| Articles » An objective review of ASEAN Dance 2006 (posted on Friendster) |
Okay, so the Big Thing is finally over after months of hype and anticipation, and now everything is back to mundanity again. For those who did attend, I can safely speak for them that overall the event was electrifying. We had a five-star sterling hotel this year, more goodies (yay), hordes of people, no more omnipresent MOE officers, drinks that did not run out, "food" and a generally more explosive atmosphere. Adrenaline levels were kept sky-high during most of the event (the screaming was phenomenal, so were the performers), and a stark change was that the people were more participatory than I have seen them before. Well let us just skip the story-telling part and proceed to the meat of this bulletin: the analysis.
How the ticket was worth more than $25:
1) The place
Great music, great environment and great service. The service we received was a vast improvement – authentic free-flow of drinks, provision of lockers (not that people use them anyway) and we even had grizzly bear-like figures stationed around, possibly bouncers. And nice indoor garden. Also there were more fast beats than slow beats, and thus in this respect the event was more inclusive of the majority.
My verdict: 8/10
2) The performances
What I am speaking of are specifically the dance performances. Honestly, we had first-rate meticulously-planned painstakingly-rehearsed dance routines to savour – a humungous leap from the slipshod batch dance-adopted nonsense we had to endure during ASEAN Night. Best part of all is that they limited the performances to about three, ensuring brevity and maintenance of the audience’s attention. Perfectly excellent stuff.
My verdict: 9/10
3) THE CHICKS! OMFG LOLLllLLxXXzxZLLLL!!!11!!!1!!1!11!one!1!!1!!!
For some inexplicable reason the girls are hotter than ever in spite of (trust me that I do not mean “because of”) them wearing dresses with less cloth. Holy crap, I was about to go orgasmic just due to the sheer magnitude of fine ladies who showed up. Perhaps I enjoy the thrill of picking up random girls. Perhaps the not-so-fine girls were staying at home. Perhaps I was just perverse. Whatever the case, I had the ladies to dance with and the ladies had me, which amounted to the best win-win scenario ever to happen. LONG LIVE THE CHICKS!
My verdict: 10/10
How the event warranted the murder of the organizers:
1) The mother-f*cking bands
Really, why are we giving these jackasses so much stage-time? Few of them are acceptable (let alone entertaining), most of them are not ASEAN scholars, and all of them are horrendously disgraceful. First, why did we even willingly invite these people to come and make incomprehensible amounts of noise? You have your band and you want your fame, so go EARN IT at a local pub or at your own concert. Let people who genuinely want to dance have their time uninterrupted, unspoilt and unpolluted. But what we had was the reverse: wave after wave of gibberish “music.” We could not dance, we could not talk and we could not even smile anymore. Shameful to say, the Raffles band did it and killed any momentum and exhilaration built from the start. Good job you piss-poor losers, now go back and reflect on how much of assholes you guys were. Furthermore, there is no reason that they should be allowed to play that long. Frankly I came to a dance, not a f*cking concert. Half my night was wasted trying to tell myself that things would get better. If you were part of the band, hear me speak for everyone: you were useless, worthless and meaningless; nobody liked you that night and nobody will ever like you again, so go to hell.
2) The slow dance
Nothing particular of complaint here, except that I hated the duration, which was too short. There was barely enough time to finish what I set out to accomplish, and the night was already over. They had to close shop at half past eleven and surprisingly there was no rioting. If it was done by the organizers out of their pity to the lonely lingering souls during the slow dance, then the organizers deserve some good beating. But if it was done because it was too late, which was most likely, then the beating must be administered on the band. Those morons probably did not realize that their nonsense cost our time and patience.
3) Food
“This time, food and drinks will be available,” promised the people in charge. Technically they kept their promise, because edible items were provided free of charge. The “food” just turned out to be bowls of bland-tasting muruku, and nothing more. On the other hand, I was expecting at least brownies and some sushi. I should have known that that was as five-star as an ASEAN Dance could get anyway. My fault.
That wraps up my review of ASEAN Dance 2006. If you feel strongly about anything I said, message me and tell me what you think.
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