Emily returned to work the Monday following the Tom Sawyer Party. I think she returned not because she really wanted to but because Nora was driving her crazy. I didn't begrudge her wanting to get back to work to help the time go faster but I really wished that she'd not push herself so hard. I knew it was the only way Emily knew how to work. However, by the end of the day she was exhausted.
I don't think people realize how physically demanding pregnancy is. The fetus is basically a parasite taking nutrition, vitamins and minerals from its mother's body. Also as the pregnancy progresses blood volume within the uterus increases to something like 20 times more than normal. Because of the increased blood volume maternal iron levels are easily depleted. Then there is the weight of the pregnancy itself. I'm not sure of the exact numbers but at the end of a pregnancy most women have gained at least 25lb some more like 80lb. That weight is from the extra blood volume, the placenta, the baby and the amniotic flood among other things. That much weight is gained in a very short amount of time. The body doesn't have enough time to physically adjust to the changes that it's undergoing. And the hormones racing around don't help. Pregnancy can literally wipe a woman out physically. This is why when the exhaustion hits it hits them like a ton of bricks. Of course, the physical exhaustion doesn't happen to all expectant mothers, some experience nothing of the sort. It just depends on the pregnancy and the person.
I'm quite certain the Emily was not prepared for how tired the pregnancy was making her. She's the type person that scurries as if there is a fire on her heels waiting to catch up and burn her. But as I watched her as the weeks rolled by I noticed she no longer scurried in that manner. She now walked with the waddle walk of a pregnant woman. Her center of gravity was shifting lower and forward. The tripod effect of pregnancy seemed to surprise her when it started. As the baby began to settle into her pelvis she no longer had the free range of motion of her hips. That is another reason for the waddlewalk of pregnant women. They feel as if they have a bowling ball installed between their legs.
I felt sorry for her, as she became more miserable with each passing week. Some of my friends say women are miserable so they have practice in for the first few weeks after the baby arrives. I couldn't bring myself to tell her it would get worse before it would get better. Instead we talked about Deaf and some of the things I questioned. Emily is always enlightening. Things that frustrate me or I don't understand she has always taken the time to explain but because of the betrayal, as I called it, I held back more when I talked to her. I was afraid, afraid that if I did or said the wrong thing it would happen again. So even though Emily and I were once again friends I guarded what I asked and said. I couldn't afford the emotional pain I'd been through to be repeated. If there was a next time I'm not sure I'd survive it.
I didn't tell Emily that I was afraid to be myself with her. I swallowed my fears and my hurt but they ate at me. I knew that one-day they'd come pouring out. I could only hope that it didn't happen until after the baby was born. So instead I steered clear of my thoughts and feelings when we were together and stuck to topics that wouldn't hurt either of us.
ASL is a fascinating Language in that for so long it was disregarded as a language of its own merit. People long assumed and incorrectly that ASL is an offshoot of English. It's not English. And if you ask any native Signer if ASL is based on English they'll probably be less than thrilled with you even though they will take the time to try and explain the reasons why it is not English based.
Jane is an example of a Deaf person who will tell you right off the bat and very indignantly that Sign English is ill conceived and should not be taught. I'm not sure of all the reasons but I think that it is partially due to the fact that by using Sign English (ASL signs plus added made-up signs in English word order) ASL is diluted. Possibly there is some fear that ASL would be yet another language forced into extinction. It is possible and maybe even probable just as the Latin Language has died. So Deaf have a fear that their language will be forced into oblivion and forgotten.
Then there is the idea that ASL and Sign English are interchangeable. They aren't. Let me give an example. My parents took Sign English classes for several years. When my mother would refer to my father she would sign Boy + He. In ASL I would fingerspell my father's name, then point to an arbitrary point to my right or left. This would assign my father a place in which I could refer to him being. So if later in the conversation I said He Go Store. I wouldn't sign "Boy + He. I would simply point to the spot in space that I had earlier assigned to my father. Because I do this in ASL I would be constantly confused when my mother would sign Boy + He. I had no idea who she was referring to when she did this. I don't recognize the signs she is using in Sign English as to what they represent in ASL.
