"Hey Kyle." They all whispered, kinda looking back and forth between me and the ground never really looking me in the eyes.

"Look guys, please don't be like this...I've spent the whole day in the car with Josh and Lance and I can't handle everyone walking around on egg shells."

Josh wrapped his arms around my waist and rested his chin on my shoulder as the guys continued to look at each other, the ground and some imaginary spot on my forehead. The silence of the room was broken by the doorbell. David ran past us and opened the door for the delivery guy. He took the box from the guy, paid him and shut the door thanking him and wishing him a good night.

He walked by me smiling and leaned over and kissed me on the cheek, then disappeared into the dinning room. He started to unpack the containers from the box and Justin, Chris and Joey jumped up and walked into the dinning room to help him. I guess they would do about anything to get away from the uncomfortable silence of the room, even help set the table...Which I know they haven't done since their mother's stopped touring with them. Lance laid down on the couch, where Joey and Chris had just vacated and took one of the couch pillows and covered his face with it.

Josh walked me over the chair and sat me down. He kneeled down in between my legs and took my hand into his and kissed them. Then he leaned over until is face was nose to nose with mine.

"Be kind Kyle. They just came here to be supportive. They don't know what to say to you or to Lance, but the just felt that they should be here for you both."

"I know Josh...It's just...I want them to be themselves. I don't want Jase's stupidness to affect them in anyway. They are too good of people and they don't deserve this...Lance doesn't deserve this and either do you."

"No one deserves this Kyle, but that's life. We'll make it through this...Lance will make it through it...we will all make it through it together."

He kissed the tip of my nose and smiled as we continued to look into each others eyes. All of a sudden Josh made a face and he was lifted away from me. David was standing behind him, holding him up in the air by the back of his pants.

"Damn bright eyes, you need to eat more. What do you weigh, like a buck and a quarter?"

Josh elbowed his stomach.

"I am the perfect weight...now let me down ya big lug."

David lowered him down and released his pants. Josh adjusted himself and punched David in the upper arm.

"Good thing you have bodyguards around you. I don't think you could down a 8 year old girl who was born with one peg leg with punches like that."

Josh gave him a snarling smile and took another swing at him, but David ducked out of the way and grabbed hold of Josh's wrist. With a quick move, he had Josh up and over his shoulder and was carrying him towards the dining room kicking, punching and cussing all the way. David stopped and turned around.

"Hey K...grab Lance and come eat. I mean it too. You're both eating or I will force feed you both in front of your friends."

I nodded as he turned back around and continued to walk into the dinning room still carrying his now laughing and giggling like a school girl cargo.

I got up and walked over to the couch and sat down next to Lance.

"I'm not hungry Kyle." Lance mumbled under the couch pillow as I sat.

I lifted the pillow off his face and set it down on the floor next to my feet.

"Sorry, I have orders. Now lets go."

His eyes were still closed as the sound of him breathing really hard caught my attention. He was trying his hardest to hold himself together, but it didn't seem to be working.

"How are you handling this Kyle? I mean God...It just hurts so much. I feel like curling up and dying."

"I'm not handling it Lance. Right now I'm just going through the motions. I'm numb...I'm tired...I'm lost...I still want to kick the fuck out of Jase right now. I want to wrap my fingers around his throat and shake him around for doing this to me...to us. I just want him here. I want to touch him one more time. I just want."

The noise from the other room hit my ears as I continued to look down at Lance. It sounded so far away. The laughs and the sound of people talking and eating. The sounds that Jase should have been there to hear. But he wasn't and never would be again. A tear rolled down my cheek as out of the corner of my eye, I saw Josh peeking his head into the room. I waves him back out and then put my hand on Lance shoulder and gave it a slight squeeze.

He didn't move, but every so often his body would jerk slightly in a sob. I continued to look down at him, waiting for anything from him. It was the first time I had ever really looked at him. I could see why Jase and every other person that screams his name out during a concert found him so attractive. Without realizing it, my finger went up to his cheek and I started to stroke it with the back of my finger. His skin was so soft. He opened his eyes and we just stared at each other. My fingers stopped and I put my hand down to my side as I broke eye contact with him.

"I'm sorry."

"It's OK Kyle. You don't know how much I just needed someone to touch me...to hold me."

He looked into my eyes and then rolled over turning away from me. He folded his arms until he was hugging himself and curled up on the couch. I reached over and put my hand on his shoulder and he placed his hand on top of mine and squeezed hard. I laid down next to him and rolled over until I was spooning him, then wrapped my arms around him. He grabbed hold of my arms and pulled them tighter around him.

"Thanks" he whispered as we both silently started to cry.

I closed my eyes and all the noise from the dinning room faded into darkness.

