst multi-national road/car/oil corporations give jobs only to a few members of parliament, they wine and dine, or give free holidays etc., to many others, "The road lobby is known for its lavish hospitality." There was a, "five day jaunt to Chicago and New York in 1977." And, "In 1986 the MPs (in the All Party Roads Study Group) went to Canada." This bribery and corruption still persists today. A car accident occurred on a motorway. Nothing unusual about this except that the two passengers in one of the cars were conservative party vice-chairman, eric pickles mp, and ford motors’ uk chairman ian mcallister. It is not known whether large sums of money were found on the back seat nor how many questions were raised in the commons.

"Labour deputy leader John Prescott .. failed to register a visit with his wife to the five star Gleneagles Hotel, paid for by oil giant Conoco. Now the all-party Members’ Interest Committee will decide if he broke rules that hospitality worth more than £160 must be logged.".

Multi-national road/car/oil corporations often reward politicians who have given outstanding service to their interests by offering them directorships when they retire from the brutish banana democracy.

Parky’s Car Perk number 1: "Lord Parkinson of Carnforth, the former Tory MP and Transport and Energy secretary, is to take over from Derek Sawyer as chairman of Usborne, the stock market listed agricultural supplies and motor products group on January 1st."

Parky’s Car Perk number 2: "Lord Parkinson is to become chairman of Starmin, the building materials and quarrying group."

It has recently been pointed out that cecil, "Resigned last week as chairman of quarry giants Starmin but is still chairman of Jarvis Group. He also has his own security firm Parkinson Hart." This resignation came soon after the government's announcement that it was reducing the roads’ programme which cecil had initiated in 1989 when he was secretary of state for transport. Perhaps cecil thought there was no longer any point in staying with starmin because the reduced demand for quarrying aggregate would lead to a cut in his performance related pay. As chairperson of a quarrying group it is possible he could have lobbied against the recycling of materials used in the construction industry. Is it any wonder the tory government has totally failed to pass any legislation encouraging the recycling of aggregates but permits the quarrying of whole mountains?

After leaving the Carbon brothel there was no need for norman to take his own advice to get on his bike to look for work. He'd used a government limo to drive from downing street onto the boardroom of an industry he’d helped to privatize - brutish telecom. Some might call this lining his own pocket, corruption, ripping off the taxpayer, but as the tories have deregulated the laws on this issue he won’t be going to prison. Whilst tories regard this sort of thing as self-help everyone else recognizes it as politicians helping themselves to public, ‘no sorry its now private’, money. Alright this is a pretty feeble link with cars but its a good excuse to slag off another hypocritical, bent and bigoted, tory. Tories love their bananas. Who'd have thought there were so many anarchists at the centre of government.

Since 1979 successive tory governments have pursued the maxim of 'government is business' and have invited businesspeople to take up posts as government advisors/civil servants/consultants. The tories argue that there is a need to draft in business people who can introduce efficient business methods into government administration. This should enable the government to obtain greater value for taxpayers' money and thus reduce public spending. Only businesspeople have the knowledge and experience to increase efficiency, cut costs and produce value for money. In february 1995 the government agreed to a massive increase in the rates of pay for top-ranking civil servants in order to attract more people with business experience - and a deft ability for dipping their fingers into the public till.

What is never admitted in this practice is the conflict of interests involved in allowing business people to run government departments which administer and regulate the industry in which they still have a financial interest. In reality this policy is nothing more than a cover up for what is basically job-switching within a highly mobile, criminal fraternity. It’s a bit like the governor of the bank of brutand inviting members of the mafia to help make the bank more efficient.

There are a number of people who work for/manage/control multi-national road/car/oil corporations who join the conservative party and become either a high ranking official within the party or a member of parliament. Some of these latter are promoted and become government ministers - a few even become secretaries of state for transport. After they leave political office (or their job with the tory party) they often go back to work for their old corporation. Not only are some of the criminals in multi-national companies good friends with tory ministers, some of them are ex-or-yet-to-be tory ministers.

Perhaps the best known example of a road/car/oil businessperson becoming a member of the tory party and then a government minister is ernest marples, "After the general election of 1959, Ernest Marples became the Minister of Transport. Marples was a road builder. He owned 64,000 out of the 80,000 shares in Marples Ridgeway, the civil engineering firm which specialized in roads." As minister of transport he gave the go-ahead for the construction of the m4 which his company then built. Worse was to follow. Marples commissioned richard beeching to draw up a cost cutting plan for the railways, "The Beeching report proposed ripping up one-third of the railway network." As a consequence of this report brutland’s railways were decimated and the motorway network expanded.

