The next day James kept eyeing his phone as he sat in his small apartment. He knew he had told Justin that he would call Josh, but now sitting here, he was chickening out. He was worried over how josh would react to his confession. That he was Lance. The same man that he had talked to orgasm over the phone line. It would probably disgust him. He should tell him, but the fear of losing Josh was too great. He could tell he had already started to fall in love with the architect. Now that he knew that Josh was JC something else got thrown in the mix. He had actually enjoyed his calls either JC. That hadn't happened often. Actually it hadn't happened until JC. Usually he kept himself detached from his calls and the men on the other end of the line. He knew now Lance would never hear from JC again. That last call had been weird even for him, and he could only imagine what it had done to Josh. He did feel bad though. Josh had actually sounded sad on the phone. He should call him. He hated to think that he had hurt josh by not calling him, but this whole thing had freaked him out. Finding out that the two men he wanted were one in the same. Josh was JC, and JC was Josh. Now if only he could tell josh that he was Lance. He wondered how Josh would react? Would Josh accept his job? Did he care enough for him to let it slide? James sighed knowing that there was only way to find out the answers to these question, and that was to pick up the phone and dial. Call Josh. Taking his glasses off, he ran his fingers through his hair before reaching for the phone. Dialing, he waited three rings. On the fourth he was getting ready to hang up, when the line was picked up. "Hello," Josh mumbled. "Hi, Josh." "James, that you?" James could hear the obvious shock in Josh's voice. Maybe Josh had thought, he would never call him again. "Yes, it's me. Sorry I didn't call sooner. just been dealing with some things." "Did I do something wrong, James? If I did, I'm sorry." James' heart broke over the sadness and confusion in Josh's voice. He knew he had been the one to put that there. First by not calling him, and then the whole thing with Justin last night. "Josh, you didn't do anything wrong. I just figured out something while at your place the other night. Something I had to think over." "Well, hmm, did you think it all out?" James sighed. "Yeah. I think I would like to see you this weekend." "Great. Hmm. I was actually going away this weekend. Needed to get away and do some thinking of my own. I thought I had scared you off." "Nope, still here. Where were you going?" "Cape Cod." Josh sighed. "You can say no to this, but why don't you come with me?" James sat silent letting the words Josh had spoke travel through his mind. Going away with this man is exactly what he wanted to do, but Josh still had no idea that he was Lance and that he knew he was JC. He had to tell him, but not now. Maybe during the trip. "James, you there?" "Yeah. When do we leave?" James hoped that going away with josh wasn't a huge mistake, but maybe it could lead to something further developing between them. Josh could barely contain the smile in his voice. "Early tomorrow morning. Want me to pick you up? The drive will take about five hours." "Yeah. Thanks. So about six then?" Josh and James finished making the arrangements for their trip, and then hung up the phone. After packing a light bag, James decided to go to bed early happy that he and Josh would get a chance to be together before he revealed his secret. Across town, Josh was also happy. James had decided to give him another chance. A chance he would not screw up. Morning beat through James’ window, slithering in through slatted blinds, cascading along his wall. He yawned as his eyes flickered open, and stared at the clock. “Oh shit!” he hissed, swinging his legs over the bed. “No, no, no. I’m late.” He danced around in his boxers, debating on a shower. Quick check under his arms and he scrunched up his face. “Shower, definitely.” His heart was racing with anxiety as he scurried to the bathroom, barely shampooing before he heard the dull thud on his front door. Josh. James blinked under the spray of water and rushed the soap from his body. He knotted a towel around his waist and dashed to the door, unlocking the deadbolt and tugging it open. Josh stood there with hand poised to knock again. “I am *so* sorry,” James laughed as droplets of water slid down his chest. “I overslept.” Josh was silent, wondering if he was still