you might be an engineer if...

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Seriously, us engineers and engineer wannabes aren't bizarre people from outer space, no matter what Ann Landers says. However, if you wish to join our technically consistent clan, here's some surefire signs you're ready:

P.S. I almost got all of these right, except a) my DX2-66 watch died in December '95, b) I can name ALL TNG, DS9 and VOY episodes and c) I don't have a son, which disqualifies me in several points.

• You can quote scenes from any Monty Python movie
• You want a 24X CD-ROM for Christmas - just so you can say you own one.
• Dilbert is your hero
• You stare at an orange container because it says CONCENTRATE
• You can name 6 Star Trek episodes
• The only jokes you receive are through email (or the web...)
• Your wristwatch has more computing power than a 486 DX2-66
• Your idea of good interpersonal communication means getting the decimal point in the right place
• You look forward to Christmas only to put together the kids' toys
• You used a CAD package to design your son's pinewood derby car
• You have used coat hangers and duct tape for something other than hanging coats and taping ducts
• At Christmas, it goes without saying that you will find the burnt-out bulb on the string
• You window shop at Radio Shack
• Your ideal evening consists of fast-forwarding through the latest sci-fi flick looking for technical inaccuracies
• You have Dilbert comics displayed anywhere in your work area
• You carry on an one-hour debate over the expected results of a test that actually takes five minutes to run
• You are convinced you can build a phaser out of your garage door opener and your camera's flash attachment
• Don't even know where the cover to your personal computer is
• You have modified your can-opener to be microprocessor-driven
• You know the direction the water swirls when you flush
  
  
• You own "Official Star Trek" anything
• You have ever taken the back off your TV just to see what's inside
• A team of you and your coworkers have set out to modify the antenna on the radio in your work area for better reception
• You ever burned down the gymnasium with your Science Fair project
• You are currently gathering the components to build your own nuclear reactor
• You own one or more white short-sleeve dress shirts
• You have never backed-up your hard drive
• You are aware that computers are actually only good for playing games, but are afraid to say it out loud
• You truly believe aliens are living among us
• You have ever saved the power cord from a broken appliance
• You have ever purchased an electronic appliance "as-is"
• You see a good design and still have to change it
• The salespeople at Circuit City can't answer any of your questions
• The salespeople at Home Depot can't answer any of your questions!
• The thought that a CD could refer to finance or music never enters your mind
• You own a set of itty-bitty screwdrivers, but you don't know where they are
• You rotate your screensavers more frequently than your automobile tires
• You have a functioning home copier, but every toaster you own turns bread into charcoal
• You have more toys than your kids
• You need a checklist to turn on the TV
  
  
• You have introduced your kids by the wrong name
• You have a habit of destroying things in order to see how they work
• Your IQ is bigger than your weight
• The microphone or visual aids at a meeting don't work and you rush up to the front to fix it
• You can remember 7 computer passwords but not your anniversary
• You have memorized the program schedule for the Discovery Channel and have seen most of the shows already
• You have ever owned a calculator with no equal key and know what RPN stands for (Yes! I own one with no equal key...I broke the equal key after I took the calculator apart in order to see how it worked)
• Your father sat 5 centimetres in front of your family's first colour TV with a magnifying lens to see how they made colours, and you grew up thinking that was normal
• You know how to take off the cover off your computer, and what size screwdriver to use
• You can type 70 words a minute but can't read your own handwriting
• People groan at a party when you pick out the music
• You can't remember where you parked your car for the 3rd time this week
• You did the sound system for your senior prom
• Your checkbook always balances
• Your wristwatch has more buttons than a telephone
• You have more friends on the Internet than in real life
• You thought the real heroes of Apollo 13 were the mission controllers
• You think that when people around you yawn, it's because they didn't get enough sleep
• It's sunny and 70 degrees outside, and you are working on a computer
• You frequently whistle the theme song to "MacGyver"
  
  
• You consider ANY non-science course "easy" (And whaddyaknow? It's true!)
• Your professor asks you where your homework is, you claim to have accidentally determined its momentum so precisely, that according to Heisenberg it could be anywhere in the universe.
• You spend more on your home computer than your car
• You know what http:// and SMTP stand for
• You've ever tried to repair a $5 radio
• You have a neatly sorted collection of old nuts and bolts in your garage
• You three year-old son asks why the sky is blue and you try to explain atmospheric absorption theory
• Your laptop computer costs more than your car
• Your four basic food groups are: 1. Beer 2. Caffeine 3. Fat 4. Sugar
• You collect circuit board jumpers "just in case"
• You carry around a swiss army knife, keychain flashlight, or laser pointer.
• You own economy-size WD-40.
• You always have a boot disk on you.
• All your coasters are AOL and MSN CDs.
• The majority of your computer's PCI slots and drive bays are filled.
• Choosing to buy flowers for your girlfriend or to spend the money to upgrade your RAM is a moral dilemma. (next 11, by Wilfred Lam)
• Everyone else on the Alaskan Cruise is on deck gazing at the scenery, and you are still on a personal tour of the engine room.
• In college, you thought Spring Break was metal fatigue failure.
• You are at an air show and know how fast the skydivers are falling.
• You bought your wife a new DVD-ROM drive for her birthday.
  
  
• You can type 70 words per minute but can't read your own handwriting.
• You comment to your wife that her straight hair is nice and parallel.
• You go on the rides at Disneyland and sit backwards in the chairs to see how they do the special effects.
• You spent more on your calculator than you did on your wedding ring.
• You've already calculated how much you make per second.
• Have a good "If"? Email me your submission! I'll display the best ones right here with your name (/w your permission,'course).