I wish I could say that I was able to remain with Emily after she brought Laurel home. Of course I stayed as long as I possibly could but I do have a life beyond school and beyond my friendship with Emily. I have responsibilities of my own and family expectations. The family expectations are why I couldn't remain in Wolf Lake to help Emily with adjusting to life as a mother. Luckily Jane and her older children could help, and Emily's other friends who had been lost at how to be of much help to her doing her pregnancy since it was rather an alien idea to most of them had finally figured out what she needed was their support. So once Sunday rolled around I left Wolf Lake for home to prepare for Christmas as best I could.
The funny thing is when I am home I miss all my friends in Wolf Lake and when I'm at Wolf Lake I find I miss home. At home I am isolated and return to my, I guess, self-imposed shell. But the quiet, the not having to fight so hard to understand and to communicate has its appeal. At school I have friends I must be with. There are things that I am required to do as part of my school curriculum. I can't retreat into my own private world. Emily, Cherry and the rest won't let me go back to that way of life and I don't really want to either. But I do miss not having to constantly think. Not having the responsibilities beyond those of my own making, is why I still miss home.
So home I went to the hustle and bustle of the holidays. I wrapped about 300 gifts in one days time, okay that's an exaggeration but a lot of gifts and not all of them where mine. I also have to wrap presents for the family from my dad since he doesn't seem to how to use a pair of scissors or tape. I then also have to help my mom since she buys gifts for all of her brothers and sisters and 90 % of her nieces and nephews plus family friends and acquaintances that she deems as needing a gift from our family for whatever reason. After gift wrapping, came a quick let's put up the outdoor Christmas lights. Then came the family ritual of heading to the town I was born in to the Christmas Eve service where I sit bored stiff because beyond the songs I don't understand a word of what is happening. The only reason I can follow the songs is because I memorized them as a child.
I do love Christmas, though. I don't know why maybe it is all the warm and loving memories I have as a child waking up to find the presents under the tree, orange rolls on the stove and then my dad bring my paternal grandmother over to open gifts with us. Time changed my memories. My grandmother died when I was 11. After her death Christmas wasn't really the same but traditions continued without her. There were still the orange rolls on the stove and presents under the tree. And after those were opened we'd pack up the car and head to my maternal grandparent’s house and have Christmas with my mother's family.
Christmas at Grandma's is much like I described Thanksgiving with about 20 more people involved. All the family congregates by noon at the old farm house with its cast iron heat stove in the living room and the gas heating stove in the parlor and the cook stove in the kitchen. The Christmas tree is always a live cedar tree that has been cut just a few days before Christmas and decorated with the memories and ornaments that have survived the years of belonging to hard living country family. Each year grandma makes dressing and Uncle Ben makes the gravy. Aunt Dana provides the Chocolate Chocolate cake. My mother will always supply loin roast with apricot glaze. And I am to make deviled eggs whether I want to or not. Of course there is more food than that as everyone brings tons. We set out to feed an army and an army is what we feed.
After my parents and I moved to live within a few miles of my grandmother Christmas went faster. There no longer was the hour driving time. My mother now insists that we arrive at Grandma's by 11 AM to help cook and set up the house for the multitudes. Christmas is just as fun and boisterous as Thanksgiving but about 30 times as messy because of all the gift-wrap that gets fed eventually into the old heat stove. It's nice to be surrounded by loved ones and feel the warmth of their love. I guess that is what Christmas at grandma's represents family and love. I'm very lucky to have both.
I drove myself to Grandma's Christmas morning so that I would have wheels to leave with when I wanted to leave. This meant I had to park my car in the field across the highway but when the ground is froze it's no worse than parking in a field say at the state fair. I walked up the low grade hill to my grandma's perpetually over-run farmhouse bearing my gifts only to have Carrie greet me at the door. "Hey Cuz!"
"Hi squirt!" I said teasing her since she was the baby of what the family refers to as the 3 little girls consisting of my Uncle John’s youngest daughter, Melanie, Carrie and myself. We are each a year apart in age, with me being the oldest and Carrie the youngest. Only Melanie is married with children.
"Um, I'm glad you here," Carrie announced seemingly a bit coy.
"Why? I mean you know I'd be here. Only death will stop me."
"Matt."