breathing. Nothing in life prepared him for the powerful reaction that rocked his body at the sight before him. “It’s okay,” he mumbled, unable to drag his eyes from James’ wet body -- the way his skin seemed to glisten. “You okay?” James blushed, stepping back to let Josh enter. “Huh?” Josh snapped his head up, aware of his ill manners, embarrassed. “Oh, yeah. Sorry.” And he wanted to kiss James right there, hold him tight and strip that towel away, ravage his body and fuck the Cape. But it was James, who he realized was so fragile, and he wanted nothing to step in his way again. Willing to wait -- to take time and be whatever James needed him to be. “I’ll just be a sec,” James said as he headed off into his bedroom. “I don’t have any coffee made,” he called out. “We can stop,” Josh called back, wandering the tiny apartment, taking in those precious pieces of James’ life. What was it Chris had said earlier in the week -- something about taking time out to get to know people for who they really were -- and taking time to get to know James being worth the struggle. Josh smiled as he stared down at a high school graduation photo of James and his family. Yeah, he would seriously be worth the wait. “Okay, ready,” James said, pushing his wet hair from his face. He studied Josh in the early morning sunlight and felt the flap of excitement in his gut. Josh forced himself to breath, so unused to the enormous feelings waging inside him. He was in awe of this person who had the ability to turn both his body and mind on to such a degree. It drove him mad, truly, to be so close. For once in his life, he was surrounded by pure feelings of admiration -- of a man who was so innocent, yet so true. “Let’s head out then,” Josh smiled, stepping out of the apartment, letting James lock up. James tucked his key into the pocket of his jeans and took a deep breath, knowing Justin was right and he would have to tell Josh the truth -- that he worked phone sex by night -- AND he was Lance. Staring into those crystal blue eyes, James hoped all would be forgiven -- that perhaps Josh would blush and giggle, and hug him tightly. Say it was all a silly wrinkle in their budding relationship, and that nothing mattered so long as they were together. But still. As James slid into the passenger side of Josh’s corvette, he wondered if Josh would still want him. After all, the guy was simply amazing -- smart and strong, beautiful in a model like way. Surely he could do better than a struggling actor slash phone whore. It saddened James so deeply that he made himself take pause, stop the negative thoughts from darkening his heart, and when Josh pulled up outside Starbucks, they both went in silently. Each lost in separate thoughts and expectations for the weekend. Chris was in a the corner, a petite girl on his arm. Spotting his friends, he waved to them, rushing over. “Well, well, well,” he cooed, stroking the hair on his chin. “I see my cupid like instincts have reigned supreme.” James rolled his eyes as Josh laughed. “Alright Chris, don’t make a scene.” “A scene?” Chris chuckled loudly. “A scene. Me? Christopher Kirkpatrick? A scene? I know not the word!” “We’re going away for the weekend,” Josh whispered, leaning toward his friend. “Okay, so yes, thank you for introducing us.” “But scram,” James added with a playful nudge. “You’re woman awaits with a pissed off face.” Chris turned and sighed. “Ah, don’t they all? It’s the way of the female.” He wiggled his fingers at her teasingly as she folded her arms over her chest, unamused. “So, I’m off.” He smiled broadly. “Have a wonderful time, be good. Stay safe and all that junk.” James couldn’t help but smile back -- knowing if it hadn’t been for Chris, his path would have never headed to Josh. And Josh was everything he’d waited so long for. Josh pushed Chris away with a grin. “Yeah, yeah. I’ll call you when we’re back.” Chris threw his hands over his heart and batted his lashes at them, sighing dramatically. “Ah, I will await it.” James looked up at Josh and winked. “He’s ah ...” “Yeah. That he is,” Josh agreed, stepping forward to order a cappuccino. The morning broke beautifully over the city, and as they cruised to the sounds of  Neil Young, Josh put the top down. Wind whipped at James as he sipped his coffee, letting the busy city disappear behind them, still lost in thoughts of just how to break the news to Josh -- wondering if Justin would be opposed to coming for him if Josh decided to leave him in