Macalpine became conservative party treasurer and deputy chairperson in the mid 1980s. It was his responsibility to raise funds for the tories’ general election campaigns, "He did a brilliant job, soliciting donations from the rich and powerful who were desperate to keep her (mrs thatcher) in office. He is credited with collecting £23 million in 1987 alone for the fighting fund which enabled her to sweep back into power for a record third time.. He is also the man who accepted £440,000 from Asil Nadir for the tory coffers. His wealth .. comes from the family building firm Sir Robert McAlpine and Sons .."

Basically what successive tory governments have succeeded in doing over the last fifteen years is developing a revolving door between business people, the tory party and tory governments. Tory politicians invite their business friends into the civil service to rip off as much as they can so that when they leave office their friends can provide them with a few directorships. This is done for allegedly good business reasons - businesses need politicians' experience to help run companies as profitably as possible. Strange isn't it that government needs to draft in businesspeople to make government more businesslike whilst businesses need to draft in more politicians to make businesses more political. At times it is impossible to tell whether tory mps are really businesspeople who enter parliament to promote their business interests or politicians who want to line up business opportunities for when they leave office. In the end it hardly matters, the end result is the same.

"Tarmac .. donated more than £300,000 to the Conservative party in the past decade ..."

"A second fugitive tycoon donated funds to the scandal rocked tories .. Former Nissan UK boss Octav Botnar is reported to have handed over up to £150,000 to the Conservatives during the Thatcher years. The ex-chairman of the car giants is wanted by the Inland Revenue on £97 million tax-fraud charges. A warrant for his arrest was issued in January 1992. Botnar’s backing for the Tories is understood to have begun in the early 1980s after the government announced plans to curb Japanese car imports, which would have hit his company."

In 1985 a score of the British Road Federation members, such as Tarmac and Taylor Woodrow, contributed £280,000 to the Conservative party."

In 1990 the Conservative party received donations from:-

RMC - £42,000;

Tarmac - £55,000;

Hansen - £99,000.

"Of the 14 largest contributors to Conservative party funds, 12 are the largest construction companies; and contracts for motorway construction are among the most lucrative slices of public spending under the control of central government."

"Last year party funds were boosted by more than £600,000 from road building companies. The British Road Federation .. has strong connections with the tory party. Tarmac and Alfred McAlpine, which both have members on the BRF board, are generous contributors to party funds."

Under the guise of aiding and fostering privatization, tory ministers have been rewarding their political backers with some extremely lucrative contracts. There is not the slightest possibility that the awarding of such contracts could be construed as corrupt. No sordid deals ever take place in great brutland’s banana parliament - except for a few bent bananas flogging parliamentary questions for a couple of thou.

According to a television documentary, over the last twenty years some of the country's top construction companies have been organizing local price cartels. The cartels were first uncovered in a 'this week' documentary broadcast in 1978 and the labour government began to prepare legislation to criminalize the practice. However, the bill was dropped in 1979 when the so-called 'free market' tories came to power - a 'free market' is one which has been rigged to benefit tory politicians and their businesses.

Sixty five local concrete cartels were uncovered, (there are areas in the country where there are no cartels). They were making in the region of £60-70 million a year, "An investigation in 'This Week' on 'The Concrete Mafia' claimed that concrete manufacturers make an extra £60 million a year in price rigging cartels. It was alleged that illegal deals have cost the tax-payer heavily but are tolerated by politicians buoyed by funds from building contractors.""An investigation showed that out of £250 million worth of major contracts awarded over the last six years, 87% were won by five companies. They were Tarmac Construction Ltd, Balfour Beatty Ltd, Gulliford (UK) Ltd, Associated Asphalt Co Ltd and ARC Ltd." More recently, "The National Audit Office revealed that more than £434 million worth of (road-construction) contracts - 51% of those awarded - were won by 5 firms, Balfour Beatty, Budge, Fairclough, Alfred McAlpine and Tarmac."

