D.A.N.G.E.R. - Past Point/Counter Point

February 1998

Michael Selby

Well, a new month is upon us, and as we are contractually obligated to do so, it is time for a new Point / Counterpoint. But, before we get into the childish taunting and name calling that seems to be the staple of a certain Mr. Poopy Pants organization that sounds like "Twanc," I would just like to ask one simple question: "Where is the love?"

Now, you're probably saying, "Mike, this doesn't sound like the normal Point / Counterpoint that we are so used to reading between the venerable D.A.N.G.E.R. and that Mr. Poopy Pants group that sounds like 'Fwanc.' Have you lost your mind?" The answer, as is the answer to all of life's pressing questions, is: beets.

I was only hoping to distract SWANC long enough to eliminate them. With an organization full of Narcissists we need but show them a mirror and they shall fall. Once we get our mirror up and running, SWANC will be no more.

With love,
Michael Selby

Special Guest: Post-man

Members of D.A.N.G.E.R.:

Recently Agent 3.14 has been working a backbreaking schedule for us here at SWANC, and as such I have been asked by General Mills to prepare this month's Point / Counterpoint. I am new head of the editorial department, and you may refer to simply as "Post-man".

For openers I would like to thank you wholeheartedly for the lovely Point / Counterpoint this month; your hard work, dedication, and clinical insanity came through clear as the night sky in Karachi. You are all truly bastardized freaks of nature. Dare I wager that the closest thing to a coherent thought produced by a member of D.A.N.G.E.R. in these last few weeks was immediately followed by a mysterious flushing sound?

I'm afraid that I am legally unable to address Mr. Michael Selby of D.A.N.G.E.R.'s one legitimate question, "where is the love?", as Agent 3.14's immediate whereabouts and company are classified. As for his stunningly pointless discussion of beets, well... after careful deliberation, SWANC's official position is this: Although beets are pink and juicy - characteristics which SWANC usually endorses fully - this vegetable is not the answer to any of life's biggest questions. Those questions of course being: "Can a Taurus date a Gemini?", "How do you say 'condom' in Italian?", and "Is your daughter eighteen?".

This has been a particularly enlightening experience for me, as I'm sure noticing that the sun decided to rise again today is for you. I bid you adieu gentlemen, may you prove to be as inept and incompetent next month as you have this. Just remember, SWANC shall prevail - if for no reason other than to look good doing it.

Thank you for your time,
Post-man

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March 1998

Michael "I am Tiger Woods" Selby

Agent 3.14

I am forced to scoff once again at your feeble attempts to take over the world. Do you honestly think that the world wants to be run by a bunch of sissy pretty-boys? Do you think that the world wants to be run by a group of egoists that chase anything in a skirt?

We here at D.A.N.G.E.R. think not. What the world needs is good old fashion evil. And that's what we here at D.A.N.G.E.R. can deliver. We are pure evil. We have the evil Midas touch. Were kittens evil before D.A.N.G.E.R.? Doubt it. The moon an instrument of evil? No way. Pie? I hardly think that pie...well, actually pie has been evil for hundreds of years, but I digress.

D.A.N.G.E.R. is the rightful ruler of the world for several reasons.

We thought of it first.

The world needs evil, D.A.N.G.E.R. is evil, ergo the world needs D.A.N.G.E.R.

SWANC is full of shallow womanizers that would foul up the world if they got their perverted little hands on it.

A hoatzin is a South American crested bird.

To sum up my major points: SWANC is bad; D.A.N.G.E.R. is evil, which is good; hoatzin is a bird. Thank you for your time. Now get back to bed.

With love,
Michael Selby

Agent 3.14

No reply.

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April 1998

Michael "Meep Meep" Selby

Agent 3.14

We here at D.A.N.G.E.R. have decided to give up the world domination business for good. We are tired of all the hassle of having to create a weapon to destroy SWANC and all of our enemies, and then have it fail miserably. We are tired of living in a secret, underground cavern somewhere in the Sea of Japan. We would like to see the sun. We are human, too. Well, mostly.

So we thought that we would leave the world domination stuff to those great guys and gals at SWANC. We think that they will do a great job controlling the world and look forward to toiling away in their plutonium mines while the SWANC members are having one of their non-stop orgies. So SWANC, good luck to you, for the world is yours.

April Fools! We would never hand the world over to your group of Marquis de Sades. For it is spring; April showers bring May flowers. And what do May flowers bring? If you're a member of SWANC, it brings unimaginable destruction. We've all had a good laugh at your expense. Now go back to not trying very hard to take over the world. We'll see that he who laughs last, laughs best.

With love,
Michael Selby

Special Guest: The Post-Man

Members of D.A.N.G.E.R.,

I see from the level of glee in your last letter that you have remembered where to plug the toaster in, my sincerest congratulations.

