One of the hardest lessons to learn in learning ASL is that staring is acceptable and in fact required when conversing with a Deaf person. You are not supposed to break eye contact. I have yet to master this. I can't look Emily in the eye when trying to think what I want to say. I try so hard to look at her but I can't. I'll look out the window behind her or at her shirt, her hair but I can't look her in the eye. She doesn't try to break me of this habit of not looking in her eyes. She knows that I am aware of the problem but thinks that I have to be the one to overcome it on my own. How does anyone break their upbringing and change the way they act to suit a purpose that they have always been told is wrong? I can still hear my mother's voice in my head with the admonishment, "Rachel, don't stare. It's rude." Now I'm supposed to not look away? I have to figure out how to get my mother out of my head! I have to find a way not to break eye contact.
However, if a hearing person happens upon an ASL conversation between Deaf people it is still rude to stare at them. They are just talking afterall. It is also rude for someone who knows ASL to stare at a conversation between Deaf persons because it's like eavesdropping on their conversation. The only time watching a conversation is permissible is when learning ASL and even then the people you are watching should be made aware that you are doing so because you are a student learning the language.
When I am writing what Emily or Jane or any Deaf person says I hope that it is understood that I am writing in English and in English word order what they are saying in ASL. It's not the same. The wording is different… it is closer to French sentence structure, with the topic first and the verb at the end, than English. There are three types of verbs that I know of so far; regular, inflecting and spatial. Regular verbs are verbs that hearing would use to some degree like run. Inflecting verbs are signs that show two or more things happening like I gave you a book and you returned it to me. In ASL it would be the signs for "Book I give, you give back." But there would only be, I think, 3 signs total shown; book, give and return. "I" would be shown as part of the give sign as would "you" and "me". Imagine if you will, handing a book to a friend and them handing it back to you. The movement your arm went through in handing the book is basically the sign I'm trying to describe. Spatial verbs show verbs such as "put," as in I put the book on a shelf.
I sat thinking about how to explain these things to my hearing friends on Monday while I waited with everyone else for Emily to emerge from her office and teach class. Eunice was being her annoying self and chattering non-stop beside me. I had long since stopped listening to what she was saying. I couldn't mentally keep up the concentration I needed to understand everything she was prattling on about anyway. Then I heard the word baby and my radar for what she was saying went on full alert. I figured Emily wouldn't be able to keep it a secret now I mean she couldn't very well hide the fact that she looked like she swallowed a honeydew melon! But it was still her place to say it not Eunice's so my ears and mental acuity perked up at the word baby.
"What? What baby? Sorry you lost me!"
"The baby… you know?"
"Eunice!"
"What?"
"You know what! Be quiet!" I stammered half under my breath and half out loud because Eunice is hard of hearing at least on one side.
"Oh, yes, I forgot!"
I groaned aloud, "Keep it quiet for now okay, please for me?" I just felt it was Emily's place to tell everyone and not Eunice's so even though I was sure Emily would tell our class when she showed up, I still didn't want Eunice to say anything until Emily said it herself.
"Of course!" Eunice replied but I knew she'd forget again. God knows how many people Eunice had forgotten and told.
Then Emily walked in and the whole room fell in a hush so thick it could have been cut with a knife. I looked around with a quirky smile on my face at how many mouths were hanging ajar. I had to fight hard to keep from laughing at the reaction.
Nancy, the interpreter, and I shared looks of "well I guess it's time to let the cat out of the bag." Emily smiled broadly. Her smile still made my breath catch even after all this time. I have never ever seen someone who's face changed so wondrously as Emily's does when she smiles. When she's not smiling, it's not that Emily is plain or ordinary but she's not breathtaking. She shows her age and doesn't really seem to give a rip that she does. Her black hair is streaked with gray and worn proudly as such down her back. Her hands show too many years of working with the earth. They aren't pretty hands unless they are talking. They also show her age maybe more than her age. Her face is lined with character and she is a character in the sense that she is a riot at times to talk to. More than that though it shows the brunt of spending way too many hours in the sun probably while swimming. BUT… when Emily smiles it's like the world lights up. She goes from being nothing all that special to being beautiful and all it takes is a smile. Truthfully, I like it when she braids her hair as it softens her face and you see how really pretty she is without the smile.