ASL is so much more of a visual language than spoken English or Sign English. Neither of the latter have the grammatical visual clues that ASL has. English speaking persons know by the words in a sentence or the volume in which they are spoke what the sentence type is, such as, "Where are you going?" Sign English would ask the same question in the same order with a sign for a question mark at the end. In ASL the sentence type is found only on the face and determined by the position of the signer's eyebrows. If an ASL user signed the above question it would be signed as "YOU GO WHERE" The signers eyebrows would be down and furrowed. The down eyebrows are indicative of a Wh-question. Wh being who what, where, when, how or why. If a signer asked "CHILD ++ (++ means more than one repetition of the sign to mean more than one of whatever is being asked) HAVE YOU" Their eyebrows would be raised indicative of a yes/no question.
Adverbs are found by looking at the ASL signers mouth area. Basically it is indicated below the nose. Large, small and medium are at least partially depicted by the mouth at the same time signs are made with the hands. The hands alone signing are not enough, the mouth must also show the correct grammar or it isn't correct ASL. Then there is eye-gaze. If you are watching someone sign in ASL and they are describing something watch their eyes. Their eyes will tell you placement of objects. You can see when something is close together or farther apart by where the signer looks as they sign. To put it simply ASL is a highly complex, animated visual language much more so than English or Sign English can ever begin to be.
I don't think I have ever said this but in truth ASL has no written form. It isn't a written language. It is an expressive language. So every time I say anything that is not in English word order it is a reproduction of ASL without the grammatical or syntax structure that is truly a part of the language if it is to be used correctly. ASL uses only present tense. Past is indicated by time reference, just as future is. There are no ED, ING, S, ES endings or so on to words. They are in their root forms. The glosses ++ indicate plurals. The rest is understood usually. Instead of Brothers, ASL signers sign BROTHER TWO, or THREE and so on.
The above are some of the things Emily and I discussed as time marched by. Before any of us realized October was gone and November had started. The first week of November I caught a nasty bug and could barely drag my flabby backend to class, let alone visit with Emily who had started teaching all her classes again. I didn't want to be near her. I didn't want to run the risk of passing whatever the bug I had was on to her. The idea of being 8 months pregnant and sick just didn't seem like too much fun. I wasn't pregnant and I was miserable. It was because I was sick that Cousin Matt ended up taking Emily to her Natural Childbirth Class. What a riot that turned out to be.
What happen is Emily had asked Jane to be her labor coach, which was all well and good. Except with five kids and her mother to deal with Jane sometimes had trouble juggling family life and social life. At the same time I was sick, Jane's Patrick and Dianna came down with bronchitis. It was Wednesday, the 5th of November and Emily was supposed to have a Natural Childbirth Class that evening. But Jane had to take Patrick to the Emergency Room because he was running a 104-degree temperature. That meant Emily wouldn't have any support at her class.
Jane and I had long ago come to a mutual understanding that we were not going to let Emily go through her pregnancy without support. So when Jane realized that she couldn't go with Emily she called me using Relay and asked me if I could go with Emily. Being that I was half dead and probably delirious I said yes. Then realized as I dragged myself around my apartment that there was no way I was going to be able to go with Emily. I wouldn't be of help to her and could possibly make her sick. Feeling guilty that I somehow was letting Emily down I called Matt and begged and pleaded with him to be an overly kind neighbor and help Emily out by being her labor support coach for the evening. After much stammering and excuses he finally agreed. Little did he or I know what exactly he was getting involved with doing.
Before I hung up the phone I asked him to call me when he got back home and let me know how things went. I'm still laughing at the phone call I received that night. It was about ten thirty when the phone rang. I was in bed reading because my head swam if I stood up. I answered groggily, "Hi."
"I am never ever doing you a favor again. I'm going to have nightmares for the rest of my life." was what I heard on the other end.
"Matt?"
"Yeah!"
"What are you talking about? I'm sick remember? My brain is out of order. Start at the beginning so I can follow what all took place."
