School had become much harder for me once I entered the last semester. I no longer had Jane as my ASL teacher and the switch to Betsy was difficult for me to adjust to having. Not that Betsy is a bad teacher but every single one of these ladies has a different set of standards. There is not too much in the way of consistency among them. I remember one time when I had Emily for ASL Grammar and Jane for ASL. We had to sign requests on videotape, and then grade ourselves for the ASL class Once we graded ourselves then Jane would grade the tape and our self-evaluation. This was a good learning experience but I am terrible at self-evaluation. Anyway what happened was that Emily gave us a sentence in ASL Grammar class that used the ASL mouthing SOW, which means Sick-Of-It. The next day I had to do this videotape thing for Jane using SOW. So I thought ah ha eureka I don’t have to try and figure out transcription for the evaluation for Jane all I have to do is use what Emily gave us in ASL Grammar. I mean how can what Emily gave us in class as a correct transcription of SOW be counted wrong? Well, it can be if Jane likes another way of saying the sentence better than the way Emily used. Which is what happened. Emily gave us something like, “I’m sick of it. My Brother teases his cat.” And Jane deems this version wrong and told me that I should transcribe it as something more like, “My Brother teases his Cat. I’m sick of it.”
When I got my paperback and she had marked my grade down a point because of how I transcribed it I was like wait a minute how can it be transcribed wrong if that is how Emily told us to transcribe it? I took the paper first to Emily and asked her about it. She told me that Jane’s way was just another way. It isn’t more right or wrong than her way. So then I took it to Jane and asked her about it. I asked her how what I wrote was wrong if it was what Emily told us in class was one of the right ways. Jane was like Emily said this is the right way? I answered yes and explained that I had asked about the difference already and that Emily said that Jane’s way was just another way to transcribe it. Suffice to say my grade did not change and Emily and Jane are still in conflict over which is the right way. How can one teacher mark down a student’s grade for what another teacher teaches them is an equal alternative? Beats me but that is just one of the inconsistencies that I have come up against while trying to learn ASL.
Betsy’s teaching differed from Jane’s. She was more laid back and wanted less instead of more. I was lost for sometime on how she signed differently than Jane but as time passed I got so that I do understood her better than I had to start with. Cherry helped me when she could but I think she got frustrated with me too.
By the middle of March I was beginning to feel as if I had finally come up for air. Betsy was less of an enigma and my other classes were going well. Emily and Laurel had sort of settled into a routine. Laurel was letting her mother sleep 6 hours straight without having to eat or be changed. Matt was still taking Emily out to dinner or a movie once a week while either Cherry or I or one of Emily’s other friends babysat. I think she was glad to have a moment to for herself and no longer complained to me about my so-called fixing her up with my cousin. And Jane and Colin’s wedding was fast approaching. Jane was a nervous wreck and it was showing at school.
But then our happiness ended. It was a cold morning in March with snow on the ground and a sharp crisp breeze in the air, the kind that makes it hurt to breath. I got to school to find Emily sitting in Clarissa’s office looking a bit stunned. I waited in the doorway until they had finished talking. I don’t like to watch other’s sign as I feel like I’m eavesdropping. Emily finally stood up and saw me waiting. “What’s up?” I signed following her to her office, which was a bit unusual. I normally have to tell her I prefer to talk to her in her office and not in the hall or in Clarissa’s office.
We entered the room and she closed the door. I knew then and there whatever it was it was not good. She looked in the crib at the sleeping Laurel and then sat down in her chair. She looked at me briefly, searching my eyes before she signed, “Elizabeth O’ Brian died this morning.”
“What?” I signed and said at the same time, incredulous to the news.
“She was alone in her dorm room. The doctor thinks she had an epileptic seizure and choked.”
“I don’t know what to say. I can’t believe she died.”
“I have been with her parents all morning. It is devastating,” Emily said wiping at a stray tear. She rarely cried now that her hormones were not raging all the time.
For a moment I sat just trying to absorb the news. It seemed like just a few days earlier that we’d taken Emily with us to the Bridal Gown shop while Elizabeth tried on dresses for her wedding and we all had gotten to feel Laurel’s first tiny pattering against Emily’s abdomen. It seemed just like yesterday that I had been admonishing Elizabeth about drinking one alcoholic drink at the ASLTA Gala. I wanted to turn back time and tell her that I real did think of her as a friend but now that chance was forever lost to me. I could only hope that she knew how I felt. Finally, I found a way to talk “has there been arrangements made?”
“Later today. You should find Cherry. She was one of the ones who found Elizabeth,” Emily said and I jumped up to run out of her office as soon as I understood what she was signing. I ran from the building as fast I could across campus to the dorms, where I found Cherry surrounded by others wanting to offer comfort or wanting to find out what she knew. I cut through the crowd and wrapped my arms around her. We sat and cried together at the loss of our friend.
Once classes were finished for the day and after the initial numbing effect of our grief wore off we drove across town to Emily's since she'd taken the baby and left work earlier than normal. We thought it was just because of the emotional strain at the loss of a student. It had to have been hard for Emily too as well as us but on a different plain than what Cherry and I was dealing with, especially Cherry since she was who found Elizabeth and tried to help save her. However, we were wrong.
Emily opened the door with red, tear rimmed eyes and the baby was crying on her shoulder. Cherry took Laurel from Emily so that she could talk easier as I asked, "What's wrong?"
"Today is a sad day. Aunt Nora died as well. She has had pneumonia continually since Thanksgiving. Her son called after you went to the dorm and told me the news."
"Oh I'm so sorry. Is there anything we can do? Nora was so full of life it's hard to imagine her being dead," I said looking at Cherry as she nodded her approval.
