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The Wankboro 110% Biblical Church (WBC) of Mars, is the only church not on the planet today which follows the true teachings of the true reformers. Like that one guy-- you know- uh started with an "L," who like G-d hated Jews and peasants. Or that other guy Ripkin...no..uh Cal, he liked to get medieval on heretics and sinners, lots of FIRE. Ya FIRE! Cool! FIRE! Cool! huh huh Hebekeziah huh huh. WBC engages in daily sidewalk demonstrations opposing the susiphillic lifestyle of soul-damning, nation-destroying filth- primarily because if we did otherwise we'd have to get real jobs- like selling candy. Although we'd much rather start a THEOCRATIC REVOLUTION, and get our hands on some NUKES, we instead display signs with lots of pretty colors, none of which are pink, containing the summated wisdom of G-d's word, including: G-D HATES PORK CHOPS, SWINE HATE G-D, TRICHINOSIS CURES SWINE CONSUMPTION, THANK G-D FOR TRICHINOSIS, SWINE BURN IN HELL, THE UNCIRCUMCISED ARE NATURE'S FREAKS, G-D GAVE SWINE UP, NO SPECIAL LAWS FOR PORK, etc. We then proceed to stick these in the faces of the unbelievers, as we know they will then not be able to hide from the light of G-d's hate. And so we struggle on , protesting at County Fairs across the nation, burning Charlotte's Web and the Three Little Pigs in front of our public porno-libraries, and picketing at the center of sin: Chicago - where the Hog Bellies are traded and sold like oh so many ill begotten nefarious gains. Doesn't the Bible say that God is love? What bible have you been reading!? One of those newfangled versions translated by SWINE for SWINE? Corrupted by the overwhelming desire to be POLITICALLY CORRECT?! G-d hates just about everyone: the Amalekites, Esau, Fig Trees, 42 Disrespectful Children mauled by a Dub, Sodom, Gomorrah, Babel, Babylon, Nail Biters, Nose Pickers, Thumb Suckers, & ESPECIALLY SWINE! In short, the Bible says that in the age where wickedness reigns sumpreme, the Stars have fallen from the sky (and into TELE-SCOPES, the blasphemous instrument of Carl Pagan), and mothers in the wilderness fail to die like they ought in childbirth (to please Martin Luther)- in that time will come one beloved by G-d. After intense bible study, I have concluded in exegesis that this beloved is the one and only me- Rev. Eugene Dumasday. Every sty in the Lord's eye must be removed. Why do you say "Thank God For Trichinosis"? It is the most visible sign of G-d's wrath towards swine. G-d sends his plagues to purify the land of evil-doers, hence the Black Plague, the deaths of the dishonest Injuns after Columbus sailed the ocean blue, and Ebola. Hence Trichinosis. Why think of the last major influenza pandemic after World War I- is it any accident that G-d killed so many of the wicked infants and blasphemying senile elderly? Clearly not. G-d has pork eaters marked unless they repent. Doesn't the Bible say not to judge? Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Do you ever pray for those who you feel are condemned? Hell no! Instead we spend our time praying to move mountains. Why just last Thursday, if there was anyone on top of Mount Everest, they might have noted that it was floating for a couple of hours. Prayer is strictly for psychokinesis, not for healing perverts. Why don't you leave it up to G-d and stop wasting your time telling people that they are wrong? Come on. Let's be serious. Does G-d ever do anything? It's the Seventh Day, he's resting. But we do have to prepare all who will listen to our preaching for when he wakes up on the wrong side of the bed. Then there will be some "SPECIAL EFFECTS" that will put "Swine Wars" (which sinfully parades Thok, a piglike humanoid) to shame. Unfortunately tickets for the rapture are few and far between, so you might have to watch it UP-CLOSE- hehehehe.. Puhh-Pleeeease. Do you really think that pork eaters with their perverted tastes won't try to seduce the little children into their sickening lifestyle? We might as well call school in that case a breeding ground for pork consumption- a pigpen. Don't trust those pervs for a moment, their true end is to make everyone like them. Their pleas for tolerance for their decadence is merely a ploy for their world takeover, which they are working on with the United Nations, Wendy's, and Truman Capote. The WBC as a biblical church denounces all forms of racism. If in fact the Bible said to be racist, of course, we would be racist, but that is simply not the case. You see G-d changed his eternal word after the Civil War so that it could no longer be used to justify any such practices in the name of biblical ancestry. While it is the case that our church membership is 99.9% white, the other .1% being the result of the horrid crime of past miscegenation, hypothetically we would welcome people of color with open arms. O.K., not open arms per se, but they would be able to attend our church on occasion if they would just be so kind as to sit in the back to one side and not use the restrooms or drinking fountains. But again, we have no control over G-d's elect. If it just so happened by chance that there is a preponderance of whites who come through the Church door to be saved, out of our five total members, then it is predestined. It's just G-d's will. Why do you use the word "swine"? I'm glad you asked. In this world wide web of corruption, all too often promoters of OINKOMY left to their satanic devices try to seduce the world into thinking that it is O.K. to eat Pork, that pigs are loveable little animals to coddle and cuddle. Oh, sure get the g-d fearing public focused on Babe, the cutesey wootsey wittle darling piglet, and THEN BEFORE YOU KNOW IT YOU'RE IN THEIR DEATH TRAP. No longer isit a "wittle game" but wather the Dupwicity of Satan and his band of FAT FILTHY HOGS. Boars and whores, whores and boars. Didn't Jesus die for everyone? Come on folks? Is anything for free?! Here, come and get it, free paradise- no go ahead and take my car, my house/church/legal office, my