SERIES ONE

The first ever episode of Father Ted sees the arrival of Funland, the world's most cataclysmic travelling funfair, to Craggy Island. Funland is set up in The Field (it isn't really a field but it has less rocks in it than most places), however Ted has unknowingly arranged to meet a film crew there for an interview for 'Faith of Our Fathers'. In the confusion of the funfair, Dougal meets the film crew who mistake him for Ted, and he clutches his chance to tell the world his innermost thoughts on life, religion and the spider baby.
Originally aired - 21^st April '95

The most boring priest in the world (top ten anyway) has come to stay on Craggy Island with Ted and Dougal, who, try as they might cannot get rid of him. Ted tries everything to get Father Stone to go and in the end resorts to praying for divine intervention. Unfortunately not even God seems to like Father Stone and strikes him down with a bolt of lightning in an untimely crazy golf incident.
Originally aired - 28^th April '95

The Passion of Saint Tibulus - the most blasphemous film this century has been banned everywhere apart from Craggy Island. Bishop Brennan decides it is up to Ted and 'Forest Gump' (Dougal) to protect the moral interests of all the residents of Craggy Island. Sent to the cinema, placards in hand, Ted and Dougal do more to promote the film than prevent people watching it and the result is the most popular film ever shown in Craggy Island.
Originally aired - 5^th May '95

It's time for the All Priests Stars In Their Eyes Lookalike Competition and Ted has resolved that he will not go dressed as Mother Teresa again. He has come up with the idea of going as Elvis this year and the only problem is that so have Jack and Dougal. Ted can't afford to lose to the gang from Rugged Island (who look quite fetching in their dresses) and in the end comes up with 'the three ages of Elvis'.
Originally aired - 12^th May '95

Ted's vows come under self-scrutiny when he falls for Polly Clarke, a famous authoress of romantic novels. The only problem is that Polly does not feel the same way and decides to join a group of nuns; nuns which no longer idolise Ted after a lukewarm welcome and super-short mass.
Originally aired - 19^th May '95

The end is nigh for Father Jack after he overdoses on floor polish. Ted and Dougal stand to inherit a fortune from his will but only one thing stands in their way - Jack won't stay stay dead long enough for them to collect it.
Originally aired - 26^th May '95

SERIES TWO

It's holiday time for the gang from Craggy Island, but it turns out to be the holiday from hell. Dougal fails to bring anything with them and so their entertainment is limited to a tree stump, a magic road, an over-exitable youth group and watching the kettle boil. Jack appears to be the only one who actually enjoys the holiday when he falls into the sea and is saved by some lovely girls.
Originally aired - 8^th March '96

A fund-raising raffle is arranged in order to mend a leaking parochial house roof. The grand prize, a car (which was generously donated by Bishop Brennan on behalf of the diocese) is slightly damaged by a cyclist on the road, and greatly damaged by Ted trying to fix it. Ted must find a way to raise the money needed and obtain a new car. Just remember - it's not unusual for the people who run a raffle to actually win it.
Originally aired - 15^th March '96

Three bishops pay a brief visit to Craggy Island in order to upgrade a holy stone to a class two relic. Ted wants the parish to appear normal to the outside world and unfortunately, this involves Jack to join Ted's re-education programme and Dougal to keep his big mouth shut. The visit isn't a complete failure - at least only one of the bishops is unhappy with the time they spent on Craggy Island.
Originally aired - 22^nd March '96

Scandal and crime hits Craggy Island when a whistle is stolen - by a priest! Meanwhile Dougal is led astray by local delinquent priest, Father Damo and manages to get Ted into trouble with the police and then completely embarasses him as usual.
Originally aired - 29^th March '96

Eurosong fever hits Craggy Island due to the ever ongoing rivalry between Ted and Father Dick Byrne. Ted and Dougal find it harder to write a song than they first imagined and eventually produce 'My Lovely Horse'. Things do not go to plan however and they end up reverting to plan B - and still win! For more on My Lovely Horse, visit our tribute page.
Originally aired - 5^th April '96

The Parochial House becomes infested with rabbits just in time to coincide with Bishop Brennan's arrival. Bishop Brennan (who just happens to be terrified of rabbits) has come to the island after a rash of sightings of Father Jack sleepwalking in the nude. Things come to a head when Jack's nude sleepwalking brings him (and the rabbits) into a compromising situation.
Originally aired - 12^th April '96