Given that the government provides the most business for construction companies, these companies have been committing, in effect, what the thatcher government regarded as one of the worst social sins - ripping off taxpayers. Many of the contracts awarded were for hospitals, schools, police, and community centres, etc. In other words, some of the country's biggest, and most prestigous, construction companies have made a regular habit of stealing from the sick, the young, and even the upholders of law and order. If a cartel was uncovered and the companies taken to court (which was extremely rare) there is no punishment for a first offence - only a caution. There are no hefty fines or prison sentences to act as a deterrent against corruption. The reason the tory government has never acted to stop this theft of public money is because many of the country's top construction companies donate huge sums of money to the tory party and because many tory politicans are on the boards of these companies.

The scam, then, is quite clear. Tory governments allow construction companies to steal taxpayers’ money in return for a share of the proceeds i.e. in the form of company donations to tory party coffers, which the tory party then uses to fund massive advertising campaigns to help it win elections in order to continue its criminal activities. The tory party is basically a criminal organization financed by criminal organizations posing as legitimate businesses.

"Tarmac, which donated more than £300,000 to the Conservative party in the past decade, stands to receive nearly £250 million in cash and guarantees from ministers to take over the projects division of the Property Services Agency."

The tory government not only provides its financial backers with hefty government contracts it also offers an additional subsidy, a sort of contract bonus, "Auditors (from the Auditor General Office) examined 120 (road) projects initially billed at £1.195 billion which finally cost £1,513 billion. Mps were told that the government was cutting the average overrun on the contracts from 18 to 14%. But auditors found that the overrun, after falling to 15% had risen to 27%." "Mr Brown, permanent secretary at the Department of Transport, said the ministry did not treat average figures of 28% cost overrun as failures because engineers could not predict most problems. He also said that neither the Treasury nor ministers could be given accurate estimates for new road schemes."

Tory governments have awarded many honours to directors of multi-national road/car/oil industries.

"More news of the strange decision to award an OBE to Angela Yeoman, the prominent Somerset tory and quarry-lover whose "services to the environment" were recognized in the new year's honours list. Only last summer the company was successfully prosecuted and fined for its "services against the environment". At Crawley magistrates' court, Foster Yeoman pleaded guilty to operating its roadstone coating plant at Gatwick Road, Crawley, without a certificate of registration, in breach of various health, safety and anti-pollution regulations. The company was fined £3,000 and ordered to pay £2,000 costs."

Given the lavish rewards available to politicians (of all political parties) who promote the interests of the road/car/oil corporations, it is hardly surprising that most of them lavish praise on the car, roads, traffic lights, car parks, motorway cafeterias, etc.

"In 1977, Nicholas Ridley .. presented an image of absolute freedom, "The private motorist .. wants the chance to live a life that gives him a new dimension of freedom - freedom to go where he wants, when he wants, and for as long as he wants."

Transport minister robert key .. "confessed to a reception hosted by Auto Express: "I love cars. I loved my first car, which was a wonderful Sunbeam Rapier. I also love roads. I’ve always loved roads. If ever there was an environmentally unfriendly form of transport it was railways." It is hard to say whether robert key was a bigger fruitcake than nicholas ridley but clearly, whilst he was allowed to drive around the department of transport, he had a damn good go.

Macgregor was a pro-road fanatic, "John MacGregor, the transport secretary, was roundly condemned for saying, just before next month's Earth Summit, that people should recognize roads were good for the environment."; "There are some who argue that expansion of the road network will be devastating for the environment. They are wrong. It is time to assert that road improvements are often good news for the environment." He is also reported as saying that, "My children think nothing of driving long distances to go to the opera, visit a National Trust property or see friends, and they want to do it reasonably quickly. That is the quality of life these days. That is what they want and that is what we have got to provide." Another premier league fruitcake.

During the 1992 general election campaign, john major sought to outline his ideal society. He mentioned the pathway to prosperity that had been achieved during the reign of margaret thatcher. What john had to offer, however, was much more grandiose, "I'm going to turn that pathway into a four lane motorway." Fortunately he did not entirely succeed in this mission and he even developed a number of enemies, like baron macalpine, for allowing the 1989 roads programme to be cut.

Labour politicians are different from tory politicians in that instead of saying what a marvellous thing cars are they moan about them - whilst driving around in cars, "I never fail to think as I drive around the Cotswolds and see the carnage on the roads - the huge numbers of corpses of various animals - that this is a paradigm of the whole relationship we have now developed."