Amazingly, Mr. Michael Selby of D.A.N.G.E.R. was coherent enough when writing his last letter to correctly identify the season... spring, and what a wonderful season it is. Why with birds singing happily in the trees, the grass softly greening underfoot, and April in the shower, a few members of SWANC have found it difficult to concentrate on the job at hand. It is this time of year, when breasts return in all their triumphant glory to help attentive men all around the world correctly identify the chilliness of a room, that perhaps we in the upper echelons of SWANC's ruling elite take it a little too easy on our fellow operatives.

Not this year.

The spring of 1998 will bring ultimate destruction to the nose-picking, meatloaf-eating, and fashion-belligerent members of D.A.N.G.E.R. There will be no slacking off in our organization. Although your demise will leave us with no one to kick in the face as we continue our march to take over the world, your presence will not be missed. Your banterings, mere anvil-droppings in their poignancy, shall be remembered fondly in a compendium I am authoring entitled, Baboon Mating Calls.

Until next time (when I shall recount to you my experiences with May in the flowers), and the time after that (when you will learn of how June and I worked our way into Summer). Adieu.

Better than you,
The Post-Man

Special Guest King Eider of f.e.a.r.

HA! I scoff at you, petty anthropoids. Mr. Selby, hello Mr. Selby? Oh, I see you're up in a tree hanging by your cute little monkey tail again. Would you like a banana? Would you please STOP screeching! And look at the cute little band of baboons known as SWANC. Wow, that agent 3.14 sure is attractive. Does she have a red ass? I know you ape-types like that sort of thing. I'm also willing to bet EVERY member of SWANC can answer that question. Don't you people know there's a proper season for that sort of thing?

As for what will truly happen this spring, it is not SWANC who will control the world, it is I who you shall be bowing to. We shall retake our great citadels in Canada and claim new territory in what you flightless fools call Russia. Our fearsome armies shall control all the major strongholds of the monkeypeople before you can say "eek eek" which I believe in your language means "I surrender."

Oh, and Agent 3.14, or Post-Man, or whatever in the tundra's name you truly call yourself, the properly dressed this season will be wearing arctic white.

One more thing Mr. Selby, before you continue foraging for bugs in the canopy, we laugh at your expense ALL THE TIME. HAHAHAHA.

