August 20, 2002
Time:::2:49 a.m.
Mood:::unhappy
Listening to:::3x5, John Mayer
My online friends and I got into a fight tonight. And, it hurt for some reason. I got mad and left. It just really put me in a bad mood. Things are getting out of hand, and I am waist deep in my own pond. Sometimes I wonder just how hypocritical I am being. I feel as though all of the advice I have given people was just bullshit that I pulled from my ass to try and make up for the empty void in my life.
This week has been stressful and dissapointing. I have to do something radical before the opertunity flies away. Im working on the secret project and Im unsure If I can pull it all off. I do to much. Overwhelmment again. But really, I think that all I need is hug. seriosuly. I feel alone....
I just made myself a cup of my special coffee and got out my blankies. Heh, I haven't seen those things for at least two years. I am also listening to 3x5. this song is my drug. It is my only escape sometimes, and I just get lost in it. ..Peace...my body now feels relaxed again. But... why are all my gut feelings wrong? Nothing everseems to go the way I think it will. An alternative ending jumps out from no where and destroys me. Im always beaten down...
August 16, 2002
Time:::11:25 a.m.
Mood:::undecided
Listening to:::One Song Glory, RENT
Woah, Last night I went to a rehersal dinner, and hung out with my old friend Joanne (sp?!) from Revere. She is so fun and mellow, I can't belive I haven't kept in touch with her. Oh well, I'll be seeing her tonight again at the wedding. After I came home yesterday, I was dropped off again at Ashelys and John came upstairs, listed me off the couch, and carried me downstairs fireman style. haha, then, for the next few hours, we played some intense games of halo with matt and johns cousin...um...mike I think his name was. Lol, I won once, and then came in second/third second the other times. I swear, John and I are exactly the same in that game, except, well he dies more, lol or at least thats what matt says.
...You know what? I haven't talked called Jake at all. I have been so busy, and the only time we talk is online. I want him to call me though because I hate calling people! Arg..so agrivating...I start school in a few days...thursday to be exact. And you wanna hear something really sad? I'm looking forward to it.
August 13, 2002
Time:::5:00 p.m.
Mood:::relaxed
Listening to:::---
Nothing too exciting today. I snapped outta my 'unfeelingness' when I talked to jake last night. I guess he just made me happy. Lol, I sat in front of the tv for a couple hours last night. there was a Wild On different citys that 'sinned' haha it was pretty funny. Then there was a special on Hew Heffner(sp??) Annyways, today I just basically hung out with my sister. hehe, I went swimming with my clothes on again, its just so much fun!! lol, than we decided to play lego soccer *thinks of old buddies will and robbie saying LEGO SOCCER in some odd, foreign, but funny slang kind of way.* <30 min later> Wow, that sucked. lol we just had to spray our pond to get rid of algea (sp?) lol well I definatly need a shower now so im gonna go. luvies!
August 12, 2002
Time:::7:19 p.m.
Mood:::---
Listening to:::everywhere, michelle branch. don't ask my why
I have no emotion. I'm not happy, I'm not sad..I'm just...here... I don't know whats wrong with me. To tell you just how bad it is, I am listening to pop music. Michelle branch to be exact, and I am unphased. right now, its almost peaceful. almost. Earlier today, for no apparent reason, I just decided to fall into the pool, fully clothed. I'm just like, 'Jordan, (my sister)get me a towel' and I leaned off the diving board and just fell in head first. I didn't move and just let myself float up. strange, really. I tried to start my summer reading today, adn got to page thirty, but thats all I could take. I just finished up talking to cara and now I think I am going to go on the swing...
August 11, 2002
Time:::6:59 p.m.
Mood:::excited
Listening to:::dreamer, ozzy
Wow, last night went..um..different, and when I got home, there were all these cars in the driveway. turns out mom was havin a party and she was drunk up her ass. so I just turned myself around and walked over to ashleys. I came into the bonus room and she like, 'what are you doing here' and I just said, 'sleeping over.' 'Okay cool.' And that was that. She is such an awesome person and didn't mind me letting myself in and asking if I could stay the night. She is always there for me.