In a house of commons select committee stephen norris, an ex car salesman, was asked why people are reluctant to use public transport. His response was that "people don’t want to be seated next to dreadful human beings." What he actually meant was that it isn’t possible for people like him to shag tory backbencher colleagues as easily on public transport as it is in his ministerial chauffeur driven car - quite whether teresa gorman can be included amongst his menagerie is not known. Another implication of this attitude is that motorists are such marvellous human beings that people drive on the roads just to observe their courteous behaviour. Despite his earlier occupation, norris is not regarded as being a pro-car/pro-road fanatic.

Austin Mitchell condemned those opposed to the introduction of car safety belts as "the provisional wing of the lunatic fringe of the libertarian lobby." Car safety belts increase car accidents, increase the threat to pedestrians, but help to save the lives of those motorists who have caused their own accidents.

One tory minister is such a keen supporter of the car he took his entire family out to duff up a few anti-roads protestors, "Tory minister Alan Stewart quit yesterday following his clash with motorway protestors which ended with him wielding a pick-axe. He said he was resigning as Scottish Office Minister to spare John Major’s government further "embarrassment" over the weekend incident. But his hopes of surviving the scandal were finally ended when police reported his 16 year old son for carrying a loaded air pistol during the bust up with demonstrators in his Glasgow constituency."

"Christopher Whitehouse, a researcher for MPs Nicholas and Ann Winterton, is a fervent anti-abortionist and SPUC campaigner, with a bull bar on his vehicle parked at the commons. Paul Flynn MP, who has been leading the parliamentary campaign to get bull bars banned, has attached a sarcastic letter to Whitehouses's vehicle from the Society for the Protection of the Born Child, stating 'the Society requests that you remove your stainless steel virility symbols from your vehicle'. (The Observer 14.5.95)."

The most famous 'i-love-'em-but-i'm-not-having-'em-in-my-back-garden' politician was nicholas ridley, secretary of state for his environment' who opened up the countryside to developers and aimed to do away with local structure plans (and local government) so that developers could build anywhere they wanted. Anywhere that is except outside his back garden. Despite his professed love of out of town hypermarkets/roads he personally intervened to stop a construction project just outside his home.

As will be noted below heseltine has been convicted for speeding and a couple of years ago expressed his admiration for the new 217 mph £400,000 xj220.

At the official opening of the new £20 million cherwell valley service station on the m40 at ardley, heseltine made a number of interesting comments, "The Henley MP said the Granada operation had already proved it was needed since the opening in March as it had an average of 120,000 people stopping every day. Mr Heseltine said, "Motorway service areas are needed by drivers to stop for refreshment, food and petrol. It is the government’s policy to build motorways and for private companies to provide the service areas later." He then attacked those who supported public transport by saying, "For those people who think that there is a simple solution to the problem you will need a car to get to the train station in the first place."

A few months later this facetious Carbon tart was going on about service stations yet again - this time objecting to plans to build one in his own constituency, "South Oxfordshire MP Michael Heseltine made his plea for Tetsworth (not to be turned into a service area) at the long running inquiry into service statins on the M40."

"Tory Paul Channon is fighting a £50 million motorway he backed as Transport Secretary." This bloke is such an idiot he had no idea the road he supported was passing near his home.

There are a number of government ministers, shadow ministers, and politicians in the country’s great Carbon brothel who show their concern for the environment by speeding down motorways. Politicians are opposed to dope smoking but they don’t mind a few shots of adrenalin (not to mention what seems to be mps’ favourite drug of use - poppers). Adrenalin can be obtained in plentiful supplies from fast cars. Of course dope is extremely dangerous but driving cars at high speed is not. The reason politicians are opposed to tough laws and long prison sentences for motorist offences is because most of them are constantly driving around the country breaking the law. The reason that politicians are opposed to decriminalizing dope is because it is much more difficult to drive at fast speeds when stoned.

"The shame faced MP picked up an endorsement on the motorway he had opened just months before. Michael, secretary of state for the Environment, admitted exceeding the limit in his Jag in May 1972. He had opened that M4 section nine months earlier ..."

On January 7th 1993 a "speed maniac appeared at Lancaster Magistrates Court after being caught by police driving at 71 mph in a 30 mph zone. The driver's name was Robert Atkins. Two years ago Mr Atkins was Roads and Traffic Minister at the Department of Transport. Incredibly, among his current ministerial responsibilities is to be in charge of road safety in Northern Ireland. Unbelievably he has not been asked to resign." The same story was given a slightly different slant by 'private eye', "At the beginning of January the opinion column, huffing and puffing about lawless Britain, reminded readers that the Daily Express had "long decried the tendency of the police to lavish more resources fighting motorists than thugs. It is a matter of priorities." Just three day's later the leader writer's own priorities had changed completely, as the same editorial was now calling for the roads to be "swept clean of lethal thugs". In all its excitement about murder, assault and dangerous driving, the paper forgot to mention that Conservative MP Robert Atkins, now the Ulster minister but also a former roads supremo, had been banned from driving after doing more than 70mph in a 30mph area."

