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Ten Second Horror Movie Reviews

In the face of dwindling attention spans, here are the fastest possible reviews of horror films (by genre) intended as a 'spot-guide' to your own horror viewing.

INSTRUCTIONS - Mouse over Mr. Spooky for the review, and mouse over the dark bar of tiny skulls for the rating.




AntiChrist/Possession Movies Demonic Movies Ghost Movies Miscellaneous Monster Movies
Mutant Movies Slasher Movies Space Monster Movies Torture Movies
Vampire Movies Werewolf Movies Witch Movies Zombie Movies








Zombie Movies

RENT - Brutal, relentless, but ultimately derivative of Day of the Dead - great London wasteland scenes, very grim and effective
3 Spookies
28 Days Later
2002
Taint reviewed it yet.
Review Pending...
28 Weeks Later
2007
SKIP - Indie low budget, good effects, rough writing and directing, overdose of shaky-cam, overall weak effort
1 Spooky
Automaton Transfusion
2007
RENT - Not too bad of a movie, considering the fact that 14 years had passed since the last one. It had a good setup and a predictably hectic ending
3 Spookies
Beyond Re-Animator
2003
BUY - A very entertaining sequel with some hellishly frightening zombies and a very interesting plot that stands up to the original. Just missed a 5 due to the flying head
4 Spookies
Bride of Re-Animator
1989
RENT - A very entertaining dark love story with fun characters, creepy cemetary, Italian chicks, and gore
3 Spookies
Cemetery Man
1994
SKIP - Savini posing and doing kung fu, lame boss zombie, self absorbed actors and crappy production overall
1 Spooky
Children of the Living Dead
2001
Taint reviewed it yet.
Review Pending...
Colonel Kill MotherF***ers
2008
BUY - One of the best zombie films ever made, very fun to watch, and exciting from beginning to end despite the time that has passed since its release
5 Spookies
Dawn of the Dead
1978
BUY - One of the best remakes ever made, this film pushes the limits of suspense and how much strain can be placed on main characters in a zombie movie
4 Spookies
Dawn of the Dead
2004
BUY - Another classic zombie movie with some amazing acting (Bub). A bit slow at times, but the ending more than makes up for that
4 Spookies
Day of the Dead
1985
SKIP - Fast-motion gun-toting ninja zombies with brooms completely wreck this movie. No relation whatsoever to the orginal, except for a vaguely Bub-like zombie near the end
1 Spooky
Day of the Dead
2008
BUY - Peter Jackson's last (and best) horror movie, more blood than most televisions can handle, and a near-perfect balance of humor and horror
4 Spookies
Dead Alive
1992
SKIP - Not a very memorable or moving movie, and not frightening in the least. Seemed more like an excuse to pile on clever zombie kills
3 Spookies
Diary of the Dead
2007
RENT - Man-eating granny zombie comedy with Steve Buschemi before he got famous
4 Spookies
Ed and His Dead Mother
1993
RENT - A very cute idea for a movie, but it didn't really go anywhere. The Edward Scissorhands 1950’s suburbia-esque environment seemed a bit forced at times
2 Spookies
Fido
2006
SKIP - Steaming pile of zombie feces featuring not just a predictable plot, but a synopsis of the movie in the first five minutes, as well as shots from the 1998 video game
1 Spooky
House of the Dead
2003
SKIP - I haven't seen it, but I hate part 1 so much that I will never patronize this series of shart
1 Spooky
House of the Dead 2
2005
RENT - Chop socky camp with necromancer and crazy taoist mojo and zombies back from the grave
4 Spookies
Kung Fu Zombie
1992
RENT - Fourth Romero zombie movie feels big budget, but retains gore and social critique - good acting, better zombies
3 Spookies
Land of the Dead
2005
BUY - Classic, low budget, first to set the bar
4 Spookies
Night of the Living Dead
1968
BUY - Very interesting remake if you've seen the original (lots of references to memorable scenes from the first), and a fair zombie movie otherwise
3 Spookies
Night of the Living Dead
1990
SKIP - Stinking pile of horse crap that wasn't even saved by Sid Haig's appearance. Nobody wants to see hillbilly bong hits in 3-D
1 Spooky
Night of the Living Dead 3D
2006
Taint reviewed it yet.
Review Pending...
Night of the Zombies
1981
RENT - Silly Ed Wood smoker with Criswell as the Lord of the Dead meeting topless dancers - great music
2 Spookies
Orgy of the Dead
1965
RENT - Great characters, spooky Stephen King story, scary returns from the grave
3 Spookies
Pet Sematary
1989
RENT - Fun rehash with a lame start, good gags and characters, lots of vengance on jerks
3 Spookies
Pet Sematary 2
1992
BUY - Well done, exploding soup-bag zombies, Rose McGowan's gun-leg is iconic
4 Spookies
Planet Terror
2007
SKIP - More porno than holocost, more crapish than horrorific
1 Spooky
Porno Holocost
1981
BUY - Still entertaining, even now, Lovecraft's Re-Animator is among the zombie kings
5 Spookies
Re-Animator
1985
SKIP - Troma re-release of low-budget 1980s schlock, fun plot, but cheap zombies, poopy directing
1 Spooky
Redneck Zombies
1987
SKIP - Average and generic zombie movie with not much to link it to the game. Very predictable, but not bad
3 Spookies
Resident Evil
2002
Taint reviewed it yet.
Review Pending...
Resident Evil 2: Apocalypse
2004
Taint reviewed it yet.
Review Pending...
Resident Evil 3: Extinction
2007
SKIP - Re-uses clips from the Return of the Blind Dead, derivative story, here we go again but don't sneeze
2 Spookies
Return of the Blind Dead
1973
BUY - Fantastic effects, great story and characters, early humor/horror mix, a little dated
5 Spookies
Return of the Living Dead
1985
RENT - A poor but funny attempt at a sequel with not much horror value, some familiar set-ups, and jazzersizing zombies
3 Spookies
Return of the Living Dead 2
1988
BUY - Takes the series back to its more serious origins with some amazing zombies, a great story, and two unforgettable characters
4 Spookies
Return of the Living Dead 3
1993
Taint reviewed it yet.
Review Pending...
Return of the Living Dead 4: Necropolis
2005
SKIP - Predictably crappy zombie rave-party that feels exactly how the title sounds. Watching all those reckless younguns get eaten was pretty entertaining though... Damn kids...
1 Spooky
Return of the Living Dead 5: Rave to the Grave
2005
BUY - Perfect blend of comedy and horror combined with top-notch zombie movie effects and wonderful writing. There is no reason not to see this movie
4 Spookies
Shaun of the Dead
2004
RENT - Blaxploitation zombie movie where an army of zombies is raised to kill the evil honkies
2 Spookies
Sugar Hill
1994
RENT - Fun with toasted Knights Templar, creepy silent blind zombies, good menace and atmosphere
3 Spookies
Tombs of the Blind Dead
1971
SKIP - Just Dawn of the Dead with 20 extra minutes of unnecessary dialogue. Better go with the original
4 Spookies
Zombi
1978
BUY - Classic Fulci film featuring a new take on zombies as well as one of the most disturbing moments in all of zombie-movie history
4 Spookies
Zombi 2
1979
Taint reviewed it yet.
Review Pending...
Zombi 3
1988


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