+71

August 7, 2000

I've had a tough week......pout.....sob
It's hasn't been just one thing but several things all piled up on top on each other. I hate weeks like this. You have no idea how many times I was tempted to come home from work to a stiff drink. But I didn't, but only because drinking when I've had a bad day never really sits right with me. Something about the whole drowning out your troubles bit. It is however a tempting idea at times like these. Ugh, crappy ass week =P Oh well,  to top that I've also been beyond tired. I'm not quite sure what my problem is. Perhaps (as my mom would say) I need to take more vitamins. All I know is that lately even the idea of making a drink, or anything seems like to much work.  So luckily the urge to unwind with a drink is always beaten out by my bed screaming out my name.  A very demanding bed I have............lol ;). It's just so cozy, that when the world sucks all I want to do is climb on in and forget. Which is  basically what I've been doing all this week after work. A bite to eat, a shower, and then off to dream land for me. Which, on the up side, I have been dreaming alot lately. Possibly because I seem to be  waking up every couple of hours (grrrrrrrrrr) Gives me more chances to remember them, I guess. Not that I have been writing any of them in my dream journal anyways, shame on me. =( I love dreaming, and they are always so interesting.  But, I think I would be willing to give up dreaming  for a couple of nights in exchange for a goodnight sleep. I've just felt so drained all week.....
This week will be better. Yesturday I did something that helped. It up lifted my soul, my spirt, my everything..... We went to the botanical gardens up at the UAF. It was one of those moments. The kind that dusts out all the cob webs and clears the mind. It was just so beautiful outside. Besides all  the sunshine, big fluffy clouds,  lovely view, and of course the flowers. The wind was blowing fairly strong. Which I love. For some reason walking in the wind always makes me feel so alive. It was perfection and a day I will carry around in my heart for a long time. Shawn brought his camera and took two rolls worth of pictures of the kids frolicking with the flowers. While they were off doing that. I found a bench down at the very end of the garden and just sat there alone. Watching my kids play in the distance. Letting the surroundings just soak into me. And while I sat there I had that new song by Sister Hazel, Change Your Mind, running over and over again in my mind. "If you wanna be somebody else, if you're tired of losing battles with yourself, if you wanna be somebody else, change your mind." Did me a world of good. For I have felt for awhile now that I wasn't being true to myself. So I've taken the first step in rectifying that problem. Today I've enrolled into an art class up at the U. I'm very excited. I feel it's a good thing, a step in the right direction. Needless to say it was a very well spent hour among the flowers and just what I desperately needed.......