Mellon! No one wants to come with me to the tool concert. Robbie already has his tickets so hes obviously gonna be with some of his buddies. I want to go sooooooooooooo oooooo oooooooo bad I think I might even go alone! (ah, I know, not a good idea!) Courtney says tickets are to expensive for her (theyre 40 frickin bucks! AHHHH how am I gona pull this off??)and hayley says she might come if she can come up with the money at some point. Hahaha, robbie just warned me that its not gonna be your average concert(lol, like I wan't aware < / sarcasm >) "People will be doing some strange stuff. Meditating. Hypnotizing eachother, praying in weird occult langauges. I love it." Haha I'm even more excited now! lol I meditate!
Today today today. My mom watched Lord of the Rings (which I have seen many, many, many, many times now) and I attempted to make a skirt out of my old pj pants. I have it all safety pinned and it just needs to be sewen togethere now. So im like, 'mom, can you get out the sewing machine for me?' so she went and got it, cause I had no idea where it even was, and she pulls out this sickly 80's machine full of dust, and I'm like 'great.' So I fix it up and get to work, it takes me a fucking hour. then , as I bring the test fabric though it, it falls to shit and makes this giant knot. I'm so pissed!!! Now I can't finish it until we get a new machine! and I'm gonna be outa money until next year! AHHH
August 8, 2002
Time:::8:31 p.m.
Mood:::pissed off, yet happy, yet upset
Listening to:::My december.
Oh my fucking god. why the hell did I jinx myself and say that my day was uneventful. In the past few hours so much has happened. Both, good and bad. But first, the bad. The bad thing was that I just saw stewart little 2 with my dad and brother and sister. that wasn't bad, but they wouldn't shut up (my brother and sister) trhought the whole movie. Then on the way home my sister was being her usual 'I'm gonna copy everything you say and do until it drives you to stab a knife though your chest repeatedly.' And then to top it all off, I was feeling hyper some how and chased down my sister and punched her (playfully) in the back. She started after me then and as I ran I plowed through a glass door that was swinging open. Why me?? I broke the cabenit and my dad was so pissed. hes yellin 'that 300 dollars down the drain!' and 'I don't work all for this kinda stuff!.' Its not like I did it on purpose. oh, wait, and theres one more just now. BOB* (named changed) called (my dads friend) from prision and I didn't get to listen to which number to push cause I was yelling for my dad. BULLSHIT my dad sais. Hah! yeah thats it, I purposly didn't listen just to screw over my dad and BOB. great. just great. Lol, if I wasn't so pissed I would actually be happy to share the good news. Annnyways, on to the good news. I talked to jake online today and he was just randomly like, 'I really like you' lol...I had no idea what to say, so I ended up asking him out. Again, what the hell was I thinking? I had only spent one day with him. not even! It was a night. I had only known him for one night, and then I ask him out. Boy, what a great impression I'm leaving. He probably thinks that Im some sort of slut who rushes into sex. HAH. now thats funny. Me, a slut! grrreat. I don't even have his number yet. dammit. dammit dammit dammit. OH! haha I called ashley and told her, like I always do, and I promised I would call her back. did I? no. I don't know why eaither. what a great friend! Then after I talked to her, I talked to hayley, because I was over due for talking to her. She is slowly tying to ween me off of my notcallingpeoplephobia. lol I told her and I dunno why, but I was tellin her the story and I lied about who asked who out. I didn't even mean to it jsut came out that way and I realized like a minute after I said it. great reflexes, eh? By then I felt it was to late to take it back. I have to work on that too I guess. Well, before I jinx myself some more, I'm gonna stop here. g'nite.
August 8, 2002
Time:::3:31 p.m.
Mood:::wicked
Listening to:::Wait and Bleed, Slipknot
XD I FOUND BLUES CLUES!!!!!! YAY MEE!!! 
August 8, 2002
Time:::2:24 p.m.
Mood:::odd
Listening to:::Another World, Chrono Cross
This day is going no where. I mean, I woke up at 8 yesterday and scared the cable guy off with my 'minorness' whatever the that was all about, I don't really know. anwyways. I had the whole house to myself and everything was just so boring. After a while I just went and sat on the swing for a half an hour and just thought. It was really relaxing. especially after last night. I was at breaking point last night. I really did myself in this time. I always overwhelm myself, and at 2 am this morning, I couldn't take it. I just went to bed. to many people were asking me to do to many things and I made promises I couldn't keep. But anyways, I had a good thinking conversation with myself, well, it was kind of out loud too. Lol I enjoy talking to myself. Well, until next time!
