The Past Master Club - SEER's JOKES - © 1981 More legible in 'VIEW: SOURCE CODE:'! Creation is a function of uniqueness! Try 'Cntr' 'Scroll' Button for larger text! ACROBAT: Hold              on predictions. ACTORS: Rerun of " ASTRONAUTS: Frog/suit " " ASTRONOMERS: Material " " BAKERS: Loafing " " BARBERS: Cutting " " BIRDS: Lost copyright " " COMPANION: Governmental " " CAMELION: Ghost acting " " CHEMIST: Micro " " COMEDIANS: Laughing " " COMPANION: Fortune hunter " " COMPANION: Governmental " " COMPASS: Flawless " " COMMERCIALS: Unsure " " COPS: Shooting " " COPY CATS: Parallel " " DIP NEEDLE: Mexico's level " " DENTISTS: Rotten " " DOCTORS: Needling " " DRAFTSMEN: Straightline " " ELECTRICIAN: Plug-in " " FROGS: Astronaut/alien " " GUARANTEES: Refuteing " " HOCKEY: Straight line " " INSANE: Company coming " ? JAIL-BIRDS: Breakout " " MATHEMATICIAN: Vector " " MIRROR: Unsure " " OCTOPUS: Psychiatric " " OUTER SPACE: Curved line " " PAINTERS: Scraped " " PHYSICIST: Macro " " PSYCHIATRIST: Wrapped up " " REINCARNATION: IQ improving " " RULERS: Signature " " SECRETARIES: Ringing " " SILENT DOGWHISTLES: Dogs' " " SOUL: Replaces unsure " " SULFUR: Soldier's enigma " " TAXI DRIVERS: Shortest line " " TEAMS: Synchronized " " THINK TANK: a PLETHORA of " " THINK TANK: Unsynchronized " " TRAIN ENGINEERS: Signal light " " TRAIN ENGINEERS: Parallel line " " UNIFORMED: Cloned " " WARENTEES: Time limited " " WARENTEES: Unsure guaranteed " " ABILITY: The fewest number of recalls of one's 'flash second'! ABSOLUTE: The death of a Ghost! ABSOLUTION: A priest locating a Ghost! A located Ghost becomes a priest! ABSTRACT: The condition left by a Ghost! ACCESSORY: All the witnesses in a 'flash second'! ACCIDENT: Seeing one's future life span in a 'flash second'! An artificial 'flash second'! ACTORS: Forced to believe in reruns! ADJUSTMENT: A meeting of Ghosts! ADVICE: Do everything they way you wish to do them! Better safe than sorry! Going left instead of the predicted right, for the sake of it, might be boring! Being a Ghost takes a lot of homework! Dont rip up the building blocks of life or you'll tumble! ALIENS: Strangers seen for the first time! Have buttons flush with walls and ceilings with one of them being a 'self-destruct' to escape being predicted! AMNESIA: Forgetting what one was trained for in heaven! Fortune hunters are often accused of this or 'retrained'! AN ACT: A father's first look at his baby! ANECDOTE: The outcome of a game! ANGEL: Angels save angels to get a promotion in HEAVEN! Churching or edifying reruns to excess! Evocation of memories! ASTROLOGY: Excessive watching of TV reruns! Cluttered with data! ASTRONAUT: Dressed like a frog in a frog suit and imitating a hopping frog! A belief that aliens will look like frogs! Space monkeys that look like frogs trying to save humans against gigantic astroids which might make us croak! A prehensile monkey tail might come in real handy in space or strapped down in a chair! ASTRONOMERS: Predictions are limited to larger telescopes! ATLANTIS: A folded up THINK-TANK of screeming UNCLES! A Con-Crete idea! AWESOME: A material prediction by an astronomer! A virus in an astronomer's telescope pointing at Earth and pretending it's an Earthan! A spider acting like virus in an astronomer's telescope lens pointing at Earth! CHAMELEON: Pretending to be a Ghost! CONFIDENCE: A taxi cab with a passenger avoiding city traffic! CURED: The ability to Keep up with a preacher's predictions! CREATOR: There are no creators; because, if some- thing was created then everyone would be 'born with the idea' and the originator would be lost! DOG'S NOSE: An owner's door knob described to a 'T'! DUMB: Drawing blanks and then turning into a TV gunslinger! Blaming a 'flash second' on an accident! DUMBELL(S): Satan's last words! Any nebula or formation in space trying to make satan eat his words and considered to be inhabited! Not believeing satan recorded HELL in this entire Universe! ELDERS: Fluncked Ghosts, located by a sheet of eternal wisdom! ELECTRICIAN: Guarenteed a plug-in everywhere! ENIGMA: Half the world being asleep, mind reading the other side and vice versa! GHOSTs fear that they will become more visible as their numbers increase! If a GHOST is experiencing reruns we will never know, because of their invisibility! A beginner GHOST may be located; because they dont act as uniquely as fortold in their unique environment! - very unnormal and their space may not even have shifted out of sight yet! - Ghosts are like coherent electrons on the outside of a laser! - beginners are like unsure electrons inside a laser! It takes a psychiatrist or a