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July 1, 2000

Well, this is moving week. We found a "stairless" house, finally! I am overwhelmed and excited both. I detest moving. I despise packing. I am a "nester"...I want my home stable and cozy, and moving does not promote that warm feeling for WEEKS!

Needless to say, I am at wit's end trying to even get the MOTIVATION to pack! I kind of DO that...when I am overwhelmed I kind of "freeze", so to speak. It it a huge problem for me. If any of you can relate and would like to counsel me...feel free to click on one of the chat notices from Human Click on the other pages of my site! I need all of YOU, TOO! :)

This is going to be another short and "unblogglike" entry, due to my lack of energy, not lack of interest. If this page of my web site would only update ITSELF! I may take a few weeks off here, we'll see, ok? I hope you all don't mind!

My son built himself another web site called Pokemon Cheats. He is really wanting to learn what enchants Mom so much about this web site thing!!!! He will probably find out, because he likes computers, too!

Well...love you all, and "see" you soon!

June 22, 2000

I am wondering how all of you are doing out there. Wondering how those of you who are reading this are doing, feeling....are you hurting, or in need of a hug....or just browsing through the webring sites....? I placed some real time chat boxes on the site, in hopes that if anyone was needing a bit of encouragement or nuturing, or even just a fun chat....you would click on them to talk to me. I have spoken with a few of you!

I want you to know that I really do care. I care for my sisters out there in cyberspace. We have such tender hearts. We are precious and valuable people.

I want, sincerely, for this to be a site for US....not just for ME. If I can give one tiny shred of encouragement, one ounce of compassion, for all that has been given to me....it will be worth all of the effort. Please don't hesitate to contact me for ANY reason.

I love all of you!


Hugs,
Lori

June 17, 2000

It is a beautiful morning here in the Midwest! I am at my girlfriend's house having my morning cup of java and breathing in the cool summer morning air! Today is a wonderful day.

I spent a good deal of this week "house hunting", as my lease is up in August and my grandmother will be moving in with my son and I, so we need to move into a house without stairs. It is very difficult to FIND a house without stairs! I never knew this before, but have a great appreciation for it now. It must be extremely difficult for the handicapped to find homes. If anyone in the KC area is reading this and has a "stairless" home for rent...PLEASE contact me!

Of course, it has also been difficult in the fact that my darling son does not want to move away from his grade school or his girlfriend. "Puppy love" can be a very serious thing with a 10 year old, I am finding out. So, presently, I am feeling the effects of some stress. Thank God for a wonderful woman that is my strength and encouragment continually!

You all know how I feel about the arts and healing. I found a stress reliever in an amusing web site by Etch-A-Sketch that you might enjoy! I am amused and entertained by small things, I know! But some things are cheaper than medication and almost as effective! More soon, folks!

June 10, 2000

THIS entry is very "unbloglike" in it's form, but for a good reason. I have heard from some of you that you are really suffering right now. I want to be empathetic to that pain. Therefore, I am sharing this as a personal encouragement, rather that a "blog-style" entry.

I want to be a bit more serious today, for those of you reading who are feeling rather blue or in real pain over losses in your life. You know...it WILL get better. It really will.

When it comes to grieving over the loss of a love, everyone gets so very tired of hearing those words, I know. But most of the people who say that to you, are well-intentioned in their encouragements. They do not intend to be patronizing or trivial in the hope they try to extend.

Most of us have suffered some type of loss in our lives. It is part of living. Without knowing pain, would we really know joy when we experienced it?

Only 2 years ago, I was suffering tremendous pain over the loss of a woman I had met and truly fallen in love with. She was absolutely everything I had ever dreamed of in a friend, a partner, a lover. Only a short while into our relationship, she hit the panic button and left me...alone, heartbroken, and devastated. She said she never wanted to speak to me or see me again...that she wasn't ready for the emotions she was feeling for me...she was terrified. And I had never cried so hard in all my life.

Within 2 months I began searching for someone to fill the gaping whole in my heart that she had left. Of course, I hooked up with the wrong person, and only one year after that, SHE too had left me after months of verbal and emotional abuse, which I had tolerated in my desperation on the rebound. THIS was about the last straw...I was suicidal and completely debilitated by emotional pain...I even lost several jobs in my struggle to cope with my grief.

But, guess what? In all of that time....I grew. I grew to love myself more, my son more, and to respect myself enough to expect respect from others. And although I know this is a rare ending, and I do NOT want to extend false hope to anyone...over the course of these past years, the woman that I originally fell in love with and cared for SO very deeply....she and I are back together again and are very happy. We have been together for a year and a half now, and are soberly grateful for the painful experiences we BOTH had while apart!

Look at it this way....some things in life happen for a greater purpose than we can perhaps see in the present moment! Hang IN there! You just can't KNOW where life may be taking you! Sometimes, the pain is a requirement for the maturity to handle the next GREAT thing that is going to happen! K?!!

June 7, 2000

Oh, my god...I am so exhausted. I have had such problems making this website compatible with Netscape! I am such a baby, baby, baby web designer, and these are major challenging issues for me! To add to the confusion, I just changed internet service providers, and this one is so darn slow, but...I am getting a free digital camera out of the deal, so soon I will be able to really spice up the site graphics! THAT will be worth it!

My son is watching The Simpsons which also happens to be one of MY favorites! Yes, I know...I have a strange sense of humor for an "old" lady! I also like Pokemon, mostly because I have had to learn to!!! There just was no getting around THAT one! If I was going to have to hear their names all the time, I had to at least know what on EARTH he was talking about! He has made quite a bit of money selling the cards, that's for sure!

Vicki is doing wonderful! She is losing weight and soon I will be feeling very fat, I think. She is so very beautiful...and I am so very lucky.

I really need to be about some other knawing business here...like making dinner for a famished 10 year old athlete! What WILL I DO when he is 15 or so?????? I will have to buy the grocery store!

June 2, 2000

Well, it's been some time now since I have "blogged" at the world, so I must do so today.

I have had a fierce week and am sincerely missing my girlfriend's kiss. So much so, that I had to send her an "ekiss" the other night...just to feel connected.

My wild and crazy 19 year old roomie, had to go to court yesterday because of her less than exemplary driving skills. So she is in a financial quandry of her own making. I hope she learned NOT to run into parked cars while picking up a dropped cigarette...pulling over is always a better option than frantically searching your floor boards while in motion!

The HTML classes I have been taking at Virtual University are ending on Monday with our finals. I have really enjoyed that class, and without it, this site would not exist. Bravo, to all of my classmates!

I am feverishly working on new artwork for The Gallery. The software that Vicki bought me for my birthday is incredible. It will take me YEARS to master it!

Incidentally, I have been told by some people that this is not a "true" weblog, so cannot be considered "blogging"...this seems to be an issue with some folks out there! I guess I will leave that to you all to decide. However, I have no intentions of withdrawing it! It's MY website and I will call it what I choose! HaHaHa! Isn't freedom of speech a wonderful thing?! I think that blogging is supposed to be somehow more raw and socially and politically incorrect, or something! Well, you haven't seen EVERYthing I have to say yet!


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Take me home, Lori...I get tired just reading about your life! More blogging, please! 1