"Carrie stop with the games. Just tell me. I'm already tired. You know how it is. I was up half the night wrapping all the presents dad forgot to give me to wrap 3 days ago."
"She's here again. Matt brought Emily and her baby. Mom and dad are in shock. They think he must really have an interest in her to have him bring her to two of the family gatherings."
"Oh, that is a bit of a surprise. I guess he was feeling sorry for her again. But I think Abby is right. I think Matt is falling for Emily he just isn't ready to admit that yet. It scares him that he may be in love with her."
"Come on let's get in before we freeze. We can talk on the back porch. No one has invaded it yet." Carrie said as we bustled in and distributed the presents under the tree in the backroom before anyone knew we were there and headed for the back porch that ceased to be a porch probably 50 years before. It was a room that at one time had been part of the wrap around porch. The house in the 1920's had belonged to a Doctor. The backroom as we call it was actually his treatment room. It has a small stain glass window in it. I looked for Emily as we passed through the house quickly but she was nowhere to be seen. Laurel was in a carrier that was sitting in the middle of a table sleeping.
Once we got to the door to the back porch we went through and closed it again. "So you really think Matt is falling for Emily."
"I can't tell you for sure but he comes to check on her and the baby several times a day. He runs to the store for Emily. He walks her dogs. I don't know if you are aware that he was a knight in shinning armor to us the day before Laurel was born. He made sure we had food. And then he helped Emily time and time again, including helping with the delivery. He looks at her and his eyes light up. When he holds the baby you can just tell he loves her."
"It would be great if Matt found someone to love but why do you think he's afraid to admit he loves her?"
"Oh Carrie, he's afraid because she can't hear. To him being Deaf is still something bad. He hasn't figured out yet it's just a different way of living. Emily doesn't miss out on things because she can't hear. She probably sees more because of it. She takes in the world with her eyes. The things hearing people take for granted Emily sees as special because of the visual aspect more so than the auditory."
"What do you mean?"
"Have you ever gone outside at night just to be part of the night?"
"No," Carrie answered as we sat in the overstuffed chairs.
"Well, some time do it. But plug your ears first. Go out and breathe the air, feel the soft wind on your cheek, watch the stars streak across the sky. Smell the scent of fresh cut hay. Those are the things that Emily would see and feel. She doesn't need to hear to know how beautiful the night is. It is only those who hear who place such emphases on hearing. The world is just as beautiful and maybe even more beautiful with silence. But Matt doesn't know this either, because he doesn't know that our eyes can tell us as much and more than our ears. It is for this reason that he fears her being Deaf. Until he can reconcile his fears he won't be able to admit he has feeling beyond friendship for her."
"We have to do something to help him. Do you think she knows and feels the same way?"
"I can't venture to say. I suspect after Jack that she's a bit gun-shy. Jack nearly killed her. She might be afraid to enter another relationship because of it. Plus now she has Laurel. She might not even think she has time to sleep let alone have time to pursue feelings for Matt. I do think she cares for him and that might be enough to kindle a flame."
"Okay so what kind of things would appeal to Emily?"
"Besides sports?" I laughed.
"Yeah, romantic things. Matt is a clutz at romance. I'll have to feed him ideas without him realizing he's romancing her."
"Well, unlike hearing things like dances, movies that aren't captioned, plays that aren't interpreted would not be up her alley. She'll like very visual things. But she needs to be able to see Matt to enjoy them those things with him. Like if there is a comet or an eclipse of the moon, he'd need to build a fire so that before and after the event she could see his face to read his lips or his signs. Though she might be able to use tactile signing."
"What the heck is that?"
"Well some Deaf people are also blind. They feel the other signers' hands as they sign to know what the other signer is saying. Thus it is tactile instead of visual. But I don't know if someone who hasn't been trained in tactile sign can use it. And Matt he still slowly learning sign. He's learning for her you know?"
"Yeah, he told me that he wants to learn so he can be a good neighbor."
"Sweet of him," I said with a smile just as our Aunt Dana opened the door.
"There you two are. Get your butts out here and help," she said with a smile so we'd know she was teasing us. There really is such a thing as too many cooks in the kitchen when it comes to Christmas at grandma's.
"Okay Dana. Just a second," Carrie said as Dana again closed the door knowing we were in a private discussion. “So any ideas how to jump start these two potential lovebirds?"
