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The Best Rant Ever - PalerNymph
You know what I hate? Big zits on the tip of my nose. Yours adoringly, Rudolph.

Bad Drivers - Seanotter
You know what I hate? Stupid people. I'm not talking about those people that don't know who Ulysses S. Grant is from a dick in their ear, I mean the morons who have no common sense whatsoever. I was driving down the road the other day, and the right lane ended for construction. So there were signs for 157 miles saying the lane ends, and there was a big fucking sign with a big fucking flashing yellow arrow right in front of the big fucking frontloader that was blocking the entire motherfucking lane. Now, I don't know why people feel the need to do this, but this dude drove as fast as he possibly could up to this big fucking sign, then, when he was as close as he possibly could be, he tried to get in the other lane. Who in their right mind would let this asshole in the lane? I sure wouldn't. Soon I was near the sign, and lo and behold, he was still sitting there waiting to get in. I wasn't letting him in, no way in hell. So I moved forward, and he just pulled his brand new (It still had the goddamned sticker in the window. I don't know what year it was. I'll assume 99?) Ford Taurus in front of me. Now, luckily, I have good reflexes, so I avoided an accident. The Ranger in front of me, however, wasn't so lucky. The car went underneath the truck, lifting it up onto the hood. Now, I obviously have no idea what kind of damage was done, but I'll have to assume the truck's axle is bent to hell. I got out of my car and started yelling at the guy. Because I'm 6'5", the guy didn't talk back. He was a good foot shorter than me. Stupid bastard. I yelled at this guy for 10 minutes until the police came. Then I had to stick around and tell them how much of an idiot this fucker is! This man should be hung. No trial, no jury. I don't have a propensity towards violence, but If he had hit my car, I would've broken his big hairy nose.

Bad Drivers - Seanotter

You know what I hate? Stupid people. I'm not talking about those people that don't know who Ulysses S. Grant is from a dick in their ear, I mean the morons who have no common sense whatsoever. I was driving down the road the other day, and the right lane ended for construction. So there were signs for 157 miles saying the lane ends, and there was a big fucking sign with a big fucking flashing yellow arrow right in front of the big fucking frontloader that was blocking the entire motherfucking lane. Now, I don't know why people feel the need to do this, but this dude drove as fast as he possibly could up to this big fucking sign, then, when he was as close as he possibly could be, he tried to get in the other lane. Who in their right mind would let this asshole in the lane? I sure wouldn't. Soon I was near the sign, and lo and behold, he was still sitting there waiting to get in. I wasn't letting him in, no way in hell. So I moved forward, and he just pulled his brand new (It still had the goddamned sticker in the window. I don't know what year it was. I'll assume 99?) Ford Taurus in front of me. Now, luckily, I have good reflexes, so I avoided an accident. The Ranger in front of me, however, wasn't so lucky. The car went underneath the truck, lifting it up onto the hood. Now, I obviously have no idea what kind of damage was done, but I'll have to assume the truck's axle is bent to hell. I got out of my car and started yelling at the guy. Because I'm 6'5", the guy didn't talk back. He was a good foot shorter than me. Stupid bastard. I yelled at this guy for 10 minutes until the police came. Then I had to stick around and tell them how much of an idiot this fucker is! This man should be hung. No trial, no jury. I don't have a propensity towards violence, but If he had hit my car, I would've broken his big hairy nose.

Censorship - DAFLASHG18
In my honest opinion, censorship is one of the biggest evils that occurs in this country. It pisses me off so much that government institutions and uptight citizens can totally wipe their asses with the constitution and dictate what is "appropriate" to be aired on television, radio, or cinema, printed in newspapers and magazines, or said in public forums like the internet. Why should I be bound by some jackass's idea of what is offensive? Many people claim that things aren't appropriate because they are a bad influence on children. Frankly it is not my concern if some yuppie scum uses television or other forms of media as a babysitter for their children because they feel that they are too preoccupied to monitor the brats. If you are going to be that busy, then obviously you shouldn't have children. By the way, how long are you going to hide the real world from your kids? There are some fucked up things in the world, but instead of sugar-coating everything for your children, why don't you sit with them and discuss it? Believe me, children would be better adjusted if the real world would be explained to them instead of finding out about it on their own. Another thing that contributes to censorship are sexually-frustrated fundamentalist Christians who are offended by their own bodies and who spend all their free time searching through bags of snack food for a potato chip shaped like Jesus. Grow the fuck up and don't watch or read something if it offends you. Use all your coalitions and activist groups for something useful like helping the homeless or feeding the hungry. If I want to watch a movie where Jesus is portrayed as a Mongolian Midget with multiple personalities, it is none of your fucking business. As for so-called "dirty words", these are only words people. They are only as offensive as you let them be. Can you tell me the difference in meaning between the word shit and the word feces? They mean the same fucking thing, but one is offensive and one isn't. This is my opinion, if you don't like it, don't read it.

