"Shhhhh...I know hun...I know."

"Why? Why Josh...Why?"

"I don't know. Only Jase has the answer to that question. We just have to trust that he knew what he was doing."

"It's all my fault...Mine...I should have been there...I should have."

"It's not your fault. God Kyle, you've done more than most would have for him."

"I should have been there."

"Let's not think about it now. We have to go get Lance and take care of some stuff."

"Stuff?"

"Make arrangement and all."

"Oh"

I closed my eyes and buried my face in Josh's shoulder. He ran his hand down the back of my head and kissed me lightly on the top of the head. He got up and pulled me with him. As I rose, I broke away from him and walked towards the phone. He watched as I picked up the phone and dialed it. It rang three time.

"Hello."

"It's me."

"What's wrong."

"It's Jase."

"What happened Kyle?"

I started crying.

"Shit...I'll be there as soon as I can. It's not your fault Kyle. You know it's not. Kyle?"

I couldn't talk. I just kept crying.

"Kyle, put Josh on the phone please."

I held the phone out for Josh and he walked over and took it out of my hand and put it up to his ear.

"Hi David....Yeah....Uh huh....Ok....I will...Do you need us to pick you up?...OK...If were not home, I'll leave the key in the mailbox. OK...We'll see you then. Bye David."

Josh hung up the phone and walked over to me and wrapped his arms around me. My eyes were still full of tears and we sat there until I could cry no more. I felt like shit and I'm sure I looked like shit too. At one point Josh got up and went to the bathroom, returning with a warm damp cloth and gently washed my face with it.

I was always in control. Always. I was the one that was there for Jase when he needed me. I was always there for Josh when he need it...when his life got to much for him. I was there to pick him up, dust him off and send him back out all shinny and refreshed. But here I was broken in a million pieces and here he was, trying his hardest to hold me together. They always said he was the glue that held the group together. I can now see what they mean. He reminded me so much of David. So strong...So in control. I was sitting there looking at him in awe.

"What?"

"Did I ever tell you how much I love you?"

He smiled at me and looked down shaking his head.

I pulled him down onto the bed and leaned over him staring into his eyes. My hand went up and ran through his hair. He closed his eyes with a big smile on his face. I leaned down until my lips were right against his ear.

"You know...I never really liked this long hair of yours, but damn is it fun to run your hands through it."

He pushed me away from him, laughing.

"Let go freak."

He got up and started to get dressed.

"Josh?"

"Yeah?"

"I do love you."

"I love you too."

The whole day was a blur. I guess we went and picked up Lance. Cause he was with us. He looked in pretty bad shape. His normally sparkling green eyes were red and puffy. For some reason, Josh was just driving around the city. He had called their management company and they were making all the arrangements to fly Jase back to California to be buried next to his family. He was on his cell phone talking with Joey, Chris and Justin. There were over at Justin's house trying to get Josh to take us over there. Josh didn't think that was a good idea at the time.

I wanted to go to the hospital to see Jase, but some where deep inside of me was a feeling that keep me silent. The wanting was more of what I was expected to do, rather than what I should do. Deep inside I knew that seeing Jase laying still in the hospital would complete some sort of warped circle that started that night 5 years ago when I saw his whole family laying still forever under those blankets on the side of the road. The fifth and final piece of a puzzle that I never wanted to finish, but it was finished by Jase.

So Josh just drove on, with me sitting in the passenger seat just staring out of the window and Lance laying in the back seat. I think Josh knew what was going on in my mind and never once asked me about it. I glanced into the back seat at Lance, who was laying down with his eyes open staring at the back of the driver's seat. Every so often a tear rolled down the side of his face and the sound of a faint sob echoed through the back of the car. It never occurred to me the affect that all this would have on him. I was so wrapped up in my own emotions that I over looked the fact that there was a person hurting just as bad, if not worse than I was. Jase was not the kind of person to get attached to a someone, but that didn't stop someone from getting attached to him. He always wanted to take things too slow and for most people. It was always too slow and they would bolt. I knew that with Lance's busy schedule, they would have time to take things as slow as Jase wanted, and they were. They had actually only been out together a few times and all of them had been with Josh and I. I really thought Lance would be the one for Jase. The one to help him through all the shit in his life and be the one to pull him out of the pit that I had been trying to get him out of for the past five years. They seems so happy when they were together...Why would Jase give up...Why.

My thought were broken my Josh's thumb lightly caressing my neck right behind my ear. He had ended the phone call and placed the cell phone down on his lap. I looked over at him and watched him concentrate on the road as he drove. I took hold of his hand and brought it to my lips and kissed it, then brought his hand down to my lap and held onto it, not letting it go.

We drove around town in silence. I really didn't get why Josh wanted to do this, but a certain amount of peace came over my being just being with Josh and Lance...doing nothing...dealing with no one.

When I look back at Lance, Josh's brilliance showed it's face. Lance had fallen asleep with a peaceful look on his face. A line of drool was hanging from the corner of his mouth to a small puddle on my car's back seat. Josh looked back and then at me.

"I told you he drools just like you when he sleep."

"You know you love waking up with drool all over your chest."