"Not long ago Teresa Gorman was fined £55 after pleading guilty to driving at 50mph in a 30mph zone in south London. And what has been the response from the opposition benches? Complete silence. But then again it would be a bit rich for Labour's leading spokesperson John Prescott to stand up in the House of Commons and pontificate about the dangers of speed. After all, it is not that long ago that Prescott was convicted of speeding at 105mph. It was his third speeding conviction."

In 1995 teresa seemed to be breaking the law with some regularity. She is currently facing the possibility of a prison sentence for defying a court order not to carry out alterations to one of her many properties. Teresa is a free market anarchistic loony and doubtlessly this constant law breaking could be her way of protesting against unnecessary bureaucratic red tape - e.g. speed limits.

"An MP was branded a hypocrite yesterday for speeding on a road he is campaigning to make safer. Tory Michael Lord was clocked doing nearly 50 mph ABOVE THE SPEED LIMIT on the A140 at Scole, Norfolk. He told the Commons in 1989 that the road, which has claimed 50 lives in 10 years, was one of the most dangerous in east anglia."

"Jerry Hayes, MP for Harlow, received a six month driving ban after being caught speeding at 95mph. It was his fourth speeding conviction in 18 months."

Jerry hayes not only pumps out vast quantities of poisonous, Earth wrecking, emissions when he’s speeding down motorways, he also chairs a committee in the great Carbon brothel opposed to cigarette smoking, "Eight out of ten doctors believe it should be illegal to smoke in pubs, restaurants, offices and on public transport, a new survey revealed yesterday. The study, by the British Medical Association, shows increasing support among the profession to outlaw the weed. Tory MP Jerry Hayes, chairman of the Commons all-party Action on Smoking and Health group, said he was delighted with the results of the survey. "It reflects growing support for a tobacco advertising ban.""

It has just been noted above that porky has three speeding offences. He was the shadow secretary of state for transport when he was caught for the third offence. It might have been thought that for prospective secretaries of state for transport to be caught setting such a bad example to other motorists would have lead to his resignation, or ejection, from the shadow cabinet. However, such is the dominance of motorists both in government and society that he did not resign and, far from being sacked, was eventually promoted within the shadow cabinet. If labour had won the 1992 general election, he could have become secretary of state for transport. Allowing speed fanatics like porky to be secretary of state for transport is like putting the mafia in charge of the bank of england. That porky has committed so many speeding offences shows that he couldn't give a damn about the environment. As long as he's getting high on speed what the fuck does he, or for that matter the countless millions of other motorists who continually break the speed limit on a daily basis, really care about the Planet?

A few years ago, as pointed out in ‘carbuncle’ allan clarke was fined £100 for roaring down a motorway at 98mph. Clarke is no run-of-the-mill tory, duty bound by conventional mores. On the contrary, not only has he committed what, in polite circles, are called indiscretions he never wastes an opportunity to brag about his criminal activities, "Tory maverick Alan Clark was slammed last night for boasting that he drove at 115mph."

"Former Labour leader Neil Kinnock will apear in court this month - to face a motorway speeding charge. Police claim that Mr Kinnock was doing 103 mph when his car was stopped by a traffic patrol .." "Ex-Labour leader Neil Kinnock was banned for a week and fined £140 yesterday for doing 100mph. It’s his second speeding offence this year, a Safron Walden court heard." This just goes to show what this socialist eco-nazis thinks about the Earth. He is currently the european commissioner for transport. His task, which he pursues with great zeal, is to promote massive european wide road building projects in order to encourage even more motorists to speed as fast as they can across europe.

"Iain Duncan-Smith, MP for Chingford, was fined £210 and banned from driving for a week by Lymington magistrates for driving at 80mph through a 50mph road works speed limit. It was his second speeding offence within five months. Duncan-Smith pleaded that he needed his car for constituency work. (The Times and Today 15.2.95)."

"Lord Young was fined for driving without due care and attention." This same attitude manifested itself in his policies on the environment. Lord young was one of the few profligate Carbon tarts who was such an extreme free market zealot that he argued for the abolition of all regulations protecting the environment. We are dealing here with a mega fruit-cake.