May your blood drown the world,
King Eider

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© 2000 Not Fish Productions This site was designed by Jimmy with a little help from Schmick.	February 1998 Michael Selby Well, a new month is upon us, and as we are contractually obligated to do so, it is time for a new Point / Counterpoint. But, before we get into the childish taunting and name calling that seems to be the staple of a certain Mr. Poopy Pants organization that sounds like "Twanc," I would just like to ask one simple question: "Where is the love?" Now, you're probably saying, "Mike, this doesn't sound like the normal Point / Counterpoint that we are so used to reading between the venerable D.A.N.G.E.R. and that Mr. Poopy Pants group that sounds like 'Fwanc.' Have you lost your mind?" The answer, as is the answer to all of life's pressing questions, is: beets. I was only hoping to distract SWANC long enough to eliminate them. With an organization full of Narcissists we need but show them a mirror and they shall fall. Once we get our mirror up and running, SWANC will be no more. With love, Michael Selby Special Guest: Post-man Members of D.A.N.G.E.R.: Recently Agent 3.14 has been working a backbreaking schedule for us here at SWANC, and as such I have been asked by General Mills to prepare this month's Point / Counterpoint. I am new head of the editorial department, and you may refer to simply as "Post-man". For openers I would like to thank you wholeheartedly for the lovely Point / Counterpoint this month; your hard work, dedication, and clinical insanity came through clear as the night sky in Karachi. You are all truly bastardized freaks of nature. Dare I wager that the closest thing to a coherent thought produced by a member of D.A.N.G.E.R. in these last few weeks was immediately followed by a mysterious flushing sound? I'm afraid that I am legally unable to address Mr. Michael Selby of D.A.N.G.E.R.'s one legitimate question, "where is the love?", as Agent 3.14's immediate whereabouts and company are classified. As for his stunningly pointless discussion of beets, well... after careful deliberation, SWANC's official position is this: Although beets are pink and juicy - characteristics which SWANC usually endorses fully - this vegetable is not the answer to any of life's biggest questions. Those questions of course being: "Can a Taurus date a Gemini?", "How do you say 'condom' in Italian?", and "Is your daughter eighteen?". This has been a particularly enlightening experience for me, as I'm sure noticing that the sun decided to rise again today is for you. I bid you adieu gentlemen, may you prove to be as inept and incompetent next month as you have this. Just remember, SWANC shall prevail - if for no reason other than to look good doing it. Thank you for your time, Post-man \| Back to the Top \| March 1998 Michael "I am Tiger Woods" Selby Agent 3.14 I am forced to scoff once again at your feeble attempts to take over the world. Do you honestly think that the world wants to be run by a bunch of sissy pretty-boys? Do you think that the world wants to be run by a group of egoists that chase anything in a skirt? We here at D.A.N.G.E.R. think not. What the world needs is good old fashion evil. And that's what we here at D.A.N.G.E.R. can deliver. We are pure evil. We have the evil Midas touch. Were kittens evil before D.A.N.G.E.R.? Doubt it. The moon an instrument of evil? No way. Pie? I hardly think that pie...well, actually pie has been evil for hundreds of years, but I digress. D.A.N.G.E.R. is the rightful ruler of the world for several reasons. We thought of it first. The world needs evil, D.A.N.G.E.R. is evil, ergo the world needs D.A.N.G.E.R. SWANC is full of shallow womanizers that would foul up the world if they got their perverted little hands on it. A hoatzin is a South American crested bird. To sum up my major points: SWANC is bad; D.A.N.G.E.R. is evil, which is good; hoatzin is a bird. Thank you for your time. Now get back to bed. With love, Michael Selby Agent 3.14 No reply. \| Back to the Top \| April 1998 Michael "Meep Meep" Selby Agent 3.14 We here at D.A.N.G.E.R. have decided to give up the world domination business for good. We are tired of all the hassle of having to create a weapon to destroy SWANC and all of our enemies, and then have it fail miserably. We are tired of living in a secret, underground cavern somewhere in the Sea of Japan. We would like to see the sun. We are human, too. Well, mostly. So we thought that we would leave the world domination stuff to those great guys and gals at SWANC. We think that they will do a great job controlling the world and look forward to toiling away in their plutonium mines while the SWANC members are having one of their non-stop orgies. So SWANC, good luck to you, for the world is yours. April Fools! We would never hand the world over to your group of Marquis de Sades. For it is spring; April showers bring May flowers. And what do May flowers bring? If you're a member of SWANC, it brings unimaginable destruction. We've all had a good laugh at your expense. Now go back to not trying very hard to take over the world. We'll see that he who laughs last, laughs best. With love, Michael Selby Special Guest: The Post-Man Members of D.A.N.G.E.R., I see from the level of glee in your last letter that you have remembered where to plug the toaster in, my sincerest congratulations. Amazingly, Mr. Michael Selby of D.A.N.G.E.R. was coherent enough when writing his last letter to correctly identify the season... spring, and what a wonderful season it is. Why with birds singing happily in the trees, the grass softly greening underfoot, and April in the shower, a few members of SWANC have found it difficult to concentrate on the job at hand. It is this time of year, when breasts return in all their triumphant glory to help attentive men all around the world correctly identify the chilliness of a room, that perhaps we in the upper echelons of SWANC's ruling elite take it a little too easy on our fellow operatives. Not this year. The spring of 1998 will bring ultimate destruction to the nose-picking, meatloaf-eating, and fashion-belligerent members of D.A.N.G.E.R. There will be no slacking off in our organization. Although your demise will leave us with no one to kick in the face as we continue our march to take over the world, your presence will not be missed. Your banterings, mere anvil-droppings in their poignancy, shall be remembered fondly in a compendium I am authoring entitled, Baboon Mating Calls. Until next time (when I shall recount to you my experiences with May in the flowers), and the time after that (when you will learn of how June and I worked our way into Summer). Adieu. Better than you, The Post-Man Special Guest King Eider of f.e.a.r. HA! I scoff at you, petty anthropoids. Mr. Selby, hello Mr. Selby? Oh, I see you're up in a tree hanging by your cute little monkey tail again. Would you like a banana? Would you please STOP screeching! And look at the cute little band of baboons known as SWANC. Wow, that agent 3.14 sure is attractive. Does she have a red ass? I know you ape-types like that sort of thing. I'm also willing to bet EVERY member of SWANC can answer that question. Don't you people know there's a proper season for that sort of thing? As for what will truly happen this spring, it is not SWANC who will control the world, it is I who you shall be bowing to. We shall retake our great citadels in Canada and claim new territory in what you flightless fools call Russia. Our fearsome armies shall control all the major strongholds of the monkeypeople before you can say "eek eek" which I believe in your language means "I surrender." Oh, and Agent 3.14, or Post-Man, or whatever in the tundra's name you truly call yourself, the properly dressed this season will be wearing arctic white. One more thing Mr. Selby, before you continue foraging for bugs in the canopy, we laugh at your expense ALL THE TIME. HAHAHAHA. May your blood drown the world, King Eider \| Back to the Top \|