Back «

Everybody who's played Starcraft for any decent amount of time knows that a computer is easy. Good players can take on three or four computers by themselves.

In the last patch, Blizzard decided to up their A.I. a little bit so that in a Top vs Bottom game, they could be worthy opponents. For some reason, computers can be quite good once in a while... I think that no computer was more annoying and such an asshole as teal, the Akilae Tribe, was in this game.

The evil computer

I was yellow, at the 9 position. My two foes were white (Royal`light) and red (Dark-Realm[fg]) who were at 3 and 6, respectively. The computer was teal, and was at 2. We were having a friendly free for all, and had decided to throw in a computer opponent "just for fun." Little did we know, that computer was almost the mistake of the game... The game begins with me building a pylon, a forge, and then scouting around the map. I decided to scout counter clockwise. Meanwhile, teal and white were working hard to get their first men. I soon discovered my helpless zerg opponent at the 6 position and decided to try aggro cannoning him. I built my first pylon and retreated. I then built two more pylons. His drones eventually gave up as I started warping in cannons. Being the zerg he was, he quickly produced zerglings, but only fast enough to kill one of my three cannons. As a result, he was pummeled by two (one damaged) cannons. My clueless foe commented to our bickering: It took him about 15 zerglings to finally kill my cannons. I had retreated back to my base to start building adequate defences to fight a small zealot rush. I had an incredible defense of two or three cannons and one or two zealots. I was lucky that nobody had decided to attack me. Of course Royal`light is screaming about how teal was harassing him and not going away. But of course he also said that the stupid computer was rushing head on into his cannon field so it wasn't a big deal, although they were annoying him greatly. I started trying to expand, but smart Dark-Realm[fg] scouted out my probe. Luckily I lured his zergling back to my cannons and eventually expanded to 10. Teal harasses Royal`light with a few zealots as I get my first templars. I was expecting a zergling rush from Dark-Realm[fg] after my scout zealot had seen a large group of clustered red zerglings. I laughed at how behind his tech was after being cannoned. 13:55 minutes into the game, red gathers up his men to ready for a drop, which I wasn't expecting. Teal expands to one of the middle expansions and continues to harass poor Royal`light. Realizing red had a large group of zerglings, I begin building a cannon chain to prevent, or greatly injure, any incoming armies to my base. However, as these cannons are warping in, I notice a large group of overlords flying over them. Red was going to drop me. I managed to kill only one of those overlords, but I was a little nervous. I quickly began moving a few templar into position. I was more afraid of him hitting my vital buildings than my economy, after all, I had two expansions. As this large force of overlords begin dropping 10 dozen zerglings in my base, I stormed them away, but only after they cause significant damage to my economy. I had to bring a few zealots from my front line to finish off his last zerglings. I was a little pissed, so I decided to finish my buffer wall. Teal hits white again. Dark-Realm[fg] decides to do a follow up attack from the front, assuming I had moved all of my defenses to the inside, but what's this? A big long cannon wall in the way? Ouch. My cannon wall murders his entire force. Red starts to mass produce ultralisks after seeing my wall. Watching the replay, it was obvious why white was so mad: teal was using shuttles like they were Recall spells. With them, teal shuttled men back and forth, continuously harassing white. White was begining to lose the battle. But he had a standing army ready. He was saving up to kill my foe, Dark-Realm[fg], apparently. Of course, red continues his futile quest to attack my buffer wall with his ever useless, ever pointless assaults. He used those ultralisks to hit my cannon wall. They were slaughtered after foolishly attacking a screen long chain of cannons. But I decided that his attack had done a little more damage than what I was comfortable with, so I moved a few zealots down as backup. And of course, teal is still continuously harassing my sad foe, white. Sadly, I only wish I had heeded his warnings... At this point, I have 4 stargates and a dozen templar milling around. I was still deciding how I was going to finish this game off. After nothing but bickering, I hear my two foes congratulating each other. I was a little confused, and asked what was going on. Red was dead. Let's take a moment and see what happened. Red's forces: White's forces: Red's forces: Royal`light was happy with his attack. And so red was eliminated a few seconds later. But his prosperity lasted about 10 seconds as teal hit him with a large force of zealots. As they level his base, a few goons pop out just in time to kill them. I begin mass producing gateways at my upper expansion, feeling the heat of the game. After leaving me alone for most of the game, there was no way I was getting away from teal either. As it is predictably so, teal attacks my upper expansion. The bastard couldn't leave me alone either. The computer hit my upper expansion, which I didn't notice at first, with multiple goons and zealots. My stall pylon I had built, bought me a few seconds as all my cannons had died. I looked around for units to use to kill teal's men, but all I could find were templar. Two or three of my templar took out most of his goons. An archon warped together to finish the last stray enemy goon. That bastard. But my concern for the moment, wasn't teal, he'd done little harm to me, and I felt I could handle him. I wanted to take out white before he hit me with whatever killed red. I planned to recall a butt load of archons and zealots into his base. I began the attack with a web or two over his lower expansion's cannons, I flew my fleet of arbiters over the small river and recalled my army. I watched a blue swirl appear over my army, and I moved my screen over to my fleet and waited for the army to teleport in. And I waited. And I waited. And then I hit myself really hard and I realized I had recalled my army over the water, and had effectively suicided two full magic arbiters with 6 full corsairs. Ok, that pissed me off quite a bit... But then it hit me: why the hell am I recalling in? I had a big army of zealots... And with this, I sent them to murder white, from his front door. My zealots made quick work of his puny base and his small cannon wall, but teal intercepted half my attack perfectly, and quite annoyingly. I didn't bother attacking his main base, thinking it was all gone from teal's bombardment. And to add to the irony, I wasn't the only one picking on poor, poor Royal`light Royal`light sounded as if he was really fucked. He started a string of shameless comments about the computer... Continue to next page.