fortunehunter to distinguish a 'nut', 'sot', 'fool', etc! from a beginner GHOST! FAST: Fortuneteller's MOTTO: Is TODAY yesterday, was YESTERDAY the day before yesterday! Ghost's MOTTO: Is TODAY last year; was YESTERDAY 2 years ago! FIRST SEER: EVE who saw ADAM's teeth marks in every apple until she picked one - did it seem to be talking too! Was ADAM trying to out do (dew) her with his BANANA leaf! FLASH SECOND: The time it takes to fortell one's own future! FORTUNE HUNTER: Accused of pleonasm! Full of figures and vectors! GAMES: Synchronized predictions! Team efforts to hide loosing players! GENIUSES: Predict alien's 1st step on earth! The act of knowing what one was trained for in heaven! Acting as if knowing what one was trained for in heaven! GHOSTS: Don't seem to need or use 'flash seconds'! Have the ability to predict an alien's 1st footstep on earth! Say "HI!" the fewest number of times! Cant be found at points C or D! GHOSTS LOGO: If even a leg of your journey is a rerun you cannot be a GHOST! GUARANTEED: Points A & B! GUIDED: Train engineers! HEAVEN: A trust in angles' predictions and out-predic- ted satan! All Ghosts enter heaven at time of death; most others reincarnate - to prove that they are locatable! HERETICS: Those who turn their 'flash seconds' into max- imum reruns! Premature patients! Believe only in points A & B! ILLEGAL: Waiting for a prediction to come true! IMPOSSIBLE: That there is globaly, a mental tug of war between sleepwalkers! The toothache! Meeting a true Ghost! INCANTATION: Any magical intonation or unpridictable 'flash second'! INCITE: Refusing to become a Ghost! INCORPOREAL: Any legal Ghost! INIMICAL: A Government Ghost or 007! INITIATE: A non fortune teller! INITIATIVE: Any disclosure by INCARNATED government men! INNOCENCE: Any quality describing a Ghost! INNOVATATION: Any trace a Ghost leaves behind! INSANITY: Without any trace of a 'flash second'! JEW: Confronted by mirages even those on paper! JOKE: A ghost with a bleading nose! LOAFERS: Believing everything comes together under pressure in a swimming pool! LORDS: Beat their own predictions and see past their 'flash seconds' so they are never reruns! Create only building blocks of life so that they can hypnotize society with them! Wave their sheet of paper of creation like a white flag so that they can withdraw into heaven to celebrate! LOST: A fortunehunter accused of pleonasm! An astronaut who hasn't seen a change for years! An astronaut in deep space without a pre- diction! MISSIONARIES: Need aborigenies to see the end of their '2nd coming'! MIND READING: Considered instantanious fortune telling with the hallucination localised as a personal experience! NARROW ROAD: Fewest number of 'flash seconds'! NIGHTMARE: A fortunetelling destroyed by the presence of a GHOST in the exact vicinity! The number of nightmares in the area is directly proportional to the number of GHOSTs in the vicinity! Any fortunetelling gone bad! The only indication of the presence of a GHOST(s) which doesn't disqualify the validity of the GHOST(s) or question the legality of the presence of the GHOST(s)! Any and all nightmares caused by a GHOST(s) is considered to be in the best interests of human kind! Admitting one had a nightmare! Not being able to tell a nightmare from reality! Trying to be someone else's nightmare! NOW: It is thought that Ghosts nolonger know the present second or NOW and spend every second to avoid confrontations, leading to their invisibility! It is thought that all animals nolonger know the present second or NOW, because they have not seen anything different for eons or made any new contributions except towards turf! If they once talked, they gave that up eons ago for not being able to make a dent in their boring reality of zillions of reruns! - you would never say "Hi!" that many times! PAYED UP: A devorcee (fortune hunter) garnisheeing her devorced husband's wages! PHOTOSYNTHESIS: A plant's hold on satan's ectoplasm; believed to be worshiping the sun! PHYSICIAN: Defeated by plesebos! PRACTICING: Ones who hire seers! PREDICTABLE: Adam, Eve and Cain! The fate of a UFO! REINCARNATION: You can't reincarnate forever; it's too dangerous; 'bus loads of kids' die each year! RERUNS: All fortunetelling done below LORDS and GHOSTS is considered a RERUN! To get out of boredom of RERUNS it is considered good policy to turn into a LORD or a GHOST! Down ordering RERUNS is considered good policy! To get rid of reruns one invites a LORD or GHOST into the area or become one! RERUNS aren't in; only DUMB believe in them! Points A & B are guaranteed; only LORDS gain point C! GHOSTS are not seen as point