August 7, 2002
Time:::10:48 p.m.
Mood:::successful
Listening to:::nothing
...lol I'm such a nerd. I spent my whole day on the computer working on a new site and finished it just now. Woo hoo! lol but for some reason, I don't feel as excited as I should be. But annnnyways, I got my buttons in the mail from hottopic.com and I love them sooo much I want to hug them...again. (30 minutes later) Haha I just got off the phone with Eric! damn that kid is so cool, but hes stuck out in colorado with a really sick dad. But thats okay, cause you can only be kicked down so many times. I just have this feeling that its gonna turn out okay. annyways again, I'm havein another one of my fun talks with courtney. hehehe I always have fun with her, even if im not physically next to her. POOL PARTAY SATURDAY WOOOOO HOOOO im so excited! hehehe. Oh! and have you noticed, that at all the pool parties no one swims?? lol, well I will definatly have to do something about that. LUVIES!!!!P.S. GO TO MY NEW CLIQUE DAMMIT!!! hehehe The link is under the links section, its called 4.0 in Damage. XD
August 6, 2002
Time:::10:19 p.m.
Mood:::wicked, yet out there
Listening to:::Skater Boy, Avril
YEAAHA I got my hair done today and im so damn happy! I got it cut real short (shorter than last time) and from far away it looks like a dark brown/black, but in realitly, its lots a different colors of brown/black/PURPLE!! hahahah and the best part is I'm gonna get away with it at school! DAMN THE MAN!! HAHAHAHA Anyways, I could squeeze ashley to death in an everlastinng hug because she did the sweetest thing for me today! She knew I was flat out broke, and knew I couldn't pay her back, but she bought me Lord Of the Rings!!! Dammit shes so good to me! Annywhos, my cousin, his girlfriend, and his best friend (Jake..hehe!!) are goin back to rattlesnake tommarow. I want to goooooo but I dunno. I will have to talk to my cousin asap. Wel,, I'm gonna go watch LoTR now so see-ya laters!!! bye!!! (oh, P.S. I just put up a tag board today so write me a message!!!! hehehe)
August 6, 2002
Time:::1:02 a.m.
Mood:::relaxed, kinda sleepy, but happy
Listening to:::Some random ong from FFXI..its chanty and fun
*Yawn* I had alot of fun tonight. Ashley invited me to have dinner with her and her grandparents (they are so damn cool) and afterwards we went to hollywood and got SLC Punk! and Mallrats. SLC punk made s much sense, and just answered so many questions aout my life. It really spoke to me, and Ashley also for that matter. Haha and after that, we watched mallrats. Jay and Silent Bob kick some fucking ass! haha and so does Brodie. Im so glad I came over here (to ashleys) cause my family was kinda gettin me down. I was pissed at my sister cause she bought herself a chain (I don't want her to be a poser) and I was mad at my brother cuase he got my mom to buy him a gamecube, which I dunno why, but it pissed me off beyond all hell. I seriously wanted to punch him in the face. I was upset with my mom too cause she wasted money on a piece of crap. But what the hell can I do about it? I have to figure out how to stop letting the man get me down. And I'm still trying to do some soul serching, trying to figure out who the fuck I am. (and at such a young age! Oooh!) Well, I'm out! (haha by the way, I was informed by an online buddy that the fat kid isn't always the first one out in dogeball. They can win if they hide behind poles...or something like that...lol.
August 4, 2002
Time:::7:08 p.m.
Mood:::happy and sore (painfully...from jetskiing so violently)
Listening to:::I hear you calling, Gob
WOOOO HOOOOOOOO hehehehe fun weekend!!!!! My family went up to rattlesnake island in lake eerie (its fucking awesome there, they use golf carts as their main source of transportation!!) and my cousin introduced me to his friend! ahh oh man! hes great!! I tottaly forgot about mark and had so much fun. Finally! This guy isn't a jerk and hes so fun!! Haha, we played halo with my other two cousins and he kicked my ass *cries* lol but hey! I still won cause i cheated >.< heh heh *evil grin* Oh man, I am just so excited I could wet myself. lol. OH!!!!!!!!! EVEN MORE EXCITEMENT!!!!!!!!!!! I JUST FOUND OUT THAT ANTI-FLAG IS COMMING TO THE AGORA IN SEPTEMBER!!!!!!! ahh haha okay well I'm out like the fat kid in dogeball so byee!