"The funeral is the same day as Elizabeth's. I need to attend both."
"When are the funerals?" Cherry asked because we hadn't gotten the details yet on when Elizabeth's funeral would be.
"Both are on Monday. Elizabeth's is at 10 AM and Aunt Nora's funeral is at 2 PM. Elizabeth is having two funerals, one here and then one that is later in the day in her hometown. Aunt Nora will be buried here in Wolf Lake. She grew-up here. Her family is all buried here. Her children want her to be with the rest of her family."
"Do you want us to watch Laurel while you go to Aunt Nora's funeral?"
"Thank you. That would be nice. It's too cold for her to go to the cemetery with me."
"Fine. After Elizabeth's funeral we'll meet you here and look after Laurel so you can be with your family friends. I know I don't have class until 5 PM.
"Same for me," Cherry said then went on to say, "Do you want us to bring you some lunch when we come? You're going to be busy and not thinking about yourself."
"Sure," Emily answered as Matt let himself in the front door. He didn't even bother with the light anymore. I think he half thought of Emily's house as an extension of his own.
When Cherry and I left Matt and Emily were discussing whether or not he would attend the funeral for Aunt Nora with her. I took it as a good sign that maybe there were becoming closer than just friends.
Monday came with much sorrow. Cherry and I drove to the funeral home that was nearest to the school. It had been chosen so that all of Elizabeth's friends could attend. Jane, Betsey and the rest had told us if we wished to go to the funeral it would not count against our attendance record. They understood that she was our friend as well as a student at the school. Most everyone that was there was from the school. Only Elizabeth's immediate family was there from her hometown. Cherry and I moved by the casket that was the color of faded pink roses. Elizabeth rested there. Her hands were folded over her chest with a strand of rosary beads clutched in her right hand. She looked much the same as she had in life. I reached out to touch her and then drew back at the cold feel of her skin. It was hard to remember that she was dead and not just sleeping. I turned away wiping my eyes, wondering how death could be so cruel to take someone so young with so much life a head of them. I found no answer or solace in Elizabeth's death. There was no meaning, no lesson to be learned except death didn't care who he took. He just claimed. I'd like to think that there is now another angel in heaven watching over all of us who loved her. That was the only peace I could claim to find.
Cherry looked just as stunned as I felt. We sat through the service that was completely oral. Her parents had made no concessions for the Deaf in the crowd. They probably didn't even think about the fact that Emily was there or that Jane was there. They were on the perimeter of conscious thought and not the focus. Emily and Jane sat together and spoke to each other in sign. I couldn't follow the sermon either so that I watched them out of the corner of my eyes and I looked about the room watching and waiting for visual cues to let me know things like when it was time to bow my head in prayer. I whispered to Cherry, "If there is prayer tap me when it's over so I know when to open my eyes again. I won't know when the minister says amen."
"Oh, right. Okay." Cherry signed as it dawned on her that in truth the service was made for only those who could hear. She looked over at Jane and Emily waiting to see how they handled prayer. When a prayer did come, their eyes remained opened as they watch the minister intently. But he too looked down with his eyes shut as he prayed. I saw this as I peeked at them and him during the prayer with a squinted half-closed eye. After the prayers came the music and the singing. I, at least, knew the songs from memory and could follow them but I knew Jane wouldn't and the probability that Emily would be able to follow as well was not very good. I felt badly but there was nothing I could do. Jane, Emily and I were outcasts in a hearing world and made to know it whether we wanted to or not. We had come to honor a friend and student yet we could not participate in that honor because we had been left out. Our presence was the only way we had to show our respect, love and friendship. It had to be enough.
Once Elizabeth's funeral was over we all went to Emily's house where it was decided that Cherry and I would go to the funeral while Matt watched Laurel. Then after it was over we'd go back to her house while she went on to the cemetery. Cherry and I wanted to pay tribute to Aunt Nora too. In the short time that we knew her we loved her and we were sorry at her passing.
Nora's funeral was very different from Elizabeth's. The hearing were in the minority and the Deaf the majority. The service was lead in ASL. When we prayed we did so with our eyes open as we looked toward the heavens. There was no music. The Deaf people congregated together talking with expressive movements, reconnecting with old friends and making new while the hearing milled around looking lonely. Everyone spoke of Nora's love and how she lived life to the fullest. And unlike Elizabeth's funeral an interpreter was provided for the hearing people during the service. Deaf know too well what it is like to be left out so they try hard to make sure that there is inclusion for all. Nora's funeral was no less moving or honorific than Elizabeth's funeral just different. The silence was the most profound difference. Instead of low murmurs of condolence all around were flying fingers gracefully dancing their language through the air.
Cherry and I had not seen Nora since early November. In her time away and in her sickness she had changed to almost not being recognizable. She had been diminutive when we saw her but she'd become even smaller as if she had shrunk within herself. Her pretty white hair had thinned. Her face had lost its cheery glow. Her eyes that had sparkled with mischievous merriment were forever closed. Her casket was a metallic gray-blue with a pale blue lining and on her chest laid a cross. On the lapel of her dress was a pin of hands shaped to form the sign for friends. Seeing it made me cry.
There was another difference between Elizabeth and Nora. Nora's life had been full. She'd married, had children, worked, loved and lived life to the fullest. Elizabeth would never have those things. Elizabeth's life ended to soon but maybe that was the lesson that I had been seeking in her death... that everything must come to an end. Nora' s life story was long and sweet and Elizabeth's was all too short but they were lives and they had met their ends. I knew that in my heart I'd miss them both.