C! SCIENTIST: Discovered another form of natural sulfur compound! Trying to out predict Einstein and forerunners with formulas and theories! Fluncked Ghosts, located by a sheet of pop- ularity of eternal wisdom in sciences! Led by ESP and coded in ESPERANTO! Powerful ESPERS of the micro world! SLEEPWALKING: Believing everyone else's mind-read prediction! Believing in day dreaming! Escape from reality and psychiatrists and trying to fit in! STRANGERS: Ghosts seen for the first time in a 'flash second'! SULFUR: The STUFF to head for in the ARMY'S prediction arsenal! Satan's ectoplasm back into reality! Can be found in everyone of its natural forms in nature! There is no limit to the different forms of satan's ectoplasm! SLOW: Calling TODAY yesterday, verbatim! RICH: Own 'deep' swimming pools! TEAMS: Synchronized predictions! TIME'S UP: A funeral; an IQ test; too many reruns & see- ing a UFO! TRAINED: A girl looking for the ideal husband! UFO: An alien's electric chair or missile's home- ing device! It really does mean that or United Farmers Org!! An alien' telescope lens aimed at Earth with a virus at the center! Considered to have a self destruct button to test the courage of a condemned criminal, who should have ended his life in the electric chair, on his home planet! A frog is considered to have the most probability of hiding a UFO considering the amount of water covering the earth and the number of ponds near human settlements! If a UFO was smoking it would need a monkey tail to ream out the tubes! - you would expect it to be a particle accelerator! UNPREDICTABLE: Doctor's prescription or plesebo! The number of eve's kids! WITNESSES: Everybody encountered in a 'flash second'! Baby sitters getting a guaranteed $3/hr! WIDE ROAD: Maximum number of 'flash seconds'! YES MEN: Anyone working in the Government! YUK: A loud hearty laugh left as an aside by a theatrical Ghost! ZOUAVE JACKET: A flashy outfit worn by fortune hunters! PSYCHE: SOUL: Replaces or hides unsure predictions. MIRROR: Unsure predictions. Storage place for the soul to hide an unsure prediction. Ghosts see it as just another umbilical chord into their heaven. A global splash! GHOSTS: Don't have unsure predictions so don't see their soul in the mirror (just like Vampires) but see a reality there that they agree with - a predicted reality which a soul couldn't hide even if it tried. Ghosts are holy and although none of them has a stripe against them nothing positive has been recorded for them either. VAMPIRES: Don't have a soul that hides their image in the mirror and only see true reality there that they can't face. If they have a soul it refuses to hide its reality from a vampire - its soul turned into jailor! They shy away from their heaven's mentor. A defeated Ghost. ELECTRON: Material imitating a GHOST/VAMPIRE consulting a mirror and shocked by seeing its image; finally seeing through it, or in love with it, in a LASER. PUDDLE: A reflection of reality by unsure predictions. MIRRAGE: A reflection of reality induced by heat/threat. LASER: Creates 'HOT' electron souls to appear in reality for electrons bounced back and forth inside the laser between mirrors and behave just like the electron it's emulating (with opposite direction & spin); causing lasers to weld and leave their mark! - The original electron is trapped in an electronic cage like the damned. - Lugossi, seeing satan in the mirror as his image; while others' minds draw a blank. - The other end of a laser contains hand shaking electrons that have yet to be harnessed! A 2-way mirror with a light behind it!! - break out of yourself! THE GOVERNMENT PENNY: * Any decision made by the Government is ruled by a giant gold penny, which is spun to give HEADS or TAILS! * The Government Penny is supported in a magnetic bottle, so this procedure is noiseless! * The Government Penny is treated much like a golden Septer! * That party is in power which predicted precisely the exact number of people who voted it into power! - that number being the largest of all the qualifying parties! - Incase of a tie, straws are drawn by the parties in question; the total length determining the winner! - Incase of a tie the last 2 straws are measured! - all straws are a different length. * The ruling party must get more than 50% agreement in 'yeas' of all parties voting and predict the correct fall of the Government Penny: to implement any decision! * The ruling party must veto a decision not agreed to and table it for the next term! * The Chair and Secretary must be present in order to activate simultaniously the 2 keys that spin the Government Penny! * Not one 'Member of