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In an effort to help correct and mould our society's attitude and social behaviour for the better, I have compiled a list of the many types of obnoxious people whom you would have the privilege to meet in your lifetime. Calm down though when you get to meet them -- the last thing you would ever want to do is dish out a good beating on them (although they deserve it more than anything) because it would be going against your principles of creating a virtuous society. Stay focused, remain composed, collect all your thoughts and wait to see if they continue to piss you off. Chances are they will, so just go back home, skip dinner, hide in the store, and wish cancer upon them. Hell, try Voodoo Dolls even.
1) I was in my room weeks ago, when suddenly somebody let off a stink bomb. I knew it was not me who farted (for obvious reasons) so I decided to find out who it was. I did not took long though, since the room only had two people -- me and my roommate. So I asked him, "did you fart just now?" which he promptly replied with an "of course not", almost nonchalantly. That immediately pissed me off, because he was a damned liar. I mean, why do people insist on lying when the truth could not be any more transparent? If you are confronted with a situation like this, you often have two choices: to scream at his face, "ADMIT IT, YOU FARTED" or play along. The good thing about the latter is you get to witness how they attempt to deny the truth -- usually by suggesting that the odour diffused from rubbish, not from colons, or even by putting the blame on you. I picked the former though and gave him an earful. Ass clown thought I was stupid or something.
2) About a week ago, I was standing in queue at a KFC outlet where an old hag stood behind the counter, pissing me off every time she took 7 minutes to tend to each customer. My turn finally came alright; I placed my order as she keyed it in the cash machine. Unfortunately for me, that old clown was the type of worker who thought that she would get a raise or some extra commission for forcing customers to buy items they did not want to. You know, the kind who always asks "would you like another coleslaw?" and "upsize or not?" *DING DONG!* I have a point, granny. If I wanted the extra coleslaw, I would have SAID SO. NO NEED TO PISS ME OFF BY REASSURING MY DECISION, OKAY? Her attitude just screams for injuries. Why not ask "are you sure you want that Pepsi?" Geriatric asshat.
3) Ever encountered a janitor who is mopping the floor in a shopping complex? I had the misfortune of meeting one last Monday, as I walked on the wet path which she had just mopped. Immediately, she gave me the stink face like I just killed her pet dog. Hey moron, what do you expect me to do, run along the walls so that you do not have to clean the floors again, WHICH IS YOUR JOB ANYWAY? Your son is probably about to drop out of secondary school, but at least have the decency TO NOT TAKE IT OUT ON THE PATRONS, you jackass.
4) I guess people just like pissing me off for the sake of it. In this case, people who jog in place while waiting for the traffic light to switch. STOP IT, YOU ARE NOT BEING FUNNY.
5) Does this sound familiar?
XXXXXX: so who u like? ur crush i mean??
YYYYYY: HeHHeEHhEHeezZ.. DoWAn TeLL u..
XXXXXX: hehee.. pretty pls.. =)
YYYYYY: LOlx.. CAnT lEr..
XXXXXX: come on.. i promise i wont tell anyone..
YYYYYY: rEAlLY???
XXXXXX: yea..
YYYYYY: sUrE OnoT..?
XXXXXX: ya..
YYYYYY: WaHAhAz..
YYYYYY: TRuST u Den...
YYYYYY: Its {insert stupid crush's name here}
Secondary One students who are going through puberty are often guilty of this. What pisses me off is how secretive they are about their stupid crushes, like as if they were PIN codes or top military information. They too are the same type of people who believe that their crush are going to give them a kiss and feel them up if they forward some love chain mail to "20 or more people". I can also bet my right nut that they fully trust online love calculators. Those stupid teenagers. Always busy with their puppy love business. Tell you what kids, why not start revising so that you will not flunk your end-year examinations? That is my suggestion.
6) The next type of people (girls, to be precise) I am about to address are infamous for seductive signals, particularly that smooching sound they do when they call out to someone. Those annoying sluts, think you are all hip and cool, eh? Try doing that sound with my butt cheeks on your lips, then I will be impressed. Here is a question: How difficult is behaving normally in public!? It is amazing that they do not see how much they are degrading themselves and their dignity by doing that and inviting more wolf-whistles and excessive ogling in the process. Then, they start to sulk and cry and beg for sympathy when their asses get groped or panties get ripped off. No shit? I thought you girls liked being sexually harassed, or at least that is what you chicks are hinting.
7) The classroom is also a common place to get pissed off easily. You see, I was in English class when our teacher started interrogating her students because she did not receive enough assignments. I should have known that school is always never short of assholes who like to disrupt other students who are trying to gain knowledge for themselves, but that is beside the point. Finally, two girls stood up and admitted their mistakes, with COY SMILES on their faces. "So why didn't you girls finish your work?" The reply our teacher got was: "Oh, we forgot to bring our books back", followed by incessant spastic giggling, as if they could laugh their way out of punishment. Stupid girls, they have not only committed felonies (yes, as I would put it) but they are laughing at the situation. When did students learn to be so disrespectful!? I guessed nobody told them that they were not witty or humourous at all. Stay back for detention and stop pissing me off, silly ass clowns.
8) Most of us have met our next friend here -- the typical short, skinny, cocky bastard who goes around all the time mocking and belittling other people with his snide remarks to hide his own inadequacies and insecurities, while inflating his ego with each spiteful insult he makes. So why is he still alive? Simply because he has his stupid ass friends around him who always back him up and give him cover, in case the wind blows him away. Most of the time, this short fart would strut around arrogantly with his spiky hair and unkempt attire, but it is interesting to note that once his lapdogs are not there to defend him, his ego shrinks by 2 feet along with his height. That is when he sits alone in the canteen, a poor lonely little coward, eating his meal as quick as possible and making his way home after that to avoid bumping into the people he usually teases. All because he looks vulnerable. As vulnerable as the little shit that he is in the first place. People like this piss me off a lot.
9) You realise how many people nowadays are writing into magazines and newspapers saying they are depressed, down in the dumps and contemplating suicide? I noticed desperate teenagers are notorious for this. My advice to them? Hang yourself and end it all. Nobody cares. Nobody cares about your life and your inability to sort out personal issues.
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