The semester passed quickly, too quickly for me. I looked back through time to what had come to pass and how much I had learned. Through it all I had grown as a person, made new friends and discovered more about myself than I had ever dreamed possible. I guess one never really stops learning. I look back and cringe on some of the things that had come to pass and smile with unshed tears in my eyes at other memories. I look back and think if I had only known thus and such maybe I’d not have done this or that but the past can’t be changed only learned from. I hope that I have learned from the mistakes I have made as well as from the patience of my friends and teachers who have also taught me that I don’t have to be perfect or live up to anyone’s expectations but my own. I also have learned not to be so hard on myself, to stop worrying that I will make a mistake because I will make mistakes they are human nature. There is no point fretting over them people will understand.
I have my regrets, plenty of them. I regret that I hurt Emily when Joanna made her accusation and Emily I thought turned against me. I said something too her in the email I sent that day that I knew would be the one thing that would cause her pain more than anything I could do. I said it so that she’d hurt as much as I was hurting and that is wrong. And I will never be able to let go of the fact that I purposely hurt her and I will have to live with that always.
I guess that knowing that my time at Wolf Lake was growing to an end I became sentimental. I hated the thought that I would be leaving my friends behind. I hated the thought that I’d return to my home and all of this would have been for naught. It made me cry many tears. However, before graduation there was a brief time of happiness before the grief and sadness of departure: Colin and Jane’s wedding.
April 4th came with spring in the air. The sun was warm and fresh. The tulips, daffodils, narcissus and hyacinth were blooming. The birds were returning from their winter migrations south. Everything felt renewed and full of life. This was the day that Jane and Colin had picked to join together in holy matrimony.
I went to the church with Deirdre and Jill from school. I’m not sure that any of us knew what to expect since we’d never attended a Deaf or partially Deaf wedding before. We were all curious about the differences there would be. Given that Colin’s family was hearing I suspected it would be very integrated as to what would happen. There was an organist playing music when we entered. The usher took Jill’s arm and asked in Sign, “Deaf or hearing?”
Jill looked surprised but replied, “Hearing.”
The usher then asked with his voice, “Bride or Groom?”
“Um, I’m not sure. Rachel, who are we supposed to say? Jane or Colin?”
“Does it matter we know both. Well at least I do.”
“Okay, so either side is fine?” The usher asked leading us down the aisle.
“Yes,” Deirdre answered as we sat down in the pew we had been directed to sit in.
I looked around after we sat. The church’s pews were split into three sections with aisles between each section. The right hand side was apparently Colin’s family side as I recognized some of Cherry’s family sitting in it. The left-hand side was apparently Jane’s family since I recognized some of her family sitting there, her 2 older sisters and her brother. We were sitting on Colin’s side. And the middle section was obviously for those attending that were Deaf because there were two of the interpreters from school sitting at the front of the church, talking to themselves.
Slowly the church filled with people some talking some signing but all were smiling. The music stopped and the interpreters stood. The minister came out of an alcove and walked to the center of the nave. Then the bridegroom and the groomsmen walked down the groom’s side aisle to stand on the minister’s left. First there was Colin, then a man I didn’t know but assumed he was a friend to Colin. Next there was Micah and Cherry’s 2 brothers.
There was no bridal march played. Everyone was directed to stand by the Minster who raised his arms. The bridesmaids came next. First there were Jane’s daughters followed by Cherry and then by Emily who looked like she’s like to be in anything besides the dress she was wearing. But she looked pretty. They all did. The dresses were a soft rose pink with sheer sleeves and empire waists. The hung in an A line pattern so the bottoms were slightly flared. The bodices were fitted with a modest sweetheart neckline. Jane’s daughter’s were cute in theirs dresses. They had been tailored slightly different than Cherry’s and Emily’s. Mainly, their dresses did not have the heart shaped neckline. Their neckline went to the neck and had a raised collar. Then instead of plain satin dresses they had a shear eyelet overlay.