I woke up with Lance still in my arms. It was dark in the room and we had a comforter over us. I untangled myself from Lance's arms and slid off the couch trying not to wake him. When I finally stood up, I could hear not only Lance's light snoring, but also Josh's. He was asleep on the love seat across from the couch. I went over and kneeled down next to him. I just sat there in the dark straining my eyes watching him sleep. I had a habit of doing that and he always found it weird. He had a blanket thrown over him and I did my best to crawl under it and squeeze in next to him on the love seat.

"It's about time you joined me...I was starting to get jealous." He whispered as I finally got situated under the blankets with my arms wrapped around him.

"You should be jealous. He's a very snuggable guy."

"So am I." he said as he turned and pulled me closer to him and into a kiss.

"I never said you weren't...although, he does have alittle more to snuggle with."

"Hey...exactly what part of him were you snuggling with?"

"I meant that he has alittle bit more meat on his bones."

"Keep talking Kyle, you're digging yourself in deeper."

I reached over and gave his nipple a quick pinch.

"Keep your mind out of the gutter you...but thanks for the info. I now know that Lance is bigger and thicker than you. Now...do you want to keep talking?"

"No."

"Good." I said as I kissed his neck. "Cause if you want to keep talking, I'll just have to ask you how exactly you know that Lance is bigger and thicker than you."

"Brat."

"But you love me anyways."

"That I do....but you're still a brat."

"Say that once more and you'll be explaining to all your adoring fans who gave you that nice hickey on your neck."

"You wouldn't."

"Try me."

"OK...OK, I give. By the way, the guys said good night."

"Thanks. I'm sorry I wasn't much company tonight. I hope they're not mad."

"Why would they be mad? They were happy that you and Lance were getting some sleep. Besides, they all thought you two looked really cute all comfy and cozy in each other's arms."

"Are you starting again?"

"Nope. My lips are zipped."

"Good." I said as I snuggles more into his arms.

Silence took over the room as the sound of our rhythmic breathing intertwined with Lance's and sleep overtook me once again. It didn't last long. I awoke a few hours later and try as I might, could not go back to sleep. Josh and Lance slept on as I lay there in Josh's arms, eyes wide open and my mind so full of thoughts that I could not clearly make sense out of any of them. I started to breathe alittle faster and a feeling took hold of my heart. I felt as if I was suffocating. I slipped out of Josh's arms and walked quickly through the house and out the back door.

The cold air hit me as I sat down on the back step, trying to get my breathing back to normal. I inhaled the cold air into my lungs and looked up into the night sky. The morning was coming soon and as I sat there, the sky started to lighten.

"Thank you Kyle."

"For what?" I answered still looking at the dark sky.

"For tonight."

"Don't mention it Lance."

"Still. You had enough crap to deal with today and you didn't need me to be here adding to it all."

He closed the door that I had left open shut and walked over and sat down next to me. He had the comforter wrapped around his shoulders and slid part of it over my shoulders.

"Kyle?"

"Yeah Lance?"

"Can I ask you a question?"

"Sure Lance."

"Do you blame me for this?"

I sat there unable to speak. Finally I turned to him and looked him straight in the eye.

"Lance, I want you to know that none of this is your fault. None of it. I don't blame you for anything. Got that. Why would you even think a thing."

I don't know. It's just that...I don't know...maybe none of this would have happened if I had never gotten involved with Jase."

"You know Lance. I do wish you had never meet Jase. I blame myself for that. You're too great of a guy to have to deal with this shit. I should never have let you get involved with him. I knew he could only hurt you and I let it happen. Jase has had this in his mind all along and it was probably you that kept him around this long. I should never have let you two get so close."

"That bullshit Kyle. I'm a grown man. I chose to get involved with Jase. You had no say so in the matter. There was just something that drew me towards him. I don't know how to describe it. It was like he was meant to be in my life. Like there was some purpose to all of this only known to God."

"That doesn't make me feel any better. But if that is how you feel, I really do hope there was some higher purpose for what Jase is putting us through."

"You know, he was in my dreams tonight. He and I were standing together on a windy beach. He smiled at me and said he was sorry. He reached out and stroked my cheek with the back of his hand. He whispered that he loved me, but that he wasn't the right man for me. He said he would be watching over me. I started crying. He told me to stop and that he wasn't worth my tears. I said Fuck you Jase Greene, he laughed and then kissed my cheek. He said that I was the best fuck he ever had. I turn away from him and he walked up behind me and put his hand on my shoulder. I closed my eyes and he whispered in my ear that he would love me forever. When I turned around he was gone. I felt the cold wind blowingff across my face and woke up."

"I'm sorry Lance."

"There's nothing to be sorry about Kyle. I love Jase. I always will. He is gone now, but he is forever in my heart. A piece of my heart that makes me complete even with him gone."

