BEGINETH HERE
Foolish mortal, you have entered a world beyond your puny understanding. The Evil contained within this Webspace is greater than any Humanity has ever known. Your life will never be the same after you have been subjected to the horror that is Ian's Hellishly Dark Website of the Damned. The inclination for doing foul deeds and the taste for blood are growing greater within you even from this small taste of the terror that lies within.
Try, if you must, to resist the pull of the Online Evil you have stumbled upon. But in the end, you will give yourself over to the power of this blackest hole of Internet Entertainment.
Do you find yourself itching to turn out the light? Were you sitting in the dark already? Look at it, look at my Website, and cower! You will need to enjoy its sinful pleasures in the dark, to protect yourself from being ostracized by "normal" society. Because Evil is not "socially acceptable," denizens of the night are forced to come out only at night, when they will not be caught by a torch-weilding mob of the enforcers of the status quo. But you, dear reader, you know better. You know the sinister pleasures of the most evil Website ever made, and now you can never go back!
Now that you are deep in the hellish depths of Ian's Hellishly Dark Website of the Damned, feel free to explore the eight horribly terrible features that it offers. They will only quicken your decent into a state of existence more fiendish than any you have ever known! Check 'em out:
Patrons new to the horror of this Website who want to see its simple beginnings--an experience which will convince you that the purest Evil can come from even the most ordinary-looking things--or those who want to see what this Homepage is making fun of, should check out the fully-functional preservation of Classic Ian's Website.