The New Year rang in with a mixture of glad tidings and disconcerting news. Upon our return to Wolf Lake Cherry learned the best news possible not only was her family soon to return home but there was to be a new family member well actually 7 new family members, Colin had asked Jane to marry him. And Jane had said yes. She called me ecstatic with the news, “I just can’t believe it Colin asked Jane to marry him and she said yes!”
“Well you always did say you wanted Jane to be a member of you family. See dreams can come true.”
“I hope you never told her that I wanted her to be related to me?” Cherry asked with concern.
“I think I did once but she assumed I was joking.”
“Please say you didn’t.”
“Okay I didn’t. But I know how you feel. I’d want Jane and Emily to be part of my family too. I guess though in a sort of strange way Jane and Emily are already a part of my family because even though I am still being assimilated, I am part of the Deaf community at Wolf Lake. Because of that we have a connection that I wouldn’t have if I were not little d deaf.”
“True but now I can see Jane whenever I want and know that she will always be in my life.”
“I wish I could say the same. I hope that Matt and Emily do become involved so that Emily will always be a part of my life. But I am realistic enough to know that once I leave Wolf Lake I will probably be leaving behind some of the people that have touched my life the most. And it hurts me to think that I won’t have Emily and Jane in my life after May but I have to accept the probability.”
“But they’re your friends they won’t just disappear after you graduate any more than I will.”
“Cherry you know that more than likely I will return home, fall back into my hermit ways and be lost again to the world. As much as I love Emily and Jane and everyone else here everyone will move on and in time I will be forgotten.”
“Stop that! Do you really think Emily will forget you after you basically helped her to have her daughter? Do you think she will forget you were there when she needed a friend the most? I don’t believe that for a minute. Jane won’t forget you because I’m not going to forget you and you will always be a part of my life.”
“Cherry you are making me cry here!”
“Sorry.”
“Don’t be I’m crying at the sweetness of your words. I just hope they are true.”
“Why wouldn’t they be?”
“Because it seems that everyone I have ever thought of as my friend has slowly disappeared from my life. I haven’t seen my best friend from childhood in 7 years. She has 4 children that I have never laid eyes on. She has made no contact with me in about as long. The truth is people move on, life changes and people get left behind in the dust. It just seems that I’m the one always left behind. It’s part of the reason that when I first came to Wolf Lake I didn’t befriend anyone. I was afraid to lose them as my friends.”
“Jeez, Rachel you have to stop thinking that everything you touch is going to fall apart. You are important. You touch lives and contribute to the world. Don’t ever let me hear you belittle your importance to me again. You mean a lot to me and I won’t let you drift away to be forgotten.”
“I never see myself as being important to anyone. You know when I go into Emily’s office that most of the time I am just shooting the breeze with her but sometimes what I am saying is important to me but if another student or Jane or Betsy come in and Emily gets sidetracked I will bow out because what I have to say isn’t as important in my eyes as what someone else has to say. I’m never that important to make others wait while I finish what I am signing to Emily. I have stopped and said I have forgotten what I wanted to say or ask. Even when it’s you who is waiting I will say I can’t remember so that you don’t have to wait on me, I make you more important”
“Rachel you have to stop doing that. What you have to say is just as important as what I have to say. You can’t go through life thinking you have no worth.”
“My head knows that as the truth Cherry but my heart doesn’t. Did I ever tell you about the time my parents took me to Ireland?”
“No, why?”
“Well my mom asked me if I wanted to go shopping. I was in a really bad mood anyway but I said yes. So we take off walking. My mom, dad, and my two elderly cousins that travel with my parents a lot of the time and a lady from Canada named Rhonda. We walked for like 3 blocks passing shop after shop after shop. No one said a word to me. I finally ask, “Where are we going?” My mom answers, “I don’t know.” We continue to walk in a very purposeful way down the street still not stopping at any of the shops along the street. After a few more blocks I asked again, “Where are we going?” My mother turns around and yells at me, “I DON”T KNOW.” I turned around on my heel and walked the 6 or 7 blocks back to the hotel in the middle of downtown Dublin, Ireland. I cried the whole way. It was so obvious that my mother knew where she was going but instead of taking the time to explain to me she cut me out of the picture. I was treated no better than she would treat a faithful dog. When they came back from their trip I screamed at the top of my lungs at her for thinking that I was so worthless that I should just follow along with no questions asked.
But it’s not just that time. It has happened all my life after I became hard of hearing and then deaf. If we go out to eat, everyone’s opinion matters but mine. If we go shopping, everyone else but me decides what store we go to. I am a non-entity. I have no say in things that affect my life. I am told I am doing this or that and then expected to do what I am told.”
“I’m sorry, kiddo. Your mother is wrong to treat you with such oppression and call it love. I will never treat you as if you have no worth to me. You are my friend and I care about you. You matter so much to me. And I know you matter to Jane and Emily too. Don’t believe that how your mother treats you is how everyone one will treat you.”
