Jane had had to meet with a student on the Friday that Emily was released from the hospital. According to Jane, Sally had been asking a lot of questions since Emily never did anything that pertained to school without clearing it with her first. So the fact that Emily supposedly took off for Mackinac Island without informing Sally was causing Sally to be uncharacteristically testy. Sally just couldn't fathom Emily leaving for a vacation knowing she had at least 3 appointments with perspective students a day that week. Jane was ready to wring Sally's neck for not giving it a rest. That was why instead of Jane being there to take Emily home from the hospital she was at school meeting a student who'd been on Emily's calendar. Emily had asked Jane to meet with the student, just to pacify Sally for the day. The absence of Jane was why I was asked to take Emily home.
Emily was quiet on the way to her house. I mean she didn't attempt to sign to me much. Then again being as short as I am it is possible and probable that I missed a few of the things that she did say since I have to sit so close to the steering wheel and my passenger ended up sitting pretty much behind me and out of my peripheral vision. I remember that we were sitting at a light waiting for it to change, when I finally asked her, "When will you tell the others?"
I watched her sign as we sat, "Maybe Monday. I can't keep this a secret much longer, not from the people who work with me. Some are already suspicious that something is happening, like Sally."
"You're about 11 weeks, now?" I asked at the next stoplight.
"Yes, why?" she replied and settled again into stillness as we sped through town towards the residential area where she lived.
When we pulled up at her house I didn't notice the blue Chevy pickup with Colorado plates sitting in front of it but she did. I signed, "You should have a few more weeks before you start showing. You're tall and muscular. You'll hide it well for maybe another 8 weeks." I waited for her to answer me but she sat there looking bewildered.
"Emily?" I finally signed tapping her on the shoulder when she failed to register my fingerspelling. She turned and looked at me with a confused expression. "What's wrong?"
I was too busy looking at her to notice the long, tall man saunter from behind her house. When I saw him I sat dumbstruck myself in both English and in sign. He was Clark Gable in a Stinson, cowboy boots and wrangler jeans. My mouth must have dropped open because I swear I swallowed a fly. He had to be the most gorgeous hunk of a man I'd laid eyes on in a long time. His coal black hair rivaled Emily's with silver mixed in and a pencil mustache that would have sent Scarlet O'Hara swooning.
"Jack," she signed low out of his visual range.
"Jack," I thought, "Who is Jack?" Then it dawned on me who Jack was.
Emily didn't move but sat staring at him as I was. I didn't realize at the time he was signing to her. I was too enchanted by him to notice.
He stood next to her door for a long time. She wouldn't look at him. I didn't know what to do. "Should I drive off? Should I stay?" It was up to her and she wasn't telling me anything. My eyes darted back and forth between them waiting for one of them to break the so-called silence that had engulfed us. Finally, Emily turned to me and signed, "Drive. I can't talk to him right now."
I drove to the closest Mall and parked behind it off the beaten path. We'd left Jack chasing the car down the street, which had left me more than a bit nervous. "Okay, Emily, want to tell me what is going on?" I asked after I rolled down the windows and turned off the car to catch the spring breeze that blew off the lake.
"I went to Colorado in March to visit friends over Spring Break. I met Jack at Estes Park through a mutual friend. We shared histories. He said he felt the same way I do about life. I believed him. He followed me back here. I thought maybe this time it would mean something. Maybe this time I'd find Prince Charming. He said all the right things. He did all the right things. He made me love him.
I have had relationships in the past, long drawn out affairs. I'm not the type of woman who makes rash decisions. I had never allowed myself to be free... until I met Jack."
I understood what she was saying between the signs. She wasn't a one-night stand. All her past relationships had been long affairs where it had taken months of getting to know each other before she'd let the relationship go farther. Jack was the first man with whom she'd let go of herself and let nature take its course. I signed, "I understand. What happen? Why'd he leave?"
"I wanted more than he wanted to give me. I wanted something permanent. He wanted me but not forever. He got scared."
"He left because you said something about marriage?"
"No, I didn't mention marriage. I wanted to know if he loved me."
"Oh, I see. He was gone the next morning?"
"Yes, he didn't say anything. He packed his bags and left."
"Now he's back and you're pregnant with his baby."
"Right! He won't want the baby. He doesn't want me. I'm an idea."
"What did he say to you when we pulled up? I didn't realize he was signing at first."
"He was apologizing. He said he had to get away to think."
"Do you believe him?"
"No, after he left I called my friend in Colorado and asked about Jack. He's well known for loving and leaving. I wish my friend had told me that to start with. Maybe I wouldn't be in the mess I'm in now."
"When God closes one door he opens another. Maybe that is why there was a Jack in your life, so you could have this baby."
"I wish love didn't have to hurt this much."
I had to smile at the naivety of that statement. She didn't know that motherhood with all its love was also a test in extreme pain. For every ounce of love a child would give her, it too would also break her heart. But in the end Love usually was all that would be remembered, unlike the pain she felt when she saw Jack standing in the waning sun outside her house. "We all wish that Emily," I responded before adding, "What do you want to do? You need to rest. Monday is a big day."
"I need peace."
"Peace?" I remember thinking as we sat looking at the setting sun. What is it to a deaf person? To a hearing person it means escaping sound and thought. My form of peace is to turn off my hearing aids and soak in a hot bubble bath, languishing in the luxury and fragrance surrounding me as candles flicker and dance upon the walls. But what does a deaf person do for peace.... there is no need to escape sound. Peace for them would be escaping people. Escaping the need for sign. Escaping into a world of oneness and tranquility. How does a deaf person escape? Close their eyes to the world around them? Drive off into the sunset where they don't need to think or communicate? To sit by a rushing stream and feel that the water is carrying away all the pain and hurt? Peace? Peace...
"Where do you need to go to find peace Emily?" I asked after I started the car.
"Where Jack won't find me."
"Could you stay with Jane?"
"No, I'd not find peace at Jane's. She has 5 kids."
"Five? No peace there. She's not mentioned her children to me. I'm surprised."
"They are adopted. Two are from South Korea. One is from China. One is from South America. And the youngest is from Russia. All of them are deaf."
"Wow, I didn't realize Jane is married."
"Divorced."
"I see."
"She'll tell you about it in Deaf Communities," Emily replied.
"Okay. So where now?"
"My house. We'll see if Jack is gone. I will get my things and leave a note for the animal's caretaker. Then you can take me to a hotel."
"Are you sure you want to be alone?"
She looked into the distance before turning to look at me as she signed, "Yes, I need peace. I need to regain my strength. Monday I have to be strong."