"Publisher lord Stockton was banned for a month for doing more than a ton on the motorway. As well as the driving ban, Newbury magistrates also fined the peer £120."

"The speeding peer was stopped in his powerful Maserati on July 1989. Berkshire magistrates banned him for a month."

It is appalling enough that politicians are caught speeding but it is even more so when they are caught drinking and driving - especially so when they are on transport commitees concerned with promoting road safety!

"A tory MP caught drink-driving on his way to a crucial Commons vote was yesterday fined £350 and banned for 15 months. Vivian Bendall, 57, MP for Ilford North, agreed to attend a drink-drivers' "rehabilitation" course which, if completed, would reduce his disqualification by three months. He was almost double the legal-limit when police pulled him in as he was speeding along the Embankmentin his BMW on March 1st. Bendall, a staunch right winger, has been an MP for 15 years."

"Heart-throb Scottish Minister Lord James Douglas Hamilton .. as Scottish Transport Minister launching a Speed Kills campaign shortly after being caught speeding."

Eric pickford .. "chairman of the Isle of wight's transport committe, drank Buck's Fizz with the local police chief at a Christmas bash. Eric, 64, wept with shame yesterday as he said, "I thought it was orange juice. I am deeply embarrassed but I won't resign and I still back our campaign against drink driving most strongly.""

"A mayor banned from the road for drink driving has been caught at the wheel again by cops."

Paddy ashdown had an accident in his freebie rover 620.

"Conservative Party vice-chairman Eric Pickles MP and Ford Motors’ UK chairman Ian McAllister escaped with minor injuries."

"Labour MP Bob Cryer was killed in a car accident as he drove back to London." Cryer was a highly respected figure in both the house of commons and on the left but all we can say is thank goodness this eco-nazis socialist won’t be poisoning the Earth any more.

Part Two: Tory Carism.

I: The Tory's Disinterest in Measuring Pollution.

In brutland, motorists have had such a tight grip on power they have been able to ensure that there has been virtually no monitoring of vehicle exhaust pollution, "Dr Malcolm Green, dean of the National Heart and Lung Institute and chair of the British Lung Foundation, has said that investigations into air quality were virtually abandoned since the 1970s after the success of the clean air act. Britain has just six stations monitoring car exhaust pollution." It was only after protests from environmental groups that more monitoring stations have been introduced - not a lot, and not many by roads where they might be expected to measure vehicle exhaust pollution - but there has been some progress in this area.

II: The Tory's Lavish Devotion to Motorists.

II.A: Monitoring Traffic Flows.

In comparison to the non monitoring of the country's pollution flows, vast amounts of money are lavished on monitoring traffic flows. Local authority transport departments employ hundreds of people to measure the number of cars on the roads and it is a fairly common sight to see people sitting in little portakabins, perched close to the edge of a major road intersection, counting the number of passing cars. Information is then collected to help formulate policies to ... increase traffic flows .. because, as is widely known in the department of transport, free flowing traffic decreases pollution.

II.B: Financing Spies on Anti-Roads’ Protestors not Murderous Motorists.

"As parliamentary answers have revealed, Bray’s were paid £251,656 to spy on roads protestors at Twyford Down. At Solsbury Hill, Bray’s have earned £21,000 for spying on anti-roads protestors, with the final bill expected to total £100,000. And at the M11 link road the bill is £500,000 and rising. (This lavish expenditure is in stark contrast to the funding of speed cameras; a parliamentary reply on 5 November 1993 revealed that London’s 34 camera sites were serviced by just 5 cameras."

III: Company Cars Receive Bigger Welfare Payments than the Unemployed.

The company car perk is a welfare payment to the rich and super-rich, "Every household in Britain is paying an average £150 a year subsidy for company cars." Company managers and directors receive more in company cars perks than an unemployed person receives in income support.