Cape Cod. The thought broke tension inside of him, and he twisted in his seat to stare at Josh, to let butterflies flutter about inside of him. To drop his eyes over his body with a rare glaze of lust. Because Josh was nothing if not lust worthy. James sighed and wondered just what Josh would feel like naked. It made him shiver, and instinctively, he moved closer to slide his hand along Josh’s thigh. Just because. It was Josh who jumped, surprised at the contact -- pleasantly. He grinned and shifted the car, speeding quickly out of city limits toward Massachusetts and the beauty of the Cape. Talk on the way was consistent. Laughter gushed through the air as they explored each others minds in depth -- talking about family, and friends more. Places they’d been and places they’d like to go. Soon, the small bed and breakfast was before them, and James gasped at the quaintness. “Josh,” he gasped, staring at the inn on the bluff, overlooking the ocean. “It’s ...” “I’m glad,” Josh laughed, relieved. “I’ve never been so ...” The converted Victorian mansion had all the luxuries of modern hotels, with small town charm weaved into it. A young man came and took their bags, and Josh peeled off a twenty as they were escorted to their room. A fireplace was the focal point, and two French doors lead out to a balcony overlooking the oceans majesty. The bed was four poster, and while James cringed inward at the obvious intonation that held, he was warmed nevertheless -- trusting Josh to respect his wishes. Glad when they were left alone. He flopped backward onto the bed and closed his eyes, inhaling the salty sea air that wafted in through the open doors. “This is heaven,” he murmured, kicking his sneakers off. The bed sank down beside him, and James licked his lips in anticipation, scared and suddenly unsure he trusted himself -- never mind Josh. His mouth tingled with the hope that Josh would kiss him, and his body failed his moral obligation as he let desire flood him. But Josh didn’t kiss. He simply lay beside James and stared at the ceiling fan overhead, his hands rested on his stomach. “Peaceful,” he whispered, as the waves crashed delicately into the sand, causing a sweet lullaby. “No horns.” “No sirens,” James added, leaning into the press of Josh’s arm against his, aching to touch any part of him. Enjoying the sweet flow of need that surged over him. Josh felt it raging off James -- a mutual longing. He rolled onto his side and propped his head in his hand, relishing the ability to stare at James all weekend long. He stared at his blonde hair, still mussed from the long drive with its attacking winds -- his cheeks which were now rosy with lust -- the pink of his lips and the way his tongue continued to lick at them. “James?” he whispered huskily. James blinked his eyes open, lost in the face that was hovering inches from his own, able to feel the heat of Josh’s breath gusting over him. Completely surrounded by a feeling he’d never experienced before. His entire body was on alert, begging to be touched, yet he lay very still, gazing steadily -- barely breathing. “I think I’m going to have to kiss you now,” Josh said, a small smile breaking across his mouth. And James thought maybe he nodded, but it was all a blur as Josh’s lips closed over his. There was nothing hesitant or awkward, and it was more passionate a kiss than he’d ever had. He let his arms move up over Josh’s back, under the tee shirt he wore, just to feel his skin -- to dive head first into the runaway train he felt emerging. Unsure if he could stop it -- or even if he wanted to. The conversation he so desperately needed to have with Josh was gone, like a released dove, sailing up into the clouds. The only thing that existed was the tremendous and persuasive urges that took over him. He wanted to make love -- immediately. Sure it would make it all right. Positive that giving himself to Josh would cement the weekend, and a future. As his hands tugged at Josh’s shirt, he moaned directly into the kiss, arching his back enough to get his point across, wishing Josh would cover him with his body so he could grind his hips up in a frenzied move for friction against his erection. Something. Anything. Josh mumbled as James’ hands seemed to multiply, as the stripped and caressed, groped and grabbed. “James,” he said, pulling up a bit. “Whoa. Hold up.” Josh squirmed out from James’ grip, and tugged his shirt back down in confusion. “What?” James asked breathlessly, his green