I sat there looking at him staring at the sunrise. The silence between us broken only by the sounds of morning. He leaned over and rested his head on my shoulder and I tilted my head and rested it against his. The sky was bright and the morning chill was starting to disappear before we moved. The door opened behinds us, but we didn't move.

"I really am going to start getting jealous if I keep finding you two together."

"Don't worry Josh, you know I'm not into blond guys."

"You don't know what you're missing Kyle. Blonds are definitely more fun."

"Sorry, still into brunettes, but yeah...I hear what you're saying.

"Huh?"

"I guess you never knew that Jase told me everything huh Lance?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean he told me EVERYTHING."

"Shut up!"

"Yep...from the fuck me right there J's to the spank me, I've been bad's."

"Hey...you never told me any of that." Josh said closing the door behind him as he stepped outside and sat on the other side of me.

"Damn, I would have thought you two would talk about this kind of stuff on the bus."

"Are you kidding? Lance talk about sex? If the conversation turns to sex, Lance's face turns red and he tries to make up excuses to leave the room."

"I bet those were the times he would hide out with his laptop to hop onto the net and cyber with Jase."

"Fuck you Kyle."

"Damn it Kyle...how could you keep this a secret from me?"

"Sorry babe. There's a time and place for everything. You'll find there is more to me than you'll ever know. Just wait until you finally stop this little boy band venture and kick it with me 365."

"I can't believe Jase told you about that."

"Why do you say that Lance?"

"Cause...I mean it was our thing...something between him and I. I mean I thought it was weird at first...when Josh told me about all the crap you two did over the internet. But after being with Jase those few times, being able to talk to him and do things like that with him over the internet brought us closer. Closer than I ever thought imaginable. I'm going to miss that."

A silence took over the backyard as we sat there each lost in our own thoughts. All of a sudden I started laughing.

"What so funny babe?"

"I was just thinking that if Lance misses it too much, I still have the logs that Jase sent me to read of their ummm....sessions."

"I can't believe he sent you those....You're joking right?"

"Ummm sorry Lance." I said smiling at him.

"Fuckin' Jerk. You delete those off your computer Kyle."

"Not until I get to read them."

"Shit...Kyle if you let him read those I swear I will never talk to you again."

"Sorry babe. I like talking to Lance, so they're gone."

"Nooooooooo....I wanna read them....If I can't read them, I'm going to tell the guys about it and you will never live it down. So let me read them Lance."

"No fuckin' way."

"Damn Lance, you sure cuss a lot. What would you mother say if she heard you."

"She would say James baby, I swear to fuckin' god if you let that asshole Kyle get away with letting that shithead Josh read your cyber fuck sessions with that takes it up the ass boyfriend of yours, I will kick your lily white ass from here to fuckin Alaska."

"She would too."

We all laughed alittle and silence took over again. We all sat there looking out into the yard as the sun crept higher into the sky. Josh's eyebrows jumped alittle as he looked at Lance.

"Wait...are you telling me that Jase was a bottom? I always thought you were."

I started laughing hard.

"Shut up Josh."

"Seriously Bro...I always pictured Jase mounting you."

I stopped laughing and smiled at Josh.

"Pictured?"

"Yeah pictured. I mean come on Kyle. Lance just looks like a bottom."

"So do you, but you give just as well as you take. Why are you defining him. Besides who would waste a piece like Lance has?"

"Exactly how do you know what kind of piece Lance has Kyle?"

"Cause when we were laying on the couch last night I totally cop'd a feel."

"He did too."

"Oh did you now."

"Yep. And Lance returned the favor too."

"Oh did he now."

"Yep I did. And totally enjoyed it."

"Why thank you Lance."

"You're quite welcome Kyle."

"You know you two really suck."

"Yes...Yes we do." Both Lance and I said at the same time.

Josh reached over and flicked both of our earlobes and Lance and I started laughing again. The door opened behind us and David stepped out of the house.

"Well I see a good nights sleep did you all good."

"Good Morning David." We all said sounding like a bunch of kids addressing their teacher as David sat down next to Josh.

"Someone's cell was ring in your room about 5 minutes ago Kyle."

"It's gotta be Josh's, I haven't charged my battery in a few day."

"Let me go check to see if there's any messages." Josh said as he got up and walked into the house.

"How ya two doing?"

"I'm good." I said giving him a slight smile.

"I'm good too." Lance said still looking out at the morning sky.

"Are you guys hungry? I saw some stuff in the fridge that would make some pretty decent omelettes."

"We're fine David. Please just relax while you're here. You don't have to play the adult with us. We are fully capable of taking care of ourselves."

"Ok then, get off your ass and get into the kitchen. I'll have a ham and cheese omelette, some hash browns and coffee...2 sugars...1 cream."