"Morning everyone, "Emily signed and Nancy interpreted. I was sitting next to Eunice and across from Nancy near the front of the room. Emily was about ten feet to my left and standing dead center to the front of the room. "You can pick up your jaws now! If you have not guessed," Emily continued with Nancy's voice, "I swallowed a bowling ball!" Emily touched her abdomen.
The room groaned. I laughed. One of the deaf students, Tania Icenogle signed, "When is the baby due?"
"December," Emily replied. She was a woman of few words unless you purposely pried her with a ton of questions and got her to talk. I sort of describe it as my trying to pull teeth at times in my attempts to get her to talk to me.
At Tania's question I started thinking about how Emily had managed to keep her pregnancy before now from the Deaf Community. Everyone knows everyone almost and knows everything about each other. I know that Emily is not out and about in the community much because of time constraints but still she would have been out and about some. Other Deaf would have seen her maybe at church or ASLTA (American Sign Language Teachers Association), and the Deaf School functions in the big city. She'd have gone to different functions there. So how did she keep the pregnancy a secret from the Deaf Community for so long? Or did she? Maybe some have known for sometime? I'm sure there had to be people who realized when her shirts came outside of her jeans and khaki's that something was going on and now with her belly out there everyone had to know what was going on. Was she even able to keep it a secret at all? Is there really such a thing as a secret in the Deaf Community? I'll have to ask sometime.
Katelyn Roberts, who was only 16, spoke up next, "Aren't you too old?"
I choked back a chuckle. The naiveté of the young still amazes me. For some reason they think if you are over 40, sex becomes obsolete and the ability to still reproduce even more rare. Most teenagers if asked if their parents had sex, they'd tell you no they are way too old. As if our bodies and minds no longer have the need for physical contact after we reach a certain age. Katelyn's wakeup call to the real world stood not twenty feet in front of her. Emily's pregnancy disproved everything Katelyn thought she knew about middle-aged men and women.
Emily looked a bit taken aback by Katelyn's response. She'd had no prior introduction to how people, hearing especially, would view her pregnancy because of her age. Eunice's and my reaction to her pregnancy were the only ones she'd had. Midlife pregnancy was common in Eunice's era so it wasn't beyond her rational that Emily was pregnant. Then there is myself, I run a support group for women like Emily. To me midlife pregnancy is old hat. Emily couldn't use our reactions to gage how the hearing world would react.
I don't know for sure how the Deaf Community would view Emily's pregnancy. I think the Deaf Community is more tolerant of differences at least differences that don't pertain to whether a person hears or not. Because I think they are more tolerant I believe they'd only be congratulatory instead of accusatory.
Finally Emily found her voice and signed "I guess not. I'd not be pregnant if I was too old."
Katelyn flushed and turned her gaze to her desktop. I felt sorry for her in a way. The poor kid probably was doing mental flip-flops… the idea of someone she thought of as OLD having sex more than likely gave her the heebie-jeebies!
There was something else, something that led to the surprise of more of the students than Emily's age regarding her pregnancy. Something I knew about but hadn't talked with Emily about. I just know it's not something that would be discussed openly in the hearing world so those of us who live in the hearing world would never venture to broach the subject. But in the Deaf community it would have been openly discussed... just part of the cultural differences. The rumor that circulated but no one could substantiate was that Emily was a lesbian. Her pregnancy surprised those who heard the hushed whisper, and believe it, because they didn't think she LIKED guys enough to do the horizontal tango with them.
The rumor was something I'd heard but chose not to judge one way or the other because it didn't matter to me. I like Emily in fact I love Emily as a person and as a teacher so the undercurrents that ran through the school about her wouldn't have changed my feelings about her. The only thing that concerned me after I was told the rumor and before I knew about Jack was I didn't want to learn the truth from the Deaf Community. I wanted Emily to be the one to tell me the truth one way or the other. There was no way that I could have asked her personally if the rumor was true or not. It was fear, fear that in asking her I'd hurt her or she'd hate me for asking. Can you imagine what it would be like if I asked that and it wasn't true? There was no way I'd ever set out to purposely hurt her and I couldn't handle the thought of her hating me so I never asked. I just had to hope she trusted me enough to tell me on her own and as it turned out she did.