Government' is a Ghost or a Lord; since, the the decision isn't official until the Giant Penny comes to a complete rest! * Decissions are made, such as; which street to fill POT-HOLES, which water suply gets a HEALTH-CHECK, which manhole gets a new cover, which street gets a new garbage truck! * The government is encouraged to become a Lord or Ghost, at the end of their term, seeing that they tried their best to further their intrests! * Although both Lords and Ghosts can see past the determining fall of thr 'Government penny', with little or no effort; all Lords admit that they can't see past a unique point in time; while Ghosts have discussed this unique point in time and feel that they have seen a way past it! - discussed in several well distributed treastises! * Why this unique situation exists is not quite understood by Lords! * Ghosts on the other hand claim that the situation exists to get people to cooperate and stand up as one close nit family! - an instinct! - by standing aloof of the situation; as only a Ghost can, a Ghost sees further into the future! THE CAT: LION: Lord of cats with pride! CAT: Wild-est and free-est! Keeps the rats down! Keeps the 'black plaque' down! Cat-group conscious! When with a cat - MeeeooW! - a collection of boot missiles! Ghosts, are not interested in getting scratched by a cat! - a guarantee! CAT-N-BOOTS: Cats in boots: a UFO pilot for sure! CAT'S DARE: The fence! Boot an alley cat! CAT'S DILEMMA: Owners are usually scratched! Takes expensive equipment (FIRETRUCK's ladder) to get them out of trees! - MAX! Sharing food plate with neighbours! CAT FOOD: Fishy! CATNIP: A wild card! - does a GHOST have secrets! CAT HAS 9 LIVES: Even a GHOST would be jealous of such a record! CLEANLINESS: Cats burry their POO! Their tongue is a built in brush with which they groom constantly! ELECTRIC: At its nicest it's full of static electricity! An ebonite rod will spark with electricity when rubbed with cat fur! TIC TAC TOE: All GHOSTS guarantee a 'CAT' in this game! THE FROG: FROG SUIT: Skin diver's or astronaut's apparel. FROG: An animals' prediction of what the 1st. alien will look like! FROG WEBBING: Frogs have webbing to aid swimming & atronauts have webbing to grip switches and catch objects inside or outside the space station! POLLIWOG: A young frog or astronaut in space without his suit! CROAK: A frog communicating or an astronaut giving up or the signal of OUR SUPERNOVA! Nature's weigh scale to see if we've croaked! Sooner or later we're told we all will croak ie. die! HIBERNATION: A frog sleeping in winter or an astronaut frozen in deepspace or any cryogenaut! LEAP FROG: A childrens' game or man's 1st. step on the moon or an astronaut's motion on the moon. FROG POND: A lage pool of water on farmland or the interior of a small space station or the quest for water on another planet! POND SCUM: Green photosynthesis on/in a pond or the (GODLY in the air) conditions in a space station with bad filtration! WARTS: A toad's excretion/protection against humans or a space ship's protection against meteors or amount of insulation in a space suit! TREE FROG: Frogs which live in trees or an astronaut living in the moon-module or any highrise in space! FROG PRINCE: A frog turned into a human prince or the billionair like astronaut or the 1st. alien making humans croak! THE SPIDER: IN THE AIR: Some spiders spew out their silky spider webs at the top of trees and hitchhike with the 1st. wind that picks up their light parachute! - parachutists / gliders / birds! UNDER WATER: Some spiders simply walk under water without thinking about it and their long hairy body contains enough air to refresh an underwater tent or hemisphere made of silk! With a small web and out-stretched limbs they lurk underwater to snare a minnow in its lap! - submarinists / frogmen / beavers / fishermen! - loner / monk / smotherly! UNDER GROUND: Some spiders simply hide under a trap door in the desert and leap onto their prey as it walks over it! Others simply hide in hot sand, crater like dunes, pulling sand and insects into its lair, as it tires out! - GI Joes in a bunker! - 'fox hole' with running water! - a 'midway's' flying carpet! VERTICAL: All spiders weave their web with sticky strands of silk between branches sparkling with morning dew as day breaks! - an INDIAN prayer wheel / a mathematician! - a bio-lab filled with flies / bees / insects! - an investigator: LEEWENHOOK's magnification lens! - an artist: Dawn's array of light displays! BRONCO BUSTING?: Imagine the eye of a huricane containing all parashuting spiders! - family reunion or gabfest or picnic or octoberfest! - giant