Censorship - DAFLASHG18

In my honest opinion, censorship is one of the biggest evils that occurs in this country. It pisses me off so much that government institutions and uptight citizens can totally wipe their asses with the constitution and dictate what is "appropriate" to be aired on television, radio, or cinema, printed in newspapers and magazines, or said in public forums like the internet. Why should I be bound by some jackass's idea of what is offensive? Many people claim that things aren't appropriate because they are a bad influence on children. Frankly it is not my concern if some yuppie scum uses television or other forms of media as a babysitter for their children because they feel that they are too preoccupied to monitor the brats. If you are going to be that busy, then obviously you shouldn't have children. By the way, how long are you going to hide the real world from your kids? There are some fucked up things in the world, but instead of sugar-coating everything for your children, why don't you sit with them and discuss it? Believe me, children would be better adjusted if the real world would be explained to them instead of finding out about it on their own. Another thing that contributes to censorship are sexually-frustrated fundamentalist Christians who are offended by their own bodies and who spend all their free time searching through bags of snack food for a potato chip shaped like Jesus. Grow the fuck up and don't watch or read something if it offends you. Use all your coalitions and activist groups for something useful like helping the homeless or feeding the hungry. If I want to watch a movie where Jesus is portrayed as a Mongolian Midget with multiple personalities, it is none of your fucking business. As for so-called "dirty words", these are only words people. They are only as offensive as you let them be. Can you tell me the difference in meaning between the word shit and the word feces? They mean the same fucking thing, but one is offensive and one isn't. This is my opinion, if you don't like it, don't read it.

Free Speech - JenPiccalo
I really love those people who go online and claim to believe in free speech and then turn around and TOS someone or punt them offline. "Just the idiots," they say. Look, I wish a pox upon morons too, but who exactly are you to make decisions for other people about what they wish to see? If some bulbous tit comes into a chat room you're in and goes off about what a great man Hitler was, well, yeah, obviously the person is a buttchunk and not worth your time. But that doesn't mean that you have the right to silence them for other people. Press your ignore button. It's that easy. That way if SheMama210 wants to hear what NaziLovr is saying, she still can. In order for you to have the right of free speech, everyone else must have it too. Including donkey fucking asspipes. I mean, if you begin censoring "just the idiots", it's only a matter of time before someone decides you're the idiot and censors you. So, remember that the next time you want to get your impotent dick all hard by punting some moron you don't even know. Put them on ignore instead. Or... do what I do, call them names and laugh at them. Include stuff about their mother.

Free Speech - JenPiccalo

I really love those people who go online and claim to believe in free speech and then turn around and TOS someone or punt them offline. "Just the idiots," they say. Look, I wish a pox upon morons too, but who exactly are you to make decisions for other people about what they wish to see? If some bulbous tit comes into a chat room you're in and goes off about what a great man Hitler was, well, yeah, obviously the person is a buttchunk and not worth your time. But that doesn't mean that you have the right to silence them for other people. Press your ignore button. It's that easy. That way if SheMama210 wants to hear what NaziLovr is saying, she still can. In order for you to have the right of free speech, everyone else must have it too. Including donkey fucking asspipes. I mean, if you begin censoring "just the idiots", it's only a matter of time before someone decides you're the idiot and censors you. So, remember that the next time you want to get your impotent dick all hard by punting some moron you don't even know. Put them on ignore instead. Or... do what I do, call them names and laugh at them. Include stuff about their mother.

Ford Expeditions - Ero Macque
I'll tell you something I fucking hate: Ford Expeditions. What kind of ASSHOLE looks at a Ford Explorer, shakes his head sadly and says, "Not big enough"? What kind of money-wasting, fuel-burning, planet-killing fuck feels compelled to drive this thing? Or to put his tennis-playing affair-having wife in one because "I feel better knowing she's safe." She may be, but if she hits my fucking Honda, I'm dead as Dillinger while she spills a little Evian and curses the speedbump she just hit. Fuck that. And Fuck Ford for having the nuts to run ads about how they care about the environment when they're building something even BIGGER than the goddamned Expedition. Some dreadnought called the "Excursion." It's the size of a PT boat and seats NINE people in comfort. That's absurd. Fuck that.