I suspected the empire waist of the dresses was to accommodate the fact that Emily still carried baby fat. It’s not like she could be expected to loose all the weight from her pregnancy by the time of the wedding so they made sure that no matter what shape Emily was in the dress still fit. The only problem however slight that I could see was that Emily filled her bodice to almost overflowing and Cherry could have used a bit of help. I suspected that because of how fast the wedding was happening that as long as the dresses fit in most ways they were not going to be that picky. Cherry’s dress could have been used to give Emily’s about one more inch but I was probably the only one who sat around and analyzed the dresses. It’s not like it really was that noticeable. I just happen to like to analyze everything.
Then came the flower girls. This consisted of Cherry’s 6 year-old twin sisters, whom wore white organza. The ring bearer was Jane’s son Patrick who was handsome all decked out in a black tux with a rose pink cummerbund that matched the bridegrooms and the color of the bridesmaid’s dresses.
Finally, Jane came down the bride’s aisle at the arm of her mother, wearing a floor length champagne colored laced dress. It had a fitted bodice of lace over satin. The skirt was champagne colored satin in the same A-line pattern of the bridesmaid’s dresses. The sleeves were lace and went to her hands. Her flower colors were pink, burgundy and cream-colored roses with baby’s breath mixed in. She wore a crown and no veil. I hadn’t expected a veil because most Deaf don’t want anything to hide their face. The reason being is that a lot of information about what is being said is found on the face when the person is using ASL. It also is a hamper to visibility, which is also important to the Deaf Culture.
After Jane was at the altar I noticed a 3rd interpreter standing at the left of the minister. This interpreter was Nancy, the one that had challenged me about Emily way back in the summer. She’s a very nice lady and a wonderful interpreter so that wasn’t a shock to me either. I knew she was there for Jane. I suspected that the Minister would be conducting the service using his voice for Colin’s benefit. He was still rather inept at signing though he’d caught on quickly. But he might have thought that the day was too big a day and he’d be too nervous to follow what was being said if it were only in Sign.
For me maybe the biggest surprise was the fact that Jane was marrying a “Hearie,” not just a hearie but a hearie that was not fluent in ASL. But then again I believe that Love conquers all and they did seem to love each other. I hoped it was enough to help them past their cultural differences.
The wedding itself was pretty routine. The minister read the vows. The interpreters signed what had been said. Jane used her voice to answer him, as did Colin. It may have taken a bit longer for the wedding stuff to be finished because of the interchange between the languages but basically it wasn’t that much different. And then it was over as the minister said, “You may now kiss the bride.” Colin bent forward and kissed Jane sweetly and tenderly, then stepped back as the minister and interpreters said, “Now I present to you Mr. and Mrs. Colin Gibbons.” Tears found me and I cried for Jane and Colin as they walked down the bride’s side aisle towards the back of the church.
I cried not only in happiness but because it reminded me that there had been a time when Deaf were not allowed to marry for fear that they might produce more Deaf children. I can’t imagine living in such a world but it existed here just as it exists else where in the world even today. Ninety percent of deaf children are born to hearing parents. Only 10 percent of the world’s populations of deaf have one or both parents that are deaf. I was pretty certain that Jane and Colin would not be having or adopting more children, the five she already had were enough but at least they had that option, whereas in the past it would have been closed to them.
The history of Deaf is a complex story. Not all of it is bad there are times of enlightenment among the Hearing of the world that helped the Deaf but in general there has been many years of oppression and denial. ASL got its start in France when an Abbe’ named Abbe’ de le Eppe’ found two deaf girls using sign. He took them and taught them and expanded on their visual language. A century later in America a man named Thomas Gallaudet started teaching a little girl named Alice Cogswell. He decided that more should be done to teach the Deaf and went to France where he found a student of the Abbe’ de le Eppe’ method of teaching Deaf sign language and asked this gentleman to not only teach him sign but to return to America with him. This man was Laurent Clerc.
Laurent, while teaching Gallaudet sign, was being taught English. Together the two men started the Hartford (Connecticut) School for the Deaf. As time went on members of the American Deaf community changed the language Clerc taught. This community was primarily residence of Martha’s Vineyard. For more than a century on the isle of Martha’s Vineyard there had lived in harmony with the Hearing people a settlement of Deaf. The hearing learned the sign language of their Deaf neighbors so that people hardly knew who was Deaf and who was hearing. Everyone was the same. The children from Martha’s Vineyard went to the Hartford School and incorporated their Home signs into Clerc’s French Sign Language. A Creole language was born between French and the American Sign found on Martha’s Vineyard. This Creole language eventually became what today is known as American Sign Language.