bar-b-que or huricane creators / riders! STAR-GATE?: Every telescope has a spider frame to hold its lens! If glass is a liquid, as science says, then its flaws might be its eggs! - gateway to the stars! - spinerettes like a job site has creators / output! HYPNOSIS: It has no trouble hypnotizing a fly for its next meal! - world's hypnotist! HALLUCINATIONS: Its pray falls for everyone of its stringy hallucinations! - world's hallucinationist! SACRIFICES: Think of all the flies that sacrificed themselves for the cause! - world's sacrificer! CONSPIRACY: Like a prayingmantis it might have fallen in love with its food! - PrayingMantis & Mate! PSYCIATRY: Lunatic spiders can't weave a proper web, so self eliminate themselves! - out of love with its mates! THE SEA GULL: BIRD'S CANNIBAL: Eats baby auks, ducks and any bird! Its stumach is worth analyzing! - phew that's bad breath for sure! It hasn't been caught downing airplanes! - it's a tiny gnome under all those feathers! WORLD HUNGER: They are so hungary even stones will not drive then away! I threw an apple core, like a rock, at a lame gull; it caught it on the fly - swollowing it in 1 motion! Eats neck & neck with pigeons & pulls food out of a it's bill! Shoo 1 away; another lands right behind you! - relentlesly and seemingly organized! There isnt 1 fishing boat or ocean liner that isnt sur- rounded by gulls! JET ICON: Every glider and airplane has used its gliding potential! Seer of all gliders! Recorded as the highest aviator! Recorded as the widest wing span for a bird its size! Recorded as having flown thousands of miles to feed its young on some island! GLOBAL FLIER: There isnt one person, on earth, who hasnt laid eyes on it or fed it some bread! Pet of the HIGH-RISES! World's oldest global gypsy and its young might be exactly on the other side of the globe! There are so many of them; the likelyhood that you got pooed on is HIGH! UMBRELLA: It will take a large Satalite Umbrella to compete with its global wing spread! WHITE: If black reflects and white absorbs light then the sea gull is a global heat sink! THE DOG: DOG: God spelled backwards. Loner and hungry for human company! When chasing a larger dog - blood will fly! - blood relations or what! SILENT DOG WHISTLE: A dog's prediction! A computer's prediction! DOG OWNER: Believer in 'silent dog whistles'! Hungry for dog-company! Blind to 'all' 'NO DOGS ALLOWED' signs! Need dishpan gloves to pick up POO! OWNER'S DILEMMA: Owners usually drown saving their dog! If only they had believed: 'It was only worth 50¢', then! DOG'S DARE: Chase me over thin ice! Rescue me!and their long hairy body contains enough air to refresh SACRIFICED: Ones who are forced to believe in silent dog whistles and save dogs! LAST RESORT: Blowing on a silent dog whistle. BURR or PIE-CHART: A pix of a dog's nose in odors, missing one segment of its own waste! - chocolaty and adictive! DOG'S NOSE: A chip on a pie chart when cleaning itself and licking its owner at the same time, etc.! Every cop believes that it's a JEHOVA witness! DOG'S BREATH: Steam or mono! - tongue-a-la-steam! - next time your wife sticks out her tongue tell her she is STEAMY! It reminds me of a DRAGON which swollowed the 'fountain of youth' which dowsed its flame! DOG'S TAIL: If up indicates a 'heart-on': - is it ever out of 'heat' - is it ever out of 'steam'! - is it always voting up to show its self esteem! - its dot! Can't they train it with a piece of lead! It isn't waving a white flag, to cats or people! Maybe it believes it's an electric trolley! DOG KNOB: A dog owner's black bedroom door knob sitting on a dog's nose! The dot under a dog's tail! DOG FOOD: Boney. DOG WAGGING TONGUE: Hissing like a snake, Satan's sweat gland! DOG'S TIME WASTER: Firemen! DOGS' HEAVEN: Hot steam & Rhino like sprayer with a hairy point! DOG'S MIME: Thank heaven for joggers! They might look like dogs near a tree, but they are atleast 2 inches above a dogs path! But is it enough to steal its 'god's' tale! DOGS' POO: Bird food! A year's waste laid end to end would reach pluto! A waste removal program! Ignored park signs:'NO DOGS ALLOWED'! A new line of plastic gloves! Smog would smell like PURINA if it were the only caterer! Isn't the dog's ass the only thing everyone else is looking at! A psychiatric exam question: How does it get from point A to point B? Answer: All the above! DOGS' ENIGMA: Someone's waging 4-poster-bed with a steamy wet plastic sheet taking a walk! ADAM & EVE Eve who saw Adam's teeth mark in every Apple until he bit one! Are you still wondering, if you are looking at a banana leaf!
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