After Katelyn's question I found myself wondering if Emily had told Dr. Piersall, yet. If she had I wondered what his reaction was. If she hadn't I was afraid to know what his reaction was going to be. Considering the fact that Jack had shot out her office door I doubted she could keep her pregnancy from the main campus any longer. Someone from the Humanities Department would be here to investigate what had happened and why along with campus security. I had no doubt about that happening. I just hope that she'd told her superior prior to their arrival here.
My mind turned back to class long enough to read through the syllabus faster than Emily was discussing it. No one else dared make any other comments regarding her news. So once again I found myself off on a tangent thinking about stuff that only in remote ways was connected to the class itself. This time I sat thinking about how a little less than a year ago I sat in Emily's office with Sally interpreting to my parents and myself Emily's words. Neither my parents nor I had a clue to what she was saying without Sally telling us. I remember the first word I learned in Sign was Grow-up. I was explaining to Emily and Sally that maybe if I had grown-up Deaf I'd not want a Cochlear Implant but because I grew-up hearing I wanted to remain hearing. As I watched Sally Interpret what I said in English to ASL I understood the sign in correlation to my saying grow-up. I was so proud of the fact I picked something up that first day. Later the same day Emily, my mother and I were alone in Emily's office. Sally had gone to get something. Emily fingerspelled fair. The State Fair was taking place in the city and she wanted to know if we were going. I only knew enough fingerspelling to get by and that was the only word Emily said that I understood the day I met her. Now here we are a year later and I can talk to her in her language. It may not be perfect. I am in no way using correct ASL grammar but I can talk to her. And she can talk to me and we understand each other. It is rather amazing to think about.
When class was finished I had a surprise for Jane and Emily. I ran quickly to my apartment and got my cats. I'd gone home on Sunday and got them so I wouldn't be alone in my apartment with Jack still on the loose. I dragged all 30 pounds of fluffiness to school. Emily was busy when I showed back up but Jane saw me. I asked if she liked Cats? She said yes. "I pulled out my little cat from the carrier. Sissy is a wuss of a cat. She hates people besides me and thinks all sounds mean that something is after her. I thought that Jane wouldn't use her voice so I wasn't afraid that Sissy would take off but I was wrong about Jane. She asked , "Name what?"
I replied "Sissy."
The next thing I knew Jane was petting Sissy and talking… and I don't mean in sign. She was using her voice! She said, "Hello Sissy."
I was shocked and amazed. I never dreamed Jane would speak. I felt bad because I had to sign for her not to talk. I signed, "She not like sound." I could feel Sissy tensing in my arms at Jane's voice. I still feel bad that I had to tell her not to talk. The other amazing thing was Jane's voice, the first time I heard it, it was a shriek to me. This time it was clear. It didn't even sound like the voice of a Pre-linguistic Deaf Person, just a slight accent that gave her a somewhat foreign sound. It was amazing. Jane is so culturally Deaf. She would rather never use her voice to Sign Language so that is why I'm in such shock. The funny thing is after I said to Jane that she should not to talk she then signed to Sissy. I didn't have the heart to tell her Sissy doesn't know sign either.
I stuffed Sissy back in the carrier and dragged Sugar out. Sugar is huge and a big, big baby. But he doesn't get as petrified at sound as Sissy does. He just tucks his head under my chin and pretends he's anywhere but where he is. He got lots of attention from Jane. Then Emily showed up and they both got attention. I lugged them into Emily's office. Once there Sissy ran out of the carrier and promptly hid under Emily's desk. Sugar thought he was small enough that if he curled into a ball in the carrier he'd disappear from view. They are funny cats.
Emily and I talked for a while. Finally it was time to pack them up and go. Emily had a doctors appointment. Sissy was still under the desk. Emily crawled under it and attempted to fish her out. I had to laugh at her because I knew there was no way Sissy was going to let Emily touch her if she could help it. Sissy took off She ended up near the carrier. I caught her and put her in the carrier while Emily tried to get off the floor. It wasn't as easy for her as it had been in the past. She had to use her desk to pull herself up. The look on her face spoke volumes, time was passing.