"Hey...you don't hear me complaining do you. I find it kind of sexy."

"You're really weird, you know that right?"

"Yep...and that's one of the things that you love me for."

"One of the millions reasons. So what did the guys have to say?"

"They wanted to see you and offer their support. I told them that you and Lance needed some time alone and that we would see them later."

"Thanks."

The car grew silent as we drove around the city. Lance asleep in the back seat and Josh and I sharing looks, touches and an occasional smile. Moments between the two of us that meant more to me than Josh will ever know. It was what I needed. Peace before the reality of life and all that Jase had left behind for me.

And then it hit me...that thought just run through my mind without me even thinking. God...what the hell kind of person was I. All I could think of was not of the fact that one of the most important people in my life is no longer with me, but of the all the shit I'm going to have to go through because of it. What the fuck was going on in my mind. Jase was gone and I would never be able to talk to him...to see him...to be with him. No long talks through the night when one of us needed it...when I needed it. No more Jase's Barbecue/Beer nights. No more Friday night drives to explore new things around Florida. No more Jase.

Tears I thought I had run dry on, began to roll down my cheeks as I felt Josh squeeze my hand.

"We should head home."

I nodded in agreement as I pulled Josh's hand to my chest and held onto it tight. The ride home was quiet. Lance had woken up but continued to lay in the back seat, not saying a word. When we pulled up to the house, there was a rental car parked in the driveway. David was there.

Josh pulled the car into the driveway next to the Geo that cheap David had rented. He turned off the ignition and we sat there not moving for a few minutes. I sighed, let Josh's hand go and opened the door. Josh did the same but as I walked towards the door, there was no sound of the back door opening. I looked back to see Josh opening the back door of the car and climbing in, shutting the door behind him. I continued towards the house knowing that Lance needed some time alone with Josh to work a few things out in his head and Josh was the right one for that.

I opened the door and walked into the house. David was walking around the living room talking on the phone. He turned and when he saw me, he ended the call, hung up and walked over to me.

"Are you ok?"

I nodded and he pulled me into his arms. The arms that had been there since the beginning of all this. The only other man's arms that I had ever been in. David's strong and loving arms.

"Where's Josh?"

"Out in the car with Lance. He's taking it really hard." I said as I pulled away from his hugs and sat on the couch.

"I take it that Jase and Lance got a lot closer since the last time I talked to either of you."

I nodded.

"I should have never let them get that close David. I mean what kind of person am I that I let Lance get into a situation like this."

"You didn't know that this would be the outcome. You've been helping Jase so much the last few year. This was not suppose to happen Kyle. The story was not suppose to end like this. But it did and now is the time remember Jase for who he was and take him home."

"I know...but how was it suppose to end? What other possible way could it have ended. We all knew this was coming. I knew it...you knew it...Jase knew it. We've been living in some sort of dream world the last few years and the stay there just wasn't going to last forever."

"It could have lasted forever. Jase had a second chance and he's the one that didn't take advantage of it. You did everything you could and it was Jase that gave up on this all. He had one of the greatest friend on the face of this planet and his life was getting to a point where most people would give a right arm to be at. He gave up Kyle. We can't do anything to change that. Now we have to pull together and help Lance through this."

"He just needs time. He has a busy life and he won't have much time to dwell on it. He'll have to get past this or go insane. Lance is too level headed to let this drag him down."

"Don't be too confident about that Kyle. No one knows how this will affect Lance."

"He has Josh and Josh will guide him through it."

"Josh is a good man. I'm happy that you found each other."

I smiled at the thought of Josh.

"I ordered some chinese food for dinner. Is that ok."

"Yeah. Thanks David. I don't know what I'd do if you weren't in my life."

"That is one thing that you will never have to find out. I'm here for the long haul bro. Oh and I ordered a lot of food. I figured that you'd have some company tonight."

I shrugged my shoulders as the door opened behind me. Josh and Lance walked in. David walked over to them and hugged Josh.

"It's been awhile bright eyes. Is Kyle taking good care of you?"

"Hey David. Yeah, he's the best. How was your flight?"

"It was good. Long and boring. Too much time to think about things if you know what I mean. I just got here about 15 minutes before you guys pulled up."

"Yeah, I know what you mean. I wish you were able to come out here for better reasons."

"I do too."

David smiled at Josh and squeezed his shoulder, then gathered Lance in his arms and hugged him as if he had known him all his life.

"I don't know if you remember me. I'm David. Kyle introduced me to you at your concert in Oakland."

"Yeah, I remember that and Jase and Kyle are always talking about you. I feel as if I know you just as well as I know them."

"Well, make sure you only listen to the good things. Those two guys have a way of telling tall tales that don't really resemble the truth."

As if realizing that they were talking about Jase as if he was sitting right there in the room, they both looked down, ending the conversation. Lance gave a silent nod and a weak smile as he walked over to the couch and sat next to me. Josh walked down the hall towards the bathroom. We were in the car almost all day without stopping. As the thought of that hit me, I got up and headed towards the bathroom too.

As I reached to door, Josh opened it.

"Ya following me?"

"Always."

He took me into his arms and kissed me.

"Thanks for today Josh."