I reached over and gave his shoulder a push as I got up.

"Would you like me to fly to France for the cheese your highness?"

"No, California cheese will be fine thanks."

"And what would the Duke of Bass fancy for his morning grub?"

"Sound good. I'll have the same...but make mine OJ, freshly squeezed."

"Freshly squeezed? Boy the only thing that's going to be squeezed around here are your butt cheeks as you run to the bathroom about an hour after drinking your glass of OJ mixed with a laxative."

"Ummm on second thought, I'll have coffee too...black."

"Good choice." I said walking into the house.

As I walked into the kitchen and to the fridge, Josh walked in and kissed me on the cheek.

"I'll have 2 eggs over easy, ham and some hash browns...oh and I'll grab the coffee myself."

"You are going to be enjoying many long nights on the couch by yourself if I don't get any help here." I said giving him a glare that got him walking to the stove and pulling out pans.

"Oh you know I wasn't gonna leave you here to do it all alone."

"Yeah right. You really need to control that earlobe of yours if you're even going to attempt lying."

"I still want to know how you figured that out."

"Ummm....you've seen your ears right?"

"What's that suppose to mean?"

"Well...they are kinda prominent."

"Are you saying that you found that out cause my ears are so big that it just stuck out?"

"Oh you know damn well I find your ears extremely sexy...one of the many things I find sexy about you."

"Keep talking."

"As if I need to inflate that ego of yours anymore."

"Are you saying that my ego is too big now? Keep talking Kyle."

"Ummm....hey who called your cell?"

"Nice subject change. I'm going to remember this conversation for later ammo. It's always good to have something to pull out of your pocket when dealing with you."

"I'm not even going to touch that one. But you know you can pull it out anytime you want."

He poked my stomach with his finger and smiled.

"It was Jeff from our management company. We're scheduled to fly out tomorrow morning at 9 am. He contacted the funeral home at the cemetery where Jase's family is buried. They will be at the airport to pick Jase up and arrange everything for the service on Monday."

"Thank you for handling this all...and thank Jeff too. I don't know what I would have done without you."

"That's what I'm here for...Are you sure all you want is a graveside service?"

"Yeah. That's all Jase would want. He had no family left and over the past five years, he had driven everyone out of his life except for me."

Josh walked up behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist and kissed the back of my neck.

"I'll finish up here. Go and get Lance and David."

He took the spatula out of my hand and I walked out of the kitchen. As I reached the back door, Lance and David opened it and walked in.

"Breakfast ready?"

"Yeah. Ready for your OJ Lance?"

"Ummm I requested coffee."

"Oh yeah. Damn."

As I turned around and started to walk back to the kitchen, I got kicked in the ass. I spun around and looked at Lance.

"Hey don't look at me...I'm barefooted."

I looked at David and he just smiled.

"If you deserve a kick in the ass, don't act so surprised when you get a kick in the ass."

"Thanks Judge Judy."

"You're quite welcome."

"What's taking you guys so long." Came Josh's voice from the kitchen.

We walked into the kitchen, sat down and ate our breakfast. The silence at the table was only broken here and there with talk of our plans the next day and Jase's funeral service. I still felt like I was just going through the motions of life. Not really feeling or completely realizing what was now missing in my life. I looked a Lance a few times during breakfast, but I really couldn't tell if he was going through the same thing as I was. After we finished eating, Lance and David volunteered to do the dishes. I walked back to our bedroom and laid down on the bed. Josh walked in behind me and laid down next to me. With his finger, he pushed away a few strands of hair that covered my right eye.

"Are you Ok babe? Really Ok?"

I opened my eyes and looked up at him.

"I don't know."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"Not really. I know all you want to do is help and you've been great Josh...Fuck I really don't know what I would have done if you weren't around. I just want everything the way it was...I want to go back a few days and change everything. Everything."

"I wish I could do that for you Kyle. You know I loved Jase...Not cause he was your friend, but because he was Jase. But right now, I hate him. I hate him for what he did to you. I wish I could wrap my hands around his neck and shake some sense into him. I just hate him Kyle."

"Please Josh. Don't let what he did get to you. He hurt me more than I've ever been hurt before, but he is Jase and deep inside I understand why he did it. I forgive him and for me...can you?"

He placed his hand on my chest and smiled down at me, then leaned over and kissed me.

"Of course I can. I forgive him. But that still doesn't change the fact that if I ever run into him in the afterworld, that I won't kick him in the ass a few times. Maybe even grab him by the balls and twist and squeeze them until he sings higher than Chris."

"You and me both."

I pulled him into my arms and we laid there in silence. My eyes rolled back into my head and I drifted into the darkness of sleep.