The main reason for traffic jams in both the united states and brutland is the vast government subsidies given to motorists. In the united states the subsidy is cheap fuel. In brutland it is the company car perk - free cars, free petrol, free insurance, free repairs, free car parking, "Company car users account for around 80% of the motorists commuting into London everyday." It is not as if company car owners are using their cars solely to drive to work, "The notorious practise of clocking up 'business' miles will also stay. As a speaker at a recent CBI conference put it; "The perk cars that sit in home counties station car parks 10 months of the year often find themselves used for a spate of "essential" business journey's as each tax year draws to a close - surely not an effective use of British management time."" This subsidy has been defended to the hilt by various tory governments whose creed has been ‘efficiency’ and ‘value for money’. When governments are willing to subsidize traffic jams and seem utterly intent on investing huge sums of money to keep the country's top business leaders stuck in their cars, this shows all too clearly that such politicians are not acting rationally, let alone economically, but are displaying the all too obvious symptoms of carism, autocratic bigotry. Carists are willing to promote the interests of cars even if this runs against the interests of motorists, the economy and the Earth’s life support system.

All motorists receive huge welfare payments for owning a car. It has been calculated that motorists pay only 27% of the total costs of owning a car, "John Whitelegg of Lancaster University said road transport in Britain enjoyed enormous subsidies at the public expense. Cars paid only 27% of the cost they imposed on society, in road building, accidents and pollution, and lorries paid only 23%. The annual subsidy almost certainly exceeds £20 billion dwarfing funds spent on environmentally friendly transport." This means that even low paid, carless people are helping to subsidize rich motorists.

During the time when the poll tax was being levied many carless people, such as the low paid, contributed as much to local authorities' expenditure on transport as rich, multi-car owning, individuals. Even the unemployed, who are least likely to own a car, made a contribution to improving transport for the rich.

There are times when it seems as if some tory mps are so right wing (libertarian/anarchistic) they want to abolish all petty restrictions on motorists - including speed limits on motorways and other major roads. They hope not merely to sell off the country’s roads but to turn roads into free market areas where motorists can do what they want. "Police are facing curbs on their powers to prosecute motorists. Home Secretary Kenneth Clarke is planning sweeping changes in the way Britain’s traffic laws are enforced. Mr Clarke wants to halt the increasing use of radar and spy cameras to trap speedsters. He plans an examination of the vast sums spent on this equipment, as high as £370 million by some estimates." What is the point of having laws if they are not going to be enforced? The tories usually fail to enforce laws they would prefer to abolish.

Since mappa mundi issue II ‘car-buncle’, the government has changed its mind about road tolls and is currently looking into their feasibility. Robert key decided to take the idea one step further, "Motorists could be charged for every mile they travel at over the motorway speed limit under a controversial "pay as you speed plan" it has emerged. Robert Key, the Roads minister .. is keen to penalize motorists every time they exceed the speed limit. The idea would rely on technology likely to be introduced before 2000 to charge Britain's 30 million motorists a flat fee to use the motorways." (Even the British Roads Federation thought this plan, "a pointless diversion which seems to legitimize speeding.").

The government is opposed to the police carrying out random breath tests on motorists (even those leaving pubs) but its recent criminal justice bill gives police the power to stop and search pedestrians. This is a transparent example of government bigotry against pedestrians. The government seems to assume that pedestrians are potential robbers, rapists, or drugs’ dealers whereas motorists are not.

Perhaps the most well known example of the government's pro-car bigotry is that while roads are free (the government funds road construction out of general taxation which means that motorists do not have to pay for using roads), railways have to pay the full costs rail construction (which means that customers pay all the costs). The government provides motorists with free roads but expects rail travellers to pay for the railways.

Perhaps the most obvious manifestation of the tory government's antipathy towards the carless is that whilst it is perfectly willing to spend tens of billions of pounds building motorways and dish out billions of pounds worth of subsidies to the car industry via company car perks, its attitude to the bicycle is that, "The government still believes that 'it is not its role to encourage people to cycle.'"

XII: 'We Don't Need any Reasons to Build Roads'.

The dot use a massive computer programme to determine whether a road should or should not be built. The fact that all of the road proposals are eventually built should make people suspicious about the basic assumptions being used in this programme. However, the basic role of this programme is to make decision-making about roads so complicated that anyone who wishes to determine why a road should be built is faced with insurmountable difficulties. It has been assumed by road protestors for many years that the dot and local authorities actually carried out these bogus calculations to prove that a road is necessary but it has recently been discovered that this is not the case and that the entire operation is a sham, "Protestors against Newcastle City Council's Cradlewell bypass have exposed a potential scandal. Firstly, the cost-benefit analysis for the scheme is all over the place and secondly, no one - not the Department of Transport or the Audit Commission checked the figures before approving the scheme. Indeed, it looks like the local authority cost-benefit analysis that are used to get big grants for road schemes are never checked."