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Of Monkeys, Mages, and Little Green Men, Part Twenty-Nine!

Fenris had finished explaining the story of Slick's bargain with the deceased actor Telly Savalis to the assemblage of posters at the Vertigo Board. Now all of them wore strange expressions on their faces ranging from shock, to disbelief, to confusion, to denial, to acceptance. Apparently there were at least a few posters here who had heard the story before. "Oh yeah," Golden Lion remarked. "I forgot about that. That makes sense." Then everyone gave him a rather odd look just for saying that.

"I know it sounds strange, but that's just the way it happened," Fenris concluded. "So now that I've finished explaining all of that, what do we do next?"

"Well," Golden Lion thought out loud, "we should all refrain from saying the word 'nifty' when Slick gets back to the realm of the living."

Suddenly the orange Power Ranger known as Aussie Boy Peter pulled out his trademarked Power Ranger Weapon and began beating on Greg Hatcher's immobile corpse with it. Z-Mage and Demonicuss grabbed him, forcing the weapon out of his hands and pinning him to the ground. "Peter!" Demonicuss yelled into Peter's ear. "Greg Hatcher has already been killed! He is dead! Do you hear me?"

Aussie Boy Peter snapped out of his trancelike state. "What happened?"

Golden Lion groaned and slapped himself in the head. "Sorry, guys. Let's make that word off limits for the rest of the story, just to be on the safe side."

"Good thinking," Expletive Deleted grimaced.

"Now then," Sir Tim Drake began, "what is our plan of action? We know we need to find the culprit we've been looking for since the beginning of this mystery. We need to know who poisoned Jack Tango and why!"

"Actually," Golden Lion said, "Pulse told us he has a new suspect in this case." He turned to face Papergirl. "Pulse says YOU may have had a hand in this attempted murder."

"ME?" Papergirl looked shocked. "I didn't do anything! I was nowhere near Jack Tango when the poison was put in his water! I tried to get to him to warn him about howyadoin's attitude problem, but I didn't reach him in time! I still think howyadoin is the one responsible! He says it was an impostor, but I doubt it!"

"Then why would pulse implicate you?" asked Golden Lion.

"I don't know! We've been friends for so long!" Papergirl began to sob. "Why is everybody being mean to me?" She sat on the floor and curled up into a little sobbing ball of misery.

"Nice going, Golden Lion," Expletive Deleted grimaced. "I thought you were all about peace, love, and understanding! That's what it says in your Empathy Week brochure!"

"Um..." Golden Lion looked embarrassed. "Empathy Week's over," he offered. "And everyone has an off day."

"Where is pulse anyway?" asked Demonicuss. "I can't find him. He was right here..."

"He went that way," Wolvie's Girlfriend said, "and he was carrying a cell phone. I figured he was going to make a call in private so I let him slip past me..."

"The cell phone!" DeMonStar stood to his fully upright posture of grace and authority, shocked and mad at himself for neglecting to guard such a valuable clue. "Quick! Spread out! Search the board room! We have to retrieve the phone! If you see pulse, detain him!"

"Next time keep track of the phone you idiot!" said Demonicuss.

"Sorry," the monster replied. Inside he seethed with resentment and self-recrimination.

"Wait!" Papergirl exclaimed. Everyone stopped searching for pulse and looked at her. "I know what to do! Everybody keep quiet!" Papergirl stood up and prepared herself mentally for the acting job she was about to undertake. Suddenly she emitted a wild mating call cry! "OOOK! OOOK! OOOK! OOOK!"

Pulse jumped right into her waiting arms, expecting a female monkey. He had been hiding in the chandelier directly overhead. When he realized he had fallen for a phony mating call, he looked disappointed, then clutched tightly to the cell phone he had swiped. Papergirl wrested it away from him, and gave pulse to DeMonStar. "oook!!" cried pulse.

"Thanks, Papes!" said Demonicuss as he retrieved the cell phone from her.

"Good job, Papergirl!" Golden Lion congratulated her.

"It was nothing," Papergirl replied. "Don't mention it."

"Now, pulse," Golden Lion addressed him, raising an eyebrow and eyeing him suspiciously, "would you mind telling us what you were doing up there with that phone? Were you trying to keep something from us?"

Pulse was silent.

The room was silent.

Then the room began to rumble.

Everyone turned to look at either Demonicuss, Z-Mage, or Aussie Boy Peter. "Don't look at us!" Peter said. "We're not rumbling!"

The tremors grew louder, and hurt the eardrums of the assembled posters. Everyone except DeMonStar covered his or her ears. DeMonStar simply listened, as if he recognized an audio signature of some sort...

Pulse simply smiled.

Suddenly the wizard known as Z-Mage burst forth from the floor! "I have found you!" he remarked. The poster known as Z-Mage gulped audibly.

As if this was not enough, up through the new hole in the ground came a hoverchair, carrying a small green figure who smiled wickedly at the others. He threw up his hands in a boastful gesture, dropping a clipboard in the process, and said to them...

"GREETINGS FROM OUTER SPACE!"

 

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