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| Welcome
to My Thoughts |
| Contained below are just a few thoughts of mine
Peace and Love,
Scott Thorington a.k.a CyricRifter
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| 9/17/2004 - This an oath to my friends |
When you are sad - I will get you drunk and help you plot revenge against the scum sucking bastard who made you sad
When you are scared - I will laugh at you and tease you about it every chance I get
When you are worried - I will tell you how much worse it could be and to quit complaining.
When you are confused - I will use little words to explain it to your dumb ass.
And when you are lost - I will answer my cell phone and give you directions.
When you are sick - I will hold your hair while you pay homage to the porcelain god.
When you fall - I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass
This is my oath - I pledge till the end.
Why you may ask? Because you're my friend. And the whole reason people have friends is to have fun and its not too much fun being a shining beacon all the time.
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| 2/15/2002 - Below is another little Poem I found on my PC. |
A Day in my life…
It's funny how our senses fail us
I awoke this morning from peaceful dreams
Was it really you? Or just a memory?
And once again with a breath you were gone
And I was again alone
Sitting here I realized
Like a lightning bolt, it hit me
For once, one thing was absolute and concrete
I missed you!
We never realize how much we care
Standing there breathing, each in time
Laughing, Dreaming, Crying, the times we have now
If there hadn't been you
Were would I be?
So I sit here with an empty house
A lonely heart and a tear on the verge
Then doubt and fear arrives
Where do I go from here?
Where do we go from here?
Friends?.. Always
Lovers?... Maybe
For one thing is certain
Neither can exist with-out the other
Just another day in my life!
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| 2/15/2002 -
An intro to a paper I
wrote in college |
"We explore... and you call us criminals. We seek after knowledge... and you call us criminals. We exist without skin color, without nationality, without religious bias... and you call us criminals. You build atomic bombs, you wage wars, you murder, cheat, and lie to us and try to make us believe it's for our own good, yet we're the criminals."
"Yes, I am a criminal. My crime is that of curiosity. My crime is that of judging people by what they say and think not what they look like. My crime is that of outsmarting you, something that you will never forgive me for. I am a hacker, and this is my manifesto."
--- The Mentor's Hacker Manifesto
The world around us changes everyday. The new becomes old, and the old becomes renaissance. In this change new ideas are born, new concept are nurtured, and new ways of thinking are excepted. In the last ten to twenty years technology as grown in leaps and bounds and forced people to bend in its direction. In the past cultures were defined as regional aspects and ethnic heritage. As the future marches on these definitions fail to support the old ideas of culture. Regional and ethnic separations are no longer a barrier to fight through. They are things of the past. They are things that are no longer of any consequence in the digitally connected world of today. We are all faceless, raceless, and cultureless electronic entities in the web of information. This severe anonymity has forced the birth of a new sub-culture. The
Cyberpunk sub-culture.
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| 2/15/2002 -
The Man Who Had No Face |
Here is a true story by Paul Harvey. Pass it to anyone who you think would find it interesting and inspiring. You will be surprised who this young man turns out to be. (Do not look at the bottom of this until you have read it fully)
Years ago a hardworking man took his family from New York State to Australia to take advantage of a work opportunity there. Part of this man's family was a handsome young son who had aspirations of joining the circus as a trapeze artist or an actor. This young fellow, biding his time until a circus job or even one as a stagehand came along, worked at the local shipyards which bordered on the worse section of town.
Walking home from work one evening this young man was attacked by five thugs
who wanted to rob him. Instead of just giving up his money the young fellow
resisted.
However they bested him easily and proceeded to beat him to a pulp. They mashed his face with their boots, and kicked and beat his body brutally with clubs, leaving him for dead. When the police happened to find him lying in the road they assumed he was dead and called for the Morgue Wagon.
On the way to the morgue a policeman heard him gasp for air, and they immediately took him to the emergency unit at the hospital. When he was placed on a gurney a nurse remarked to her horror, that this young man no longer had a face. Each eye socket was smashed, his skull, legs, and arms fractured, his nose literally hanging from his face, all is teeth were gone, and his jaw was almost completely torn from his skull. Although his life was spared, he spent over a year in the hospital. When he finally left, his body may have healed but his face was disgusting to look at. He was no longer the handsome youth that everyone admired.
When the young man started to look for work again he was turned down by everyone just on account of the way he looked. One potential employer suggested to him that he join the freak show at the circus as The Man Who Had No Face. And he did this for a while. He was still rejected by everyone and no one wanted to be seen in his company. He had thoughts of suicide.
This went on for five years.
One day he passed a church and sought some solace there. Entering the church he encountered a priest who had saw him sobbing while kneeling in a pew. The priest took pity on him and took him to the rectory where they talked at length. The priest was impressed with him to such a degree that he said that he would do everything possible for him that could be done to restore his dignity and life, if the young man would promise to be the best Catholic he could be, and trust in God's mercy to free him from his torturous life. The young man went to Mass and communion every day, and after thanking God for saving his life, asked God to only give him peace of mind and the grace to be the best man he could ever be in His eyes.