eyes dark with lust, his body dribbling with want. He bit his lower lip and blinked up from under long lashes. “What?” Josh sat back with his heart hammering incessantly against him, and ran both hands through his brown hair. “Jesus, James. What do you want?” He looked down at James with a muddled look, so anxious to be with him, but willing to wait, not prepared to let James make a mistake. “You said we were going to wait, but ...” “But nothing,” James said, crawling up on all fours. “I don’t want to anymore.” He moved closer to Josh, slithering up his body in a possessed nature, tugging at the zipper on Josh’s pants. “I want to let things happen, Josh.” James straddled Josh’s lap and punctuated his words with feathery kisses on his lips. “I trust in this.” And James knew the affect he had over Josh, felt the tell tale hardness under his ass, saw the heady glaze that clouded those blue eyes. It was a hurricane inside Josh’s body -- the wind fighting the land for dominance. To take James, so soon, suddenly, unexpectedly was ripping at him. But as James threw his own shirt off and to the floor, Josh was gone -- lost in a delicious sea of flesh. James was kissing, crashing his mouth down and caution flew away. It was a tangle of hands and arms, of small moans and pleasurable strokes. It was stripping of clothes and breathless kisses. It was a trembling body crying out for another. It was an experienced body guiding an inexperienced one. It was searing flesh melding with searing flesh -- and heartbeats pounding. Tongues that explored and licked sensitive flesh. It was Josh who found himself leaning over James while the ocean  breeze floated over their perspiration covered bodies --  as the sunset began its dive behind the horizon -- as soft hues of pink and orange settled into the small room. It was Josh who searched the torrential jade of James’ eyes for consent. James nodded as his chest heaved with anticipation -- as he wet his dry lips -- as his hand dropped down to touch his erection, unable to think of anything else to do. He was scared, deliciously and astonishingly scared to death. But for the first time in his life, he was following his body, choosing to close out what he was on the outside, letting the moment drift to what he was inside -- just a guy who cared for another guy and wanted to express it intimately. So he twisted his head to the side as his hand wrapped around his cock and he let Josh take care of it all -- opening himself up for the fingers that swirled around him -- allowing his ankles to rest over Josh’s shoulders. Squirming into the pressure -- accepting heated kisses from Josh -- relishing the feel of his skin against Josh’s. His eyes closed as his pulse thundered in his ears, drowning out any noise including his own small moans. Josh swallowed thickly as he ended the kiss, as he used his hand to pull James’ chin back. “Open your eyes,” he begged. And James did, blinking up with trust, and little sparkles of yellow that deepened in the dusky light. Josh smiled, and pushed himself in, slowly -- watching carefully for signs of discomfort -- restraining for James. He maintained eye contact, seeing the little flickers of ache that rained down over the precious expression below him. “Okay?” he asked, bending to kiss James’ nose. “Tell me to stop, and I will.” James nodded. He wasn’t a virgin -- but well out of practice, and he was glad for the gentleness. It wasn’t long before the tenderness turned to feral want, and his eyes changed, his hips rocked, his hands clawed out at Josh. And Josh saw it -- witnessed the fiery change. It was liquid from there on in -- a shared neediness that exploded in muted words of want -- of “Oh God’s” and “I Love You’s” that neither were focused enough on to hear. It was sweat dripping, and puddles of orgasmic bliss that settled over them as sheets were clutched and heart beats calmed. As Josh collapsed into James’ arms. As sunlight disappeared completely and twilight rose. And James nearly cried because he’d failed himself -- and Josh by what he hadn’t said. He let Josh roll beside him and ached as Josh wiggled closer to cuddle. JC, he reminded himself sickly. JC to his Lance. But Josh was lying with sated smile and a blissful glow over his face. And guilt consumed James for not respecting Josh enough to give him the choice to back out. He’d taken selfishly and now as Josh’s arm was strewn carelessly over his stomach, he wondered if he’d destroyed it all. mtw 6 menu mtw 8