Ford Expeditions - Ero Macque

I'll tell you something I fucking hate: Ford Expeditions. What kind of ASSHOLE looks at a Ford Explorer, shakes his head sadly and says, "Not big enough"? What kind of money-wasting, fuel-burning, planet-killing fuck feels compelled to drive this thing? Or to put his tennis-playing affair-having wife in one because "I feel better knowing she's safe." She may be, but if she hits my fucking Honda, I'm dead as Dillinger while she spills a little Evian and curses the speedbump she just hit. Fuck that. And Fuck Ford for having the nuts to run ads about how they care about the environment when they're building something even BIGGER than the goddamned Expedition. Some dreadnought called the "Excursion." It's the size of a PT boat and seats NINE people in comfort. That's absurd. Fuck that.

Catholics - Nipyou
I attended a family wedding over the weekend, and yay, it was a Catholic ceremony. Throughout the ceremony I was distracted by the horrendous words the priest kept spouting and the apparent lack of interest by the congregation. He kept mentioning "children" and "little ones." The man could not leave it alone. With every wish of happiness for the newlyweds there came a demand for offspring. I, personally, think this is bullshit. I'm not a major fan of children (or the Catholic church), but I am not going to tell anyone whether or not to pop them out. That is their own damn business. And while I recognize the fact that with a Catholic wedding comes some kind of Catholic responsibilities, I don't see how children can be a part of them. The church should not place these extra burdens upon the already heavy load of expectations that newlyweds face. Who is to say that a couple couldn't be perfectly content sans rugrats? Hopefully not a religious institution as corrupt and misleading as a Catholic church. Decisions concerning birth control and the desire for kids should lie where they belong - in the hands of those who have the financial responsibility of said children - the parents. The decisions should not be made by men in black dresses with funny hats that consider "getting some" molesting alter kids without getting caught. Or maybe that's why they want people to have kids...I'll leave you with that thought.

Catholics - Nipyou

I attended a family wedding over the weekend, and yay, it was a Catholic ceremony. Throughout the ceremony I was distracted by the horrendous words the priest kept spouting and the apparent lack of interest by the congregation. He kept mentioning "children" and "little ones." The man could not leave it alone. With every wish of happiness for the newlyweds there came a demand for offspring. I, personally, think this is bullshit. I'm not a major fan of children (or the Catholic church), but I am not going to tell anyone whether or not to pop them out. That is their own damn business. And while I recognize the fact that with a Catholic wedding comes some kind of Catholic responsibilities, I don't see how children can be a part of them. The church should not place these extra burdens upon the already heavy load of expectations that newlyweds face. Who is to say that a couple couldn't be perfectly content sans rugrats? Hopefully not a religious institution as corrupt and misleading as a Catholic church. Decisions concerning birth control and the desire for kids should lie where they belong - in the hands of those who have the financial responsibility of said children - the parents. The decisions should not be made by men in black dresses with funny hats that consider "getting some" molesting alter kids without getting caught. Or maybe that's why they want people to have kids...I'll leave you with that thought.

Online Insults - JenPiccalo
Okay, so, I'm the queen of online insults, so clearly I don't mind when someone gets in a good zinger about me. However, I think there is a serious problem with some people's thought processes of what constitutes a good insult. Let's take a look at the forum. We're online here, folks. We can't see, hear, taste or touch another person. All we have to go on is text. Text. (Which is another reason why it should look good, but that's another rant altogether.) How do you suppose calling someone ugly, fat, smelly, old, or any other physical adjective makes sense? You wanna attack me? Go ahead and throw a punch; just make sure your attack is based on something I've presented to you, something I've said, something you've seen from me. Otherwise, you're wasting your time and mine.

Online Insults - JenPiccalo

Okay, so, I'm the queen of online insults, so clearly I don't mind when someone gets in a good zinger about me. However, I think there is a serious problem with some people's thought processes of what constitutes a good insult. Let's take a look at the forum. We're online here, folks. We can't see, hear, taste or touch another person. All we have to go on is text. Text. (Which is another reason why it should look good, but that's another rant altogether.) How do you suppose calling someone ugly, fat, smelly, old, or any other physical adjective makes sense? You wanna attack me? Go ahead and throw a punch; just make sure your attack is based on something I've presented to you, something I've said, something you've seen from me. Otherwise, you're wasting your time and mine.

