-- Hotamale ERTW! Engineer Joke Miscellany --

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Engineer Joke Miscellany

Dare Cheung wrote:

"Yeah, there's rivalry everywhere. It's just like engineers vs. artsies. We naturally think we're better than them and they are stupidly thinking they are better than us. One argument I heard was "cuz there's more of us than you! So you guys suck!" Good logic huh? Riiiight. I calmly explained that only the selected few become engineers, while all the remaining academic rejects get stuffed with the artsies. That shut him up."

Error Tolerance

During the cold war in the mid 50s, a mathematician and an RF engineer were recruited to man a radar surveillance station in Alaska. They were told that in addition to their pay they would get a rather special bonus. So after a month of strenuous duty in the Alaskan winter, they are led into the base gym where in the far corner stands Miss America 1956. Both the engineer and the mathematician immediately want to race across to her, but are held back by their commanding officer: "You guys are allowed to go to her, but each step you take must be exactly half as long as the previous one". The mathematician does a quick calculation in his head and announces: "I give up, I'll never be able to reach her!". The engineer, however, continues walking towards her, saying: "I might not exactly reach her, but I'll get close enough to do the job."

Thanks to Martin Folberth (If you found that joke sexist, ladies, just swap Miss America with Mr. Universe and away you go.)

The Golfers

A priest, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.

Engineer : What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!
Doctor : I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!
Priest : Hey, here comes the greenskeeper. Let's have a word with him.
Priest : Hi George. Say, George, what's with that group ahead of us? They are rather slow, aren't they?
George : Oh, yes, that's a group of blind firefighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime.

The group was silent for a moment.
Priest : That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight.
Doctor : Good idea. And I'm going to contact my opthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them.
Engineer : Why can't these guys play at night?

(by Manoj)

God, an Engineer?

Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body.

One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints."

Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections."

The last said, "Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"

Fairy Tales, Can Come True...

While doing research on her irrigation project, an environmental engineer came across a toad. "If you kiss me," the toad croaked, "I will be magically transformed into a burnin' hunk o' steamin' frosh, and I will be your faithful lover forever and ever."

The Engineer picked him up and put him in her pocket.

He cried, "Well, aren't you going to kiss me?"

To which she replied, "Hey, I'm an Engineer. I have no time for a boyfriend, but a talking frog is cool!"

(Adapted from UofT's Toike Oike newspaper)

Mind Games

There is a glass half full of water.

The mathmetician says: "The glass is half full"
The physicist says: "The glass is half empty"
The Engineer says: "The glass is too big"

(Adapted from Shoeb Hafiz)

There is a half glass of scotch on a table.

The Arts student says that it symbolises unfulfilled emotions.
The Science student starts calculating the exact percentage full.
The Engineering student goes up to the glass, drinks the scotch and asks, "What's the question?"

(Adapted from Rudolph Messerschmidt)

The Engineer that ended up in hell

One day God is making a rare inspection visit to hell, and He isn't liking what he's seeing.

"What's going on here?" he says, calling over Satan. "What has happened to the despair? Where is the misery? These people are eternally damned. They're not supposed to walk around with a contented look."

"It's that professional engineer you sent us a couple months ago," replies Satan, grinning slightly. "He's made quite a few changes. First he got the air conditioning going, then he gave us running water. Now he's talking about building a footbridge over the River of Lava."

"Engineer?" says God with a worried look. "An engineer is down here? St. Peter must have messed up at the Gates. It's all a mistake. Send him back immediately or I promise, you'll be sorry. I'll sue you in Celestial Court."

"Oh sure," says Satan. "Where are You going to find a lawyer?"

(from Toronto Star, Feb 26/98, pp. SS1)

Joey (to Ross): "I may only have a couple drinks in me, but I love you man!"
Chandler: "I'm still on my first. I just think you're nice."
--Friends, TOW Rachel Finds Out

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