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I hate prententious people. Even when it comes to minor and trivial matters, it still bothers me that a large group of people choose to behave in an unnatural manner just to put up an act or to portray a cultured image, for instance. The problem is most people insist on being pretentious even when it is obvious that at some point, they are too uncomfortable doing it. If you do not like doing it, why continue, asshole? Most people know a hypocrite when they see one, so stop that shit and start being yourself.
A few days ago, I went to a certain steak house for dinner and boy was I glad -- I have not been to one in almost half a year. So there I sat and I ordered the ordinary grill (though deep inside I really wanted to choose something expensive, not that I was paying) and a smoked salmon for my appetizer. Some moments later, my beautiful salmon arrived. It actually came with butter, a basket of bread and some extra cutlery. Wow, real classy, asshole. As if it is not bad enough that I am seated in a train carriage (bet you know now) but now, I need an extra fork for my appetizer? Cool!
"I will eat them separately," I thought. Just when I picked up a bread and took a bite, I was interrupted.
"Hey, you are suppose to apply some butter first and put the slices of salmon in the bread," somebody I was sitting with said. I paused.
"Nope, let me show you. You are suppose to use this knife, not the sharp one but the small one, to apply the butter. Now, use the given fork and pick up a slice of salmon and lay it on the bread. You are going to need some salad dressing too."
Oh, thank you so much for the life lesson. I needed that.
I have a question though. What is wrong with the way I eat? I like having a good time during dinner and not everybody likes having so many restrictions imposed on them when having a damn meal. I came to a restaurant not to be patrionised, but to enjoy my meal. Why all the bullshit procedures when eating? Am I breaking the universal set of dining rules? Or do I need to follow exactly, step-by-step how the upper-class people and royal families dine to be considered well-mannered at the table? I believe as long as the basic dining etiquette and social behaviour are fulfilled, the more minor usual practices can be discarded if preferred. Like the way I lay my cutlery aside after eating. Does it matter if I like to place my knife and fork in my empty glass after completing my meal? No, it does not because it is my choice and it does not affect anyone around me if I do so. I am sick of abiding by many insignificant, unnecessary and ambiguously important sets of regulations, and that does not only apply to dining etiquette. For example, I prefer saying "I am happy to kick your ass" to "it gives me utmost pleasure to physically attack you" because it is much more efficient, yet it conveys the same message. No need for more phoney lines to sound classy. By the way, what is with dinner napkins? Throw that shit away, please.
Also, I cannot end this article without mentioning my school's noble deed of organising a dining etiquette course. Do we really need to know that shit? Who wants to pay $20 to be taught by a phoney, cheapskate, quasi-classy jerk on how to be a phoney, cheapskate, quasi-classy jerk? Every student, that is who. Apparently our principal had made it compulsory for all students. Good money-making scam, er, scheme indeed.
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