Time went by quickly. I barely remember what happened the week following my learning of Emily's secret. It was finals week. Everyone and everything was up in the air with worrying about tests and life in general. I know my own head was spinning. I was trying not to let myself think too much about Emily and concentrate on my ASL final. Betsy was making sure that I was sufficiently nervous by constantly giving me hints about how hard the test would be. It didn't help that Betsy's final exams had already made at least one of my friends cry.
I haven't mentioned Betsy much. She's perhaps the shyest of my professors. She signs even less than Jane does outside the classroom. But she seems to be easier to find than Jane is. Betsy is very distrustful of hearing people. Her history with those that hear isn't pretty and it has left her scarred. I can't say I blame her for being distrustful. I know from my own experiences that people can be down right cruel to those different from themselves. But I have not lived with the kind of oppression that Betsy has. I can't imagine growing up completely deaf and being forced to learn to be oral. I can't imagine anyone subjecting a child to the torture that Betsy must have had to endure. When she wasn't able to live up to the expectations of her hearing teachers, who thought she should be able to produce sound close to what they thought of as speech, she was physically abused. Everyday as a little girl struggling to belong to a world that she had no concept of she was punished. That is the memory we who hear have left her with.
It could have been worse I suppose. Back 75 years ago or more, deaf people were subjected to sterilization solely because they were deaf. They had the basic right to reproduce taken from them because some one decided that because deaf people are different and thereby inferior to hearing people that they shouldn't be allowed to have children on the off chance that they could pass on their deafness to their offspring. Perhaps this is the most inhuman act we as a people have subjected one of our own brothers and sisters to. Why does the world have to be perfect? Every person on the face of the earth is less than perfect. We didn't take the right to have children away from other minorities. It is only what society deemed as physically flawed people that we forced sterilization upon. Who gave society the right to decide what is perfection? It's just sad and it makes me angry knowing how cruel people can be. This was one of the main reasons I was concerned for Emily. Would she be treated differently because she's deaf than a hearing counterpart in the same situation?
That last week of school Emily's door was shut more than it was open for the first time since I started taking classes. I know some of the time Emily and Sally were talking to incoming students registering for classes. Other times Emily might have been working on grading papers or writing up finals. But there were times I'm sure when she was trying to lay back and rest. Being the wit that she is she did put a sign on her door saying, "Crazed Lady inside. Enter at your own risk!" I did my best to leave her alone. It wasn't that I didn't want to know what was happening but I figured that if she wanted me to know she'd tell me during one of the few times that I risked my life and entered her office that week.
I had managed to convince Betsy to let me take my ASL 2 final in Emily's class on the last Thursday, instead of Friday. I wanted the opportunity to be able to tell Emily bye for the few weeks that I'd be away until summer school started. I also wanted to give her the chance to talk to me with fewer distractions and less chance for others to catch a wayward sign.
The test was not as hard as Betsy had tried to imply, then again I may have studied harder out of fear. I was one of the first ones done with it but since I wanted to talk to Emily after class I reread what I had wrote several times. I changed a few answers on my first reread and then changed them back to my original answers on the 2nd time through. As it was I was the last one to turn in my test.
Emily who had always seemed so full of life with her bright eyes and quick smile was anything but that night. Even the vivid blue of her eyes seemed dull and lifeless. She looked so tired. I had never seen her even when she felt sick from a cold look like that. There were dark circles beneath her eyes. Her cheeks had hallowed in a matter of days. And her long black hair had lost its shine. I was amazed really at the transformation that only a few days had brought. I wondered if anyone else saw the physical changes as pronounced as I did. Maybe not, maybe I saw them because I was looking for them.
Everyone was gone by the time I turned my test in. She was watching me with a soft smile. She asked, as I stood to hand in the test, "You Okay?"
"Yes," I replied. "I finished earlier. I just did not want to turn in then."
"Because of me?"
"Yes, You okay?" I asked sitting down in a nearby chair.
"I didn't know I could feel this sick and still have to work. Is it like this for everyone?"
"No, some women don't even get morning sickness. It's just bad luck and genetics, I think. They say that when you're older if you have morning sickness it means a strong pregnancy. I don't know if that is proven. You might try eating very small meals all day long, drinking ginger ale or eat other ginger products like ginger snaps. You might also try sea bands or sniffing orange peels and see if those help. If worse comes to worse you can get a prescription for a pregnancy safe anti-nausea medication. Morning sickness does end normally at about 12 weeks. Have you been to your doctor?"
"Tomorrow. I don't think his nurse believed me when I said I needed a pregnancy consultation."
"There are many Doctors and medical personnel who will make you feel like you have performed some great sin by getting pregnant when they deem you too old. He might throw some bad statistics at you. He could be very negative. If he is you should think about getting a different doctor."
"I know nothing about what this is going to be like. My brother didn't have children. My friends that have had children never called on me to baby-sit. I'm trying to remember if I have even talked to my friends about what it is like to be pregnant. Maybe Chelsea said something to me before she had her daughter last year. I don't remember. I don't know what to expect tomorrow," Emily said sounding more tired by the minute.
"Chelsea's the young blond teacher here, right?"
"Yes, she has a year-old daughter."
"I see. I'm not sure what all they will do to you tomorrow. One of my friends said on her first prenatal visit she was in the doctor's office 3 hours. I know they will do blood work. I think they probably will do a pelvic exam and an ultrasound but every doctor is different. I guess they will a quantitative pregnancy test... They will want to see what your beta numbers are so they have a point of reference. Then they will ask for your family history and about your life style."
"Why?"
"They're nosey. No, the blood work is for things like Aids, and a check for antibodies like RH. The pap and pelvic to determine you pelvic size and make sure everything is the way it should be. A beta is basically a measurement of HCG. It is an indication of how well the pregnancy is going. Low numbers could mean a miscarriage is pending. The numbers should double every other day. How far along do you think you are?"
"I don't know, six maybe eight weeks."
"From your.... What is the Deaf Culture euphemism for period again?" I asked remembering that Deaf aren't as open about such matters as hearing are.
I remember stifling a laugh as she flicked the inside of her right cheek with her tongue twice. It's weird but whatever. I asked the question again using the euphemism, "From your last period."
"Yes," she replied.
"Then if everything is going well you should have high numbers. I don't know how high. There are averages available on the Internet that can tell you more. One thing I would ask for if this was happening to me is a progesterone screening. Once perimenopause starts progesterone decreases. It is a required hormone that supports the pregnancy until the placenta can take over. If it's too low then the pregnancy will be lost. They can give you pills or suppositories to fix the problem," I said. My hand had cramped from signing so much. I had to flip it a few times.
"Why are you telling me all of this?" She asked sitting forward in her chair.
"So you can go to the doctor tomorrow and have an idea of what to expect. Is Jane going to go with you? You probably shouldn't go alone. It is a daunting experience."
"Yes, after her Deaf Culture final."
"Good," I replied standing up.
"Thank you."
I looked into those tired eyes one last time before I left and said, "I shouldn't say this but I hope that you will have the baby."
"Rachel, you know me well enough to know I cannot kill. It may not be something I wanted or even dreamed about but a life is a life. It is MY baby."
"I'm glad. Take care, Emily. I'll see you in a few weeks. If you need me you have my email," I answered as I backed towards the door.
"Same," she signed in reply as I walked out the door.