“Oh Cherry, I try not to. I try to believe that after I leave here that Emily, Jane and you will not forget me. I try to believe that we will remain friends and you all will be a part of my life. But it’s so hard. It hurts less when I prepare for the worst. If I tell myself that after I graduate things will go back to the way they were before and Emily, Jane and you will fade away, now. Then when it does happen it won’t hurt so bad.”
“Rachel you really need to stop believing that the worst is going to happen. As long as you expect the worst, the worst is all you will find. You have to believe in the goodness of mankind and the love in your friend’s hearts for you. We are not going to fail you as you have been failed in the past. This time you won’t be left in the dark and alone.”
“Thanks for being my friend Cherry. Now on a lighter note when is this wedding?”
“April. Jane wants pink and burgundy with green accents as her colors. She asked me to be one of her bridesmaids.”
“Oh that’s so cool. I had better be invited to this wedding,” I laughed.
“I’ll make sure you are. Emily is going to be Maid of Honor but Jane says she might have to tie Emily to a chair to get her into a dress again.”
I chuckled. It was well known by everyone that Emily did not wear dresses unless forced. The gala everyone had decided was some sort of hormonal surge and not the real Emily. “I’ll help hold her down.”
“Jane probably will appreciate that. So have you heard from Emily since you got home by pager or through Matt?”
“Yeah I have. Joanna is back.”
“Joanna? As in Jack’s sister?” Cherry asked stunned.
“Yes, I had an email from Emily. Joanna showed up the day before New Year’s Eve demanding to see the baby.”
“Did Emily let her?”
“Yes, you know how she doesn’t like conflict.”
“Yeah but still Joanna seems to be minus a few tacos on her combo platter.”
“If she’s minus a few tacos I think all her brother had was refried beans,” I deadpanned and Cherry cackled.
“So what happened? I’m hanging here!”
“Joanna cooed over Laurel, took pictures and said she looks just like Jack and so on. Emily told her that she wasn’t welcomed in her house and to please not return.”
“Joanna I guess asked Emily why she wasn’t welcomed. Emily told her that she knew that Joanna lied about my telling about the pregnancy. She told Joanna that she had no claim over Laurel and no proof that Jack was the father besides Jack’s word before he died. Jack’s word is strictly hearsay and not admissible in court.”
“Emily told her all that? Our Emily?”
“Yep, I guess she was trying to nip Joanna’s interference in her life in the bud.
Joanna then told her to expect a call from a lawyer because if Laurel is Jack’s child she wants to be part of Laurel’s life.”
“Ugghh, Do you think she has a leg to stand on?” Cherry asked me.
“No, because Joanna would have to prove paternity and she can’t do that without Emily’s permission. The courts would never force Emily to provide paternity in a visitation rights battle like this. Now if it was Jack asking for proof of paternity it might float but not Joanna.”
“I wouldn’t want Joanna in my life either. Tell me again why Emily ever got involved with him in the first place?”
“At this point I don’t think Emily even knows why. But the truth is he seemed like a different person than he really was. Remember how Betsy told you that Deaf people can be very gullible. They don’t always know a story is made up. Jack gave off an impression that was very different for who he really was. Emily fell in love with a character not the real man.”
“Jerk in hiding,” Cherry muttered.
“Yep, he was.”
“Why do you think some Deaf men seem to be such jerks? Jack was more than a jerk he was insane. Remember the Darrin duo from the bowling alley? They were so crude and rude.”
“Yes, they were to you. Darrin B. was just plain sick when he said he wanted you to be a fish in his bathtub. That was like saying he wanted you to be a notch on his belt and here he was old enough to be your grandfather. Then there is Darrin H. that wanted to paw you every chance he got. And he’s twenty years older than you. But it’s not just Deaf men who are like that you know? Hearing men can be just as perverse. You must always think of the good guys we have met in the Deaf World instead of the bad ones. Think of Garry and Frank. Or of Gordon and Bill from the Deaf Church, they are examples of very sweet and nice men.”
“Why can’t Emily have found some one like them to love her instead of Jack?”
“Why does anyone fall in love with someone that has the potential to cause them harm? There aren’t any answers. But after almost 50 years maybe Emily like Jane has found someone that will love her for herself and not hurt her. I’ll harm my cousin if he hurts her!”
“Go Rachel! I’ll help you if you help me if Colin hurts Jane. Jane and Emily are trusting two members of a Culture very diverse from their own. Colin and Matt are just now learning the ways of Deaf culture. Because of that Jane and Emily are making gigantic leaps of faith by being involved with them.”
“Let’s not count our chickens before they hatch. Emily and Matt at this point are just friends. Matt hasn’t figured out yet that he cares that much about her, even though everyone who sees him with her can tell he’s besotted. And Emily is so focused on her newfound role as mother to Laurel that she cannot consider her own feelings for Matt. But one day we have to hope they will both wake up and realize they love each other.”
“Won’t it be cool if Matt married Emily and Jane is married to Colin and we both can claim these wonderful ladies as part of our families?”
“Yep. It would be cool,” I said with a smile gracing my face. The thought was nice indeed.