The priest, through his personal contacts was able to secure the services of the best plastic surgeon in Australia. There would be no cost to the young man, as the doctor was the priest's best friend. The doctor too was so impressed by the young man. Whose outlook now on life, even though he had experienced the worst, was filled with good humor and love.
The surgery was a miraculous success. All the best dental work was also done for him. The young man became everything he promised God he would be. He was also blessed with a wonderful, beautiful wife, many children, and success in an industry which would have been the furthest thing from his mind as a
career, if not for the goodness of God and the love of the people who cared for him. This he acknowledges publicly.
The young man?
Mel Gibson.
His life was the inspiration for his production of the movie "The Man
Without A Face." He is to be admired by all of us as a God fearing man, a
political conservative, and an example to all as a true man of courage.
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| 2/12/2002 -
Fuck Valentines Day |
"Fuck Valentines Day"
Hearts and roses and kisses galore...
What the hell is all that shit about?
People get mushy and start acting queer
It is definitely the most annoying day of the year
This day needs to get the hell over with and pass
Before I shove a dozen roses up Cupids ass
I'll spend the day so drunk I can't speak
And wear all black for the rest of the week
Guys act all sweet, but it will soon fade
For all they are doing is trying to get laid
The arrow Cupid shot at me must not have hit
Because I think love is a crock of shit
So here's my story...what else can I say?
Love bites my ass...Fuck Valentines Day!!!!!
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| 2/10/2002 -
My Dark Day |
I had an epiphany this weekend. No matter who you are, what you say, or what kind of front you put up for other people, that when you are alone, by yourself, you can not hide. Every evil that you have committed, every bad thing you have said, all of the things you do to hurt others will stare you in the eye and remind you that you are not the bright shining star you think you are. These times while you are alone, you see you for yourself. No lies can be told, no shelter can be found, your soul is displayed for your terrible enjoyment and exquisite torture. When faced with these thoughts and ideas you question yourself. You begin to break down everything that makes you think that you are a good person. Until finally you are left with nothing but self-loathing and remorse. At this level of truth, you are helpless. Forced to ride the roller coaster until it is done. Once it is done, and providing you survive. Its how we deal with it that makes us the person that we are. In this simple truth, you know you. I had this experience this weekend. I hated me. I hated myself in a way that cannot be explained. It was a terrible, terrible feeling. One I hope to not experience again for quite some time. I feel that although it happened and everybody is cool with what I had done and said, I am different now. I feel somewhat sick when think of the terrible images in my head that night while I was alone. I scared myself, knowing what I could have done. Knowing what, in that altered state, I was capable of. I finally knew what kind of darkness is in me. In that moment that my soul hemorrhaged, I saw and I understood.
For those of you know what happened that night, I would like to say it was no single event that caused my journey, but a culmination of events and happenings in my life at that moment. I will state however, that liquor was the fuel and my own actions the match. Everything else in my head head was kindling for the fire. Also, understand that I don't believe myself to be a bad person, nor am I such a good person either. I'm sad too say, that I am glad I had the experience. I believe that it was something that I needed. Perhaps a way to release some baggage I have been carrying. I think with this particular event it jolted me out of a sort of doldrum I have been in. Granted, I am shaken, but that fades and I think that for some reason things will get better from now on. In closing, I think that in order for me to begin to get back on top of my game again I had to hit rock bottom, if even for one evening. Now, I know it sounds kind of like a Durdenism, but that is how I feel. And its funny you know, that even as I write this things feel......better.
The next day, a song had come to mind one I haven't heard in years, nor did I particularly like at all when I had listened to the album. Now, I like the song and identify with it. Its funny how the mind works.
hurt from downward spiral by nine inch nails
(lyrics)
i hurt myself today, to see if i still feel.
i focus on the pain, the only thing that's real
the needle tears a hole, that old familiar thing.
try to kill it all away, but i remember everything
what have i become, my sweetest friend?
everyone i know goes away in the end
you could have it all, my empire of dirt.
i will let you down, i will make you hurt
i wear my crown of shit on my liar's chair,
full of broken thoughts i cannot repair
beneath the stain of time the feelings disappear.
you are someone else, i am still right here
what have i become, my sweetest friend?
everyone i know goes away in the end
you could have it all, my empire of dirt.
i will let you down, i will make you hurt
if i could start again, a million miles away,
i would keep myself,
i would find a way
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 Books
Movies
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What is a Zen Koan?
In traditional Zen, a disciple is given a Koan, a riddle that cannot be solved by the rational mind.
After many attempts, the disciple experiences the answer as a clear reflection of the truth: and with it comes the
realization that all answers come from within oneself. As the Mystic Osho says: "The highest
intelligence is the creative response to now."
Reload the page for a new Koan
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