Man-hating rock star Niamh Connolly visits the island and buys the parochial house. Well actually Dougal just gave it to her. Ted is meanwhile peresenting the Lovely Girls Competition and gets mistaken for a perverted deviant. Niamh decides to give them the house back but the lads have to make some compromises first.
Originally aired - 19^th April '96

Lenten vows prove to be difficult to keep for Ted, Jack and Dougal. In comes Sister Assumpta, part of the sadistic Mattie Hislop group, to punish the lads. They end up being punished daily and sacraficing the things they love dearly. Ted endevours to get rid of the crazy nun and an incident with an Easter egg proves to be the devine intervention they hoped for.
Originally aired - 26^th April '96

Father Jack is once again afflicted with a severe case of hairy hands and ends up in Saint Clabberts. Jack is replaced by Father Stack, a priest who listens to jungle music late into the night and likes to drill holes in the wall for fun. Ted dreams of getting rid of Stack and for once it is Dougal who saves the day when he forgets to dissinfect Jack's armchair.
Originally aired - 3^th May '96

A routine trip to a holy shrine ends in near-disaster when the aeroplane runs out of fuel. Dougal is of course to blame and Ted of course fixes the mess. Using the holy stickytape purchased earlier Ted climbs onto the wheel of the plane and reattatches the fuel line to the reserve. Only one thing - WHAT WAS HE DOIN' ON THE FECKIN' WHEEL?
Originally aired - 10^th May '96

Ted and Dougal get lost in a lingerie section in a department store, which later turns out to be Ireland's biggest lingerie section. They meet with some other priests who are also 'lost' and Ted leads them in an escape bid. His reward for doing so is a Golden Cleric award. Ted dreams of bigger and better things for himself but a phoney priest, Todd Unctious throws a spanner in the works.
Originally aired - December '96

SERIES THREE

Ted is mistaken for a racist when a local chinese family mistakingly view him indulging in a spot of racism while cleaning the house. In several attempts to redeem himself, Ted does more to dig himself further in than to clear his name. The highlight of this show however has to be the sight of 'Heir Jack' - complete with nazi uniform. SCRIPT AVAILABLE
Originally aired - 13^th March '98

Ted bets on the King of The Sheep '98 competition and puts the entire annual heating allowance on Chris the sheep to win. However there is a beast loose on Craggy Island which has terrified Chris to such a point that he's only a shadow of a sheep. Ted endevours to nurse Chris back to health because as a priest he has an intuitive understanding of sheep. All is not what it seems in this high profile sheep competition and it doesn't take Ted too long to figure out what's going on. SCRIPT AVAILABLE
Originally aired - 20^th March '98

After Ted gets the latest milkman fired for delivering more than dairy produce, Dougal takes over his round. Pat Mustard, the milkman in question decides to retaliate by putting a bomb on the milkfloat. It is up to Ted to save Dougal, but another mass doesn't sound like the best idea in the world!
Originally aired - 27^th March '98

A trip to the mainland proves to have disasterous consequences when Ted has a brief encounter with Richard Wilson (aka. Victor Meldrew), Dougal nearly starves to death, Mrs. Doyle is imprisoned and is later joined by Jack and Father Noel ends up under a big pile of rocks, all leaving Ted wishing he'd never went in the first place.
Originally aired - 3^rd April '98

Ted's chances of beating Dick Byrne at the All Priests Over 75's Five a Side Football championship, are severely reduced after the best player in the team dies and Jack overdoses on Dreamy Sleepy Nighty Snoozy Snooze. Ted however finds a way round this completely ludicrous situation and all looks well until Dougal messes it up again.
Originally aired - 10^th April '98

This episode sees the welcome return of Len Brennan, everyone's favourite bishop. Ted has to complete his forfeit from the previous episode and (as the title suggests) has to kick Bishop Brennan up the Arse. Will he go through with it? Will Bishop Brennan retaliate? Well, the short answer is, yes!
Originally aired - 17^th April '98

Mrs. Doyle is elated to discover that she's won a chance to meet her idol Eoin Mc Love. Eoin is the latest thing to hit the pop scene (think Daniel O' Donnell). During his visit to Craggy Island, Eoin is stalked by the Island's senior citizen population and envied by Father Dougal. Oh yes, and he has no willy.
Originally aired - 24^th April '98

Ted's big chance to finally escape Craggy Island comes in the form of a place at a Californian parish. Does he have the heart to tell the rest of the gang that he is leaving however? Or will the problem be that in the end, the opportunity of a lifetime is not all it seems?
Originally aired - 1^st May '98

This Father Ted Episode Guide is copyright Derec Thompson 1999 and may not be published or used on other sites without permission.