godly wife possession/punching bag, my money- go right ahead. Here why don't you take my lawn mower too. Yes, of course! Jeezus is the G-d of Freebies, that's why everyone in the world lives in mansions! But unfortunately you have to read the fine print. Salvation is free to all who have low concentrations of melanin, and stay away from the root of all evil- OINKOMY.! Nevertheless your LOVE GIFT for our ministry would be greatly appreciated.... What, do you think it was Romans who crucified the Lamb of G-d, tormented him with a crown of thorns and gambled over his clothes?! We sure do hate Italians, but that's because they are Papists- followers of the Anti-Christ. The Jews we hate because of their deicidal tendencies. We plan to. The problem is that we need to travel to Israel and liberate Masjid-Al-Aqsa from the Muslims, and then the Wailing Wall from the Israelis. If any one on the planet is left after the subsequent World War, then we will surely give G-d the proper dues in Shlomo's rebuilt temple. We might have to wait a few millenia for the radioactivity to subside- but the wait will be well worth it. In the meantime we are just doing the proper sacrifices in our backyards, by our wives' menstrual huts. How can you call yourself a Khristian? Quite simple. We are following in the footsteps of Jeezus Khrist- hence we are as in the initial denotation of the word- "Khrist-like." Maybe it isn't the namby pamby Jeezus of the heretical Jeezus Seminar. It is the TRUE JEEZUS, who knew that not everyone who called his name would enter the pearly gates. It is the Jeezus of gnashing teeth, and $3,000 orthodontist bills. Are you a sinner? If so, does this mean you will burn in hell, or are you better than these people? Nope. The pope of Protestantism-me- said that I was immaculately conceived. G-d told me just yesterday when we were talking that I was of an altogether different creation. In fact, I was planning on becoming a Davy Koresh type- Messiah figure, but I found that my meglomania would just as easily be quenched by the media hysteria from my campaign against the Oinkomites. So ya, what I am basically saying is that I am better than a bunch of no-good mangy oinkomites by far...sorry one sec, time to take the old lithium.... Do you really need to ask? Pervs, every single one of them. G-d made those shells for a reason folks, it is unnatural to do such a despicable act. What are you trying to accomplish? Ooo! Ooo! I know. I'm good at these- Parables right? Alex I'll take it for $1000. This heavy object Jeezus (okay not Jeezus but "Luke", who may have heard from a friend who heard from a friend that he did in fact say such) menacingly threatened with those who would bother his disciples about their childish beliefs. BUZZZ. What is a millstone? Correct. Luke 17:2, thought is clearly a sin, so let us do it for you. Have any swine repented as a result of your picketing? You know, my momma used to say, "Son, you are what you eat." Truly pork consumption is a crippling sin, which makes the sinner wallow in the filth and mud. But we must remember our Lord Jeezus, who could turn water into moonshine, as surely as he can turn filth into bible believing godlybots. Unfortunately Jeezus is rather angry right now, so we can only point out one or two cases were the Lord decided to transmute swine into holy wine. Where does the Bible say that pork consumption is a sin? Where did Jeezus say anything about pork? If you'd been reading your bible every day like you were supposed to you would know! Slacker! I think is after the chapter where the pigs fly- off a cliff...Er let me get back to you on that, so I can pick and choose the verses which support my divinely inspired opinions that oinkomy is a completely henious crime, deserving of the greatest censure. Doesn't the Bible say to love your neighbor? Ha! Ha! Ha! I have to hand it to you- you're really on a roll! Are you a repressed pork eater? Ooooh!! Mister Shrink took Psych 101. I'm so scared..almost quivering. What Mister Shrink does your false prophet Freud have to say about projecting? Are you are a repressed repressed pork eater?! Naa Na Naa Na Boo Boo. Why is your Khristian Kross upside down on your home page? The World has become TOPSY-TURVEY, in dissolute disobediance to the Lord G-d. I mean how many commercials do you have to see on the TEEVEE for junior BACON cheeseburgers (another violation!) before you see that disobediance to the order of Almighty G-d is being flaunted by the world? Khristendom is imperiled, and until that glorious day when all swine are swept away, the Kross, symbol of all that is right and proper must remain upside down as a symbol of the world's utter perversity, rejecting G-d's suicide at Kalvary. How do you know that G-d exists? 'Cause my momma told me so, and she ain't wrong 'bout nothin'. Also we have G-d's Word- the Bible, and it sure as heck says there is a G-d- I mean think about it, if there wasn't a G-d how could we have G-d's Word? Duh! What? Are you going to believe we're a bunch of monkeys, and at RANDOM, in clear VIOLATION of the LAWS of THERMODYNAMICS, one monkey turned into Shakespeare? I don't care if you give me a BAZILLION GAJILLION YEARS- it ain't goin' to happen without a CREATOR. [Except I must be clear that G-d didn't create the pig, BEELZEBUB did, in his war against the Angels.] How do you know the Bible is correct? 'Cause my momma told me so, and she ain't wrong 'bout nothin'. Plus a look at the EVIDENCE will show that it is impossible for 40 odd often anonymous authors to write a book devoid of ALL CONTRADICTION, united so fully in thematic content that Khristians the world over are AGREED on a whole multiplicity of pressing issues of DOGMA. While some might say there were human hands involved in editing and even selecting the books to appear, any TRUE KHRISTIAN will tell you that it is inspired from G-D, and thus inerrant. {Home} {FAQ} {Articles} {Contacts} {Photos} {The Good News...} {G-D ALSO HATES...} |
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