It was during Gallaudet’s and Clerc’s life that things went pretty well for the Deaf people of America. But then came the Congress of Milan Italy in 1880. This was a Congress of men of supposed enlightenment who’d gathered to decide how Deaf people should be taught. Every man there but one was hearing. One of the best known of these men was Alexander Graham Bell, known as the father of the telephone. These men did not ask Deaf people what they wanted. They came together and decided without asking, without researching or taking the lives of the Deaf into account, that Deaf should be made to speak. After this Congress the Deaf schools rapidly became schools that taught oralism. The number of Deaf teachers dropped by more than 80%. Children were made to use their voice and all traces of sign language were banned from the schools. But the students rebelled and did use sign among themselves proliferating its use in secret.
As time went on the parents of Deaf children began to realize that their children were not being properly educated. In the 1960’s it was found that most Deaf did not have a reading level above that of an ordinary fourth grader. Parents began to question their children’s education and came to understand that most of the time that their children was in school was spent learning to be oral at the cost of education about the world. Deaf children seriously lagged behind that of their mainstreamed counterparts with hearing not because they were unintelligent but because all their time was spent with a speech teacher being forced to produce sound that meant pretty much zilch to them.
Slowly things changed by the late 1980’s most of the Deaf Residential Schools started adopting a Bilingual/Bicultural policy. They started teaching sign language again as the primary language of the Deaf and teaching English as the secondary language that is used for writing and reading. In this way Deaf children are finally getting an education that allows them to learn about their world and participate in it wholly. I sat watching Jane and Colin’s wedding with a sense of awe and respect at what it really meant and how far Deaf have come from being the oppressed society that they had been in the past, thanks pretty much to the Congress of Milan in 1880. Alexander Graham Bell may have been a great man but he did not do Deaf people any justice.
Eventually the ushers came to our row and let us go greet the wedding party. My tears still ran freely as I kissed Colin’s cheek and whispered, “Congratulations.”
“Thanks, Sweetie. Never thought I’d make this trip but it’s worth it.”
I signed so that Jane and Emily would know what I said, “Jane is worth it. She’s a special lady. You better treat her right or Cherry and I will hurt you.”
Colin smiled, “Cherry’s already threatened me. I’ll be good to Jane. I have to be I love her.” Awe man I thought as a fresh bunch of tears ran down my mascara stained cheeks and I moved on to Jane.
“Cry you why?” she asked then wiped at a tear on my cheek.
“Happy for you, me.”
“Thank you,” she signed and then gave me a hug. Jane gives the best hugs. She makes you feel good when she gives them because you always know she means them.
I went on to Emily, who looked like she wanted to be back in her jeans and oxfords as fast as she could get them on, “Jane must have tied you down to get you into that dress.”
“No, I said I’d wear it but it was a one time thing. I’ve worn 2 dresses in the last 6 months after not wearing one for 6 years. I think I’ll go 12 years now before I wear another,” she replied and I laughed.
“You look pretty.”
“I feel stupid.”
“It will be over soon.”
“You said that about labor too and it lasted what seemed like forever.”
I laughed and gave her a hug. She doesn’t give them as freely with me as Jane. Jane gives them readily. Emily has to be prompted. Sometimes I feel that it was because of the past that Emily held herself back and didn’t give me hugs like Jane when she hugs Cherry without the prompt. But it was probably just my own insecurity that led to my feelings and not really anything to do with the past. I mean, after all, I was present at the birth of her child; if she really had a problem with me she’d not have allowed that. Sometimes I hate how my mind works because it’s always second-guessing the motives of people and my own.
I let go of Emily to face Cherry who was on cloud nine. Her dream that she could think of Jane as her family had come true. “You got your wish,” I said in her ear as I hugged her, too.
“Yep, I did. Isn’t it wonderful?”
“You know it.” I answered and then left the line to stand on the sidewalk outside the church to blow bubbles at the Bride and Groom when they emerged. It was all a fantasy come true.