August 1st, 2002
Time:::2:37p.m.
Mood:::happy but fustrated
Listening to:::downfall, trust company
Everything was cool until now. But first, yesterday.
Hi Ho! Damn, yesterday was so much fun! I went over to ashleys so she wouldn't be lonely when guests came over and I watched lord of the rings! Oh man was that a wicked movie, and it comes out on dvd in a couple days!! Haha, after we watched it, me and ashley went outside and wandered over to the lot that was being built right next door and jumped off sand piles and we found these kick ass metal things and they were now our swords, hahaha but then the owner pulled into the lot so we ran away so we wouldn't get cought for vandalism. Hahaha they are so damn cool though, but it just makes me pissed that stuff like elves and hobbits aren't real. DAMMIT! ....heh heh sorry, anyways, later that night we brought the tvs onto the bed and both played videogames while watching the shawshank redemption. That is a freaking awesome movie, and it just made me smile. hahaha im such a dork. ah well, now for todays story.
ITS FINALLY OVER!!!! after three fucking long years, my parents are finally divorced, as of today!!!!!! oh man, and they both even went out together for dinner last night, how amazing is that?!?!?! I was in shock when my mom told me, I couldn't get the words out of my mouth, and just sat there like an idiot with my mouth hanging open. never in a thousand years would I have immagined my parents talking on the phone without swearing each other out, let alone having dinner together and laughing together! what an amazement. haha, okay I don't feel like talking about what fustrates me right now, so I'm not gonna! I'm outtie!!
July 31, 2002
Time:::12:41p.m.
Mood:::stupid
Listening to:::Kill at kitten, Stephen Lynch
Damn, haha there is nothing to do today! I bought a video game yesterday at Toys R' Us and I thought it was thousand arms. Lol guess not! It was wild arms 2: Second Ignition and i dunno, i guess I was let down and don't want to play it..lol. I had the wierdest dream last night. It had to do with Will and Mark and Nina and Hayley inparticular and all of the kids I ever went to school with. lol and there were weird dolphins in the begining that looked like giant eel things, but they were nice, lol. God that dream had randomness written all over it haha.
You wanna hear something realy sad? lol I want school to start. Cause I'll be able to see all my friends again and not be so fucking boerd lol. But I know a day into school I will be wishing for it to end already. Its a lose-lose situation. I'm always fucked.
July 29, 2002
Time:::8:16p.m.
Mood:::better
Listening to:::A remix of the song from Gerudo Valley in The Legend of Zelda: Ocarnia of time :P
Today was another strange day. I ended up not going to my dads tonight, I decided to stay with my mom. I am waiting for ashley to call me back so we can do something tonight. Haha Earlier today I went to K-mart with my huge anti-flag shirt on and my baggy pj pants. Lol I looked so discusting. But who really cares? everyone at K-Mart looks gross. The good thing is that I ended up being able to buy a new black eyeliner because I used up my old one. woo hoo! ...Ahhh I just found out that the only delivery Pizza place no longer makes waffle fries. Damn you Upper Crust! Way to go and piss me off!
July 29, 2002
Time:::2:41a.m.
Mood:::better
Listening to:::thanks, your the best, starting line
Wow, haha of course I am still up, and actually, I am feeling better. I was in a chat with all of my online buddies from the soup kitchen (lol im such a dork) and lets just say..that was interesting...haha....oh god Anyways...Well, needless to say, it made me laugh, so I was cheered up..thanks guys...lol
July 28, 2002
Time:::11:10p.m.
Mood:::upset
Listening to:::Santaria, Sublime
I just found up something so terrible, but I promised I wouldn't say anything, so I'm not going to. I feel so terrible, there is nothing I can do except cry. Everyone is falling apart lately, everyone and everything. And things were looking good too. I thought life was taking a turn for the better. I was actually happy for more than a day. God, I just can't figure it out. Why does it always end up this way. And, I think my mom is going to go back for sugery. The doctor is on vacation and the hospital wont fucking tell her whats wrong with her until then. Well, I'm gonna stop here before I make myself cry any harder. luvies so much.