American Airlines - JenPiccalo & DAFLASHG18
JenPiccalo: Hehehehe. I am gonna go off on American Airlines next, I think. DAFLASHG18: heh i never heard the story JenPiccalo: There's a million. That fucking airline is the worst. DAFLASHG18: why do you keep patronizing them? JenPiccalo: Because they keep fucking up so badly, they have to give me vouchers. DAFLASHG18: lol, you demand refunds? JenPiccalo: I don't demand refunds. I demand compensation if they fuck up badly enough. Vouchers for future trips. But I didn't do that last time. I've had it with them. I'll never fly them again, if I can help it. DAFLASHG18: how badly did they fuck up? JenPiccalo: I hit traffic and got there ten minutes before the flight left... they wouldn't let me on even though the plane was still sitting right there. DAFLASHG18: damn that sucks, at newark airport you never have to worry about that, the boarding there is always delayed JenPiccalo: Heheheh. Yes, well, the brilliant AA lady told me that it's their new thing... 10 minutes before flight, you are in your seat (Ready!)... 5 minutes before flight, you are taxing (Set!)... 0 minutes, take off (Go!). She showed me a sign. I asked her how the fuck I was supposed to see a sign at the airport before I was at the fucking airport. DAFLASHG18: lol that's fucking funny JenPiccalo: Huh. You wouldn't think so if you had to go on a full fucking flight an hour later when the half empty flight you were booked on was STILL THERE. DAFLASHG18: lmao, god the world is funny JenPiccalo: Pfft. :) DAFLASHG18: sorry but that's one of the funniest situations i've ever heard, you seem to be a magnet for them JenPiccalo: That is NOTHING compared to the five hours they made me wait on the way to NY. JenPiccalo: My flight was supposed to leave at 7am. I ended up leaving L.A. at noon. DAFLASHG18: dude five hours!? that's a long wait even for this area JenPiccalo: Well, they cancelled the first flight. The 8 and 9 were booked. They put me in business class on the 10am... we boarded... I was enjoying a nice free mimosa... and then we sat... and sat and sat... evidently, we were waiting on the first officer... who, as it turned out, had been detained by security (??) and who had brought his kids with him (??). I mean, what kind of shit is that? It doesn't even make sense. We sat on that plane and it didn't leave the gate for TWO fucking hours. It was beyond bizzare. DAFLASHG18: seriously after that i wouldn't have flown with them again JenPiccalo: I'm like... I don't think I really want a first officer on board who is being detained by security. You know? DAFLASHG18: lol good point JenPiccalo: Well, I didn't have a choice. My mom was paying for my flight to Chicago.. and she had a free flight from frequent flyer miles on AA. DAFLASHG18: oh, she hasn't had comparable problems? JenPiccalo: Oh, she has. The reason she got all those miles is because we all got $900 in vouchers from like 3 years ago when they fucked up originally. DAFLASHG18: this is like material for a sitcom JenPiccalo: M once watched this show that wasn't very good... but it had one segment where a guy was trying to deal with some airline person at a desk and she was in tears... because that's exactly how it is.. they're total morons and the guy was being all sarcastic with him. That's me. DAFLASHG18: heh i'd pay good money to listen to the dialogue between you and the airline receptionist person JenPiccalo: Hahahaha. "I'm sorry, ma'am... you missed the flight." "What do you mean, I missed the flight? I'm looking at it right now. I can see it outside the window." "We are not boarding anymore. If everyone got here at this time, we'd never be able to leave on time." "Well, not everyone gets here at this time. Do you see everyone? No. Just me and a few others. Do you think we CHOSE to get here at this time? Just leisurely left the house and said, 'Eh, ten minutes before flight outta be enough.' I hit traffic, you incredible moron!" "I'm sorry, ma'am... this is our policy. " "I'm supposed to see a sign at the airport before I get to the fucking airport?" DAFLASHG18: dude that shit's priceless JenPiccalo: "It wouldn't be fair to the others if we let you on." "Why the fuck not? It's half empty!" "That doesn't matter, ma'am." "I want to be compensated for this." "You want to be compensated because you missed your flight?" "I DIDN'T MISS THE FUCKING FLIGHT. IT'S RIGHT FUCKING THERE. TURN AROUND AND LOOK AT IT." JenPiccalo: This went on for awhile. DAFLASHG18: hahaha, oh my god i'm tearing up JenPiccalo: Screw off, it sucked ass. I had to end up sitting practically on top of some old broad with tits to her ankles because the next flight was so fucking full.