"Any day babe."

I kissed him again as the doorbell rang behind us.

"Go take care of your business. I'll get it."

I went into the bathroom, did my "business" as Josh put it and then walked to the sink. I washed my hands, while looking at myself in the mirror. I looked like hell. I filled my hands with cold water and splashed it all over my face. I looked back at the image of me again with water in my eyes. Through my blurry vision, I saw myself, standing on the highway median like I was five years ago. I was alone, no cars, no police, no firemen, no ambulances, no one but me standing alone in the ankle high dry brown grass. Before me was four blanket covered mounds that I knew all to well. Next to them was another blanket laying flat in the grass.

"Hey Bro."

I whirled around and there was Jase standing in the middle of the empty road. He started walking towards me and I silently watched him as he came up to me and pulled me into a hug.

"Miss me?"

I pulled away from him and slugged him in the gut. He doubled over with a pained look on his face, then looked up at me.

"I guess I deserved that."

"Fuck yeah you do. What the hell is wrong with you Jase Green."

He shrugged.

"What can I say. It took me five years to get up enough balls to finish what should have been completed."

"Fuck you. Balls? You don't have balls Jase Green. You are the sorriest excuse for a friend that was ever made. If you had any balls you have faced today as you had for the past 4 years and faced every other anniversary until you died of old age."

"I didn't face the past four years. I was pulled through them by you. You know damn well that I wouldn't be around until I was old and gray. My destiny was written five years ago and now it's time for me to go home where I belong."

"Did you even think about me? David? Lance? Not to mention Josh and the others who have to be there to pull both Lance and I through the mess you left in your wake."

"I don't worry about you. David, Lance and you are all so strong, there is no way that me leaving will have any kind of lasting affect on you guys."

"You're an idiot...a fuckin' idiot. I hope one day you will understand just what you gave up Jase. I hope that you have to watch us in life...Today, tomorrow and every day that we have to deal with our lives without you. And I hope all our pain eats away at your forever Jase Green."

"That pain will be nothing compared to the pain I've been living with for the past five years. Can't you understand that Kyle?"

"Never. Now climb your ass under your blanket where you so belong. I'm tired...of all this bullshit and all your excuses for not wanting to live. Say hi to Mom, Dad, Jessie and Todd for me. Goodbye Jase."

I turned away from him.

"Please Kyle. Understand...I would never do anything to hurt you. But I just couldn't anymore. I'm sorry, but I just couldn't. It hurt too much. Please Kyle."

I turned around with tears in my eyes.

"What do you want from me Jase? Do you want me to be glad that you are not here anymore? Is that it?"

"No. But I just want you to understand. I need you to understand. You just don't know what it was like. You don't know how much it haunted every second of my life. How I sat alone at home with my arms wrapped around my knees rocking back in forth on the floor, needing, wanting someone...anyone to be there. I had no one. No family to call to chat with. No one."

"You had me."

"You had your own life."

"I was there for you always."

"I know you were. But I just couldn't pick up the phone to call you knowing that you had your own life to lead."

"You know you could have called me. Anytime."

"I know. I did sit there with you in my mind. That's what got me through most of those night...Your friendship."

"Why didn't you call me."

"I would sit there calling out to you in my mind. But you never answered. What I would have given for the phone to ring and for you to be at the other end. I called to you all last night Kyle, like I used to do, but it wasn't enough. The silence was too much last night."

"God Jase. Why didn't you pick up the phone and call."

"Not my Style Kyle."

"Idiot."

"I love you more than you'll ever know Kyle. You are my friend and brother and I will always be with you."

"I love you Jase."

He walked over to me and kissed me lightly on the lips, then turned and started to walk away.

"Don't go."

"I have to Kyle."

"Please Jase...don't go."

"I have to...besides, your boi is walking this way and will be knocking on the door, wondering what is taking you so long in the bathroom."

He reached the blanket laying on the ground and lifted one corner of it.

"Take care of yourself Kyle and remember, I will always be with you. Course I will cover my eyes when you and Josh are fucking like rabbits."

He smiled and raised his eyebrows a few times.

"I miss you Jase Green."

"Goodbye Kyle."

He crawled under the blanket, blowing me a kiss before pulling it over his head as he laid down. The wind started blowing and the dirt started flying all around me. I shielded my eyes from the dust and then it stopped. I opened my eyes to the image of me in the mirror. I looked down at the water flowing out of the faucet and put my hands in it and splashed it over my face again. I turned the water off, grabbed a towel and dried my face off. There was a light knock at the door.

"Kyle...are you ok."

"Yeah Josh." I said as I put the towel back and opened the door.

"I'm fine."

He lean over and kissed my cheek.

"The guys are here. Are you up to it."

"Yeah, I'm fine."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah. I just needed to clear my head for a minute. Work some stuff out in my mind. I'm fine now."

We walked out to the living room. Justin, Chris and Joey were on the couch sitting surrounding Lance. There were plates and utensils on the table and David was in the kitchen putting the food on platters. He can't stand to have chinese food in the take out containers. He's just too much sometimes.

They all looked up at me as we entered.

"Hey guys."

Onto Chapter Three