July 28, 2002
Time:::1:35p.m.
Mood:::smiley and sleepy!
Listening to:::Why Can't We Be friends?, Mighty Mighty Bosstones
hi Ho! *YAWN* I just woke up from the wierdest dream! Lol, it was like, video game mission thing, and a whole bunch of people were in it, but it was scarrry cause there was this alien race kinda thing that took over earth (They were the guys from HALO but like, their arms were big blades! AHHHHH) Lol, but I woke up before it ended (grrr)Anywhos, I got off the computer at 2 this morning. (courtney and I talked about stuffs, lol). Ummm, I'm outtie!
July 27, 2002
Time:::9:22p.m.
Mood:::still sore, but sitll happy!
Listening to:::Don't Go, the Eyeliners
Wooooo HOOOOOOO Im locker buddies with courtney! and I have second semester lunch with robbie!! haha Im so happy I have at least one class with all all my friends that I have talked to so far! hahahaha And nina and I are planning something! We are gonna buy only one uniform shirt and wear it ever day (lol I have to because I can't afford two...hehe) And I just got a hot pink seatbelt belt that ordered from Hot Topic!! haha Im sooo happy!! heh heh life has been going so good these past two days......this just in: ashley courtney and I have western society together!! Ahh well I'm gonna go before i piss my pants with excitement,
July 27, 2002
Time:::2:32p.m.
Mood:::sore/happy!
Listening to:::Hey you, no doubt (before they went pop)
Wooo hooo!! Im so excited! This is my first entry and I have sooo much good stuff to say! Haha although I can barely walk, my back hurts, my hips are killing me, my feet are sore, and overall my body is now in mass pain. but hey! thats fiiiiinnnne with me!
Well, I guess I'll start with yesterday, the best day of my life. I swear, like ashley said, If I would have died yesterday I would have died with a smile on my face. I have two words for you. Warped Tour. Ahhhhhh
To start the day off, ashley and I woke up at my dads house at 9:25 (ahhh, I usually wake up at 3 in the afternoon!) and were so groggy. I turned on some music and voila, instant hyperness. On the car ride there, about 10 minutes away from the tower city amplitheater, ashley mentioned tickets. Shit. Yeah, once again, I forgot the tickets, and what a bitch that was. I felt so bad I wanted to cry. It was my fault again for the second time. Lol, anyways, after we got there, we met up with courtney and walked around. It was like a flee market, but with all your favorite stuff for sale! lol, after we bought some cds and and shirts for like 10 bucks (sooo cheap!!) we saw Trendy play. and let me tell you, they were amazing (plus Aaron is soo hott(the lead singer)) They really got the crowd going and afterwards, I gave him a hug and he rememberd my name! hehehehe don't I feel special. Lol, and after that, right and left flyers and free crap was shoved in my face and I was caught up in the glory of free merchandise. Ohhh yeah did I say that I met the lead singer of sugar cult?? haha I even got a picture with him but someone stole courtneys camera so I was so pissed. Heh heh, I gave him a hug too! Oh, and at the end, before good charlotte played, my friends and I left the concert and snuck into the place where all the tour busses were and pretended we were important people and were on a mission to meet new found glory. Turns out they went to the Indians game instead and we sat on some nearby stairs. Suddenly, a guy popped out of one of the closeby tourbusses and asked us how old we were. Haha, denise said that we were 18 so he invited us inside. So, we ended up inside MXPX's tour bus!! haha but to bad they were ass holes! All they wanted was some ass. Im so glad hayley can act all calm n' stuff cause she really kept her cool without acting immature. They wanted us to vaccumm naked and were just like.......ummm...............lol so they kicked us out and we just sat on the sidewwalk. And that was the end of it! Afterwards, my dad took us to bob evans and I have never inhaled so much food in under 5 minutes in all my life. Haha I don't know how I survived the whole day by only eating one giant soft pretzel, a water and a lemonaid! Well, before I end up writing a book, Im gonna stop here. Luvies!! and I'm outtie!!