American Airlines - JenPiccalo & DAFLASHG18

JenPiccalo: Hehehehe. I am gonna go off on American Airlines next, I think.
DAFLASHG18: heh i never heard the story
JenPiccalo: There's a million. That fucking airline is the worst.
DAFLASHG18: why do you keep patronizing them?
JenPiccalo: Because they keep fucking up so badly, they have to give me vouchers.
DAFLASHG18: lol, you demand refunds?
JenPiccalo: I don't demand refunds. I demand compensation if they fuck up badly enough. Vouchers for future trips. But I didn't do that last time. I've had it with them. I'll never fly them again, if I can help it.
DAFLASHG18: how badly did they fuck up?
JenPiccalo: I hit traffic and got there ten minutes before the flight left... they wouldn't let me on even though the plane was still sitting right there.
DAFLASHG18: damn that sucks, at newark airport you never have to worry about that, the boarding there is always delayed
JenPiccalo: Heheheh. Yes, well, the brilliant AA lady told me that it's their new thing... 10 minutes before flight, you are in your seat (Ready!)... 5 minutes before flight, you are taxing (Set!)... 0 minutes, take off (Go!). She showed me a sign. I asked her how the fuck I was supposed to see a sign at the airport before I was at the fucking airport.
DAFLASHG18: lol that's fucking funny
JenPiccalo: Huh. You wouldn't think so if you had to go on a full fucking flight an hour later when the half empty flight you were booked on was STILL THERE.
DAFLASHG18: lmao, god the world is funny
JenPiccalo: Pfft. :)
DAFLASHG18: sorry but that's one of the funniest situations i've ever heard, you seem to be a magnet for them
JenPiccalo: That is NOTHING compared to the five hours they made me wait on the way to NY.
JenPiccalo: My flight was supposed to leave at 7am. I ended up leaving L.A. at noon.
DAFLASHG18: dude five hours!? that's a long wait even for this area
JenPiccalo: Well, they cancelled the first flight. The 8 and 9 were booked. They put me in business class on the 10am... we boarded... I was enjoying a nice free mimosa... and then we sat... and sat and sat... evidently, we were waiting on the first officer... who, as it turned out, had been detained by security (??) and who had brought his kids with him (??). I mean, what kind of shit is that? It doesn't even make sense. We sat on that plane and it didn't leave the gate for TWO fucking hours. It was beyond bizzare.
DAFLASHG18: seriously after that i wouldn't have flown with them again
JenPiccalo: I'm like... I don't think I really want a first officer on board who is being detained by security. You know?
DAFLASHG18: lol good point
JenPiccalo: Well, I didn't have a choice. My mom was paying for my flight to Chicago.. and she had a free flight from frequent flyer miles on AA.
DAFLASHG18: oh, she hasn't had comparable problems?
JenPiccalo: Oh, she has. The reason she got all those miles is because we all got $900 in vouchers from like 3 years ago when they fucked up originally.
DAFLASHG18: this is like material for a sitcom
JenPiccalo: M once watched this show that wasn't very good... but it had one segment where a guy was trying to deal with some airline person at a desk and she was in tears... because that's exactly how it is.. they're total morons and the guy was being all sarcastic with him. That's me.
DAFLASHG18: heh i'd pay good money to listen to the dialogue between you and the airline receptionist person
JenPiccalo: Hahahaha. "I'm sorry, ma'am... you missed the flight." "What do you mean, I missed the flight? I'm looking at it right now. I can see it outside the window." "We are not boarding anymore. If everyone got here at this time, we'd never be able to leave on time." "Well, not everyone gets here at this time. Do you see everyone? No. Just me and a few others. Do you think we CHOSE to get here at this time? Just leisurely left the house and said, 'Eh, ten minutes before flight outta be enough.' I hit traffic, you incredible moron!" "I'm sorry, ma'am... this is our policy. " "I'm supposed to see a sign at the airport before I get to the fucking airport?"
DAFLASHG18: dude that shit's priceless
JenPiccalo: "It wouldn't be fair to the others if we let you on." "Why the fuck not? It's half empty!" "That doesn't matter, ma'am." "I want to be compensated for this." "You want to be compensated because you missed your flight?" "I DIDN'T MISS THE FUCKING FLIGHT. IT'S RIGHT FUCKING THERE. TURN AROUND AND LOOK AT IT."
JenPiccalo: This went on for awhile.
DAFLASHG18: hahaha, oh my god i'm tearing up
JenPiccalo: Screw off, it sucked ass. I had to end up sitting practically on top of some old broad with tits to her ankles because the next flight was so fucking full.

STICK A SPUGET IN THAT FAT BUDDAH!

Exhaustive Commentaries From People Just Like You!

Do you have something to rant about? Let us read it! Stick it in an e-mail, damn it.

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Do you have something to rant about? Let us read it!
Stick it in an e-mail, damn it.