"Um, well maybe we can get Uncle Scott and Ben to hitch the team to the sleigh and have sleigh rides. Then get Matt to go with Emily while Hank drives the team."
"Would Emily like that? Is it visual enough for her to enjoy?"
"Yeah, the snow, the crisp air, the view from the top of the hill, she'd love it. She's a real nature girl, too."
“I'll butter up Ben if you take Scott?"
"Fine. Let's just hope there isn't plans for quail hunting."
"There is but not ‘til later. Jordan wants to go but he has to work today until 3 PM. Then they will come here and go on a hunt. Will Emily leave Laurel in your care? Or will a sleigh ride be painful to her so soon after giving birth? She has to be sore."
"She'll leave Laurel for short amounts of time with me. I stayed with her for about an hour on Sunday before I came home while Emily ran over to school to get some paperwork that she needed. As for being sore, she was sore on Saturday but she's doing pretty well. The stitches bug her and sting but as long as there is a cushion on the seat she'll be fine."
"Okay let's set to work!" Carrie said and then we departed our hideout and twisted our uncles’ arms into hitching up the sleigh and the two draft horses for rides to the top of the hill where there was a marvelous view of the river valley below.
After lunch was eaten, the gifts sorted and delivered and everyone sedated with the warmth of love, the family began to take turns going out in the sleigh. I had purposed that Hank drive the team but about the time that Carrie and I managed to convince Emily and Matt to go Hank decided he needed a break. I'd driven the team before a few times with Hank instructing me. So when he decided he needed a break he passed the reigns to me. "Hank you are putting a kink into the plans," I moaned.
"Tough luck! I taught you how to drive the team so you get the honors."
"Oh you." I mumbled and went to find Emily. She was sitting in the backroom in the rocker trying to inconspicuously nurse the baby without 20 small hands trying to touch the baby at the same time. Getting a minute worth of peace and private time on Christmas is next to impossible once everyone has arrived.
"What?" Emily signed one handed and mouthed because “what” is really a two-handed sign.
I smiled, "Hank is taking a break. He taught me how to drive the team. So I am supposed to do the driving while he is resting. Do you mind if Carrie watches Laurel? You won't be gone that long and Carrie won't let our little cousins bother her."
"Yes, I don't mind. Carrie is Matt's sister. He speaks highly of her," Emily said and I noticed her usage of Yes with don't mind. Hearing people say this incorrectly. If someone asks Do you mind? Hearing persons say normally, No, I don't mind. But this is really incorrect since it is using a double negative. It should be said as Emily had signed. Yes, I don't mind. Meaning that she does not care that Carrie looks after the baby. Just another one of those literal interpretations of language that Deaf actually use correctly while hearing people do not.
"Great, is she about finished?"
"I have no idea. She doesn't tell me," Emily smiled. It was nice seeing her sense of humor return. Pregnancy had robbed her of it in the last weeks before Laurel made her grand entrance. I had missed seeing signs like the following sign next to the exit of the Wolf Lake ASL program above the ants that had invaded the entryway at school, which said "Don't mind the ants. Their ASL (Ant Sign Language) Class will soon be relocated."
"Funny, Find Matt when you are ready. I'll be with the horses."
"Fine ++"
About twenty minutes later Matt and she came out to the barnyard bundled up in coats with the lap blanket. Matt helped Emily into the sleigh and then sat next to her as I climbed to the drivers seat and clicked the reigns to get the horses going. I looked back as we went up the path through the woods to see Matt pointing to the old homestead where our Uncle John, his mother, Uncle Richard and my mother had been born. Then he pointed out the pond and told her in faltering sign and fingerspelling that was where I fished. I yelled back over my shoulder, "Tell her that is where the picture I have of Cherry with her first fish was caught." I have no idea if he did, as I was busy with trying to get the horses up over the trail toward the summit.
Finally we reached the top where he took Emily by the hand and walked with her to the rocky outcrop that served as the lookout for the river valley below. He stood behind her and pointed to things below. She turned around so she could see his face. I knew she was saying she needed to see his face to know what he was saying. Their breaths caught in the cold air mingled and rose together as one as they looked down into the valley below. I saw her shiver as they started back to the sled. He put his arm around her shoulder and offered her his warmth. On the way back down the hill I glanced back only once to find that they were holding hands and my heart leapt with joy.