"Well, I walked over to Emily's and handed her the note you told me to write her explaining why I was taking her to her class. She tried to tell me she could go alone but I wrote that you'd kill me if I let her do that. She relented as that little old woman, Nora, sat cackling at us. Anyway, I drove her into town to the Birthing Center where you told me to take her. All these couples stopped and watched us enter the room. They all proceeded to ask aloud if I was the father. I guess they thought I was Deaf too and they could say whatever was on their minds without me knowing what was going on. I got tired of one couple running their mouth and told them to put a sock in it. I was only a friend helping Emily out for the evening. Somehow I don't think they believed me even after the learned I'm not Deaf they continued to whisper and make faces my way.
"Sharon, Emily's interpreter showed up and Emily told her who I was and then Sharon introduced herself though I think Emily also told me in sign but I'm not sure. Carrie is the one who knows some sign not me. Next thing I know I'm being directed to massage Emily's back and legs to help her relax as she practices breathing techniques. I don't even know the woman and I'm giving her butt rubs! But it doesn't stop there. Next up I'm directed to sit behind her and help her hold her legs up, spread eagle while she practices pushing the baby out. Um that was just a little too intimate for this new neighbor. That wasn't the worst of it. After I turned several shades of red they dimmed the lights and we proceeded to watch the most God-awful film to ever grace a movie screen... "A Child is born." I now know that without a doubt I will never have children. That was disgusting! There I was trying to be supportive of my neighbor and be mister nice guy and all I want to do is find the nearest men's room so I could be sick. Nope, you just called in your last favor, cuz. From now on you owe me. You owe me for the rest of your life. I think I will need psychiatric help to overcome that film!"
I couldn't reply for several minutes as I tried to catch my breath from laughing and coughing so hard. "Sorry!" was all I could get out between laughs.
"That's right laugh. I'll get you back. Remember some of the stunts I have pulled on Carrie."
"Oh, Matt. Thanks for your help. I'll take you to dinner some night."
"You think that's enough payback for the mental and emotional damage that I incurred tonight?"
"Yep!"
"Ha! Later, Cuz."
"Night , Matt and thanks again," I answered before I hung up the phone.
The next day I was feeling almost human again. I went to class and then stopped at Emily's office. I waited in the doorway for her to acknowledge me.
"What's up?" she signed and then smiled.
"Nothing. How you?"
"Fine++" she replied.
"I understand Matt have hard time past night."
"Funny. He look Red one minute. Green next. Poor baby."
"Matt tell me about Class. People ask if he father baby. People not know he not Deaf. He embarrass. All the exercise not help. I not think when I ask him help you. I hope he not act stupid."
"No fine. Me know he feel embarrass. I tell him he not have go. He say must go. Activity very (Facial grammar) close between man/ woman. Deaf know close. Feel okay close. Hearing feel shy close. Make embarrass. Nothing me change help. Film good film. Only made close people same. Not good film man woman only neighbors. Matt feel close me now. Know what happen future. Make him shy. See thing personal."
I understood what she was saying. The class is very intimate. Deaf people are much more intimate with each other. They hug and kiss and are just open to that sort of thing where as hearing people are much more standoffish and reserved. Emily was fine with Matt being her support as she is Deaf but because Matt is hearing he never had been exposed to that sort of intimacy before with someone who wasn't in bed with him. The film was the same way. Between couples and good friends, even women the film is a journey of bring life into the world, a very intimate moment in a our lives even if there are many people in the room who make it less intimate. By watching the film Matt was confronted not only with the act of birth but with the knowledge that the woman who laid against him as they watched this film would be going through the very same process. It was a bit too real for him because he could now visualize Emily in the place of the woman in the film, "I understand. If you need someone help again. I not ask Matt." I laughed.
"Before Finish Class Three I have."
"When next Class?"
"Two weeks."
"You write journal?"
"No why?"
"Keepsake. You and Baby sometime read together. Laugh, remember thing maybe forget, Like Matt take you Class."
"I not have time. You write. You write for me," she replied.
And that is how this story got started. Initially it was to be a journal for Emily and her baby about Emily's pregnancy. But as I sat down to write other things came to mind that I wanted to share. The scope of this story expanded until it no longer was just a journal of Emily's pregnancy but also about my life at Wolf Lake and the Deaf World as I have come to know it.